«Vermis eorum non moritur» — "Their worm does not die" (Mark 9:47).
Point I
By this worm that does not die, St. Thomas Aquinas explains, is meant the remorse of conscience, by which the damned will be eternally tormented in hell. Many will be the remorses with which conscience will gnaw at the heart of the reprobate, but three will be the most tormenting: the thought of the little for which they damned themselves; of the little they had to do to save themselves; and finally of the great good they have lost. The first remorse, then, that the damned soul will have is the thought of how little it lost itself for. After Esau had eaten that dish of lentils, for which he had sold his birthright, Scripture says that, for the sorrow and remorse of the loss he had made, he began to cry out: «Irrugiit clamore magno» — "He roared with a great cry" (Gen. 27:34). Oh, what different screams and roars the damned soul will utter when it thinks that for a few momentary and poisoned satisfactions it has lost an eternal kingdom of delights, and must see itself eternally condemned to a continual death! Hence it will weep far more bitterly than Jonathan wept when he saw himself condemned to death by his father Saul for having eaten a little honey. «Gustans gustavi paulum mellis, et ecce morior» — "Tasting, I tasted a little honey, and behold, I die" (1 Sam. 14:43). O God, and what pain will it bring the damned soul then to see the cause of its damnation? At present, what does our past life seem to us, if not a dream, a moment? Now, what will those fifty or sixty years of life, which it will have lived on this earth, seem to one who is in hell, when it finds itself at the bottom of eternity, where hundreds of thousands of millions of years will already have passed, and it will see that its eternity is only then beginning! But what am I saying — fifty years of life? Fifty years all of pleasures, perhaps? And does the sinner, living without God, always rejoice in his sins? How long do the pleasures of sin last? They last but moments; and all the rest of the time, for one who lives out of the grace of God, is a time of pains and resentments. Now what will those moments of pleasure seem to the poor damned soul? And especially, what will that one last sin committed seem, for which it has lost itself? "Then," it will say, "for a wretched, brutal pleasure that lasted a moment, and had barely been had before it vanished like the wind, I must remain burning in this fire, despairing and abandoned by all, while God will be God for all eternity!"
Affections and Prayers
Lord, enlighten me to know the injustice I have done You in offending You, and the eternal punishment I have thereby deserved. My God, I feel a great sorrow for having offended You, but this sorrow consoles me; if You had sent me to hell, as I have deserved, this remorse would be the hell of my hell, thinking of how little I damned myself for; but now this remorse, I say, consoles me, because it gives me courage to hope for pardon from You, who have promised to forgive whoever repents. Yes, my Lord, I repent of having outraged You; I embrace this sweet pain — indeed, I beg You to increase it and preserve it in me until death, so that I may always bitterly mourn the offenses I have given You. My Jesus, forgive me; O my Redeemer, who, to have pity on me, had no pity on Yourself, condemning Yourself to die of grief in order to free me from hell, have pity on me. Grant then that the remorse of having offended You may keep me continually grieved, and at the same time may inflame me wholly with love for You, who have loved me so much, and have borne with me with such patience, and now, instead of punishments, enrich me with lights and graces; I thank You for it, my Jesus, and I love You; I love You more than myself, I love You with all my heart. You cannot despise one who loves You. I love You; do not drive me away from Your face. Receive me, then, into Your grace, and do not permit me ever to lose You again.
Mary, my Mother, accept me as Your servant, and press me close to Jesus Your Son. Pray to Him that He forgive me, that He give me His love and the grace of holy perseverance until death.
Point II
St. Thomas Aquinas says that this will be the principal punishment of the damned: seeing that they have lost themselves for nothing, and that they could so easily have acquired the glory of paradise, if they had wished: «Principaliter dolebunt, quod pro nihilo damnati sunt, et facillime vitam poterant consequi sempiternam» — "They will grieve chiefly because they have been damned for nothing, and could most easily have obtained everlasting life." The second remorse of conscience, then, will be the thought of the little they had to do to save themselves. A damned soul appeared to St. Humbert and told him that this was precisely the greatest affliction that tormented him in hell: the thought of the little for which he had damned himself, and of the little he would have had to do to save himself. The wretch will then say: "If I had mortified myself by not looking at that object, if I had overcome that human respect, if I had fled that occasion, that companion, that conversation, I would not have been damned. If I had gone to confession every week, if I had frequented the Congregation, if I had read that little spiritual book every day, if I had commended myself to Jesus Christ and to Mary, I would not have fallen back. I resolved so many times to do it, but I did not carry it out; or else I began to do it, and then I abandoned it — and for this I am lost."
The examples he will have had from his other good friends and companions will increase the pain of this remorse; and still more will it be increased by the gifts God had granted him to save himself: gifts of nature, such as good health, worldly goods, talents that the Lord had given him so that he might employ them well and make himself a saint; then gifts of grace — so many lights, inspirations, calls, and so many years granted him to remedy the evil done. But he will see that in this wretched state to which he has come, there is no longer time to make amends. He will hear the Angel of the Lord who cries out and swears: «Et Angelus, quem vidi stantem, iuravit per viventem in saecula saeculorum... quia tempus non erit amplius» — "And the Angel, whom I saw standing, swore by Him who lives forever and ever... that there shall be time no longer" (Rev. 10:6). Oh, what cruel swords all these graces received will be to the heart of the poor damned soul, when it sees that the time in which it could still repair its eternal ruin is already at an end! Then, weeping with his other despairing companions, he will say: «Transiit messis, finita est aestas, et nos salvati non sumus» — "The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved" (Jer. 8:20). He will say: "Oh, if the labors I have performed to damn myself I had spent for God, I would find myself a great saint; and now what do I find, if not remorses and pains that will torment me for all eternity?" Ah, this thought will torture the damned soul more than the fire and all the other torments of hell — to say: "I could have been happy forever, and now I must be unhappy forever."
Affections and Prayers
Ah, my Jesus, how have You been able to bear with me so long? So many times I have turned my back on You, and You did not cease to come after me. So many times I have offended You, and You forgave me; I offended You again, and You returned to forgive me. Ah, give me a share in that sorrow which You felt in the Garden of Gethsemane for my sins, which then made You sweat blood. I repent, my dear Redeemer, of having repaid Your Heart so badly. O my accursed pleasures, I detest you and curse you; you have made me lose the grace of my Lord. My beloved Jesus, now I love You above all things; I renounce all illicit satisfactions, and I resolve to die a thousand times rather than offend You again. Ah, by that love with which You loved me on the cross and offered Your divine life for me, give me light and strength to resist temptations, and to have recourse to Your help when I am tempted.
O Mary, my hope, You can do all things with God; obtain for me holy perseverance: obtain for me that I may never again separate myself from His holy love.
Point III
The third remorse of the damned soul will be the sight of the great good it has lost. St. John Chrysostom says that the reprobate will be more tormented by the loss of paradise than by the very pains of hell: «Plus coelo torquentur, quam gehenna» — "They are more tormented by heaven than by hell." The unhappy Princess Elizabeth, queen of England, said: "Let God give me forty years of reign, and I will renounce paradise to Him." The wretched woman had those forty years of reign; but now that her soul has left this world, what does she say? Certainly she no longer feels that way; oh, how afflicted and despairing she must now be, thinking that for forty years of an earthly kingdom, possessed amid fears and anguish, she has eternally lost the kingdom of heaven.
But what will most afflict the damned soul for all eternity will be seeing that he has lost heaven and the supreme good who is God, not through some misfortune of his own or the malice of others, but through his own fault. He will see that he was created for paradise; he will see that God placed in his hands the choice to procure for himself either life or eternal death: «Ante hominem vita, et mors... quod placuerit ei dabitur illi» — "Before man is life and death... whichever he chooses shall be given to him" (Sir. 15:18). Thus he will see that it was in his own power, had he wished, to make himself eternally happy, and he will see that of his own accord he chose to hurl himself into that pit of torments from which he will never be able to escape, nor will there ever be anyone who will endeavor to free him from it. He will see so many of his companions saved, who found themselves in the same, and perhaps even greater, dangers of sinning, but because they knew how to restrain themselves by commending themselves to God, or even if they fell, because they knew how to rise quickly and give themselves to God, they were saved; but he, because he would not put an end to it, went wretchedly to end up in hell, in that sea of torments, without hope of ever being able to remedy it.
My brother, if in the past you too have been so foolish as to choose to lose paradise and God for a miserable pleasure, strive to remedy it quickly now while there is time. Do not continue to be a fool. Tremble at the thought of going to bewail your folly for all eternity. Who knows whether this consideration that you are reading is the last call God makes to you? Who knows whether, if you do not now change your life, at the next mortal sin you commit the Lord will abandon you, and for this will then send you to suffer eternally among that crew of fools who are now in hell and confess their error («ergo erravimus» — "we have indeed erred"), but confess it in despair, seeing that for their error there is no longer any remedy. When the devil tempts you to sin again, remember hell, and have recourse to God and to Mary Most Holy; the thought of hell will deliver you from hell. «Memorare novissima tua, et in aeternum non peccabis» — "Remember your last end, and you shall never sin" (Sir. 7), because the thought of hell will make you have recourse to God.
Affections and Prayers
Ah, my supreme good, how many times have I lost You for nothing, and deserved to lose You forever! Yet I am consoled to hear what Your prophet says: «Laetetur cor quaerentium Dominum» — "Let the heart of those who seek the Lord rejoice" (Ps. 104:25). I must not then lose confidence of recovering You, my God, if I seek You with my heart. Yes, my Lord, now I yearn for Your grace more than for any other good. I am content to be deprived of everything, even of life, rather than see myself deprived of Your love. I love You, my Creator, above all things, and because I love You, I repent of having offended You. My God, lost and despised by me, forgive me quickly; and grant that I may find You again, for I do not want to lose You anymore. If You receive me back into Your friendship, I will leave everything and give myself over to loving You alone; so I hope in Your mercy. Eternal Father, hear me for the love of Jesus Christ; forgive me and give me the grace never to separate myself from You again; for if I ever willingly lose You again, I must justly fear that You will abandon me.
O Mary, O peacemaker of sinners, make me make peace with God, and then hold me fast beneath Your mantle, so that I may never lose Him again.