«Quae est vita vestra? vapor est ad modicum parens» — "What is your life? It is a vapor that appears for a little while" (Jas. 4:15).
Point I
What is our life? It is like a vapor, which vanishes at a breath of wind and is no more. Everyone knows that he must die; but the delusion of many is that they imagine death to be so far off, as if it were never to come. But no — Job warns us that the life of man is short: «Homo brevi vivens tempore, quasi flos egreditur, et conteritur» — "Man, living for a brief time, comes forth like a flower and is crushed" (Job 14). The Lord commanded Isaiah to preach this same thing: «Clama (gli disse), omnis caro foenum... vere foenum est populus, exsiccatum est foenum, et cecidit flos» — "Cry out (He said to him), all flesh is grass... truly the people is grass; the grass is dried up, and the flower has fallen" (Isa. 40). The life of man is like the life of a blade of grass: death comes, the grass withers, and behold, life ends, and the flower of every greatness and every worldly good falls.
«Dies mei velociores cursore» — "My days are swifter than a runner" (Job 9). Death runs to meet us faster than a runner, and we at every moment run toward death. At every step, at every breath, we draw closer to death. «Quod scribo (dice S. Girolamo) de mea vita tollitur» — "What I write (says St. Jerome) is taken away from my life." During this very time in which I write, I draw closer to death. «Omnes morimur, et quasi aquae dilabimur in terram, quae non revertuntur» — "We all die, and like waters we flow away into the earth, never to return" (2 Sam. 14:14). See there how that brook runs to the sea, and those waters that flow by never return again; so, my brother, your days pass, and you draw near to death; pleasures pass, pastimes pass, pomp, praises, acclamations pass — and what remains? «Et solum mihi superest sepulcrum» — "And nothing is left me but the grave" (Job 17:1). We shall be thrown into a grave, and there we shall have to remain and rot, stripped of everything. At the point of death, the remembrance of all the pleasures enjoyed in life and of all the honors acquired will serve us only to increase our pain and our dread of not obtaining eternal salvation. "So then (the miserable worldling will say), my house, my gardens, those tasteful furnishings, those paintings, those garments — will they soon no longer be mine?" «Et solum mihi superest sepulcrum» — "And nothing is left me but the grave."
Ah, at that moment no good of this earth is looked upon without pain by the one who has loved it with attachment; and this pain will serve him only to put the eternal salvation of his soul in greater danger. For it is seen by experience that such persons, attached to the world, in death wish to hear talk of nothing but their illness, of doctors who can be called, and of remedies that can help; and when one speaks to them of the soul, they at once grow weary and tell you to let them rest, because their head aches and they cannot bear to hear speaking. And if at times they answer, they become confused and do not know what to say. And often the confessors give them absolution, not because they are known to be well disposed, but because there is no time to wait. So die those who think little of death.
Affections and Prayers
Ah, my God and Lord of infinite majesty, I am ashamed to appear before You. How many times have I dishonored You, preferring to Your grace a sordid pleasure, an outburst of anger, a little clod of earth, a whim, a puff of smoke! I adore and kiss, O my Redeemer, Your holy wounds, which I have inflicted on You with my sins, yet from these very wounds I hope for pardon and eternal salvation. Make me know, O my Jesus, the great wrong I have done You in leaving You, the fountain of every good, to drink from putrid and poisoned waters. What do I find from so many offenses I have committed against You, if not pains, remorse of conscience, and merits for hell? «Pater, non sum dignus vocari filius tuus» — "Father, I am not worthy to be called Your son." My Father, do not cast me away.
It is true that I no longer deserve Your grace, which makes me Your son; but You died to forgive me. You have said: «Convertimini ad me, et convertar ad vos» — "Return to me, and I will return to you" (Zech. 1:3). I leave all my satisfactions, I renounce all the pleasures the world can give me, and I turn to You.
Forgive me for the sake of the blood shed for me, for I repent with all my heart of all the outrages I have committed against You. I repent, and I love You above all things. I am not worthy to love You, but You are worthy to be loved. Accept me to love You; do not disdain to be loved by this heart that once despised You. You purposely did not let me die when I was in sin, so that I might love You; and so I wish to love You in the life that remains to me, and I wish to love nothing but You. Help me Yourself; give me holy perseverance and Your holy love.
Mary, my refuge, commend me to Jesus Christ.
Point II
King Hezekiah wept: «Praecisa est velut a texente vita mea, dum adhuc ordirer, succidit me» — "My life has been cut off as by a weaver; while I was still beginning the web, he cut me off" (Isa. 38). Ah, to how many, just when they are weaving their cloth at its best — that is, planning and carrying out their worldly designs, laid out with so many plans — death comes and cuts everything short! By the light of that last candle, everything of this world vanishes: applause, amusements, pomp, and grandeurs. O great secret of death! It makes us see what the lovers of the world do not see. The most envied fortunes, the highest positions, the proudest triumphs lose all their splendor when viewed from the deathbed. The ideas of certain false happinesses that we have formed for ourselves are then changed into indignation against our own madness. The black and deadly shadow of death covers and obscures all dignities, even royal ones.
Now the passions make the goods of this earth appear other than they are; death uncovers them and shows them as they truly are: smoke, mire, vanity, and misery. O God! What use are riches, estates, kingdoms in death, when nothing more falls to one's lot but a wooden coffin and a simple garment that suffices to cover the flesh? What use are honors, when nothing remains but a funeral escort and a pompous burial, which will be of no avail to the soul if the soul is lost? What use is the beauty of the body, if nothing then remains but worms, stench, and horror — even before death — and afterwards a little foul-smelling dust.
«Posuit me quasi in proverbium vulgi, et exemplum suum coram eis» — "He has made me, as it were, a byword of the people, and an example before them" (Job 17). That rich man, that minister, that captain dies, and then he will be talked about everywhere; but if he has lived badly, he will become the talk of the people, «Proverbium vulgi, et exemplum» — "a byword of the people and an example"; and as an example of the vanity of the world and also of the divine justice, he will serve for the correction of others. Then in the grave he will lie mingled among the other corpses of the poor. «Parvus et magnus ibi sunt» — "The small and the great are there" (Job 3). What good was the fine build of his body, if now it is but a heap of worms? What good the authority he held, if now his body is thrown to rot in a pit, and his soul has been cast to burn in hell? Oh, what a misery it is to serve as a subject for others to make these reflections, and not to have made them for one's own profit! Let us therefore be convinced that to remedy the disorders of the conscience, the proper time is not the time of death, but the time of life. Let us hasten to do now what we shall not then be able to do: «Tempus breve est» — "The time is short." Everything soon passes and ends; therefore let us make everything serve to obtain for us eternal life.
Affections and Prayers
O God of my soul, O infinite goodness, have pity on me, who have offended You so much. I already knew that by sinning I was losing Your grace, and I chose to lose it. Tell me, what must I do to recover it? If You wish me to repent of my sins, yes, I repent of them with all my heart; I would die of sorrow. If You wish me to hope for pardon from You, yes, I hope for it through the merits of Your blood. If You wish me to love You above all things, I leave all, I renounce all the pleasures and goods that the world can give me, and I love You more than every good, O my most lovable Savior. And if You then wish me to ask You for graces, two graces I beg of You: do not permit me ever to offend You again; and make me love You; and then treat me as You will.
Mary, my hope, obtain these two graces for me Yourself; from You I hope for them.
Point III
What madness it is, then, for the wretched and brief delights of this so brief a life, to risk making a bad death, and with it to begin an unhappy eternity! Oh, how much hangs on that last moment, that last opening of the mouth, that last closing of the scene! On it hangs an eternity either of all joys or of all torments. On it hangs a life either always happy or always unhappy. Let us reflect that Jesus Christ willed to die a death so bitter and ignominious, in order to obtain for us a good death. To this end He gives us so many calls, grants us so many lights, warns us with so many threats, so that we may make sure of ending that last moment in the grace of God.
Even a pagan (Antisthenes), when asked what was the best fortune in this world, replied: «A good death». And what will a Christian say, who knows by faith that from that moment eternity begins, so that in that moment he grasps one of two wheels, which carries him away with it either to an eternal enjoyment or to an eternal suffering? If in a purse there were two slips of paper, on one of which was written hell and on the other paradise, and you had to draw one; what diligence would you not use to contrive to pick the one marked paradise? Those wretches who are condemned to gamble for their lives, O God, how they tremble in stretching out their hand to cast the dice, on whose throw their life or death depends!
What terror it will be when you find yourself near that last moment, when you will say: On this point to which I am so near depends my eternal life or my eternal death! Now it will be decided whether I am to be blessed forever or in despair forever. St. Bernardine of Siena relates of a certain prince who, dying all terrified, kept saying: Behold, I have so many lands and so many palaces in this world; but if I die this night, I do not know which room will fall to my lot!
My brother, if you believe that you must die, and that there is an eternity, and that you must die only once, so that if you make a mistake then, you will have made it forever, without hope of remedy, why do you not resolve to begin, from this very point where you are reading, to do all you can to secure for yourself a good death? A St. Andrew Avellino trembled, saying: Who knows what lot will befall me in the other life? whether I shall be saved or damned? A St. Louis Bertrand also trembled so greatly that at night he could not fall asleep at the thought that said to him: And who knows whether you will be damned? And you, who find yourself burdened with so many sins committed, do you not tremble? Quickly, apply the remedy in time, resolve to give yourself to God in earnest; and begin at least from this time a life that will not afflict you, but will console you in death. Give yourself to prayer, frequent the sacraments, leave the dangerous occasions; and if need be, leave even the world; secure your eternal salvation; and understand that, to secure eternal salvation, no precaution can ever be enough.
Affections and Prayers
O my dear Savior, how much I owe You! And how could You ever have bestowed so many graces on an ingrate, on a traitor, such as I have been toward You? You created me, and in creating me You already saw the injuries I was to do You. You redeemed me by dying for me, and already then You saw the ingratitude I was to show You. Then I, once placed in the world, turned my back on You, and thereby was dead, was a stinking dog, and You by Your grace restored my life. I was blinded, and You enlightened me. I had lost You, and You let Yourself be found by me. I was Your enemy, and You made me Your friend.
O God of mercy, make me know the obligations I have toward You, and make me weep for the offenses I have committed against You. Ah, take vengeance on me by giving me a great sorrow for my sins; but do not punish me by depriving me of Your grace and of Your love.
O Eternal Father, I abhor and detest above every evil the injuries I have done You. Have pity on me for the love of Jesus Christ. Look upon Your Son dead on the cross. «Sanguis eius super me» — "His blood be upon me": let this divine blood come down to wash my soul. O King of my heart, «adveniat regnum tuum» — "Thy kingdom come." I am resolved to cast out every affection that is not for You. I love You above all things; come and reign alone in my soul; make me love You, and love nothing but You. I desire to give You pleasure as much as I can, and to satisfy You fully in the life that remains to me. Do You, O my Father, bless this desire of mine, and give me the grace to keep myself always united to You. All my affections I consecrate to You, and from today forward I wish to belong to no one but You, my treasure, my peace, my hope, my love, my all: and I hope for all from You through the merits of Your Son.
O Queen and my Mother, Mary, help me by Your intercession: Mother of God, pray for me.