«Quia non profertur cito contra malos sententia, ideo filii hominum perpetrant mala» — "Because sentence is not speedily pronounced against the evil, therefore the children of men commit evils" (Eccles. 8:11).
Point I
If God punished immediately whoever offends Him, He would certainly not be seen to be offended as He now is seen; but because the Lord does not punish at once and waits, therefore sinners take heart to offend Him all the more. But it must be understood that God waits and bears: yet He does not wait and does not bear forever. It is the teaching of many holy Fathers—of St. Basil, St. Jerome, St. Ambrose, St. Cyril of Alexandria, St. John Chrysostom, St. Augustine, and others—that just as God has determined for each man the number of the days of life, of the degrees of health, or of the talent He wills to give him: «Omnia in mensura, et numero, et pondere disposuisti» — "You have disposed all things in measure, and number, and weight" (Wis. 11:21)—so also He has determined for each one the number of sins He wills to forgive him; once that number is completed, He forgives no more. «Illud sentire nos convenit (says St. Augustine) tandiu unumquenque a Dei patientia sustineri; quo consummato, nullam illi veniam reservari» — "It befits us to hold that each one is borne with by God's patience only for so long; and once that is finished, no pardon is reserved for him" (De vita christiana, ch. 3). Eusebius of Caesarea says the same: «Deus exspectat usque ad certum numerum, et postea deserit» — "God waits up to a certain number, and afterward abandons" (bk. 8, ch. 2). And the other Fathers named above say the same.
And these Fathers did not speak at random, but grounded themselves on the divine Scriptures. In one place the Lord said that He was holding back the ruin of the Amorites, because the number of their sins was not yet complete: «Nondum completae sunt iniquitates Amorrhaeorum» — "The iniquities of the Amorites are not yet complete" (Gen. 15:16). In another place He said: «Non addam ultra misereri Israel» — "I will no longer have mercy on Israel" (Isa. 19). In another: «Tentaverunt me per decem vices, non videbunt terram» — "They have tempted me ten times; they shall not see the land" (Num. 14:22). In another, Job says: «Signasti quasi in sacculo delicta mea» — "You have sealed up my offenses as in a bag" (Job 14:17). Sinners keep no account of their sins, but God keeps it well, in order to inflict the chastisement when the harvest is ripe—that is, when the number is complete: «Mittite falces, quoniam maturavit messis» — "Put in the sickles, for the harvest is ripe" (Joel 3:13). In another place God says: «De propitiato peccato noli esse sine metu; neque adiicias peccatum super peccatum» — "Be not without fear concerning a sin forgiven, and add not sin upon sin" (Sir. 5:5). And it means: Sinner, you must tremble even over the sins I have forgiven you, because if you add one more, it may be that the new sin, together with the forgiven ones, completes the number, and then there will be no more mercy for you. In another place Scripture says still more clearly: «Exspectat Deus patienter, ut cum iudicii dies advenerit, eas (Nationes), in plenitudine peccatorum puniat» — "God waits patiently, that when the day of judgment comes, He may punish them (the Nations) in the fullness of their sins" (2 Macc. 6:14). So God waits until the day on which the measure of sins is filled, and then He chastises.
Of such chastisement there are then many examples in Scripture, and especially that of Saul, who, having disobeyed God for the last time, was abandoned by God; so that when he begged Samuel to intercede for him: «Porta quaeso peccatum meum, et revertere mecum, ut adorem Deum» — "Bear with my sin, I pray you, and return with me, that I may worship God"—Samuel answered him: «Non revertar tecum, quia abiecisti sermonem Domini, et abiecit te Dominus» — "I will not return with you, because you have rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lord has rejected you" (1 Sam. 15:25). There is the example of Belshazzar, who, while at table, profaned the vessels of the temple, and then saw a hand that wrote upon the wall: «Mane, Thecel, Phares» — "Mene, Tekel, Peres." Daniel came, and in explaining those words said to him, among other things: «Appensus es in statera, et inventus es minus habens» — "You have been weighed in the balance and found wanting" (Dan. 5:27). Giving him to understand that the weight of his sins had already made the scale of divine justice sink; and in fact that same night he was slain: «Eadem nocte interfectus est Baltassar rex Chaldaeus» — "That same night Belshazzar, the king of the Chaldeans, was slain."
And oh, to how many wretched souls does the same thing happen—souls who live many years in sin, but when their number comes to an end are seized by death and sent to hell! «Ducunt in bonis dies suos, et in puncto ad inferna descendunt» — "They spend their days in wealth, and in a moment they go down to hell" (Job 21:13). Some set themselves to investigating the number of the stars, the number of the angels, or the years of life that someone will have; but who can ever set himself to investigating the number of the sins that God wills to forgive each one? And for this we must tremble. Who knows, my brother, whether at that first unworthy gratification, at that first thought consented to, at that first sin you commit, God may forgive you no more?
Affections and Prayers
Ah, my God, I thank You. How many, for sins fewer than mine, are at this hour in hell, where there is no longer forgiveness or hope for them; and I have hope of forgiveness and of paradise, if I want it. Yes, my God, I want forgiveness. I repent above every other evil of having offended You, because I have offended You, infinite goodness. Eternal Father, «respice in faciem Christi tui» — "look upon the face of Your Christ": look upon Your Son, dead on that cross for me, and for His merits have pity on me. I promise You that I would rather die than offend You again. I must rightly fear, considering the sins I have committed and the graces You have shown me, that one more sin I might add would fill the measure, and I would be damned! Ah, help me with Your grace. From You I hope for the light and the strength to be faithful to You. And if You ever see that I would offend You again, make me die at this very moment, in which I hope to be in Your grace. My God, I love You above all things, and I fear more than death seeing myself once more out of Your favor; in mercy, do not permit it.
Mary, my Mother, in mercy help me; obtain for me holy perseverance.
Point II
That sinner says: But God is merciful. I answer: and who denies it? The mercy of God is infinite, but with all this mercy, how many are damned every day? «Veni ut mederer contritis corde» — "I came to heal the contrite of heart" (Isa. 61:1). God heals those who have good will. He forgives sins, but He cannot forgive the will to sin. He will reply: But I am young. You are young? But God does not count years; He counts sins. And this quota of sins is not equal for everyone: to some God forgives a hundred sins, to another a thousand; another He will send to hell at the second sin. How many has the Lord sent there at the first sin? St. Gregory relates that a five-year-old child, for uttering a blasphemy, was sent to hell. Mary Most Holy revealed to that servant of God, Benedetta of Florence, that a twelve-year-old girl was condemned at her first sin. Another eight-year-old boy likewise died at his first sin and was damned. It is said in the Gospel of St. Matthew (ch. 21) that the Lord, the first time He found that fig tree without fruit, immediately cursed it: «nunquam ex te nascatur fructus» — "May no fruit ever grow from you again"; and it withered. Another time He said: «Super tribus sceleribus Damasci, et super quatuor non convertam eum» — "For three crimes of Damascus, and for four, I will not revoke it" (Amos 1:3). Perhaps some rash man will want to demand of God an account of why He wills to forgive one person three sins, and not four. In this we must adore the divine judgments and say with the Apostle: «O altitudo divitiarum sapientiae et scientiae Dei; quam incomprehensibilia sunt iudicia eius, et investigabiles viae eius!» — "O the depth of the riches of the wisdom and of the knowledge of God! How incomprehensible are His judgments, and how unsearchable His ways!" (Rom. 11:33). St. Augustine: «Novit ille cui parcat, et cui non parcat. Quibus datur misericordia, gratis datur, quibus non datur, ex iustitia non datur» — "He knows whom to spare and whom not to spare. To those to whom mercy is given, it is given freely; to those to whom it is not given, it is withheld out of justice" (De correptione et gratia, ch. 5).
The obstinate man will reply: But I have offended God so many times, and God has forgiven me; and so I hope He will forgive me this other sin as well. But I say: because God has not punished you until now, must it always be so? The measure will be filled, and the punishment will come. Samson, continuing to dally with Delilah, still hoped to free himself from the hands of the Philistines, as he had done before: «Egrediar sicut ante feci, et me excutiam» — "I will go out as I did before and shake myself free" (Judg. 16:20). But that last time he remained caught, and he lost his life. «Ne dicas: peccavi, et quid accidit mihi triste?» — "Do not say: I have sinned, and what evil has befallen me?" Do not say, says the Lord, I have committed so many sins and God has never punished me. «Altissimus enim est patiens redditor» — "For the Most High is a patient rewarder" (Sir. 5:4). Which is to say, He will come once and repay everything. And the greater the mercy has been, the heavier the punishment will be. St. John Chrysostom says that God is more to be feared when He tolerates the obstinate man than when He punishes him at once: «Plus timendum est cum tolerat, quam cum festinanter punit» — "He is more to be feared when He tolerates than when He swiftly punishes." For (as St. Gregory writes) those whom God awaits with greater patience, He then punishes more rigorously if they remain ungrateful: «Quos diutius exspectat, durius damnat» — "Those He awaits longer, He condemns more severely." And often, the saint adds, those who have been tolerated for a long time then die suddenly, without having time to convert: «Saepe qui diu tolerati sunt, subita morte rapiuntur, ut nec flere ante mortem licet» — "Often those long tolerated are snatched away by sudden death, so that they are not even permitted to weep before dying." Especially when the light God has given you has been greater, so much greater will be your blindness and obstinacy in sin. «Melius enim erat illis» (said St. Peter) «non cognoscere viam iustitiae quam post agnitionem retrorsum converti» — "For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of justice than, after knowing it, to turn back" (2 Pet. 2:21). And St. Paul said that it is impossible (morally speaking) for an enlightened soul, by sinning again, to be converted: «Impossibile enim est eos, qui semel illuminati sunt, et gustaverunt donum coeleste... et prolapsi sunt, rursus renovari ad poenitentiam» — "For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift... and have fallen away, to be renewed again unto repentance" (Heb. 6:4).
Terrible is what the Lord says against those who are deaf to His calls: «Quia vocavi, et renuistis... Ego quoque in interitu vestro ridebo, et subsannabo vos» — "Because I called, and you refused... I also will laugh at your destruction, and will mock you" (Prov. 1:24). Let those two words «Ego quoque» — "I also" — be noted: they mean that just as that sinner has mocked God — confessing, promising, and then always betraying Him — so the Lord will mock him at his death. Moreover the Wise Man says: «Sicut canis qui revertitur ad vomitum suum, sic imprudens qui iterat stultitiam suam» — "As a dog that returns to its vomit, so is the fool who repeats his folly" (Prov. 26:11). Denis the Carthusian explains this text, and says that just as that dog becomes abominable and loathsome which feeds on what it has previously vomited, so he who returns to commit the sins he detested in confession renders himself hateful to God: «Sicut id quod per vomitum est reiectum resumere, est valde abominabile ac turpe, sic peccata deleta reiterare» — "Just as to take back what has been cast out by vomiting is most abominable and shameful, so it is to repeat sins that have been blotted out."
Affections and Prayers
Here I am, my God, at Your feet; I am that loathsome dog who so many times has returned to feed on those forbidden fruits that I had previously detested. I do not deserve pity, O my Redeemer; but the blood You have shed for me gives me courage and obliges me to hope for it. How many times have I offended You, and You have forgiven me! I promised You not to offend You anymore, and then I returned to my vomit, and You returned to forgive me. What are You waiting for — to send me to hell once and for all? Or to abandon me into the hands of my sin, which would be a greater punishment than hell? No, my God, I want to amend, and to be faithful to You I want to place all my confidence in You; I want, when I am tempted, to have recourse to You at once and always. In the past I trusted in my promises and my resolutions, and I neglected to commend myself to You in temptations; and this has been my ruin. No, from today onward You must be my hope and my strength, and thus I shall be able to do all things: «Omnia possum in eo qui me confortat» — "I can do all things in Him who strengthens me." Give me then, by Your merits, O my Jesus, the grace to commend myself always to You, and to seek Your help in my needs. I love You, O supreme good, lovable above every good; and You alone do I want to love; but You must help me.
And You too must aid me with Your intercession, O Mary, my Mother; keep me under Your mantle, and make me always call upon You when I am tempted. Your name will be my defense.
Point III
«Fili, peccasti? Non adiicias iterum, sed de pristinis deprecare, ut tibi dimittantur» — "My son, have you sinned? Do so no more, but for your former sins pray that they may be forgiven you" (Sir. 21:1). This is what your good Lord warns you, my Christian, because He wants you saved: Son, do not return to offend Me, but from today onward attend to asking forgiveness for the sins committed. My brother, the more you have offended God, the more you must tremble not to offend Him again, because one more sin that you commit will tip the scale of divine justice, and you will be damned. I do not say absolutely that after one more sin there will be no more forgiveness for you, because this I do not know; but I say that it can happen. Therefore, when you are tempted, say: And who knows whether God will forgive me no more, and I remain damned? Tell me, I pray: if it were probable that a certain food contained poison, would you take it? If you believed it probable that on that road your enemies were waiting to take your life, would you pass that way, having another safe road? And so what certainty — or rather what probability — do you have that, in returning to sin, you will afterwards have true sorrow for it and will never return to your vomit? And that in sinning, God will not make you die in the very act of sin, or will not abandon you after it?
O God! If you buy a house, you already use every diligence to secure the deed and not throw away your money. If you take a medicine, you take care to assure yourself well that it cannot harm you. If you cross a torrent, you take care to assure yourself that you will not fall in. And then, for a wretched satisfaction, for a beastly pleasure, you are willing to risk your eternal salvation, saying: I hope to confess it? But I ask you: when will you confess it? On Sunday. And who promises you that you will be alive until Sunday? Tomorrow. And who promises you this tomorrow? St. Augustine says: «Diem tenes, qui horam non tenes?» — "Do you hold the day, who do not hold even the hour?" How can you promise yourself to confess tomorrow, when you do not know that you have even one more hour of life? «Qui poenitenti veniam spopondit (the saint continues), peccanti diem crastinum non promisit; fortasse dabit, fortasse non dabit» — "He has promised pardon to him who repents, but He has not promised tomorrow to him who offends Him; perhaps He will give it, perhaps He will not give it." If you sin now, perhaps God will give you time for repentance, and perhaps not; and if He does not give it to you, what will become of you for all eternity? Meanwhile, for a wretched pleasure you already lose your soul and put it at risk of remaining lost forever. Would you put a thousand ducats at risk for that vile satisfaction? I say more: for that brief pleasure, would you make an all-or-nothing wager of money, house, lands, liberty, and life? No? Then how is it that, for that wretched pleasure, you are willing in a single stroke to forfeit everything — soul, paradise, and God? Tell me: are these things that faith teaches truths, or are they fables — that there is a paradise, a hell, an eternity? Do you believe that if death overtakes you in sin, you will be lost forever? And what rashness, what madness, to condemn yourself already to an eternity of pains, saying: I hope to remedy it afterward? «Nemo sub spe salutis vult aegrotare» — "No one wishes to fall sick in the hope of health," says St. Augustine. No madman can be found who takes poison, saying, perhaps I can cure myself afterward with remedies; and you wish to condemn yourself to an eternal death, saying: Perhaps I can free myself from it afterward? O madness, which has carried and still carries so many souls to hell! According to the threat of the Lord: «Fiduciam habuisti in malitia tua, veniet super te malum, et nescies ortum eius» — "You have trusted in your wickedness; evil shall come upon you, and you shall not know its dawning" (Isa. 48:10). You have sinned, rashly trusting in the divine mercy; the punishment will come upon you suddenly, without your knowing whence it comes.
Affections and Prayers
Behold, Lord, one of those madmen, who has so many times lost his soul and Your grace, in the hope of recovering it afterward. And if You had made me die at that moment, or on those nights in which I was in sin, what would have become of me? I thank Your mercy, which has waited for me and now makes me know my madness. I see that You want me saved, and I want to save myself. I repent, O infinite goodness, of having so many times turned my back on You, and I love You with all my heart. And I hope, through the merits of Your Passion, O my Jesus, never to be a madman again. Forgive me quickly, and receive me into Your grace, for I do not want to leave You anymore. «In te, Domine, speravi, non confundar in aeternum» — "In You, O Lord, have I hoped; let me never be confounded." Ah no — I hope, O my Redeemer, never again to suffer the disgrace and the confusion of seeing myself in time to come deprived of Your grace and Your love. Grant me holy perseverance, and make me always ask it of You, especially when I am tempted, calling to my aid Your holy name and that of Your holy Mother, saying: My Jesus, help me; my Mary, help me.
Yes, my Queen, for in having recourse to You I shall never be overcome. And if the temptation persists, obtain for me that I do not cease to persist in invoking You.