«Angustia superveniente, pacem requirent, et non erit; conturbatio super conturbationem veniet» — "When anguish comes, they will seek peace, and there will be none; trouble upon trouble will come" (Ezek. 7:25).
Point I
At present, sinners banish the memory and the thought of death, and so they seek to find peace (though they never find it) in the life they lead in sin; but when they find themselves in the anguish of death, about to enter into eternity: «Angustia superveniente, pacem requirent, et non erit» — "When anguish comes, they will seek peace, and there will be none"; then they cannot escape the torment of their bad conscience. They will seek peace, but what peace can a soul find when it sees itself weighed down with sins that bite it like so many vipers? What peace, thinking that within a few moments it must appear before Jesus Christ the judge, whose law and friendship it has despised until then? «Conturbatio super conturbationem veniet» — "Trouble upon trouble will come." The news of death already received, the thought of having to take leave of all the things of the world, the remorse of conscience, the time lost, the time that is lacking, the rigor of the divine judgment, the unhappy eternity that awaits sinners: all these things will form a frightful storm that will confound the mind and increase its mistrust; and thus, confounded and distrustful, the dying man will pass into the other life.
Abraham, to his great merit, hoped in God against human hope, believing the divine promise: «Contra spem in spem credidit» — "Against hope he believed in hope" (Rom. 4:18). But sinners, to their great demerit, hope falsely and to their own ruin, not only against hope but even against faith, since they despise even the threats that God makes to the obstinate. They fear a bad death, yet they do not fear leading a bad life. But who assures them that they will not die suddenly — by a thunderbolt, by a stroke, by an effusion of blood? And even if they had time at death to be converted, who assures them that they will truly be converted? St. Augustine had to struggle for twelve years to overcome his evil habits; how then will a dying man, whose conscience has always been sullied, amid the pains, the dizziness of the head, and the confusion of death, easily make a true conversion? I say "true," because then it is not enough to say and to promise; one must say and promise with the heart. O God, and with what terror will the wretched sick man, whose conscience has been neglected, then be seized and confounded, at seeing himself oppressed by his sins and by the fear of judgment, of hell, and of eternity! Into what confusion will these thoughts plunge him, when he finds his head reeling, his mind darkened, and himself assailed by the pains of death already near! He will confess, he will promise, he will weep, he will beg God for mercy, but without knowing what he is doing; and in this tempest of agitation, of remorse, of anguish, and of terror, he will pass into the other life. «Turbabuntur populi, et pertransibunt» — "The people shall be troubled, and shall pass away" (Job 34:20).
An author rightly says that the prayers, the tears, and the promises of the dying sinner are exactly like the tears and promises of a man who sees himself attacked by his enemy, who holds a dagger to his throat to take his life at that very moment. Wretched is he who takes to his bed deprived of the grace of God, and from there passes into eternity!
Affections and Prayers
O wounds of Jesus, You are my hope. I would despair of the forgiveness of my sins and of my eternal salvation, if I did not behold in You fountains of mercy and of grace, through which a God has shed all His blood to wash my soul of so many sins committed. I adore You, then, O holy wounds, and in You I place my trust. A thousand times I detest and curse those unworthy pleasures by which I have displeased my Redeemer and have miserably lost His friendship. Gazing upon You, then, I raise up my hopes, and toward You I turn all my affections.
My dear Jesus, You deserve that all men should love You, and love You with all their heart; but I have offended You so greatly and have despised Your love, and yet You have borne with me so patiently and with such mercy have invited me to pardon. Ah, my Savior, do not permit me ever to offend You again and be damned. O God! What a torment it would be for me in hell to see Your blood and all the many mercies You have shown me! I love You, and I want to love You always. Give me holy perseverance. Detach my heart from every love that is not for You, and establish in me a true desire and resolution to love, from this day forward, only You, my supreme good.
O Mary, my Mother, draw me to God, and make me wholly His before I die.
Point II
Not one, but many — very many — will be the anguishes of the poor dying sinner. On one side the devils will torment him. At death these dreadful enemies exert all their strength to bring about the loss of that soul which is about to leave this life, knowing that only a little time remains for them to win it, and that if they lose it then, they will have lost it forever. «Descendit diabolus ad vos habens iram magnam, sciens quod modicum tempus habet» — "The devil has come down to you in great wrath, knowing that he has but a short time" (Rev. 12:12). And it will not be one devil alone who will then tempt him, but innumerable devils who will attend upon the dying man to make him perish. «Replebuntur domus eorum draconibus» — "Their houses shall be filled with dragons" (Isa. 13:21). One will say to him: Do not be afraid; you will recover. Another will say: What? You were deaf to the voice of God for so many years, and now He will show you mercy? Another: How can you now repair the wrongs you have done, the good names you have taken away? Another: Do you not see that your confessions have all been null — without true sorrow, without purpose of amendment? How can you now make them over again?
On the other side, the dying man will see himself surrounded by his sins. «Virum iniustum mala capient in interitu» — "Evils shall overtake the unjust man unto destruction" (Ps. 139:12). These sins, like so many henchmen, says St. Bernard, will hold him fast in their grip and will say to him: «Opera tua sumus, non te deseremus» — "We are your offspring; we will not leave you; we will accompany you into the other life, and with you we will present ourselves before the eternal Judge." The dying man will then wish to free himself from such enemies; but to free himself he would have to hate them, he would have to be converted to God with his heart — yet the mind is darkened and the heart is hardened. «Cor durum habebit male in novissimo: et qui amat periculum, peribit in illo» — "A hard heart shall fare ill at the last; and he who loves danger shall perish in it" (Sir. 3:27).
St. Bernard says that the heart which has been obstinate in evil during life will make every effort to escape the state of damnation, but will not succeed in freeing itself, and, crushed by its own malice, will end its life in that same state. Having loved sin up to that moment, he has at the same time loved the danger of his damnation; the Lord will therefore justly permit him to perish then in that very danger in which he has willed to live until death. St. Augustine says that he who is abandoned by sin before he himself abandons it will hardly detest it at death as he ought, because what he then does, he does under compulsion: «Qui prius a peccato relinquitur, quam ipse relinquat, non libere, sed quasi ex necessitate condemnat» — "He who is forsaken by sin before he forsakes it condemns it not freely, but as it were by necessity."
Wretched, then, is that sinner who is hard of heart and resists the divine calls! «Cor eius indurabitur quasi lapis, et stringetur quasi malleatoris incus» — "His heart shall be hardened as a stone, and bound fast like the anvil of the smith" (Job 41:15). The ungrateful man, instead of yielding and softening at the voice of God, has grown hard, as the anvil grows harder under the blows of the hammer. In punishment for this he will find himself still the same at death, even though he stands at the very point of passing into eternity. «Cor durum habebit male in novissimo» — "A hard heart shall fare ill at the last." The sinners, says the Lord, have turned their backs to Me for love of creatures: «Verterunt ad me tergum, et non faciem, et in tempore afflictionis suae dicent: Surge, et libera nos. Ubi sunt dii tui, quos fecisti tibi? surgant, et liberent te» — "They have turned their back to Me and not their face; and in the time of their affliction they will say: Arise, and save us. Where are your gods whom you made for yourselves? Let them arise and save you" (Jer. 2:27). The wretches at death will have recourse to God, and God will say to them: Now you have recourse to Me? Call upon the creatures to help you, since they have been your gods. The Lord will speak thus, because they will have recourse to Him, but without a true will to be converted. St. Jerome says that he holds it almost for certain, and has learned it from manifold experience, that he who has led a bad life to the very end will never make a good end: «Hoc teneo, hoc multiplici experientia didici, quod ei non bonus est finis, cui mala semper vita fuit» — "This I hold, this I have learned by manifold experience: his end is not good whose life has always been bad" (In the Epistle of Eusebius to Damasus).
Affections and Prayers
My dear Savior, help me; do not abandon me. I see my soul all covered with wounds from my sins; my passions do me violence; evil habits oppress me. I cast myself at Your feet: have pity on me and deliver me from so many evils. «In te, Domine, speravi, non confundar in aeternum» — "In You, O Lord, have I hoped; let me never be put to confusion." Do not permit a soul that trusts in You to be lost. «Ne tradas bestiis animam confitentem tibi» — "Deliver not to the beasts the soul that confesses You." I repent of having offended You, O infinite goodness; I have done evil, I confess it; I am resolved to amend at any cost; but if You do not help me with Your grace, I am lost. Receive, O my Jesus, this rebel who has so greatly outraged You. Remember that I have cost You Your blood and Your life. By the merits, then, of Your passion and death, receive me into Your arms and give me holy perseverance. I was already lost, and You called me. Behold, I will resist no longer; to You I consecrate myself. Bind me to Your love, and do not permit me to lose You again by losing Your grace once more; my Jesus, do not permit it.
Mary, my Queen, do not permit it; obtain for me death rather — a thousand deaths — than that I should ever lose again the grace of Your Son.
Point III
What a marvel! God does nothing but threaten sinners with a bad death: «Tunc invocabunt me, et non exaudiam» — "Then they shall call upon Me, and I will not hear" (Prov. 1:18). «Nunquid Deus exaudiet clamorem eius, cum venerit super eum angustia» — "Will God hear his cry when distress comes upon him?" (Job 27:9). «In interitu vestro ridebo, et subsannabo» — "I will laugh at your destruction, and I will mock" (Prov. 1:26). («Ridere Dei est nolle misereri» — "For God to laugh is to refuse mercy," says St. Gregory.) «Mea est ultio, et ego retribuam eis in tempore, ut labatur pes eorum» — "Vengeance is Mine, and I will repay them in due time, so that their foot may slip" (Deut. 32:35). And in many other places He threatens the same; yet sinners live in peace, as certain as if God had surely promised them pardon and paradise at death. It is true that in whatever hour the sinner is converted, God has promised to forgive him; but He has not said that the sinner will be converted at death; on the contrary, He has repeatedly protested that he who lives in sin will die in sin: «In peccato vestro moriemini» — "You shall die in your sin" (John 8:21). «Moriemini in peccatis vestris» — "You shall die in your sins" (ibid. 24). He has said that he who seeks Him at death will not find Him: «Quaeretis me, et non invenietis» — "You shall seek Me, and shall not find Me" (John 7:34). We must therefore seek God while He can be found: «Quaerite Dominum, dum inveniri potest» — "Seek the Lord while He may be found" (Isa. 55:6). Yes, for there will come a time when He can no longer be found. Poor sinners! Poor blind men, who put off their conversion until the hour of death, when there will no longer be time to be converted! Oleaster says: «Impii nusquam didicerunt benefacere, nisi cum non est tempus benefaciendi» — "The wicked never learn to do good except when there is no time to do good." God wills the salvation of all, but He chastises the obstinate.
If some wretched man, finding himself in sin, were seized by a stroke and lay deprived of his senses, what compassion would it stir in everyone to see him die without the sacraments and without any sign of repentance? And what joy would everyone feel if he came to himself again, sought absolution, and made acts of repentance? But is he not mad who, having time to do this, continues to remain in sin? Or who even returns to sin and puts himself in danger that death will overtake him — at a time when perhaps he will repent, and perhaps not? It terrifies us to see someone die suddenly, and yet so many voluntarily put themselves in danger of dying in that way — of dying in sin!
«Pondus et statera iudicia Domini sunt» — "Weight and balance are the judgments of the Lord" (Prov. 16:21). We take no account of the graces of God that the Lord bestows on us; but the Lord does take account of them and measures them; and when He sees them despised up to a certain point, He leaves the sinner in his sin, and so causes him to die. Wretched is he who puts off doing penance until death. «Poenitentia, quae ab infirmo petitur, infirma est» — "The penance that is sought by a sick man is itself sickly," says St. Augustine (Serm. 57 de Temp.). St. Jerome says that of a hundred thousand sinners who persist in sin until death, scarcely one will be saved at death: «Vix de centum millibus, quorum mala vita fuit, meretur in morte a Deo indulgentiam unus» — "Scarcely one of a hundred thousand whose life has been evil merits pardon from God at death"
(St. Jerome, in Epist. Euseb. de morte eiusd.). St. Vincent Ferrer says (Serm. I de Nativ. Virg.) that it would be a greater miracle for one of these to be saved than to raise a dead man to life: «Maius miraculum est, quod male viventes faciant bonum finem, quam suscitare mortuos» — "It is a greater miracle that those who live badly should make a good end than to raise the dead." What sorrow, what repentance can be conceived at death by one who until then has loved sin?
Bellarmine relates that, having gone to assist a certain dying man and having exhorted him to make an act of contrition, the man answered that he did not know what contrition was. Bellarmine tried to explain it to him, but the sick man said: «Father, I do not understand you; I am not capable of these things». And so he died, «Signa damnationis suae satis aperte relinquens» — "leaving clear enough signs of his own damnation," as Bellarmine wrote. A most just punishment, says St. Augustine, will befall the sinner who at death forgets himself, who in life has forgotten God: «Aequissime percutitur peccator, ut moriens obliviscatur sui qui vivens oblitus est Dei» — "Most justly is the sinner struck, that dying he should forget himself who living forgot God" (Serm. 10 de Sanct.).
«Nolite errare (intanto ci avverte l'Apostolo), Deus non irridetur: quae enim seminaverit homo, haec et metet; qui seminat in carne sua, de carne et metet corruptionem» — "Be not deceived (so the Apostle warns us): God is not mocked; for what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap; he who sows in his flesh, of the flesh also shall reap corruption" (Gal. 6:7). It would be to mock God to live despising His laws and then to reap reward and eternal glory from them; but «Deus non irridetur» — "God is not mocked." What is sown in this life is reaped in the next. For him who sows forbidden pleasures of the flesh, nothing remains but corruption, misery, and eternal death.
My Christian, what is said of others is said also of you. Tell me: if you found yourself already at the point of death, given up by the doctors, deprived of feeling, and already reduced to the agony, how earnestly would you beg God to grant you then another month, another week of time, to settle the accounts of your conscience? And God is already giving you this time. Thank Him, and quickly remedy the evil you have done, and use every means to find yourself in the state of the grace of God when death comes, for then there will be no more time to remedy.
Affections and Prayers
Ah, my God, who would have had such patience with me as You have had? If Your goodness were not infinite, I would despair of pardon. But I deal with a God who died to forgive me and to save me. You command me to hope, and I will hope. If my sins frighten me and condemn me, Your merits and Your promises give me heart. You have promised the life of Your grace to him who returns to You: «Revertimini, et vivite» — "Return, and live" (Ezek. 18:32). You have promised to embrace him who turns to You: «Convertimini ad me, et convertar ad vos» — "Turn to Me, and I will turn to you" (Zech. 1:3). You have said that You cannot despise him who humbles himself and repents: «Cor contritum, et humiliatum, Deus, non despicies» — "A contrite and humbled heart, O God, You will not despise" (Ps. 50).
Behold me, Lord: I return to You, I turn to You; I confess myself worthy of a thousand hells, and I repent of having offended You. I promise You firmly never to offend You again and to love You always. Ah, do not permit me to live any longer ungrateful for such goodness.
Eternal Father, by the merits of the obedience of Jesus Christ, who died to obey You, grant that I may obey Your will even unto death. I love You, O sovereign Good, and for the love I bear You I will obey You in all things. Give me holy perseverance, give me Your love, and I ask You for nothing more.
Mary, my Mother, intercede for me.