«Filios enutrivi, et exaltavi, ipsi autem spreverunt me» — "I have brought up children and exalted them, but they have despised Me" (Isa. 1:2).
Point I
What does one who commits a mortal sin do? He insults God, dishonors Him, and grieves Him. First of all, mortal sin is an insult that is offered to God. The malice of an insult, as St. Thomas Aquinas says, is measured by the person who receives it and by the person who gives it. An insult done to a peasant is bad, but it is a greater crime if done to a nobleman, and greater still if done to a monarch. Who is God? He is the King of Kings. «Dominus Dominantium est, et Rex Regum» — "He is Lord of lords and King of kings" (Rev. 17:14). God is an infinite majesty, in comparison with whom all the princes of the earth and all the saints and angels of heaven are less than a grain of sand. «Quasi stilla situlae, pulvis exiguus» — "Like a drop from a bucket, a little dust" (Isa. 40:15). Indeed, Hosea says that before the greatness of God all creatures are as small as if they did not exist: «Omnes gentes quasi non sint, sic sunt coram Eo» — "All nations are before Him as if they were not" (Hos. 5). This is God. And who is man? St. Bernard: «Saccus vermium, cibus vermium» — a sack of worms and food for the worms that will shortly devour him. «Miser, et pauper, et caecus, et nudus» — "Wretched, poor, blind, and naked" (Rev. 3:17). Man is a miserable worm that can do nothing, blind and able to see nothing, poor and naked and possessing nothing. And this miserable worm dares to insult a God! «Tam terribilem maiestatem audet vilis pulvisculus irritare!» — "Vile dust dares to provoke so terrible a majesty!" says the same St. Bernard. The Angelic Doctor is therefore right in saying that man's sin contains an almost infinite malice. «Peccatum habet quandam infinitatem malitiae ex infinitate divinae maiestatis» — "Sin has a certain infinity of malice from the infinity of the divine majesty" (p. 3, q. 1, c. 2, ad 2). Indeed, St. Augustine calls sin simply «infinitum malum» — "an infinite evil." Hence, if all men and angels offered themselves to die, and even to be annihilated, they could not make satisfaction for a single sin. God punishes mortal sin with the great punishment of hell; but however much He punishes it, all theologians say that He always punishes it «citra condignum» — "short of what it deserves" — that is, less than it deserves to be punished.
And what punishment can ever be enough to punish as he deserves a worm who dares to rise against his Lord? God is the Lord of all, because He has created all things. «In ditione tua cuncta sunt posita, tu enim creasti omnia» — "All things are placed under Your dominion, for You have created all things" (Esther 13:9). And indeed all creatures obey God: «Venti et mare obediunt ei» — "The winds and the sea obey Him" (Matt. 8:27). «Ignis, grando, nix, glacies faciunt verbum eius» — "Fire, hail, snow, and ice do His word" (Ps. 148:8). But man, when he sins, what does he do? He says to God: Lord, I will not serve You. «Confregisti iugum meum;
dixisti, non serviam» — "You have broken My yoke; you have said: I will not serve" (Jer. 2:20). The Lord says to him: do not take revenge; and man answers: but I will take revenge. Do not take what belongs to another; but I will take it. Deprive yourself of that dishonest pleasure; but I will not deprive myself of it. The sinner says to God as Pharaoh did: when Moses brought him God's order to let His people go free, the rash man answered: «Quis est Dominus, ut audiam vocem eius? nescio Dominum» — "Who is the Lord, that I should hear His voice? I know not the Lord" (Exod. 5:2). The sinner says the same: Lord, I do not know You; I want to do what pleases me. In short, he loses all respect for Him to His face and turns his back on Him; this is properly mortal sin—a turning of the back done to God: «Aversio ab incommutabili bono» — "a turning away from the unchangeable Good" (St. Thomas Aquinas, part I, q. 34, art. 4). Of this the Lord complains: «Tu reliquisti me, dicit Dominus; retrorsum abiisti» — "You have left Me, says the Lord; you have gone backward" (Jer. 15:6): You have been the ungrateful one, says God, who have left Me, for I would never have left you: «retrorsum abiisti» — "you have gone backward"; you have turned your back on Me.
God has declared that He hates sin; hence He cannot help hating the one who commits it. «Similiter autem odio sunt Deo impius, et impietas eius» — "The impious man and his impiety are alike hateful to God" (Wis. 14:9). And man, when he sins, dares to declare himself an enemy of God and to contend with God as an equal: «Contra Omnipotentem roboratus est» — "He has strengthened himself against the Almighty" (Job 15:25). What would you say if you saw an ant wanting to pick a fight with a soldier? God is that Mighty One who from nothing, with a mere nod, created heaven and earth. «Ex nihilo fecit illa Deus» — "God made them out of nothing" (2 Macc. 7:28). And if He wills, with another nod He can destroy everything: «Potest universum mundum uno nutu delere» — "He can destroy the whole world with a single nod" (2 Macc. 8:18). And the sinner, when he consents to sin, stretches out his hand against God: «Tetendit adversus Deum manum suam; cucurrit adversus eum erecto collo, pingui cervice armatus est» — "He has stretched out his hand against God; he has run against Him with neck erect, armed with a fat neck." He raises his neck, that is, his pride, and runs to insult God; and he arms himself with a fat head, that is, with ignorance (fat is a symbol of ignorance), saying: «Quid feci?» — "What have I done?" And what great evil is that sin I have committed? God is merciful; He forgives sinners. What an insult! What rashness! What blindness!
Affections and Prayers
Behold, O my God, at Your feet the rebel, the rash offender, who has so many times had the audacity to lose all respect for You to Your face and to turn his back on You; but now he begs You for mercy. You have said: «Clama ad me, et exaudiam te» — "Call to Me, and I will hear you" (Jer. 33:3). Hell is too little for me — I know it already; but know that I grieve more for having offended You, O infinite goodness, than if I had lost all my goods and my life. Ah, my Lord, forgive me, and do not allow me ever to offend You again. You have waited for me so that I might forever bless Your mercy and love You; yes, I bless You and I love You, and I hope, through the merits of Jesus Christ, never to separate myself from Your love again. Your love has delivered me from hell; let this same love deliver me in time to come from sin. I thank You, my Lord, for this light and for the desire You give me to love You always. Ah, take possession of all that I am — of my soul and my body, of my powers, my senses, my will, my freedom. «Tuus sum ego, salvum me fac» — "I am Yours; save me." You who are the only good, the only one worthy of love, be also my only love. Give me fervor in loving You. I have offended You greatly, and so it cannot be enough for me simply to love You; I want to love You greatly, to repay You for the injuries I have done You. I hope for this from You, who are almighty.
And I hope for it also through Your prayers, O Mary, which are all-powerful with God.
Point II
The sinner not only insults God, but dishonors Him. «Per praevaricationem legis Deum inhonoras» — "By transgression of the law you dishonor God" (Rom. 2:23). Yes, because he renounces His grace, and for a wretched pleasure tramples the friendship of God underfoot. If a man were to lose the divine friendship in order to gain a kingdom — even the whole world — it would still be a great evil, because the friendship of God is worth more than the world and a thousand worlds. But for what does a man offend God?
«Propter quid irritavit impius Deum?» — "Why has the wicked man provoked God?" (Ps. 10:13). For a bit of earth, for a venting of anger, for a beastly pleasure, for a puff of smoke, for a whim. «Violabant me propter pugillum hordei, et fragmen panis» — "They profaned Me for a handful of barley and a piece of bread" (Ezek. 13:19). When the sinner sets himself to deliberate whether or not to consent to sin, he takes up the scales (so to speak) and weighs which is worth more — the grace of God, or that venting, that smoke, that pleasure; and when he then gives his consent, he declares, as far as he is concerned, that that venting, that pleasure, is worth more than the divine friendship. Behold God put to shame by the sinner. David, considering the greatness and the majesty of God, said: «Domine, quis similis tibi?» — "Lord, who is like You?" (Ps. 34:10). But God, on the contrary, when He sees Himself compared by sinners and placed below a miserable satisfaction, says to them: «Cui assimilastis me, et adaequastis me, dicit Sanctus?» — "To whom have you likened Me and made Me equal? says the Holy One" (Isa. 40:25). So then (says the Lord), that vile pleasure was worth more than My grace? «Proiecisti me post corpus tuum» — "You have cast Me behind your back" (Ezek. 23:35). You would not have committed that sin if you had stood to lose a hand, or ten ducats — and perhaps much less. God alone, then, says Salvian, is so worthless in your eyes that He deserves to be set below a venting of passion, a miserable satisfaction: «Deus solus in comparatione omnium tibi vilis fuit» — "God alone was cheap to you in comparison with all else." Moreover, when the sinner offends God for the sake of some pleasure, he makes that pleasure become his god, making it his last end. St. Jerome says: «Unusquisque quod cupit, si veneratur, hoc illi Deus est. Vitium in corde, est idolum in altari» — "Whatever a man desires, if he venerates it, is his god. Vice in the heart is an idol on the altar." Hence St. Thomas Aquinas says: «Si amas delicias, deliciae dicuntur Deus tuus» — "If you love pleasures, pleasures are called your god." And St. Cyprian: «Quidquid homo Deo anteponit, Deum sibi facit» — "Whatever a man sets before God, he makes a god for himself." When Jeroboam rebelled against God, he sought to draw the people with him into idolatry, and so he presented his idols to them and said: «Ecce dii tui, Israel» — "Behold your gods, O Israel" (1 Kings 12:28). So does the devil: he presents that satisfaction to the sinner and says: What do you want with God? Here is your god — this pleasure, this indulgence; take this for yourself and leave God. And the sinner, when he consents, does just that: he adores that satisfaction as his god in his heart. «Vitium in corde est idolum in altari» — "Vice in the heart is an idol on the altar."
If only, when the sinner dishonors God, he did not dishonor Him in His presence; but no — he insults Him and dishonors Him to His face, because God is present everywhere. «Coelum et terram ego impleo» — "I fill heaven and earth" (Jer. 23:24). And the sinner already knows this, yet with all this he does not hold back from provoking God before His very eyes. «Ad iracundiam provocant me ante faciem meam» — "They provoke Me to anger before My face" (Isa. 65:3).
Affections and Prayers
So then, my God, You are an infinite good, and I have many times exchanged You for a wretched pleasure that vanished as soon as it was had. But You, though despised by me, now offer me pardon if I want it; and You promise to receive me back into Your grace if I repent of having offended You. Yes, my Lord, I repent with all my heart of having so outraged You; I hate my sin above every other evil. Behold (so I hope), I now return to You, and You already receive me and embrace me as a son. I thank You, infinite goodness. But help me now, and do not allow me ever to drive You away from me again. Hell will not cease to tempt me, but You are more powerful than hell. I know that I will never again be separated from You if I always commend myself to You; this, then, is the grace You must grant me: make me always commend myself to You and always pray to You, as I now say to You: Lord, help me, give me light, give me strength, give me holy perseverance, give me paradise; but above all grant me Your love, which is the true paradise of souls. I love You, infinite goodness, and I want to love You always. Hear me for the love of Jesus Christ.
Mary, You are the refuge of sinners; help a sinner who wants to love Your God.
Point III
Sin insults God, dishonors Him, and thereby embitters Him most deeply. There is no more piercing bitterness than to see oneself repaid with ingratitude by a person who has been loved and benefited. Against whom does the sinner vent himself? He insults a God who created him and loved him so much that He went so far as to give His blood and His life for love of him; and the sinner, by committing a mortal sin, drives Him out of his heart. In a soul that loves God, God comes to dwell. «Si quis diligit me, Pater meus diliget eum et ad eum veniemus, et mansionem apud eum faciemus» — "If anyone loves Me, My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our dwelling with him" (John 14:23). Note well: «Mansionem faciemus» — "We will make Our dwelling" — God comes into the soul to remain there always, so that He does not leave it unless the soul drives Him out: «Non deserit, nisi deseratur» — "He does not forsake unless He is forsaken," as is said in the Council of Trent. But, Lord, You already know that this ungrateful soul will drive You out in another moment — why do You not depart now? Why wait until he actually expels You? Leave him, depart, before he does You this great wrong. "No," says God, "I do not wish to depart until he himself drives Me out."
Therefore, when the soul consents to sin, it says to God: Lord, depart from me: «Impii dixerunt Deo, recede a nobis» — "The wicked have said to God: Depart from us" (Job 21:14). It does not say this with the mouth, but in deed: «Recede, non verbis, sed moribus» — "He says 'Depart' not in words but in conduct," says St. Gregory. The sinner already knows that God cannot dwell together with sin; he already sees that by sinning God must depart; so he says to Him: Since You cannot remain with my sin, then off with You — a good journey to You. And by driving God out of his soul, he makes the devil enter at once to take possession of it. Through the very same door by which God departs, the enemy enters: «Tunc vadit, et assumit septem alios spiritus secum nequiores se, et intrantes habitant ibi» — "Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and entering they dwell there" (Matt. 12:45). When a child is baptized, the priest commands the devil: «Exi ab eo, immunde spiritus, et da locum Spiritui Sancto» — "Depart from him, unclean spirit, and give place to the Holy Spirit." Yes, because that soul, upon receiving grace, becomes a temple of God. «Nescitis, quia templum Dei estis?» — "Do you not know that you are the temple of God?" (1 Cor. 3:16). But when a man consents to sin, he does all the opposite: he says to God, who dwells in his soul: «Exi a me, Domine, da locum diabolo» — "Depart from me, O Lord; give place to the devil." Of this very thing the Lord complained to St. Bridget, saying that He is treated by the sinner like a king driven out of his own kingdom: «Sum tanquam rex a proprio regno expulsus, et loco mei latro pessimus electus est» — "I am like a king expelled from his own kingdom, and in My place the vilest thief has been chosen."
What pain would you feel if you received a grave injury from someone whom you had greatly benefited? This is the pain you have given to your God, who went so far as to give His life to save you. The Lord calls heaven and earth, as it were, to pity Him for the ingratitude sinners show Him. «Audite coeli desuper, auribus percipe terra; filios enutrivi, et exaltavi, ipsi autem spreverunt me» — "Hear, O heavens, from on high, and give ear, O earth; I have nourished children and raised them up, but they have despised Me" (Isa. 1:2). In short, sinners afflict the heart of God with their sins: «Ipsi autem ad iracundiam provocaverunt, et afflixerunt spiritum sanctum eius» — "But they provoked Him to wrath and grieved His Holy Spirit" (Isa. 63:10).
God is not capable of suffering; but if He were capable of it, a single mortal sin would be enough to make Him die of sheer sorrow, as Father Medina says (De Poenitentia): «Peccatum mortale, si possibile esset, destrueret ipsum Deum, eo quod causa esset tristitiae in Deo infinitae» — "Mortal sin, if it were possible, would destroy God Himself, since it would be the cause of infinite sorrow in God." So that, as St. Bernard says, «peccatum quantum in se est, Deum perimit» — "sin, as far as lies in it, puts God to death." Therefore the sinner, when he commits a mortal sin, gives poison to God, so to speak; on his part he does not fail to take away His life. «Exacerbavit Dominum peccator» — "The sinner has provoked the Lord" (Heb. 10:4). And according to St. Paul, he tramples the Son of God underfoot: «Qui Filium Dei conculcaverit» — "He who has trodden underfoot the Son of God" (Heb. 10:29). Meanwhile he despises all that Jesus Christ did and suffered to take sin away from the world.
Affections and Prayers
Therefore, my Redeemer, every time I have sinned, I have driven You from my soul, and have set about taking away Your life, if ever You could have died! Now I hear You asking me: «Quid feci tibi, aut in quo contristavi te? responde mihi» — "What have I done to you, or in what have I saddened you? Answer me." What harm have I done you (You say to me), what displeasure have I given you, that you have given me so many displeasures? Lord, You ask me what harm You have done me? You gave me being, and You died for me. Behold the harm You have done me. What then shall I answer You? I tell You that I deserve a thousand hells; You are right to send me there. But remember that love which made You die for me on the cross: remember the blood shed for love of me, and have pity on me. But now I understand: You do not want me to despair; rather You let me know that You are standing at the door of my heart, from which I drove You, and You knock with Your inspirations to enter it. «Sto ad ostium, et pulso» — "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." And You tell me to open to You: «Aperi mihi, soror mea» — "Open to me, my sister." Yes, my Jesus, I drive sin from it, I grieve for it with all my heart, and I love You above all things: enter, my love, the door is open; enter and never depart from me again. Bind me to Yourself with Your love, and do not permit me ever to be loosed from You again. No, my God, we will never be separated again; I embrace You and clasp You to my heart; give me holy perseverance. «Ne permittas me separari a Te» — "Do not permit me to be separated from You."
Mary, my Mother, help me always: pray to Jesus for me; obtain for me that I may never again lose His grace.