Editorial note: The 1875 edition repeats the subtitle about three Gospel lessons here. The subtitle has been corrected to match this chapter’s subject.
Next comes the Sacrament of Matrimony, which has a twofold institution: one, as it is a civil contract under the law of nature; the other, as it is a Sacrament under the law of the Gospel. Of both institutions we shall speak briefly, not in themselves, but in order to live well, so that we may afterwards die happily. The first institution was made by God in the earthly paradise: for those words of God, "It is not good for man to be alone; let us make him a help like unto himself" (Gen. 2), cannot rightly be understood except of a help for the begetting and rearing of offspring. For, as St. Augustine rightly teaches (On the Literal Interpretation of Genesis, Book 9, ch. 7), in no matter do men need the help of women except in begetting and rearing children; for in other things men are better helped by their fellow men. And so, a little after woman was created, Adam said by divine inspiration: "A man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife" — words which our Savior, in Matthew, attributes to God, saying: "Have you not read that He who made man from the beginning made them male and female, and said: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they two shall be in one flesh? What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matt. 19). The Lord therefore attributes those words to God, because Adam did not speak them of himself, but by the inspiration of God. And this was the first institution of Matrimony.
The second institution — or rather the exaltation of Matrimony to the dignity of a Sacrament — is found in the Apostle, in these words of the Epistle to the Ephesians: "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they two shall be in one flesh. This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the Church" (Eph. 5). That Matrimony is a true Sacrament, St. Augustine teaches in his book On the Good of Marriage: "In our marriages," he says, "the holiness of the Sacrament is of more worth than the fruitfulness of the womb" (On the Good of Marriage, ch. 18); and in chapter twenty-four: "The good of marriage among all nations and all men," he says, "lies in the begetting of children and in the faith of chastity; but as regards the people of God, also in the holiness of the Sacrament"; and in his book On Faith and Works: "In the city of the Lord," he says, "and on His holy mountain, that is, in the Church, not only the bond of marriage but also the Sacrament is commended" (On Faith and Works, ch. 7). But it does not belong to this place to discuss these matters more exactly; what properly pertains here is to explain how men and women joined in Matrimony can so live that they may trust they will die well.
There are three goods of Matrimony, if one uses it well: offspring, faith, and the grace of the Sacrament. The begetting of offspring and their good upbringing must be kept in view, if one would make good use of marriage; on the contrary, he sins most grievously who seeks from marriage not offspring but only the pleasure of the flesh. Hence in Sacred Scripture one of the sons of Judah is most severely rebuked, because in lying with his wife he spilled his seed upon the ground, lest children be born. For this is not to use Matrimony, but to abuse it. But if at times devout spouses are burdened by a multitude of children whom, in their poverty, they cannot easily support, there is a remedy honorable and pleasing to God: by mutual consent to separate from the marriage bed, and thenceforth to devote themselves to prayer and fasting. For if it is pleasing to God — after the example of the Virgin Mother of God and St. Joseph — as it was in the Emperor Henry and his wife Cunegund, in King Edward and his wife Edith, in Count Elzear and his wife Delphine, and in not a few others, why should it displease God or men that married people, having begotten children, should by mutual consent withdraw from the marriage act, so as to spend what remains of their life in fasting and prayer?
Again, it is a grave sin if anyone placed in the state of Matrimony neglects the children he has begotten, and suffers them to lack either a pious upbringing or the necessities of life. Many examples of this are found in sacred and profane histories; but since I aim at brevity, I shall be content with one, which is found in the First Book of Samuel. For God Himself speaks thus: "In that day I will raise up against Eli all the things I have spoken concerning his house; I will begin, and I will make an end. For I have foretold to him that I would judge his house forever for iniquity, because he knew that his sons dealt wickedly, and he did not chastise them. Therefore have I sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of his house shall not be expiated with victims and offerings forever" (1 Sam. 3-4). This the Lord foretold, and soon after fulfilled: for the sons of Eli were slain in battle, and Eli himself, falling backward from his seat, broke his neck and perished miserably. If, then, Eli — otherwise a just man and a judge of his people — on account of the sins of his sons, whom he had not brought up as he ought and had not corrected when they grew worse, perished miserably together with his sons and lost the leadership of his people, what will become of those who not only do not strive to give their children a good upbringing, but by the example of their own evil lives invite them to sin? Surely they must expect nothing less than a horrible end, both for themselves and for their children, unless they repent in good time and do fitting penance for their sins.
The second good of Matrimony is faith, which consists in this: that spouses understand their body is not their own, but belongs to the other spouse; and that just as one cannot deny the other the marriage debt, so one cannot grant the use of one's body to any but one's own spouse — of which the ring is the sign. This doctrine is read in express words in the Apostle: "Let the husband," he says, "render the debt to his wife, and in like manner also the wife to her husband. The wife has not power over her own body, but the husband; and in like manner the husband has not power over his own body, but the wife. Defraud not one another, unless perhaps by consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer" (1 Cor. 7). This is the teaching of the Apostle, which Christian spouses must diligently keep if they desire to die well. Adulterers, if they are public, either judges readily punish justly, or kinsmen and relatives put them out of the way for the sake of honor; but the secret ones — who are far more numerous — the almighty and most just Judge, from whom secrets are not hidden, will without doubt condemn to eternal punishments.
The third good, and the noblest, is the grace of the Sacrament, which God Himself pours into the hearts of devout spouses, if, when the marriage is lawfully celebrated, the spouses themselves are found well disposed and prepared. This grace, besides the other goods it brings with it, helps in a wonderful way to establish harmony; for temperaments, habits, illnesses, and the various dispositions of body and soul can easily sow enmities. But above all, it is the imitation of the marriage of Christ with the Church that makes married life sweetest and most blessed. Of this the Apostle thus speaks in the Epistle to the Ephesians: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the Church, and delivered Himself up for it, that He might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life, that He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, having neither spot nor wrinkle" (Eph. 5). The blessed Apostle also admonishes women, saying: "Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church. But as the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject to their husbands in all things." Finally the Apostle concludes: "Let every one love his wife as himself; and let the wife fear her husband."
This teaching of the Apostle, if it be diligently considered and observed, will make marriages blessed on earth and in heaven. But let us briefly explain the meaning of the Apostle Paul's words. First, the Apostle exhorts husbands to love their wives, as Christ also loved the Church. Christ certainly loved the Church with a love of friendship, not a love of concupiscence: He sought the good of the Church, the advantage of the Church, the salvation of the Church, not any advantage or pleasure of His own. Accordingly, they do not imitate Christ who love a wife for her surpassing beauty, captivated by love of her loveliness, or for a dowry of many thousands of gold pieces or a most opulent inheritance: for such men love not the bride but themselves, desiring to satisfy the concupiscence of their flesh or the concupiscence of their eyes, which is called avarice. Thus Solomon, wise at first but foolish at the last (1 Kings 11), loved his wives and concubines not with a love of friendship but with a love of concupiscence, desiring not to do them good but to satisfy his carnal concupiscence; and blinded by this concupiscence, he did not fear to sacrifice to strange gods, lest he should grieve his darling even in the least. Moreover, that Christ in His marriage with the Church did not seek Himself — that is, His own advantage or pleasure — but the good of the Church His bride, is clear from the words that follow: "And He delivered Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, cleansing her by the laver of water in the word of life." This surely is true and perfect charity: to deliver oneself up to torments for the eternal salvation of the Church one's bride. Nor did Christ love the Church only with a love of friendship, not of concupiscence; He loved her also with a perpetual love, not for a time. For just as He never put aside the human nature which He had once assumed, so also He joined to Himself the Church, His bride, by the bond of an indissoluble marriage: "With an everlasting love have I loved you" (Jer. 31), He says through the Prophet. And this is the reason why a consummated marriage among Christians is altogether indissoluble: namely, because it is a Sacrament, signifying the marriage of Christ with the Church, which marriage is entirely indissoluble, whereas the marriage of the Hebrews and the pagans can be dissolved in certain cases.
Afterwards the same Apostle adds, instructing women, and teaches that they should be subject to their husbands just as the Church is subject to Christ. Jezebel did not observe this precept (1 Kings 21; 2 Kings 9), who wished to lord it over her husband, and brought ruin on herself and him together with all her children. And would that there were not many among us who strive to lord it over their husbands; but perhaps the fault lies with the husbands, who do not know how to keep their own primacy.
Certainly Sarah, the wife of Abraham, was so subject to her husband that she called him her lord: "Behold," she said, "I am now grown old, and my lord is an old man" (Gen. 18). St. Peter praised this virtue of Sarah in his first Epistle, saying: "The holy women were subject to their husbands; as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord" (1 Pet. 3). Now it may seem strange that the Apostles Peter and Paul everywhere teach that husbands should love their wives, and wives should fear their husbands — or, what comes to the same thing, be subject to them. Should not a wife also love her husband? She should indeed love her husband and be loved by him; but she ought to love with fear and reverence, so that love does not hinder fear: otherwise the woman turns into a tyrant. Certainly Delilah (Judg. 16) mocked her man, not as a husband but as a servant. And in the third book of Esdras (3 Esd. 4) the story is told of a king so captivated by love of his concubine that he suffered his mistress to sit at his right hand, while she would take the crown from the king's head and set it on her own, and even slap the king himself. And so it is no wonder that it was said by the Lord to the first woman herself: "You shall be under your husband's power, and he shall have dominion over you" (Gen. 3). For this reason no little wisdom is required in a husband, that he may at once love his wife and guide her; and likewise both admonish and teach her; and, if need be, correct and amend her — yet so that he truly loves her as a part of his own body, and brings it about that she in turn loves her husband, and is firmly persuaded that she is loved by him in like manner, and is admonished out of charity, not out of hatred. We have the example of St. Monica, the mother of St. Augustine, who, although she had a fierce and pagan husband, bore with him so prudently and piously that she was always loved by him, and he himself was at last converted to Christ. Let the reader consult the book of the Confessions of St. Augustine.