# Preparation for Death

## About this edition

By **St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori**

This reading edition presents the supplied modern English translation of *Apparecchio alla Morte* (*Preparation for Death*), written in Italian with Latin quotations. It includes the dedication, the author's explanation of the work, and thirty-six considerations, each divided into three points.

The Italian source is the [IntraText transcription of *Apparecchio alla Morte*](https://www.intratext.com/IXT/ITASA0000/_IDX006.HTM). IntraText identifies its printed source as *Opere ascetiche*, volume IX, pages 3–376 (Edizioni di Storia e Letteratura, Rome, 1965), and credits the electronic transcription to Father Salvatore Brugnano, C.Ss.R. The later scholarly introductions, footnotes, textual variants, concordance links, and printed page numbers are omitted from this reading edition.

Review for this website has checked source provenance, section structure, and selected passages, including two corrected references to Father Balthasar Alvarez. It has not included a complete sentence-by-sentence translation audit.

This modern English translation is distinct from the 1843 English edition used for the site's short excerpts.

These English drafts were prepared with AI assistance using SWE-2 Max and then edited for Remember Eternity. Website review has checked structure, source provenance, and selected passages and corrections; it has not checked every sentence against the original. This is not a certified translation or an ecclesiastically approved edition.

This edition is available to read and download free of charge. No open reuse licence is stated for this modern English edition. Free access does not establish republication permission; the source transcriptions and editorial material may have separate terms.

## Dedication

To the Immaculate and ever-Virgin Mary:

To her who is full of grace, the Blessed among all the children of Adam:

To the Dove, the Turtle-Dove, the Beloved of God:

Honor of the human race, Delight of the Most Holy Trinity:

House of love, Model of humility, Mirror of all the virtues:

Mother of fair love, Mother of holy hope, and Mother of mercy:

Advocate of the wretched, Defense of the weak, Light of the blind, and Physician of the sick:

Anchor of confidence, City of refuge, Gate of Paradise:

Ark of life, Rainbow of peace, Haven of salvation:

Star of the sea, and Sea of sweetness:

Peacemaker of sinners, Hope of the despairing, Help of the forsaken:

Comforter of the afflicted, Comfort of the dying, and Joy of the world:

A devoted and loving, though base and unworthy, Servant of hers humbly consecrates this Work.

## The Purpose of This Work — Which Must Be Read

Some desired from me a book of Considerations on the Eternal Maxims, for souls who wish to establish themselves more firmly and to advance in the spiritual life. Others asked me for a little collection of subjects to be preached in Missions and Spiritual Exercises. In order not to multiply books, labor, and expense, I have thought it best to compose the present Work in the manner you see, so that it may serve for both purposes. So that it may benefit seculars for meditation, I have written these Considerations divided into three points. Each point will serve for one meditation; and for this reason, after each point I have added the Affections and Prayers. And I beg my readers not to grow weary if in these prayers they will always find petitions for the graces of holy perseverance and of love for God; for these are the two graces most necessary for us to obtain eternal salvation.

The grace of divine love is that grace, says St. Francis de Sales, which contains within itself all graces, because the virtue of charity toward God brings with it all the other virtues: «Venerunt autem mihi omnia bona pariter cum illa» — "Yet all good things came to me together with her" (Wis. 7:11). He who loves God is humble, is chaste, is obedient, is mortified — in a word, he possesses every virtue. «Ama, et fac quod vis» — "Love, and do what you will," said St. Augustine. Love God and do what you wish — yes, for he who loves God will strive to avoid everything that displeases Him, and will seek nothing else but to please Him in all things.

The other grace, that of holy perseverance, is the one that obtains for us the eternal crown. St. Bernard says that paradise is promised to those who begin a good life, but it is then given only to those who persevere: «Inchoantibus praemium promittitur, perseveranti autem datur» — "The reward is promised to those who begin, but it is given to him who perseveres" (St. Bernard, Serm. 6, De modo bene vivendi). But this perseverance, as the Holy Fathers teach, is given only to those who ask for it. Hence St. Thomas Aquinas wrote that to enter heaven, unceasing prayer is necessary: «Post baptismum autem necessaria est homini iugis oratio, ad hoc quod coelum introeat» — "After baptism, continual prayer is necessary for man in order that he may enter heaven" (III, q. 39, a. 5). And before him our Savior had said it: «Oportet semper orare, et non deficere» — "We must always pray and not lose heart" (Luke 18:1). And this is the reason why many wretched sinners, though forgiven, do not remain in the grace of God: they receive pardon, but because they then neglect to ask God for holy perseverance, especially in time of temptation, they fall again. On the other hand, although the grace of holy perseverance is entirely gratuitous and cannot be merited by us through our works, nevertheless Father Suarez says that it is infallibly obtained through prayer; St. Augustine having already said that this gift of perseverance can be merited through prayer: «Hoc Dei donum suppliciter emereri potest, id est supplicando impetrari potest» — "This gift of God can be merited by supplication, that is, it can be obtained by praying" (De dono perseverantiae, ch. 6).

This necessity of prayer we shall demonstrate at length in another little work published separately, entitled The Great Means of Prayer — a little work which, although brief and therefore inexpensive, has cost me much labor, and which I esteem to be of the utmost benefit to every kind of person; indeed, I say with assurance that among all spiritual treatises there is none, nor can there be one, more useful and more necessary than this treatise on prayer for obtaining eternal salvation.

So that the present Considerations might also serve for preaching to priests who have few books or no time to read them, I have furnished them with texts of Scripture and passages from the Holy Fathers — brief, indeed, but lively, such as sermons require. Note that each Consideration, together with all three points, forms a complete sermon. To this end I have endeavored to gather from many authors the most vivid thoughts, which seemed to me most apt to move hearts; and I have set down several of them in brief, so that the reader may choose those that please him most and expand them at his pleasure.

May all be to the glory of God.

Live Jesus our love, and Mary our hope!

## Consideration I — Portrait of a Man Who Has Recently Passed to the Other Life

«Pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris» — "Dust you are, and to dust you shall return" (Gen. 3:19).

### POINT I

Consider that you are dust, and to dust you must return. A day must come when you must die and find yourself rotting in a grave, where you will be covered by worms. «Operimentum tuum erunt vermes» — "Worms shall be your covering" (Isa. 14:11). The same lot must befall all — nobles and commoners, princes and vassals. Once the soul has left the body with that last opening of the mouth, the soul will go to its eternity, and the body must return to dust. «Auferes spiritum eorum, et in pulverem revertentur» — "You will take away their spirit, and they shall return to dust" (Ps. 103:29).

Imagine that you see a person from whom the soul has just departed. Look at that corpse, still lying on the bed: the head fallen upon the chest, the hair disheveled and still wet with the sweat of death, the eyes sunken, the cheeks hollow, the face the color of ashes, the tongue and lips the color of iron, the body cold and heavy. Whoever sees it turns pale and trembles. How many, at the sight of a deceased relative or friend, have changed their lives and left the world!

The corpse gives still greater horror when it begins to decay. Scarcely twenty-four hours will have passed since that young man died, and already the stench makes itself felt. The windows must be opened and much incense burned; indeed, one must see to it that the body is quickly carried to the church and placed underground, lest it infect the whole house. And the fact that the body belonged to a nobleman or a rich man will serve only to make the stench more intolerable. «Gravius foetent divitum corpora» — "The corpses of the rich give off a fouler stench," says one author.

Behold what has become of that proud man, that profligate! Once welcomed and sought after in society, he has now become the horror and abomination of all who see him. Hence his relatives hasten to have him driven from the house, and porters are paid to carry him away, shut in a coffin, to cast him into a grave. Before, the fame of his wit, his charm, his fine manners, and his pleasantries was on everyone's lips; but soon after he is dead, his memory is lost. «Periit memoria eorum cum sonitu» — "Their memory has perished with a sound" (Ps. 9:7).

Upon hearing the news of his death, one says: "He was a man who made his mark"; another: "He has left his family well provided for"; some grieve because the deceased brought them some advantage; others rejoice because his death benefits them. In any case, before long no one will speak of him anymore. And from the very beginning, his closest relatives do not want to hear him mentioned, lest their grief be renewed. During visits of condolence people talk of other things; and if someone happens to speak of the deceased, the relative says: "For pity's sake, do not mention him to me again."

Reflect that just as you have done at the death of your friends and relatives, so others will do with you. The living enter to make their appearance on the stage and to occupy the goods and the places of the dead; and of the dead, little or nothing is esteemed or mentioned any longer. Your relatives will at first remain afflicted for a few days, but soon they will console themselves with that portion of your goods that has fallen to them; so that before long they will even rejoice at your death. And in that very room where you breathed your last and were judged by Jesus Christ, they will dance, eat, play, and laugh as before — and where will your soul be then?

#### Affections and Prayers

O Jesus, my Redeemer, I thank You for not having let me die when I was in disgrace with You. For how many years have I deserved to be in hell! If I had died on that day, on that night, what would have become of me for all eternity? Lord, I thank You. I accept my death in satisfaction for my sins; and I accept it in the manner in which it shall please You to send it; but since You have waited for me until now, wait for me a little longer. «Dimitte me, ut plangam paululum dolorem meum» — "Let me alone, that I may lament my sorrow a little" (Job 10:20). Give me time to weep over the offenses I have committed against You, before You come to judge me.

I no longer want to resist Your calls. Who knows whether these words I have read are the last call for me! I confess that I do not deserve pity: You have forgiven me so many times, and I, ungrateful, have gone back to offending You. «Cor contritum, et humiliatum Deus non despicies» — "A contrite and humbled heart, O God, You will not despise" (Ps. 50). Lord, since You cannot despise a heart that humbles itself and repents, behold the traitor who, repentant, comes back to You. «Ne proiicias me a facie tua» — "Cast me not away from Your face." For pity's sake, do not drive me away. You have said: «Eum, qui venit ad me, non eiiciam foras» — "Him who comes to Me, I will not cast out" (John 6:37). It is true that I have outraged You more than others, because more than others I have been favored by You with lights and graces; but the blood You have shed for me gives me courage and offers me forgiveness, if I repent. Yes, my supreme Good, I repent with all my soul of having despised You. Forgive me, and give me the grace to love You for the time to come. It is enough that I have offended You. The life that remains to me — no, my Jesus, I no longer want to spend it in offending You; I want to spend it only in weeping always over the displeasure I have given You, and in loving You with all my heart, O God worthy of infinite love.

O Mary, my hope, pray to Jesus for me.

### POINT II

But to see better what you are, my Christian, St. John Chrysostom says: «Perge ad sepulcrum, contemplare pulverem, cineres, vermes, et suspira» — "Go to the tomb, contemplate the dust, the ashes, the worms, and sigh." Look how that corpse first turns yellow and then black. Afterwards a white, loathsome mold appears over the whole body. Then a slimy, stinking putrefaction seeps out and trickles onto the ground. In that decay a great swarm of worms is bred, feeding on the very flesh. Rats join in to make their meal upon that body, some scurrying around the outside, others entering into the mouth and the entrails. The cheeks, the lips, and the hair fall to pieces; the ribs are the first to be stripped of flesh, then the arms and the legs. The worms, after having consumed all the flesh, consume one another; and finally nothing remains of that body but a stinking skeleton, which with time falls apart — the bones separating, and the head dropping from the trunk. «Redacta quasi in favillam aestivae areae, quae rapta sunt vento» — "Reduced like the dust of a summer threshing-floor, which is swept away by the wind" (Dan. 2:35). Behold what man is: a little dust on a threshing-floor, carried off by the wind.

Behold that gentleman who was called the delight, the very soul of conversation — where is he? Enter his room: he is there no more. If you look for his bed, it has been given to others; if for his clothes, his weapons — others have already taken them and divided them among themselves. If you wish to see him, look down into that grave, where he has turned into putrid slime and bones stripped bare. O God, that body nourished with so many delicacies, dressed with so much pomp, attended by so many servants — has it been reduced to this? O saints, you understood it: for love of that God whom alone you loved on this earth, you knew how to mortify your bodies; and now your bones are kept and prized as holy relics amid gold, and your beautiful souls enjoy God, awaiting the final day when your bodies too will come to be companions of glory, as they were companions of the cross in this life. This is the true love of the body: to load it here with torments, so that in eternity it may be happy; and to deny it those pleasures that would make it miserable forever.

#### Affections and Prayers

Behold then, my God, to what my body too must be reduced — this body for which I have so offended You! — to worms and rottenness. Yet this does not grieve me, O Lord; rather I rejoice that this flesh of mine, which has made me lose You, the supreme Good, must so rot away and be consumed. What grieves me is that, to take those wretched pleasures, I have given so much displeasure to You. But I will not distrust Your mercy. You have waited for me in order to forgive me. «Exspectat Deus, ut misereatur vestri» — "God waits, that He may have mercy on you" (Isa. 30:18). And You wish to forgive me if I repent. Yes, I repent with all my heart, O infinite Goodness, of having despised You. I will say to You with St. Catherine of Genoa: "My Jesus, no more sins, no more sins." No, I do not want to abuse Your patience any longer. Nor do I want to wait, my crucified Love, to embrace You when You will be delivered to me by the confessor at the point of death; from this moment I embrace You, from this moment I commend my soul to You: «In manus tuas, Domine, commendo spiritum meum» — "Into Your hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit." My soul has been in the world for so many years and has not loved You; give me light and strength to love You in this life that remains to me. I do not want to wait to love You at the hour of death; from now on I love You, I embrace You, I clasp You, and I promise never to leave You again.

O Most Holy Virgin, bind me to Jesus Christ, and obtain for me that I may never lose Him again.

### POINT III

My brother, in this portrait of death you see yourself, and what you must become. «Memento, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris» — "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return." Think that in a few years — and perhaps in months or days — you will become rottenness and worms. Job became a saint with this thought: «Putredini dixi, pater meus es tu, mater mea et soror mea vermibus» — "I said to rottenness, You are my father; and to the worms, my mother and my sister" (Job 17:14).

Everything must come to an end; and if your soul is lost at death, everything will be lost for you. «Considera te iam mortuum» — "Consider yourself already dead," says St. Lawrence Justinian, «quem scis de necessitate moriturum» — "you who know that you must of necessity die" (De Ligno vitae, ch. 4). If you were already dead, what would you not wish to have done for God? Now that you are alive, think that one day you will find yourself dead. St. Bonaventure says that the helmsman, to steer the ship well, takes his place at the stern; so too a man, to lead a good life, must always imagine himself as if he were at death. From there, says St. Bernard: «Vide prima et erubesce» — look at the sins of your youth, and blush for them; «Vide media, et ingemisce» — look at the sins of your manhood, and groan; «Vide novissima, et contremisce» — look at the latest, present disorders of your life, and tremble, and quickly find a remedy.

St. Camillus de Lellis, when he looked down into the graves of the dead, would say to himself: If these returned to life, what would they not do for eternal life? And I, who have time — what am I doing for my soul? But this Saint said that out of humility. But you, my brother, perhaps may rightly fear that you are that fruitless fig tree of which the Lord said: «Ecce anni tres sunt, ex quo venio quaerens fructum in ficulnea hac, et non invenio» — "Behold, for three years I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I have found none" (Luke 13:7). You have been in the world more than three years — what fruit have you borne? See, says St. Bernard, that the Lord seeks not only flowers but wants fruit as well — that is, not only good desires and resolutions, but holy works too. Know then how to profit from this time that God gives you in His mercy; do not wait to long for time to do good when there will be no more time, and it will be said to you: «Tempus non erit amplius: Proficiscere» — "Time shall be no more: Depart." Quickly, now is the time to leave this world; quickly — what is done is done.

#### Affections and Prayers

Here I am, my God: I am that tree which for so many years deserved to hear: «Succide ergo illam, ut quid etiam terram occupat?» — "Cut it down, then; why should it even take up the ground?" Yes, for in all the many years I have been in the world, I have given You no other fruits but thorns and thistles of sins. But, Lord, You do not want me to despair.

You have said to all that whoever seeks You finds You: «Quaerite, et invenietis» — "Seek, and you shall find." I seek You, my God, and I want Your grace. For all the offenses I have committed against You, I am sorry with all my heart; I could die of sorrow. In the past I fled from You, but now I esteem Your friendship more than possessing all the kingdoms of the earth. I no longer want to resist Your calls. You want me all for Yourself: I give myself all to You, without reserve. On the cross You gave Yourself all to me; I give myself all to You.

You have said: «Si quid petieritis me in nomine meo, hoc faciam» — "If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it" (John 14:14). My Jesus, trusting in this great promise, in Your name and by Your merits I ask You for Your grace, Your love. Let grace and Your holy love abound in my soul, where sin has abounded. I thank You, for You give me the spirit to make this prayer to You; since You inspire it in me, it is a sign that You wish to hear me. Hear me, my Jesus: give me a great love for You, give me a great desire to please You, and then the strength to carry it out.

O my great Advocate, Mary, hear me also; pray to Jesus for me.

## Consideration II — With Death Everything Ends

«Finis venit, venit finis» — "The end is coming, the end is coming" (Ezek. 2:7).

### POINT I

Worldly people consider fortunate only those who enjoy the goods of this world — its pleasures, riches, and pomps; but death will put an end to all these fortunes of earth. «Quae est vita vestra? vapor est, ad modicum parens» — "What is your life? It is a vapor that appears for a little while" (Jas. 4:15). The vapors that exhale from the earth, when raised into the air and struck by the light of the sun, sometimes make a fine appearance; but how long does that appearance last? At a puff of wind it all vanishes. Behold that great man, today courted, feared, and almost adored; tomorrow, when he is dead, he will be despised, cursed, and trampled underfoot. With death everything must be left behind. The brother of that great servant of God Thomas à Kempis prided himself on having built a beautiful house, but a friend told him it had one great defect. "What is it?" he asked. "The defect," the other answered, "is that you have put a door on it." "What?" he replied, "is the door a defect?" "Yes," answered the friend, "because one day through that door you will be carried out dead, and so you will leave the house and everything."

Death, in short, strips man of all the goods of this world. What a spectacle it is to see that prince driven out of his palace, never to enter it again, while others take possession of his furniture, his money, and all his other goods! The servants leave him in the tomb, covered barely by a garment that suffices to cover his flesh; there is no longer anyone who esteems him or who flatters him, nor is any account taken of the commands he left behind. Saladin, who had won many kingdoms in Asia, left orders when he was dying that when his corpse was carried to burial, a man should go before it with his shirt hung on a pole, crying out: This is all that Saladin carries with him to the grave.

Once the corpse of that prince has been placed in the grave, the flesh falls away from it, and behold, his skeleton can no longer be distinguished from the others. «Contemplare sepulcra» — "Gaze upon the tombs," says St. Basil, «vide num poteris discernere, quis servus, quis dominus fuerit» — "see whether you can discern who was the servant and who the master." One day Diogenes let himself be seen by Alexander the Great all out of breath, searching for something among certain skulls of the dead. What are you looking for? Alexander asked curiously. I am looking, he replied, for the skull of King Philip your father, and I cannot tell it apart; if you can find it, show it to me: «Si tu potes, ostende» — "If you can, show it to me."

On this earth men are born unequal, but after death all are found equal: «Impares nascimur, pares morimur» — "We are born unequal, we die equal," says Seneca. And Horace said that death makes scepters equal to hoes: «Sceptra ligonibus aequat» — "It levels scepters with hoes." In short, when death comes, «finis venit» — "the end comes" — everything ends and everything is left behind, and of all the things of this world nothing is taken to the grave.

#### Affections and Prayers

My Lord, since You give me light to know that all that the world esteems is smoke and folly, give me strength to detach myself from it before death detaches me from it. Unhappy man that I have been, how many times, for the miserable pleasures and goods of this earth, have I offended and lost You, infinite Good! O my Jesus, O heavenly physician, turn Your eyes upon my poor soul; look at the many wounds that I myself have inflicted with my sins, and have pity on me. «Si vis, potes me mundare» — "If You will, You can make me clean." I know that You can and will heal me; but to heal me You will that I repent of the injuries I have done You. Yes, I repent of them with all my heart; heal me then, now that You can heal me. «Sana animam meam, quia peccavi tibi» — "Heal my soul, for I have sinned against You" (Ps. 40:5). I forgot You, but You did not forget me; and now You make me feel that You are willing even to forget the offenses I have committed against You, if I detest them: «Si autem impius egerit poenitentiam, omnium iniquitatum eius non recordabor» — "But if the wicked do penance, I will remember his iniquities no more" (Ezek. 18:21). Behold, I detest them and hate them above every evil; forget then, my Redeemer, all the bitterness I have caused You. For the future I am resolved to lose everything, even life, rather than Your grace. And what use are all the goods of the earth to me without Your grace?

Ah, help me — You know how weak I am. Hell will not cease to tempt me; already it is preparing a thousand assaults to make me its slave once more. No, my Jesus, do not abandon me. From this day forward I want to be the slave of Your love. You are my only Lord. You created me, You redeemed me, You are the one who has loved me above all; You are the one who alone deserves to be loved; You alone do I wish to love.

### POINT II

Philip II, king of Spain, when he was near death, called his son to him, and throwing off the royal robe that covered him, showed him his breast gnawed by worms, and then said to him: Prince, see how one dies, and how all the grandeurs of this world come to an end! Well did Theodoret say: «Nec divitias mors metuit, nec satellites, nec purpuram» — "Death fears neither riches, nor attendants, nor the purple"; and that from vassals as from princes «putredo sequitur, et sanies defluit» — "rottenness follows, and corruption flows away." Thus everyone who dies, though he be a prince, carries nothing with him to the grave; all his glory remains on the bed where he breathes his last. «Cum interierit, non sumet omnia, neque descendet cum eo gloria eius» — "When he dies, he shall take nothing away, nor shall his glory go down with him" (Ps. 48:18).

St. Antoninus relates that when Alexander the Great was dead, a certain philosopher exclaimed: «Behold the man who yesterday trampled the earth underfoot; now he is crushed by the earth. Yesterday the whole earth was not enough for him; now seven palms of earth are enough for him. Yesterday he led armies across the earth, and now he is carried beneath the earth by a few porters.» But let us rather hear what God says: «Quid superbis, terra et cinis?» — "Why do you boast, O dust and ashes?" (Sir. 10:9). Man, do you not see that you are dust and ashes? Why do you grow proud? Why do you spend your thoughts and your years to make yourself great in this world? Death will come, and then all your grandeurs and all your plans will be at an end: «In illa die peribunt cogitationes eorum» — "On that day their plans shall perish" (Ps. 55:6).

Oh, how much happier was the death of St. Paul the Hermit, who lived sixty years enclosed in a cave, than the death of Nero, who lived as emperor in Rome! How much more fortunate the death of St. Felix, the Capuchin lay brother, than the death of Henry VIII, who lived amid royal grandeurs but was an enemy of God! But we must reflect that the saints, to obtain such a death, left everything — their homelands, their comforts, the hopes that the world offered them — and embraced a poor and despised life. They buried themselves alive in this earth, so as not to be buried dead in hell.

But worldlings — how can they, living amid sins, amid earthly pleasures, and amid dangerous occasions, hope for a happy death? God threatens sinners that at death they will seek Him and will not find Him: «Quaeretis me, et non invenietis» — "You shall seek Me, and you shall not find Me" (Jer. 13). He says that then it will be a time not of mercy, but of vengeance: «Ego retribuam in tempore» — "I will repay in due time" (Deut. 32:35).

Reason convinces us of the same: a man of the world, at death, will find himself weak in mind, darkened and hardened in heart because of the evil habits he has formed; the temptations will be stronger; and how will one who in life has almost always yielded and let himself be overcome resist at death? A more powerful divine grace would then be needed to change his heart; but is God perhaps obliged to give us this grace? Has such a man merited it by the disorderly life he has led? And yet his eternal happiness or his eternal ruin is then at stake. How is it possible that, thinking of this, one who believes the truths of faith does not leave everything to give himself entirely to God, who will judge us according to our works?

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, Lord, how many nights have I, wretch that I am, slept under Your displeasure! O God, and in what a miserable state was my soul then! It was hated by You, and it had merited Your hatred. I was already condemned to hell; it remained only for the sentence to be executed. But You, my God, did not cease to follow after me and to invite me to pardon. But who assures me that You have already forgiven me? Must I live, my Jesus, in this fear until You judge me? Yet the sorrow I feel for having offended You, the desire I have to love You, and still more Your Passion, my beloved Redeemer, make me hope that I stand in Your grace. I repent of having offended You, O sovereign Good, and I love You above all things. I resolve to lose everything rather than lose Your grace and Your love. You will that the heart which seeks You should be glad: «Laetetur cor quaerentium Dominum» — "Let the heart of those who seek the Lord rejoice" (1 Chr. 16:10).

Lord, I detest all the offenses I have committed against You; give me courage and confidence; reproach me no more for my ingratitude, since I myself know it and detest it. You have said that You do not will the death of the sinner, but that he be converted and live: «Nolo mortem impii, sed ut convertatur, et vivat» — "I desire not the death of the wicked, but that he turn and live" (Ezek. 33:11). Yes, my God, I leave everything and turn to You: I seek You, I desire You, I love You above all things. Give me Your love, and I ask You for nothing more.

O Mary, You are my hope; obtain for me holy perseverance.

### POINT III

David called the happiness of this present life a dream of one who awakes: «Velut somnium surgentium» — "As a dream of those who awake" (Ps. 72:20). An author comments: «Somnium, quia sopitis sensibus res magnae apparent, et non sunt, et cito avolant» — "A dream, because when the senses are lulled to sleep, great things appear which are not real, and they quickly fly away." The goods of this world appear great, but then they are nothing and last but a short time, just as a dream lasts but a short time, and then everything vanishes. This thought — that with death everything ends — made St. Francis Borgia resolve to give himself entirely to God. It fell to the Saint to accompany the corpse of the Empress Isabella to Granada; when the coffin was opened, everyone fled at the horror and the stench; but St. Francis, guided by the divine light, remained to contemplate in that corpse the vanity of the world, and gazing upon it said: «Are you then my empress? Are you the one before whom so many great men knelt in reverence? O Lady Isabella, where has your majesty gone, and your beauty? «Thus then (he concluded within himself) do the grandeurs and the crowns of this earth come to an end! I will therefore serve from this day forward (he said) a Master who can never die. And so from then on he devoted himself entirely to the love of the Crucified; and at that time he also made a vow to become a religious should his wife die, as he in fact later carried out, entering the Society of Jesus.

Well did a disillusioned man write these words upon the skull of a dead man: «Cogitanti vilescunt omnia» — "All things grow worthless to the one who reflects." Whoever thinks of death cannot love the earth. And why are there so many unhappy lovers of this world? Because they do not think of death. «[Filii hominum, usquequo gravi corde? ut quid diligitis vanitatem, et quaeritis mendacium?]{lang=la}» — "You sons of men, how long will your hearts be hardened? Why do you love vanity and seek after lies?" (Ps. 4:3). Miserable children of Adam, the Holy Spirit warns us: why do you not drive from your hearts so many attachments to the earth, which make you love vanity and falsehood? What has happened to your ancestors must happen to you as well; they too dwelt in this palace of yours, they slept in this very bed, and now they are no more: the same must be for you.

Therefore, my brother, give yourself to God at once, before death comes. «[Quodcunque potest facere manus tua, instanter operare]{lang=la}» — "Whatever your hand is able to do, do it earnestly" (Eccl. 9:10). What you can do today, do not wait to do tomorrow, for today passes and never returns, and tomorrow death may come upon you, and then it will not allow you to do anything more. Detach yourself at once from whatever draws you away, or can draw you away, from God. Let us quickly detach our hearts from these goods of the earth, before death strips us of them by force: «[Beati mortui qui in Domino moriuntur]{lang=la}» — "Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord" (Rev. 14:13). Blessed are those who, when they die, find themselves already dead to the affections of this world! Death is not feared by them, but desired and embraced with joy: for then, instead of separating them from the goods they love, it unites them with the supreme Good, who alone is loved by them, and who will make them eternally blessed.

#### Affections and Prayers

My dear Redeemer, I thank You for having waited for me. What would have become of me if You had made me die when I was far from You?

Blessed forever be Your mercy, and the patience You have had with me for so many years. I thank You for the light and the grace with which You now assist me. Then I did not love You, and I cared little about being loved by You. Now I love You with all my heart, and I have no greater sorrow than having so displeased a God so good. This sorrow torments me, but the torment is sweet, since this sorrow gives me confidence that You have already forgiven me.

My sweet Savior, oh, would that I had died a thousand times first, and had never offended You! I fear that in the future I may return to offending You. Ah, let me die first by the hardest death there is, before I should lose Your grace again. I was once a slave of hell; but now I am Your servant, O God of my soul. You have said that You love those who love You: «[Ego diligentes me diligo]{lang=la}» — "I love those who love me." I love You, therefore I am Yours, and You are mine. I may lose You in the future, but this is the grace I ask of You: let me die before I should lose You again. You have granted me so many graces I did not ask for; I cannot fear that You would refuse to grant me this grace that I now beg of You. Do not permit me to lose You again; give me Your love, and I desire nothing more.

Mary, my hope, intercede for me.

## Consideration III — The Brevity of Life

«[Quae est vita vestra? vapor est ad modicum parens]{lang=la}» — "What is your life? It is a vapor that appears for a little while" (Jas. 4:15).

### POINT I

What is our life? It is like a vapor, which vanishes at a breath of wind and is no more. Everyone knows that he must die; but the delusion of many is that they imagine death to be so far off, as if it were never to come. But no — Job warns us that the life of man is short: «[Homo brevi vivens tempore, quasi flos egreditur, et conteritur]{lang=la}» — "Man, living for a brief time, comes forth like a flower and is crushed" (Job 14). The Lord commanded Isaiah to preach this same thing: «[Clama [(gli disse)]{lang=it}, omnis caro foenum... vere foenum est populus, exsiccatum est foenum, et cecidit flos]{lang=la}» — "Cry out (He said to him), all flesh is grass... truly the people is grass; the grass is dried up, and the flower has fallen" (Isa. 40). The life of man is like the life of a blade of grass: death comes, the grass withers, and behold, life ends, and the flower of every greatness and every worldly good falls.

«[Dies mei velociores cursore]{lang=la}» — "My days are swifter than a runner" (Job 9). Death runs to meet us faster than a runner, and we at every moment run toward death. At every step, at every breath, we draw closer to death. «[Quod scribo [(dice S. Girolamo)]{lang=it} de mea vita tollitur]{lang=la}» — "What I write (says St. Jerome) is taken away from my life." During this very time in which I write, I draw closer to death. «[Omnes morimur, et quasi aquae dilabimur in terram, quae non revertuntur]{lang=la}» — "We all die, and like waters we flow away into the earth, never to return" (2 Sam. 14:14). See there how that brook runs to the sea, and those waters that flow by never return again; so, my brother, your days pass, and you draw near to death; pleasures pass, pastimes pass, pomp, praises, acclamations pass — and what remains? «[Et solum mihi superest sepulcrum]{lang=la}» — "And nothing is left me but the grave" (Job 17:1). We shall be thrown into a grave, and there we shall have to remain and rot, stripped of everything. At the point of death, the remembrance of all the pleasures enjoyed in life and of all the honors acquired will serve us only to increase our pain and our dread of not obtaining eternal salvation. "So then (the miserable worldling will say), my house, my gardens, those tasteful furnishings, those paintings, those garments — will they soon no longer be mine?" «[Et solum mihi superest sepulcrum]{lang=la}» — "And nothing is left me but the grave."

Ah, at that moment no good of this earth is looked upon without pain by the one who has loved it with attachment; and this pain will serve him only to put the eternal salvation of his soul in greater danger. For it is seen by experience that such persons, attached to the world, in death wish to hear talk of nothing but their illness, of doctors who can be called, and of remedies that can help; and when one speaks to them of the soul, they at once grow weary and tell you to let them rest, because their head aches and they cannot bear to hear speaking. And if at times they answer, they become confused and do not know what to say. And often the confessors give them absolution, not because they are known to be well disposed, but because there is no time to wait. So die those who think little of death.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God and Lord of infinite majesty, I am ashamed to appear before You. How many times have I dishonored You, preferring to Your grace a sordid pleasure, an outburst of anger, a little clod of earth, a whim, a puff of smoke! I adore and kiss, O my Redeemer, Your holy wounds, which I have inflicted on You with my sins, yet from these very wounds I hope for pardon and eternal salvation. Make me know, O my Jesus, the great wrong I have done You in leaving You, the fountain of every good, to drink from putrid and poisoned waters. What do I find from so many offenses I have committed against You, if not pains, remorse of conscience, and merits for hell? «[Pater, non sum dignus vocari filius tuus]{lang=la}» — "Father, I am not worthy to be called Your son." My Father, do not cast me away.

It is true that I no longer deserve Your grace, which makes me Your son; but You died to forgive me. You have said: «[Convertimini ad me, et convertar ad vos]{lang=la}» — "Return to me, and I will return to you" (Zech. 1:3). I leave all my satisfactions, I renounce all the pleasures the world can give me, and I turn to You.

Forgive me for the sake of the blood shed for me, for I repent with all my heart of all the outrages I have committed against You. I repent, and I love You above all things. I am not worthy to love You, but You are worthy to be loved. Accept me to love You; do not disdain to be loved by this heart that once despised You. You purposely did not let me die when I was in sin, so that I might love You; and so I wish to love You in the life that remains to me, and I wish to love nothing but You. Help me Yourself; give me holy perseverance and Your holy love.

Mary, my refuge, commend me to Jesus Christ.

### POINT II

King Hezekiah wept: «Praecisa est velut a texente vita mea, dum adhuc ordirer, succidit me» — "My life has been cut off as by a weaver; while I was still beginning the web, he cut me off" (Isa. 38). Ah, to how many, just when they are weaving their cloth at its best — that is, planning and carrying out their worldly designs, laid out with so many plans — death comes and cuts everything short! By the light of that last candle, everything of this world vanishes: applause, amusements, pomp, and grandeurs. O great secret of death! It makes us see what the lovers of the world do not see. The most envied fortunes, the highest positions, the proudest triumphs lose all their splendor when viewed from the deathbed. The ideas of certain false happinesses that we have formed for ourselves are then changed into indignation against our own madness. The black and deadly shadow of death covers and obscures all dignities, even royal ones.

Now the passions make the goods of this earth appear other than they are; death uncovers them and shows them as they truly are: smoke, mire, vanity, and misery. O God! What use are riches, estates, kingdoms in death, when nothing more falls to one's lot but a wooden coffin and a simple garment that suffices to cover the flesh? What use are honors, when nothing remains but a funeral escort and a pompous burial, which will be of no avail to the soul if the soul is lost? What use is the beauty of the body, if nothing then remains but worms, stench, and horror — even before death — and afterwards a little foul-smelling dust.

«Posuit me quasi in proverbium vulgi, et exemplum suum coram eis» — "He has made me, as it were, a byword of the people, and an example before them" (Job 17). That rich man, that minister, that captain dies, and then he will be talked about everywhere; but if he has lived badly, he will become the talk of the people, «Proverbium vulgi, et exemplum» — "a byword of the people and an example"; and as an example of the vanity of the world and also of the divine justice, he will serve for the correction of others. Then in the grave he will lie mingled among the other corpses of the poor. «Parvus et magnus ibi sunt» — "The small and the great are there" (Job 3). What good was the fine build of his body, if now it is but a heap of worms? What good the authority he held, if now his body is thrown to rot in a pit, and his soul has been cast to burn in hell? Oh, what a misery it is to serve as a subject for others to make these reflections, and not to have made them for one's own profit! Let us therefore be convinced that to remedy the disorders of the conscience, the proper time is not the time of death, but the time of life. Let us hasten to do now what we shall not then be able to do: «[Tempus breve est]{lang=la}» — "The time is short." Everything soon passes and ends; therefore let us make everything serve to obtain for us eternal life.

#### Affections and Prayers

O God of my soul, O infinite goodness, have pity on me, who have offended You so much. I already knew that by sinning I was losing Your grace, and I chose to lose it. Tell me, what must I do to recover it? If You wish me to repent of my sins, yes, I repent of them with all my heart; I would die of sorrow. If You wish me to hope for pardon from You, yes, I hope for it through the merits of Your blood. If You wish me to love You above all things, I leave all, I renounce all the pleasures and goods that the world can give me, and I love You more than every good, O my most lovable Savior. And if You then wish me to ask You for graces, two graces I beg of You: do not permit me ever to offend You again; and make me love You; and then treat me as You will.

Mary, my hope, obtain these two graces for me Yourself; from You I hope for them.

### POINT III

What madness it is, then, for the wretched and brief delights of this so brief a life, to risk making a bad death, and with it to begin an unhappy eternity! Oh, how much hangs on that last moment, that last opening of the mouth, that last closing of the scene! On it hangs an eternity either of all joys or of all torments. On it hangs a life either always happy or always unhappy. Let us reflect that Jesus Christ willed to die a death so bitter and ignominious, in order to obtain for us a good death. To this end He gives us so many calls, grants us so many lights, warns us with so many threats, so that we may make sure of ending that last moment in the grace of God.

Even a pagan (Antisthenes), when asked what was the best fortune in this world, replied: «A good death». And what will a Christian say, who knows by faith that from that moment eternity begins, so that in that moment he grasps one of two wheels, which carries him away with it either to an eternal enjoyment or to an eternal suffering? If in a purse there were two slips of paper, on one of which was written hell and on the other paradise, and you had to draw one; what diligence would you not use to contrive to pick the one marked paradise? Those wretches who are condemned to gamble for their lives, O God, how they tremble in stretching out their hand to cast the dice, on whose throw their life or death depends!

What terror it will be when you find yourself near that last moment, when you will say: On this point to which I am so near depends my eternal life or my eternal death! Now it will be decided whether I am to be blessed forever or in despair forever. St. Bernardine of Siena relates of a certain prince who, dying all terrified, kept saying: Behold, I have so many lands and so many palaces in this world; but if I die this night, I do not know which room will fall to my lot!

My brother, if you believe that you must die, and that there is an eternity, and that you must die only once, so that if you make a mistake then, you will have made it forever, without hope of remedy, why do you not resolve to begin, from this very point where you are reading, to do all you can to secure for yourself a good death? A St. Andrew Avellino trembled, saying: Who knows what lot will befall me in the other life? whether I shall be saved or damned? A St. Louis Bertrand also trembled so greatly that at night he could not fall asleep at the thought that said to him: And who knows whether you will be damned? And you, who find yourself burdened with so many sins committed, do you not tremble? Quickly, apply the remedy in time, resolve to give yourself to God in earnest; and begin at least from this time a life that will not afflict you, but will console you in death. Give yourself to prayer, frequent the sacraments, leave the dangerous occasions; and if need be, leave even the world; secure your eternal salvation; and understand that, to secure eternal salvation, no precaution can ever be enough.

#### Affections and Prayers

O my dear Savior, how much I owe You! And how could You ever have bestowed so many graces on an ingrate, on a traitor, such as I have been toward You? You created me, and in creating me You already saw the injuries I was to do You. You redeemed me by dying for me, and already then You saw the ingratitude I was to show You. Then I, once placed in the world, turned my back on You, and thereby was dead, was a stinking dog, and You by Your grace restored my life. I was blinded, and You enlightened me. I had lost You, and You let Yourself be found by me. I was Your enemy, and You made me Your friend.

O God of mercy, make me know the obligations I have toward You, and make me weep for the offenses I have committed against You. Ah, take vengeance on me by giving me a great sorrow for my sins; but do not punish me by depriving me of Your grace and of Your love.

O Eternal Father, I abhor and detest above every evil the injuries I have done You. Have pity on me for the love of Jesus Christ. Look upon Your Son dead on the cross. «Sanguis eius super me» — "His blood be upon me": let this divine blood come down to wash my soul. O King of my heart, «adveniat regnum tuum» — "Thy kingdom come." I am resolved to cast out every affection that is not for You. I love You above all things; come and reign alone in my soul; make me love You, and love nothing but You. I desire to give You pleasure as much as I can, and to satisfy You fully in the life that remains to me. Do You, O my Father, bless this desire of mine, and give me the grace to keep myself always united to You. All my affections I consecrate to You, and from today forward I wish to belong to no one but You, my treasure, my peace, my hope, my love, my all: and I hope for all from You through the merits of Your Son.

O Queen and my Mother, Mary, help me by Your intercession: Mother of God, pray for me.

## Consideration IV — The Certainty of Death

«[Statutum est hominibus semel mori]{lang=la}» — "It is appointed unto men once to die" (Heb. 9:27).

### POINT I

The sentence of death is written for all men: you are a man, you must die. St. Augustine says: «Cetera nostra bona et mala incerta sunt, sola mors certa est» — "Our other goods and ills are uncertain; death alone is certain." It is uncertain whether that child who is born is to be poor or rich, whether he is to have good or poor health, whether he is to die young or old: all is uncertain, but it is certain that he must die. Every nobleman, every monarch must be cut down by death. And when death comes, there is no force that can resist it: resistance is made to fire, to water, to the sword; resistance is made to the power of princes, but to death no resistance can be made. «Resistitur ignibus, undis, ferro: resistitur regibus; venit mors, quis ei resistit?» — "Men resist fires, waters, the sword; they resist kings; death comes — who resists it?" (St. Augustine, on Psalm 12). Vincent of Beauvais relates that a certain king of France, having come to the end of his life, said: «Behold, with all my power I cannot even obtain that death wait for me one hour more». When the term of life has come, it is not deferred even for a moment. «Constituisti terminos eius, qui praeteriri non poterunt» — "You have set his bounds, which cannot be passed" (Job 14:5).

Suppose, then, my reader, that you live all the years you hope for: a day must come, and of that day an hour, which will be the last for you. For me who now write, for you who read this little book, the day and the moment are already decreed in which I shall write no more, and you shall read no more:

«[Quis est homo, qui vivit et non videbit mortem?]{lang=la}» — "What man is there that lives and shall not see death?" (Ps. 88:49). The sentence has been passed: there has never been a man so foolish as to flatter himself that he would not have to die. What happened to your ancestors must happen also to you. Of all those who were living in your country at the beginning of the last century, behold, not one is alive. Even the princes, the monarchs of the earth, have changed their country; of them nothing remains here but a marble mausoleum with a fine inscription, which today serves to teach us that of the great ones of the world nothing remains but a little dust shut up among stones. St. Bernard asks: «Dic mihi, ubi sunt amatores mundi?» — "Tell me, where are the lovers of the world?" and he answers: «Nihil ex eis remansit, nisi cineres et vermes» — "Nothing of them remains but ashes and worms."

Therefore we must strive to secure not that fortune which ends, but that which will be eternal, since our souls are eternal. What would it avail you to be happy (if indeed true happiness can ever exist in a soul that is without God), if afterwards you must be unhappy for all eternity? You have already built that house to your great satisfaction; but reflect that soon you must leave it and go to rot in a grave. You have obtained that dignity which makes you superior to others; but death will come, which will make you like the vilest peasants of the earth.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, poor me, who for so many years have thought only of offending You, O God of my soul! Behold, these years have already passed, death is perhaps already near me, and what do I find left to me but pains and remorse of conscience? Oh, if only I had always served You, my Lord! What a fool I have been! I have already been on this earth living for so many years, and instead of acquiring merits for the other life, I have burdened myself with debts to the divine justice.

My beloved Redeemer, give me light and strength to settle my accounts at present. Death is perhaps not far from me. I wish to prepare myself for that great decisive moment of my eternal happiness or unhappiness. I thank You for having waited for me until now. And since You give me time to remedy the evil I have done, here I am, my God; tell me what I must do for You. You want me to grieve for the offenses I have committed against You; I do grieve for them, I am sorry for them with all my soul. You want me to spend these years or days that remain to me in loving You; yes, I do want to do so. O God, in the past I have also resolved more than once to do so, but my promises then turned into betrayals! No, my Jesus Christ, I no longer wish to be ungrateful for the many graces You have granted me. If I do not at least change my life now, how shall I be able to hope in death for pardon and paradise? Behold, I now resolve firmly to begin serving You in earnest. But give me strength, do not abandon me. Yet You did not abandon me when I was offending You; therefore I hope all the more for Your help now that I propose to leave everything to please You.

Accept me, then, to love You, O God worthy of infinite love. Accept the traitor who now, repentant, embraces Your feet, and loves You and begs You for mercy. I love You, O my Jesus Christ, I love You with all my heart, I love You more than myself. Here I am, I am Yours. Dispose of me and of all that is mine as You please; give me holy perseverance in obeying You, give me Your love, and then do with me what You will.

Mary, my Mother, my hope, my refuge, to You I commend myself, to You I entrust my soul; pray to Jesus Christ for me.

### POINT II

«Statutum est» — "It is appointed." It is certain, then, that we are all condemned to death. We are all born, says St. Cyprian, with the noose around our neck; and every step we take brings us nearer to death. My brother, just as you were one day written in the book of baptism, so one day you will have to be written in the book of the dead. Just as you now speak of your forebears — of your father, your uncle, your brother of blessed memory — so will those who come after have to say the same of you. Just as you have many times heard the bell toll for the death of others, so will others have to hear it toll for you.

But what would you say if you saw a man condemned to death going to the gallows jesting, laughing, letting his eyes wander, and thinking of comedies, banquets, and amusements? And yet you are already walking toward death, and what are you thinking of? Look there, into that grave, at those friends and relatives of yours on whom justice has already been carried out. What terror it strikes into the condemned to see their companions already hanging dead upon the gallows! Look, then, at those corpses, each of which says to you: «Mihi heri, et tibi hodie» — "Yesterday for me, today for you" (Sir. 38:23). The same thing is said to you again by the portraits of your deceased relatives, their books of remembrance, the houses, the beds, the garments they left behind.

What greater folly, then, than to know that one must die, and that after death there awaits us either an eternity of joys or an eternity of pains; to reflect that upon that moment depends our being either eternally happy or eternally miserable, and then not to think of settling our accounts and of taking every means to make a good death? We pity those who die suddenly and are found unprepared for death: and why then do we not take care to remain prepared, when the same can happen to us? But soon or late, with warning or suddenly, whether we think of it or not, we have to die; and at every hour, at every moment, we draw nearer to our gallows, which will be precisely that final illness that must drive us from the world.

In every century the houses, the squares, and the cities are filled with new people, and the former are carried off to be shut up in the tomb. Just as for them the days of life are over, so will the time come when neither I, nor you, nor any of us who are now living will live any longer upon this earth. «Dies formabuntur, et nemo in eis» — "The days shall be formed, and no one shall be in them" (Ps. 138:16). We shall then all be in eternity, which will be for us either an eternal day of delights or an eternal night of torments. There is no middle way; it is certain, it is a matter of faith, that one or the other lot must be ours.

#### Affections and Prayers

My beloved Redeemer, I would not have the courage to appear before You if I did not gaze upon You hanging on this cross, torn, mocked, and dead for me. Great has been my ingratitude, but greater is Your mercy. Great have been my sins, but greater are Your merits. Your wounds, Your blood, Your death are my hope. I deserved hell from the moment of my first sin; afterward I returned so many times to offend You, and You not only preserved me in life, but with such pity and such love called me to pardon and offered me peace. How can I now fear that You will drive me away from You, now that I love You and desire nothing but Your grace?

Yes, I love You with all my heart, O my dear Lord; and I desire nothing but to love You. I love You, and I repent of having despised You, not so much on account of the hell I have deserved, as for having offended You, my God, who have loved me so much. Come now, my Jesus Christ, open to me the bosom of Your goodness; add mercies to mercies. Grant that I may never again be ungrateful to You; and change my heart entirely. Grant that my heart, which once held Your love as nothing and bartered it for the wretched pleasures of this earth, may now be all Yours and burn with continual flames for You.

I hope to come to paradise to love You forever; there no place among the innocent can fall to me — my lot will be to remain among the penitents — but among these I wish to love You more than the innocent. For the glory of Your mercy, may paradise see a sinner who has so greatly offended You burning with a great love. From this day forward I resolve to be all Yours, and to think of nothing but loving You. Assist me with Your light and with Your grace, and give me strength to carry out this desire of mine, which You Yourself give me in Your goodness.

O Mary, You are the Mother of holy perseverance; obtain for me the grace to be faithful to this promise of mine.

### POINT III

Death is certain. But, O God, Christians already know this, they believe it, they see it; and how then do so many live so forgetful of death, as if they were never to die! If after this life there were neither hell nor paradise, could they think of it less than they now do? And this is why they lead the evil lives they lead.

My brother, if you wish to live well, take care to live, during these days that remain to you, with death before your eyes. «[O mors, bonum est iudicium tuum]{lang=la}» — "O death, how good is your judgment" (Sir. 41:3). Oh, how well does he judge things and direct his actions who judges and directs them with death in view! The remembrance of death makes one lose all affection for the things of this earth. «Consideretur vitae terminus, et non erit in hoc mundo quid ametur» — "Let the end of life be considered, and there will be nothing in this world to be loved," says St. Lawrence Justinian (De Ligno vitae, ch. 4). «Omne quod in mundo est, concupiscentia carnis est, concupiscentia oculorum, et superbia vitae» — "All that is in the world is the concupiscence of the flesh, the concupiscence of the eyes, and the pride of life" (1 John 2:16). All the goods of the world come down to pleasures of the senses, to possessions, and to honors; but he despises everything well who reflects that soon he must be reduced to ashes and placed beneath the earth as pasture for worms.

And indeed, with death in view, the Saints have despised all the goods of this earth. For this reason St. Charles Borromeo kept the skull of a dead man on his desk, to gaze upon it continually. Cardinal Baronius bore engraved on his ring: «[Memento mori]{lang=la}» — "Remember that you must die." The Venerable Father Juvenal Ancina, Bishop of Saluzzo, had written upon another skull of the dead the motto: "As you are, so once was I; and as I am, so shall you be." Another holy hermit, asked at the point of death why he remained so cheerful, answered: I have often kept death before my eyes, and therefore now that it has come, I see nothing new.

What folly it would be in a wayfarer if, while traveling, he thought of making himself great in that country through which he is passing, and did not care that he would then have to live in misery in the one where he must dwell for all his life! And is he not mad who thinks of making himself happy in this world, where he must stay but a few days, and puts himself at risk of becoming unhappy in the other, where he will have to live for eternity? Whoever holds something belonging to another on loan sets little affection on it, thinking that soon he must return it: the goods of this earth are all given to us on loan; it is folly to set our heart on them, since we must soon leave them. Death must strip us of everything. All the gains and fortunes of this world come to an end in a final gasp of the mouth, a funeral, and a descent into a grave. The house you have built you will soon have to yield to others; the grave will be the dwelling of your body until the day of judgment, and from there it will then have to pass to paradise or to hell, where the soul will already have gone before.

#### Affections and Prayers

So at death will everything be finished for me? Then I shall find nothing, O my God, but the little I have done for Your love. And what am I waiting for? Am I waiting for death to come and find me as wretched and stained with sins as I presently am? If I had to die now, I would die very troubled and deeply dissatisfied with the life I have led. No, my Jesus, I do not want to die so discontented. I thank You for giving me time to weep for my sins and to love You. I want to begin from this moment.

I repent above every other evil of having offended You, O supreme Good, and I love You more than all things, more than my own life. I give myself entirely to You; my Jesus, from this moment I embrace You, I press You to my heart; and from this moment I deliver my whole soul to You. «[In manus tuas commendo spiritum meum]{lang=la}» — "Into Your hands I commend my spirit." I do not want to wait to give it to You when it is commanded (with that «Proficiscere» — "Depart") to leave this world. I do not want to wait until then to beg You to save me! «[Iesus, sis mihi Iesus]{lang=la}» — "Jesus, be a Jesus to me" (be my Savior). My Savior, save me now by pardoning me and giving me the grace of Your holy love. Who knows whether this consideration, which I have read today, is the last call You give me, and the last mercy You show me. Stretch forth Your hand, my love, and pull me out of the mire of my lukewarmness. Give me fervor; grant that I may obey You with great love in all that You ask of me. Eternal Father, for the love of Jesus Christ, give me holy perseverance and the grace to love You, and to love You greatly, in this life that remains to me.

O Mary, Mother of mercy, for the love You bear Your Jesus, obtain for me these two graces: perseverance and love.

## Consideration V — The Uncertainty of the Hour of Death

«[Estote parati, quia qua hora non putatis, Filius hominis veniet]{lang=la}» — "Be ready, for at an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come"

(Luke 12:40).

### POINT I

It is certain that we all must die, but the time is uncertain. «Nihil certius morte [(dice l'Idiota)]{lang=it}, hora autem mortis nihil incertius» — "Nothing is more certain than death (says the Idiot), yet nothing is more uncertain than the hour of death." My brother, the year, the month, the day, the hour, and the moment are already determined in which you and I must leave this earth and enter eternity; but this time is unknown to us. The Lord, so that we may always be prepared, now tells us that death will come like a thief in the night, and secretly: «Sicut fur in nocte, ita veniet» — "Like a thief in the night, so it will come" (1 Thess. 5:2); now He tells us to remain vigilant, because when we least imagine it, He will come to judge us: «Qua hora non putatis, Filius hominis veniet» — "At an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come." St. Gregory says that God hides the hour of death from us for our own good, so that we may always be prepared: «De morte incerti sumus, ut ad mortem semper parati inveniamur» — "We are uncertain about death, so that we may always be found prepared for death." Since, then, death can take our life at any time and in any place, if we wish to die well and be saved, we must (says St. Bernard) be expecting it at every time and in every place: «Mors ubique te exspectat; tu ubique eam exspectabis» — "Death awaits you everywhere; you must await it everywhere."

Everyone knows that he must die, but the trouble is that many perceive death at such a distance that they lose sight of it. Even the most decrepit old people and the most sickly persons flatter themselves that they will live three or four more years. But on the contrary, I say, how many we know of, even in our own days, who have died suddenly! one while sitting, another while walking, another while sleeping in his bed! It is certain that none of them believed he would die so suddenly, and on the very day on which he died. I say further that of all those who in this year have passed to the other life, dying in their bed, none imagined that he would end his days in this year. Few are the deaths that do not come suddenly.

Therefore, my Christian, when the devil tempts you to sin by telling you that tomorrow you will then confess, answer him: And how do I know whether today is the last day of my life? If this hour, this moment in which I were to turn my back on God, were the last for me, so that afterwards there would be no more time for me to remedy it, what would become of me in eternity? How many poor sinners has it happened to that, at the very moment they were feeding on some poisoned bait, they were seized by death and sent to hell? «Sicut pisces capiuntur hamo, sic capiuntur homines in tempore malo» — "As fishes are caught by the hook, so are men caught in the evil time" (Sir. 9:12). The evil time is precisely that in which the sinner is actually offending God. The devil says that this misfortune will not happen to you; but you must say: And if it does happen to me, what will become of me for all eternity?

#### Affections and Prayers

Lord, the place where I should now be is not this one in which I presently find myself, but hell, which I have so often deserved with my sins: «Infernus domus mea est» — "Hell is my home." But St. Peter warns me: «Deus patienter agit propter vos, nolens aliquos perire, sed omnes ad poenitentiam reverti» — "God deals patiently with you, not willing that any should perish, but that all should return to repentance" (2 Pet. 3:6). So You have had such patience with me and have waited for me, because You do not want to see me lost, but want me to return to repentance. Yes, my God, I return to You, I cast myself at Your feet and ask You for mercy. «Miserere mei Deus, secundum magnam misericordiam tuam» — "Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your great mercy." Lord, to forgive me, You need a great and extraordinary mercy, because I have offended You while having the light. Other sinners have also offended You, but they did not have the light that You have given to me. Yet notwithstanding all this, You command me to repent of my sins and to hope for forgiveness from You. Yes, my dear Redeemer, I repent with all my heart of having offended You, and I hope for forgiveness through the merits of Your Passion. You, my Jesus, being innocent, willed to die as a criminal upon a cross and to shed all Your blood to wash away my sins. «O sanguis innocentis, lava culpas poenitentis» — "O blood of the Innocent One, wash the sins of the penitent."

O Eternal Father, forgive me for the love of Jesus Christ; hear His prayers, now that He is praying to You for me, acting as my advocate. But pardon is not enough for me, O God worthy of infinite love; I also want the grace to love You. I love You, O supreme Good, and from today forward I offer You my body, my soul, my will, my liberty. From today forward I want to avoid not only what gravely displeases You, but also what displeases You even slightly. I want to flee all evil occasions. «Ne nos inducas in tentationem» — "And lead us not into temptation." Deliver me, for the love of Jesus Christ, from those occasions in which I would have to offend You. «Sed libera nos a malo» — "But deliver us from evil." Free me from sin, and then punish me as You wish. I accept all the infirmities, the pains, the losses that You may wish to send me; it is enough for me that I do not lose Your grace and Your love. «Petite, et accipietis» — "Ask, and you shall receive." You promise me to give whatever is asked of You: «Petite et accipietis» — "Ask, and you shall receive." These two graces I ask of You: holy perseverance and the grace to love You.

O Mary, Mother of mercy, pray for me; in You I trust.

### POINT II

The Lord does not want to see us lost, and therefore He does not cease to warn us to change our lives with the threat of punishment. «Nisi conversi fueritis, gladium suum vibrabit» — "Unless you are converted, He will brandish His sword" (Ps. 7:13). Consider (He says elsewhere) how many, because they would not make an end of it, when they least expected it, and were living in peace, certain of living for many years — how suddenly death came upon them: «Cum dixerint pax, et securitas, tunc repentinus eis superveniet interitus» — "When they say peace and security, then sudden destruction will come upon them" (Prov. 29:1). In another place He says: «Nisi poenitentiam egeritis, omnes similiter peribitis» — "Unless you do penance, you will all likewise perish." Why so many warnings of punishment before sending it, if not because He wants us to amend, and thus avoid the bad death? He who says to you, "Watch out," has no desire to kill you, says St. Augustine: «Non vult ferire, qui clamat tibi: Observa» — "He does not wish to strike, who cries out to you: Take heed."

It is therefore necessary to prepare your accounts before the day of accounts arrives. My Christian, if before nightfall this very day you were to die, and the cause of your eternal life had to be decided, tell me, would you find your accounts prepared? Or how much would you pay to obtain from God another year, a month, at least another day of time? And why, now that God is already giving you this time, do you not set your conscience in order? Can it not perhaps be that this day is the last for you? «Non tardes converti ad Dominum, et non differas de die in diem; subito enim veniet ira illius, et in tempore vindictae disperdet te» — "Do not delay to be converted to the Lord, and do not put it off from day to day; for His wrath will come suddenly, and in the time of vengeance He will destroy you" (Sir. 5:9). To save yourself, my brother, you must leave sin; if then you must leave it one day, why do you not leave it now? «Si aliquando, cur non modo?» — "If at some time, why not now?" (St. Augustine). Are you perhaps waiting for death to arrive? But the time of death is not a time of pardon, but of vengeance. «In tempore vindictae disperdet te» — "In the time of vengeance He will destroy you" (Sir. loc. cit.).

If someone owes you a large sum, you quickly protect yourself by having a written obligation drawn up, saying: Who knows what may happen? And why then do you not use the same caution for your soul, which is worth far more than that sum? Why do you not say the same: Who knows what may happen? If you lose that sum, you do not lose everything; and even if, by losing it, you were to lose your whole patrimony, you would still retain the hope of regaining it; but if at death you lose your soul, then you will truly have lost everything, and there will no longer be for you any hope of recovering it. You are so diligent in recording the records of the goods you possess, for fear they may be lost, should a sudden death befall you; and if by chance this sudden death does befall you, and you find yourself in disgrace with God, what will become of your soul for all eternity?

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Redeemer, You have shed all Your blood, You have given Your life to save my soul, and I have so many times lost it by presuming on Your mercy. So then, how many times have I made use of Your goodness — and for what? To offend You the more? For this very reason I deserved that You should at once make me die and send me to hell. In short, I have contended with You: You in showing me mercy, I in offending You. You in pursuing me, I in fleeing from You. You in giving me time to remedy the evil I had done, and I in using it to add injury upon injury. Lord, make me know the great wrong I have done You and the obligation that remains to me of loving You.

Ah, my Jesus, how could I have been so dear to You, that You pursued me so much, when I was driving You away? How could You have granted so many graces to one who has given You so much displeasure? From all this I see how greatly You desire not to see me lost. I repent with all my heart of having offended You, O infinite goodness. Ah, receive this ungrateful little sheep, which in repentance returns to Your feet: receive it and clasp it upon Your shoulders, so that it may never flee from You again. No, I no longer wish to flee from You; I want to love You, I want to be Yours; and provided I see myself as Yours, I am content with every pain. And what greater pain could befall me than to live without Your grace, separated from You who are my God, who created me and died for me? O accursed sins, what have you done? You have made me displease my Savior, who has loved me so much.

Ah, my Jesus, as You died for me, so should I die for You: You for love, I for sorrow at having despised You. I accept death, when and as it pleases You; but until now I have not loved You, or have loved You too little; I do not want to die like this. Ah, grant me a little more life, so that I may love You before I die; therefore change my heart, wound it, inflame it with Your holy love: do it for that affection of charity which made You die for me. I love You with all my soul. My soul has fallen in love with You. Do not permit it ever to lose You again. Give me holy perseverance, give me Your love.

Mary Most Holy, my refuge and my Mother, act as my advocate.

### POINT III

«Estote parati» — "Be ready." The Lord does not say that we should prepare ourselves when death arrives, but that we should be found already prepared. When death comes, then, in that storm and confusion, it will be almost impossible to set right a troubled conscience. So says reason. So God threatens, saying that then He will come not to pardon, but to take vengeance for the contempt shown to His graces: «Mihi vindicta, et ego retribuam in tempore» — "Vengeance is Mine, and I will repay in due time" (Rom. 12:19). This, says St. Augustine, will be a just punishment for him who, being able, was unwilling to save himself — that he should be unable when he wishes: «Iusta poena est, ut qui recta facere cum posset noluit, amittat posse cum velit» — "It is a just punishment that he who would not do right when he could, should lose the power when he wills" (On Free Will, Book 3). But someone will say: Who knows? Perhaps I shall still be converted then and be saved. But would you throw yourself into a well, saying: Who knows? Perhaps by throwing myself in I will remain alive and not die? O God, what is this? How sin blinds the mind, so that it loses even reason! Men, when it concerns the body, speak wisely; but when it concerns the soul, they speak like madmen.

My brother, who knows whether this point you are reading is the last warning God sends you? Let us quickly prepare ourselves for death, so that it does not overtake us suddenly. St. Augustine says that the Lord hides from us the last day of our life, so that on all our days we may be prepared to die: «Latet ultimus dies, ut observentur omnes dies» — "The last day is hidden, that all days may be kept" (Hom. 13). St. Paul warns us that we must labor for our salvation not only with fear, but also with trembling: «Cum metu et tremore vestram salutem operamini» — "With fear and trembling work out your salvation" (Phil. 2:12). St. Antoninus relates that a certain king of Sicily, to make a subject understand the fear with which he sat upon the throne, had him sit at table with a sword hanging by a slender thread over his head, so that, sitting thus, the man could scarcely take a little food. All of us live in the same danger, since at every moment the sword of death may fall upon us, on which our eternal salvation depends.

Eternity is at stake. «Si ceciderit lignum ad austrum, aut ad aquilonem, in quocunque loco ceciderit, ibi erit» — "If a tree falls to the south or to the north, in whatever place it falls, there it shall remain" (Eccles. 11:3). If, when death comes, we find ourselves in the grace of God, oh what joy it will be for the soul to be able then to say: I have secured everything, I can no longer lose God, I shall be happy forever. But if death finds the soul in sin, what despair it will be to say: «Ergo erravimus» — "Therefore we have erred." So I have erred, and for my error there will be no remedy for all eternity? This fear made the Ven. Master Avila, apostle of Spain, say when the news of his death was brought to him: "Oh, if only I had a little more time to prepare myself to die!" This made the Abbot Agatho say, although he died after so many years of penance: "What will become of me? Who can know the judgments of God!" St. Arsenius also trembled at death, and when asked by his disciples why he feared so, he answered: "My children, this fear is not new to me; I have had it all my life." Above all, holy Job trembled, saying: «Quid faciam, cum surrexerit ad iudicandum Deus? et cum quaesierit, quid respondebo illi?» — "What shall I do when God rises up to judge? And when He shall call me to account, what shall I answer Him?"

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, where have I ever had anyone who loved me more than You? And whom have I ever despised and injured more than You? O blood, O wounds of Jesus, you are my hope. Eternal Father, look not upon my sins; look upon the wounds of Jesus Christ; look upon Your beloved Son, who dies of sorrow for me and asks You to forgive me. I repent, O my Creator, of having offended You; I am grieved for it more than for every other evil. You created me to love You, and I have lived as if You had created me to offend You. For the love of Jesus Christ, forgive me and give me the grace to love You.

Before, I resisted Your will: now I want to resist no longer; I want to do whatever You command me. You command me to detest the outrages I have committed against You: behold, I detest them with all my heart. You command me to resolve to offend You no more: behold, I resolve to lose my life a thousand times rather than Your grace. You command me to love You with all my heart: yes, with all my heart I love You, and I want to love nothing but You. From this day forward, You must be my only beloved and my only love. From You I ask, and from You I hope for, holy perseverance. For the love of Jesus Christ, make me faithful to You, so that I may always say to You with St. Bonaventure: «Unus est dilectus meus, unus amicus meus» — "One is my beloved, one is my friend." No, I do not want my life to serve any longer to displease You; I want it to serve only to weep for the displeasure I have caused You and to love You.

Mary, my Mother, You pray for all who commend themselves to You; pray also to Jesus for me.

## Consideration VI — Death of the Sinner

«Angustia superveniente, pacem requirent, et non erit; conturbatio super conturbationem veniet» — "When anguish comes, they will seek peace, and there will be none; trouble upon trouble will come" (Ezek. 7:25).

### POINT I

At present, sinners banish the memory and the thought of death, and so they seek to find peace (though they never find it) in the life they lead in sin; but when they find themselves in the anguish of death, about to enter into eternity: «Angustia superveniente, pacem requirent, et non erit» — "When anguish comes, they will seek peace, and there will be none"; then they cannot escape the torment of their bad conscience. They will seek peace, but what peace can a soul find when it sees itself weighed down with sins that bite it like so many vipers? What peace, thinking that within a few moments it must appear before Jesus Christ the judge, whose law and friendship it has despised until then? «Conturbatio super conturbationem veniet» — "Trouble upon trouble will come." The news of death already received, the thought of having to take leave of all the things of the world, the remorse of conscience, the time lost, the time that is lacking, the rigor of the divine judgment, the unhappy eternity that awaits sinners: all these things will form a frightful storm that will confound the mind and increase its mistrust; and thus, confounded and distrustful, the dying man will pass into the other life.

Abraham, to his great merit, hoped in God against human hope, believing the divine promise: «Contra spem in spem credidit» — "Against hope he believed in hope" (Rom. 4:18). But sinners, to their great demerit, hope falsely and to their own ruin, not only against hope but even against faith, since they despise even the threats that God makes to the obstinate. They fear a bad death, yet they do not fear leading a bad life. But who assures them that they will not die suddenly — by a thunderbolt, by a stroke, by an effusion of blood? And even if they had time at death to be converted, who assures them that they will truly be converted? St. Augustine had to struggle for twelve years to overcome his evil habits; how then will a dying man, whose conscience has always been sullied, amid the pains, the dizziness of the head, and the confusion of death, easily make a true conversion? I say "true," because then it is not enough to say and to promise; one must say and promise with the heart. O God, and with what terror will the wretched sick man, whose conscience has been neglected, then be seized and confounded, at seeing himself oppressed by his sins and by the fear of judgment, of hell, and of eternity! Into what confusion will these thoughts plunge him, when he finds his head reeling, his mind darkened, and himself assailed by the pains of death already near! He will confess, he will promise, he will weep, he will beg God for mercy, but without knowing what he is doing; and in this tempest of agitation, of remorse, of anguish, and of terror, he will pass into the other life. «Turbabuntur populi, et pertransibunt» — "The people shall be troubled, and shall pass away" (Job 34:20).

An author rightly says that the prayers, the tears, and the promises of the dying sinner are exactly like the tears and promises of a man who sees himself attacked by his enemy, who holds a dagger to his throat to take his life at that very moment. Wretched is he who takes to his bed deprived of the grace of God, and from there passes into eternity!

#### Affections and Prayers

O wounds of Jesus, You are my hope. I would despair of the forgiveness of my sins and of my eternal salvation, if I did not behold in You fountains of mercy and of grace, through which a God has shed all His blood to wash my soul of so many sins committed. I adore You, then, O holy wounds, and in You I place my trust. A thousand times I detest and curse those unworthy pleasures by which I have displeased my Redeemer and have miserably lost His friendship. Gazing upon You, then, I raise up my hopes, and toward You I turn all my affections.

My dear Jesus, You deserve that all men should love You, and love You with all their heart; but I have offended You so greatly and have despised Your love, and yet You have borne with me so patiently and with such mercy have invited me to pardon. Ah, my Savior, do not permit me ever to offend You again and be damned. O God! What a torment it would be for me in hell to see Your blood and all the many mercies You have shown me! I love You, and I want to love You always. Give me holy perseverance. Detach my heart from every love that is not for You, and establish in me a true desire and resolution to love, from this day forward, only You, my supreme good.

O Mary, my Mother, draw me to God, and make me wholly His before I die.

### POINT II

Not one, but many — very many — will be the anguishes of the poor dying sinner. On one side the devils will torment him. At death these dreadful enemies exert all their strength to bring about the loss of that soul which is about to leave this life, knowing that only a little time remains for them to win it, and that if they lose it then, they will have lost it forever. «Descendit diabolus ad vos habens iram magnam, sciens quod modicum tempus habet» — "The devil has come down to you in great wrath, knowing that he has but a short time" (Rev. 12:12). And it will not be one devil alone who will then tempt him, but innumerable devils who will attend upon the dying man to make him perish. «Replebuntur domus eorum draconibus» — "Their houses shall be filled with dragons" (Isa. 13:21). One will say to him: Do not be afraid; you will recover. Another will say: What? You were deaf to the voice of God for so many years, and now He will show you mercy? Another: How can you now repair the wrongs you have done, the good names you have taken away? Another: Do you not see that your confessions have all been null — without true sorrow, without purpose of amendment? How can you now make them over again?

On the other side, the dying man will see himself surrounded by his sins. «Virum iniustum mala capient in interitu» — "Evils shall overtake the unjust man unto destruction" (Ps. 139:12). These sins, like so many henchmen, says St. Bernard, will hold him fast in their grip and will say to him: «Opera tua sumus, non te deseremus» — "We are your offspring; we will not leave you; we will accompany you into the other life, and with you we will present ourselves before the eternal Judge." The dying man will then wish to free himself from such enemies; but to free himself he would have to hate them, he would have to be converted to God with his heart — yet the mind is darkened and the heart is hardened. «Cor durum habebit male in novissimo: et qui amat periculum, peribit in illo» — "A hard heart shall fare ill at the last; and he who loves danger shall perish in it" (Sir. 3:27).

St. Bernard says that the heart which has been obstinate in evil during life will make every effort to escape the state of damnation, but will not succeed in freeing itself, and, crushed by its own malice, will end its life in that same state. Having loved sin up to that moment, he has at the same time loved the danger of his damnation; the Lord will therefore justly permit him to perish then in that very danger in which he has willed to live until death. St. Augustine says that he who is abandoned by sin before he himself abandons it will hardly detest it at death as he ought, because what he then does, he does under compulsion: «Qui prius a peccato relinquitur, quam ipse relinquat, non libere, sed quasi ex necessitate condemnat» — "He who is forsaken by sin before he forsakes it condemns it not freely, but as it were by necessity."

Wretched, then, is that sinner who is hard of heart and resists the divine calls! «Cor eius indurabitur quasi lapis, et stringetur quasi malleatoris incus» — "His heart shall be hardened as a stone, and bound fast like the anvil of the smith" (Job 41:15). The ungrateful man, instead of yielding and softening at the voice of God, has grown hard, as the anvil grows harder under the blows of the hammer. In punishment for this he will find himself still the same at death, even though he stands at the very point of passing into eternity. «Cor durum habebit male in novissimo» — "A hard heart shall fare ill at the last." The sinners, says the Lord, have turned their backs to Me for love of creatures: «Verterunt ad me tergum, et non faciem, et in tempore afflictionis suae dicent: Surge, et libera nos. Ubi sunt dii tui, quos fecisti tibi? surgant, et liberent te» — "They have turned their back to Me and not their face; and in the time of their affliction they will say: Arise, and save us. Where are your gods whom you made for yourselves? Let them arise and save you" (Jer. 2:27). The wretches at death will have recourse to God, and God will say to them: Now you have recourse to Me? Call upon the creatures to help you, since they have been your gods. The Lord will speak thus, because they will have recourse to Him, but without a true will to be converted. St. Jerome says that he holds it almost for certain, and has learned it from manifold experience, that he who has led a bad life to the very end will never make a good end: «Hoc teneo, hoc multiplici experientia didici, quod ei non bonus est finis, cui mala semper vita fuit» — "This I hold, this I have learned by manifold experience: his end is not good whose life has always been bad" (In the Epistle of Eusebius to Damasus).

#### Affections and Prayers

My dear Savior, help me; do not abandon me. I see my soul all covered with wounds from my sins; my passions do me violence; evil habits oppress me. I cast myself at Your feet: have pity on me and deliver me from so many evils. «In te, Domine, speravi, non confundar in aeternum» — "In You, O Lord, have I hoped; let me never be put to confusion." Do not permit a soul that trusts in You to be lost. «Ne tradas bestiis animam confitentem tibi» — "Deliver not to the beasts the soul that confesses You." I repent of having offended You, O infinite goodness; I have done evil, I confess it; I am resolved to amend at any cost; but if You do not help me with Your grace, I am lost. Receive, O my Jesus, this rebel who has so greatly outraged You. Remember that I have cost You Your blood and Your life. By the merits, then, of Your passion and death, receive me into Your arms and give me holy perseverance. I was already lost, and You called me. Behold, I will resist no longer; to You I consecrate myself. Bind me to Your love, and do not permit me to lose You again by losing Your grace once more; my Jesus, do not permit it.

Mary, my Queen, do not permit it; obtain for me death rather — a thousand deaths — than that I should ever lose again the grace of Your Son.

### POINT III

What a marvel! God does nothing but threaten sinners with a bad death: «Tunc invocabunt me, et non exaudiam» — "Then they shall call upon Me, and I will not hear" (Prov. 1:18). «Nunquid Deus exaudiet clamorem eius, cum venerit super eum angustia» — "Will God hear his cry when distress comes upon him?" (Job 27:9). «In interitu vestro ridebo, et subsannabo» — "I will laugh at your destruction, and I will mock" (Prov. 1:26). («Ridere Dei est nolle misereri» — "For God to laugh is to refuse mercy," says St. Gregory.) «Mea est ultio, et ego retribuam eis in tempore, ut labatur pes eorum» — "Vengeance is Mine, and I will repay them in due time, so that their foot may slip" (Deut. 32:35). And in many other places He threatens the same; yet sinners live in peace, as certain as if God had surely promised them pardon and paradise at death. It is true that in whatever hour the sinner is converted, God has promised to forgive him; but He has not said that the sinner will be converted at death; on the contrary, He has repeatedly protested that he who lives in sin will die in sin: «In peccato vestro moriemini» — "You shall die in your sin" (John 8:21). «Moriemini in peccatis vestris» — "You shall die in your sins" (ibid. 24). He has said that he who seeks Him at death will not find Him: «Quaeretis me, et non invenietis» — "You shall seek Me, and shall not find Me" (John 7:34). We must therefore seek God while He can be found: «Quaerite Dominum, dum inveniri potest» — "Seek the Lord while He may be found" (Isa. 55:6). Yes, for there will come a time when He can no longer be found. Poor sinners! Poor blind men, who put off their conversion until the hour of death, when there will no longer be time to be converted! Oleaster says: «Impii nusquam didicerunt benefacere, nisi cum non est tempus benefaciendi» — "The wicked never learn to do good except when there is no time to do good." God wills the salvation of all, but He chastises the obstinate.

If some wretched man, finding himself in sin, were seized by a stroke and lay deprived of his senses, what compassion would it stir in everyone to see him die without the sacraments and without any sign of repentance? And what joy would everyone feel if he came to himself again, sought absolution, and made acts of repentance? But is he not mad who, having time to do this, continues to remain in sin? Or who even returns to sin and puts himself in danger that death will overtake him — at a time when perhaps he will repent, and perhaps not? It terrifies us to see someone die suddenly, and yet so many voluntarily put themselves in danger of dying in that way — of dying in sin!

«Pondus et statera iudicia Domini sunt» — "Weight and balance are the judgments of the Lord" (Prov. 16:21). We take no account of the graces of God that the Lord bestows on us; but the Lord does take account of them and measures them; and when He sees them despised up to a certain point, He leaves the sinner in his sin, and so causes him to die. Wretched is he who puts off doing penance until death. «Poenitentia, quae ab infirmo petitur, infirma est» — "The penance that is sought by a sick man is itself sickly," says St. Augustine (Serm. 57 de Temp.). St. Jerome says that of a hundred thousand sinners who persist in sin until death, scarcely one will be saved at death: «Vix de centum millibus, quorum mala vita fuit, meretur in morte a Deo indulgentiam unus» — "Scarcely one of a hundred thousand whose life has been evil merits pardon from God at death"

(St. Jerome, in Epist. Euseb. de morte eiusd.). St. Vincent Ferrer says (Serm. I de Nativ. Virg.) that it would be a greater miracle for one of these to be saved than to raise a dead man to life: «Maius miraculum est, quod male viventes faciant bonum finem, quam suscitare mortuos» — "It is a greater miracle that those who live badly should make a good end than to raise the dead." What sorrow, what repentance can be conceived at death by one who until then has loved sin?

Bellarmine relates that, having gone to assist a certain dying man and having exhorted him to make an act of contrition, the man answered that he did not know what contrition was. Bellarmine tried to explain it to him, but the sick man said: «Father, I do not understand you; I am not capable of these things». And so he died, «Signa damnationis suae satis aperte relinquens» — "leaving clear enough signs of his own damnation," as Bellarmine wrote. A most just punishment, says St. Augustine, will befall the sinner who at death forgets himself, who in life has forgotten God: «Aequissime percutitur peccator, ut moriens obliviscatur sui qui vivens oblitus est Dei» — "Most justly is the sinner struck, that dying he should forget himself who living forgot God" (Serm. 10 de Sanct.).

«Nolite errare (intanto ci avverte l'Apostolo), Deus non irridetur: quae enim seminaverit homo, haec et metet; qui seminat in carne sua, de carne et metet corruptionem» — "Be not deceived (so the Apostle warns us): God is not mocked; for what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap; he who sows in his flesh, of the flesh also shall reap corruption" (Gal. 6:7). It would be to mock God to live despising His laws and then to reap reward and eternal glory from them; but «Deus non irridetur» — "God is not mocked." What is sown in this life is reaped in the next. For him who sows forbidden pleasures of the flesh, nothing remains but corruption, misery, and eternal death.

My Christian, what is said of others is said also of you. Tell me: if you found yourself already at the point of death, given up by the doctors, deprived of feeling, and already reduced to the agony, how earnestly would you beg God to grant you then another month, another week of time, to settle the accounts of your conscience? And God is already giving you this time. Thank Him, and quickly remedy the evil you have done, and use every means to find yourself in the state of the grace of God when death comes, for then there will be no more time to remedy.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, who would have had such patience with me as You have had? If Your goodness were not infinite, I would despair of pardon. But I deal with a God who died to forgive me and to save me. You command me to hope, and I will hope. If my sins frighten me and condemn me, Your merits and Your promises give me heart. You have promised the life of Your grace to him who returns to You: «Revertimini, et vivite» — "Return, and live" (Ezek. 18:32). You have promised to embrace him who turns to You: «[Convertimini ad me, et convertar ad vos]{lang=la}» — "Turn to Me, and I will turn to you" (Zech. 1:3). You have said that You cannot despise him who humbles himself and repents: «Cor contritum, et humiliatum, Deus, non despicies» — "A contrite and humbled heart, O God, You will not despise" (Ps. 50).

Behold me, Lord: I return to You, I turn to You; I confess myself worthy of a thousand hells, and I repent of having offended You. I promise You firmly never to offend You again and to love You always. Ah, do not permit me to live any longer ungrateful for such goodness.

Eternal Father, by the merits of the obedience of Jesus Christ, who died to obey You, grant that I may obey Your will even unto death. I love You, O sovereign Good, and for the love I bear You I will obey You in all things. Give me holy perseverance, give me Your love, and I ask You for nothing more.

Mary, my Mother, intercede for me.

## Consideration VII — Sentiments of a Negligent Dying Man, Who Has Thought Little of Death

«Dispone domui tuae, quia morieris, et non vives» — "Set your house in order, for you shall die and not live" (Isa. 38:1).

### POINT I

Imagine yourself present beside a sick man who has but a few hours of life left. Poor sick man — see how he is oppressed by pains, by fainting fits, by suffocation of the chest, by want of breath, by cold sweat, with his head so clouded that he feels little, understands little, and can hardly speak. Among his miseries the greatest is that he already stands near to death, and instead of thinking of his soul and preparing his accounts for eternity, he thinks only of doctors and of remedies to free himself from the illness and the pains that are killing him. «Nihil aliud quam de se cogitare sufficiunt» — "They can think of nothing but themselves," says St. Lawrence Justinian, speaking of such dying men. At least his relatives and friends should warn him of the dangerous state in which he lies; but no — among all his relatives and friends there is not one who has the heart to give him the news of death and to advise him to receive the Sacraments; everyone refuses to tell him, so as not to displease him.

(O my God, from now on I thank You that at death You will have me assisted by my dear Brothers of my Congregation, who will then have no other interest than my eternal salvation, and who will all help me to die well).

Meanwhile, although the warning of death is not given, nevertheless the sick man, seeing the household in turmoil, the consultations of the doctors repeated, the remedies multiplied, frequent and violent, that are employed — the poor dying man stands in confusion and terror amid the assaults of fears, of remorse, and of misgivings, saying within himself: Alas, who knows whether the end of my years has already arrived? Now, what will the sick man's feeling be when he at last receives the news of his death? «Dispone domui tuae, quia morieris, et non vives» — "Set your house in order, for you shall die and not live." What anguish he will feel at hearing it said to him: Sir, your illness is mortal; you must receive the Sacraments, unite yourself with God, and take your leave of the world. Take leave of the world? How? Must he take leave of everything? Of that house, that villa, those relatives, friends, conversations, games, amusements? Yes, of everything. The notary has already come and writes this act of leave-taking: «I leave, I leave». And what does he carry with him? Nothing but a miserable rag, which in a little while must rot away together with him inside the grave.

Oh, what melancholy and turmoil will the sight of the servants' tears and the silence of friends — who in his presence keep silent and have not the heart to speak — bring to the dying man then! But the greatest pains for him will be the remorses of conscience, which in that storm will make themselves felt more keenly, on account of the disordered life led until then, after so many calls and divine lights, after so many warnings from spiritual fathers, and after so many resolutions made but either never carried out or afterwards neglected. He will then say: Oh, wretched me! I have had so many lights from God, so much time to set my conscience in order, and I have not done it; and behold, now I have already arrived at death! What would it have cost me to flee that occasion, to detach myself from that friendship, to confess every week? And even if it had cost me much, I ought to have done everything to save my soul, which mattered above all. Oh, if I had put into execution that good resolution I had made; if I had persevered as I then began, how content I would now find myself! But I did not do it, and now there is no more time to do it. The sentiments of such dying men, who in life have been negligent of conscience, are like those of the damned, who in hell also grieve for their sins as the cause of their punishment, but without fruit and without remedy.

#### Affections and Prayers

Lord, if at this moment the news of my approaching death were brought to me, these are the sentiments of sorrow that would be mine. I thank You that You give me this light and give me time to amend. No, my God, I will flee from You no more. It is enough that You have pursued me so long. Justly must I now fear that, if I do not now surrender to You and still resist, You will abandon me.

You gave me a heart to love You, and I have employed it so badly; I have loved creatures, and have not loved You, my Creator and Redeemer, who gave Your life for me! Instead of loving You, how many times have I offended You, despised You, turned my back on You! I already knew that with that sin I was causing You great displeasure, and yet I did it. My Jesus, I repent of it, I am sorry for it with all my heart; I will change my life. I renounce all the pleasures of the world, to love and to give pleasure to You, God of my soul. You have shown me great signs of Your love; I too would wish, before I die, to show You some sign of my love.

From this moment I accept all the infirmities, the crosses, the scorn, and the disgusts that I shall receive from men; give me strength to suffer them in peace, for I wish to bear them all for love of You. I love You, infinite goodness; I love You above every good. Give me more love, and give me holy perseverance.

Mary, my hope, pray to Jesus for me.

### POINT II

O how at the point of death the truths of faith become known, but to the greater torment of that dying man who has lived ill; and especially if he was a person consecrated to God, so that he had greater facility in serving Him, more time, more examples, and more inspirations. O God, what pain he will feel in thinking and saying: I admonished others, and then I did worse than they! I left the world, and then I lived attached to the pleasures, the vanities, and the loves of the world! What a remorse it will be for him to think that with the lights he received from God, even a pagan would have become a saint! What pain he will feel in remembering that he despised in others the practices of piety, as weaknesses of spirit, and that he praised certain maxims of the world, of self-esteem, or of self-love: that is, never to let anyone get the better of him, never to put up with an offense, and to take all the amusements that present themselves!

«Desiderium peccatorum peribit» — "The desire of sinners shall perish" (Ps. 111:10). At death, how greatly will that time be desired which is now wasted! St. Gregory relates in his Dialogues that there was a certain Chrysantius, a rich man but of evil habits, who, when brought to the point of death, cried out against the devils, who visibly appeared to him to take him: "Give me time, give me time until tomorrow." And they answered: "O fool, now you ask for time? You had so much of it and you lost it, and you spent it in sinning; and now you ask for time? Now there is no more time." The wretch went on crying out and begging for help. There happened to be there a son of his, a monk named Maximus, and the dying man said to his son: "My son, help me; my Maximus, help me." And meanwhile, with his face all on fire, he flung himself furiously from one side of the bed to the other; and thus tossing about and crying out in despair, he miserably breathed forth his soul.

Alas! These fools love their folly in life, but in death they open their eyes and confess that they have been fools; but then that serves only to increase their distrust of remedying the evil done; and dying thus, they leave great uncertainty about their eternal salvation.

My brother, now that you are reading this point, I think that you too say: So it is. But if it is so, your folly and your misfortune would be all the greater if, already knowing these truths in life, you did not remedy the matter in time. This very thing that you have read would be for you a sword of sorrow in death.

Come then, since you still have time to avoid so frightful a death, apply the remedy quickly; do not wait for that time when there will no longer be a fit time to remedy it. Wait not for next month, nor for next week. Who knows whether this light, which God now gives you in His mercy, may be the last light and the last call for you? It is folly not to be willing to think of death, which is certain, and on which eternity depends; but it is a greater folly to think of it and not to prepare oneself for death. Make now those reflections and those resolutions which you would make then: now with fruit, then without fruit; now with confidence of saving yourself, then with great misgiving about your eternal salvation. When a certain gentleman was taking leave of the court of Charles V in order to live solely for God, the emperor asked him why he was leaving the court. He answered: It is necessary, in order to be saved, that between a disordered life and death there should intervene some space for penance.

#### Affections and Prayers

No, my God, I will no longer abuse Your mercy. I thank You for the light that You now give me, and I promise You to change my life. I see already that You can bear with me no longer. And do I wish to wait until You Yourself send me to hell? Or until You abandon me to a lost life, which would be for me a greater punishment than death itself? Behold, I cast myself at Your feet; receive me into Your grace. I do not deserve it; but You have said: «Impietas impii non nocebit ei, in quacunque die conversus fuerit» — "The wickedness of the wicked shall not hurt him, on whatsoever day he shall be converted" (Ezek. 33:12).

If then, my Jesus, in time past I have offended Your infinite goodness, now I repent of it with all my heart, and I hope for pardon from You. I will say to You with St. Anselm: Ah, do not permit my soul to be lost through its sins, since You have redeemed it with Your blood. Look not upon my ingratitude, but look upon the love that made You die for me. If I have lost Your grace, You have not lost the power of restoring it to me. Have pity on me, then, O my beloved Redeemer. Forgive me, and give me the grace to love You; for from this day forward I promise You that I will love none but You. You, among so many possible creatures, have chosen me to love You; I choose You, O sovereign Good, to love You above every other good. You go before me with Your cross; I will not cease to follow You with that cross which You will give me to carry. I embrace whatever mortifications and pains shall come to me from You. It is enough that You do not deprive me of Your grace, and I am content.

Mary, my hope, obtain for me from God holy perseverance and the grace to love Him; and nothing more do I ask of You.

### POINT III

To the dying man who in life has been careless about the good of his soul, all the things that will present themselves to him will be thorns: a thorn the memory of the pleasures he has taken, of the points of honor he has satisfied, and of the pomp he has displayed; thorns the friends who will come to visit him, with everything they will remind him of; thorns the spiritual fathers who will assist him by turns; thorns the Sacraments that he will have to receive — confession, Holy Communion, and Extreme Unction; even the Crucifix that will be placed beside him will become a thorn to him, as he reads in that image the ill correspondence he has given to the love of a God who died to save him.

O fool that I have been! the poor sick man will then say. I could have made myself a saint with so many lights and advantages that God has given me; I could have led a happy life in the grace of God; and now what do I find in all these years that I have had, if not torments, misgivings, fears, remorse of conscience, and accounts to render to God? And I shall hardly be saved. And when will he say this? When the oil is already failing in the lamp, and the scene of this world is closing for him, and he already finds himself in sight of the two eternities, the happy and the unhappy; and he is already drawing near to that last opening of the mouth, on which it depends whether he shall be blessed or despairing forever, as long as God shall be God. How much would he then pay to have another year, or another month, or at least another week of time, with a sound head! For being then, with that dizziness of the head, oppression of the chest, and want of breath, he can do nothing, he cannot reflect, he cannot apply his mind to make a good act: he finds himself as though shut up in a dark pit of confusion, where he can conceive nothing but a great ruin hanging over him, which he sees himself unable to remedy. Hence he would fain have time; but he will be told: «Proficiscere» — "Depart." Quick, settle your accounts in this brief space, as best you can, and be gone; do you not know that death waits for no one, and shows respect to none?

O what a terror it will be to him then to think and say: This morning I am alive; this evening I may well be dead! Today I am in this room; tomorrow I shall be in a grave! And where will my soul be? What a terror, when he shall see the candle prepared! When he shall see the cold sweat of death come forth! When he shall hear it ordered to his relatives to leave the room and not to enter it again! When he shall begin to lose his sight, his eyes growing dim! What a terror, finally, when the candle is already lighted, because death is already near! O candle, candle, how many truths you will then disclose! O how you will then make things appear different from what they now seem! How you will make it known that all the goods of this world are vanities, follies, and deceits! But what will it avail to understand these truths, when the time for remedying them is at an end?

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, You do not will my death, but You desire that I be converted and live. I thank You that You have waited for me until this time; and I thank You for the light that You now give me. I know the error I committed in postponing Your friendship to goods so vile and miserable, for which I have despised You. I repent and am grieved with all my heart for having done You so great a wrong. Ah, do not fail, in this life that remains to me, to assist me with Your light and grace to know and to do what I must do to amend my life. What will it avail me to know these truths, when the time for remedying them shall be taken from me? «Ne tradas bestiis animas confitentes tibi» — "Do not deliver to the beasts the souls that confess to You."

When the devil shall tempt me to offend You again, ah, I beseech You, my Jesus, by the merits of Your passion, stretch forth Your hand, and deliver me from falling into sin and from being once more made a slave of the enemy. Grant that I may then always have recourse to You, and never cease to commend myself to You so long as the temptation lasts. Your blood is my hope; and Your goodness is my love. I love You, my God, worthy of infinite love; grant that I may always love You. Make me know from what things I must detach myself in order to be wholly Yours, for I wish to do it; but do You give me the strength to carry it out.

O Queen of heaven, O Mother of God, pray for me, a sinner; grant that in temptations I may never fail to have recourse to Jesus and to You, who by Your intercession deliver from falling everyone who has recourse to You.

## Consideration VIII — Death of the Just

«Pretiosa in conspectu Domini mors sanctorum eius» — "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints" (Ps. 115:15).

### POINT I

Death, viewed according to the senses, frightens and makes itself feared; but viewed according to faith, it consoles and makes itself desired. It appears terrible to sinners, but shows itself lovely and precious to the saints: "Precious, says St. Bernard, «tanquam finis laborum, victoriae consummatio, vitae ianua»" — "as the end of labors, the consummation of victory, the gate of life" (Trans. Malach.). «Finis laborum» — "the end of labors": yes, death is the end of toils and troubles. «Homo natus de muliere, brevi vivens tempore, repletur multis miseriis» — "Man, born of woman, living a short time, is filled with many miseries" (Job 14:1). Behold what our life is: it is short, and it is all full of miseries, of infirmities, of fears, and of passions. Worldlings who desire a long life — what else do they seek (says Seneca) but a longer torment? «Tanquam vita petitur supplicii mora» — "What is sought as life is but a prolongation of punishment" (Ep. 101).

What is it to go on living, if not to go on suffering? says St. Augustine: «Quid est diu vivere, nisi diu torqueri?» — "What is a long life, but a long torment?" (Serm. 17, De Verbo Dom.). Yes, for (as St. Ambrose warns us) the present life is not given to us for rest, but for toil, that by toil we may merit eternal life: «Haec vita homini non ad quietem data est, sed ad laborem» — "This life was given to man not for repose, but for labor" (Serm. 43). Hence Tertullian well says that when God shortens someone's life, He shortens his torment: «Longum Deus adimit tormentum, cum vitam concedit brevem» — "God removes a long torment when He grants a short life." Therefore it is that, although death is given to man as a punishment for sin, yet the miseries of this life are so many that death (as St. Ambrose says) seems to be given to us as a relief, not as a chastisement: «Ut mors remedium videatur esse, non poena» — "so that death seems to be a remedy, not a punishment." God calls blessed those who die in His grace, because they finish their labors and go to their rest: «Beati mortui qui in Domino moriuntur... Amodo iam dicit Spiritus, ut requiescant a laboribus suis» — "Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord... From henceforth now, says the Spirit, they shall rest from their labors" (Rev. 14:13).

The torments that afflict sinners in death do not afflict the saints: «Iustorum animae in manu Dei sunt, non tanget illos tormentum mortis» — "The souls of the just are in the hand of God, and the torment of death shall not touch them" (Wis. 3:1). The saints are not grieved by that «Proficiscere» — "Depart" — which so frightens worldlings. The saints are not afflicted at having to leave the goods of this earth, since they have kept their heart detached from them. «Deus cordis mei» (so they have always gone on saying) «et pars mea, Deus, in aeternum» — "God of my heart, and my portion, O God, forever." "Blessed are you," wrote the Apostle to his disciples, who had been stripped of their goods for Jesus Christ: «Rapinam bonorum vestrorum cum gaudio suscepistis, cognoscentes vos meliorem et manentem substantiam» — "You accepted with joy the plundering of your goods, knowing that you have a better and an abiding substance" (Heb. ch. 10). They are not afflicted at leaving honors, since they have rather abhorred them and held them for what they are — smoke and vanity; they have esteemed only the honor of loving and of being loved by God. They are not afflicted at leaving their relatives, because they have loved them only in God; in dying they leave them recommended to that Heavenly Father who loves them more than they do; and hoping to be saved, they think that from paradise they will be able to help them better than from this earth. In short, what they have always said in life — «Deus meus, et omnia», "My God and my all" — they go on repeating in death with greater consolation and tenderness.

He who dies loving God is not troubled by the pains that death brings with it; rather he takes pleasure in them, thinking that life is now ending and he has no more time to suffer for God and to offer Him other signs of his love; and so with affection and peace he offers Him those last remains of his life, and he consoles himself by uniting the sacrifice of his death with the sacrifice that Jesus Christ once offered for him on the cross to His Eternal Father. And so he dies happily, saying: «In pace in idipsum dormiam, et requiescam» — "In peace, in the selfsame, I will sleep and I will rest." Oh, what peace it is to die abandoned and resting in the arms of Jesus Christ, who has loved us even unto death, and who willed to die a bitter death Himself in order to obtain for us a sweet and consoled death!

#### Affections and Prayers

O my beloved Jesus, who to obtain for me a gentle death willed to die so bitter a death on Calvary, when will it be that I shall see You? The first time it falls to me to see You, I shall see You as my judge in that very place where I shall breathe my last. What shall I say to You then? What will You say to me? I do not want to wait to think of it then; I want to ponder it now. I will say to You thus: My dear Redeemer, are You then the one who died for me? In times past I offended You and was ungrateful to You, and I did not deserve pardon; but then, helped by Your grace, I came to my senses, and for the rest of my life I have wept over my sins, and You have forgiven me; forgive me anew, now that I am at Your feet, and give me Yourself a general absolution of my faults. I did not deserve to love You any more, for having despised Your love; but You, in Your mercy, drew my heart to Yourself, and if it has not loved You according to Your merit, at least it has loved You above all things, leaving everything to give pleasure to You. Now, what do You say to me? I see that paradise, and possessing You in Your kingdom, is too great a good for me; but I do not trust myself to live far from You, all the more now that You have made me know Your lovely and beautiful face. I ask You for paradise, then, not to enjoy more, but to love You better. Send me to purgatory for as long as You please. No, I do not even want to come into that homeland of purity and see myself among those pure souls as sordid with stains as I am at present. Send me to be purged, but do not banish me forever from Your face; it is enough that one day later, when it pleases You, You call me to paradise to sing Your mercies for all eternity. For now, come then, my beloved judge, raise Your hand and bless me; and tell me that I am Yours, and that You are and will always be mine. I will always love You, You will always love me. Behold, now I go far from You, I go to the fire; but I go content, because I go to love You, my Redeemer, my God, my all. I go content, yes, but know that in this time, when I shall be far from You, know that this will be the greatest of my pains — being far from You. I go, Lord, counting the moments until You call me. Have pity on a soul that loves You with all its being, and sighs to see You in order to love You better.

This, my Jesus, is what I hope to say to You then. Therefore I beg You to give me the grace to live in such a way that I may be able to say to You then what I have now thought. Give me holy perseverance, give me Your love.

And help me, O Mother of God, Mary; pray to Jesus for me.

### POINT II

«Absterget Deus omnem lacrimam ab oculis eorum, et mors ultra non erit» — "God shall wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more" (Rev. 21:4). In death, then, the Lord will wipe from the eyes of His servants the tears they have shed in this life, living in pains, in fears, in dangers, and in battles with hell. This will be what most consoles a soul that has loved God on hearing the news of death: to think that soon it will be freed from the many dangers there are in this life of offending God, from so many anguishes of conscience, and from so many temptations of the devil. The present life is a continual war with hell, in which we are in constant risk of losing our soul and God. St. Ambrose says that on this earth «inter laqueos ambulamus» — "we walk among snares": we always walk amid the snares of enemies who lie in wait for the life of grace within us. This danger was what made St. Peter of Alcantara say, as he was dying: Brother, stand back (it was a Religious who touched him in helping him); stand back, because I am still alive, and I am at risk of being damned. This same danger also used to console St. Teresa every time she heard the clock strike, rejoicing that another hour of combat had passed; for she would say: At every moment of life I can sin and lose God. Hence it is that all the saints are consoled at the news of death, thinking that soon the battles and dangers are finished, and they are near to being assured of the happy lot of never being able to lose God again.

It is related in the Lives of the Fathers that an old Father, dying in Scetis, laughed while the others wept; asked why he was laughing, he answered: And you, why do you weep, seeing that I am going to my rest? «Ex labore ad requiem vado, et vos ploratis?» — "I am going from labor to rest, and you weep?" Likewise St. Catherine of Siena, when dying, said: Be consoled with me, for I am leaving this land of pains and going to the place of peace. If someone lived (says St. Cyprian) in a house where the walls are falling down and the floor and the roofs tremble, so that everything threatens ruin, how much should he desire to be able to get out of it? In this life everything threatens ruin to the soul: the world, hell, the passions, the rebellious senses — all draw us toward sin and eternal death. «Quis me liberabit (exclaimed the Apostle) de corpore mortis huius?» — "Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" (Rom. 7:24). Oh, what joy the soul will feel on hearing it said: «Veni de Libano, sponsa mea, veni de cubilibus leonum» — "Come from Lebanon, my spouse, come from the dens of the lions" (Song 4:8). Come, spouse, leave the place of weeping and the dens of the lions that seek to devour you and make you lose the divine grace. Hence St. Paul, desiring death, said that Jesus Christ was his only life; and therefore he esteemed his dying the greatest gain he could make, since by death he would acquire that life which has no end: «Mihi vivere Christus est, et mori lucrum» — "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Phil. 1:21).

It is a great favor that God grants a soul, when it is in grace, to take it from the earth, where it can change and lose His friendship: «Raptus est, ne malitia mutaret intellectum eius» — "He was taken away, lest malice should change his understanding" (Wis. 4:11). Happy in this life is he who lives united with God; but just as the sailor cannot call himself safe until he has arrived at the port and has escaped the storm, so a soul cannot call itself fully happy until it leaves this life in the grace of God. «Lauda navigantis felicitatem, sed cum pervenit ad portum» — "Praise the sailor's good fortune, but when he has reached the port," says St. Ambrose. Now if the sailor rejoices when, after so many dangers, he is about to reach the port, how much more will he rejoice who is close to securing his eternal salvation?

Moreover, in this life one cannot live without at least slight faults. «Septies enim cadet iustus» — "For the just man falls seven times" (Prov. 24:16). Whoever leaves this life ceases to displease God. «Quid est mors (dicea S. Ambrogio) nisi sepultura vitiorum?» — "What is death," said St. Ambrose, "but the burial of vices?" (De Bono Mortis, ch. 4). This too is what makes those who love God greatly desire death. With all this the Ven. Fr. Vincent Caraffa consoled himself as he was dying, saying: "In ending my life, I cease to offend God." And the aforementioned St. Ambrose said: «Quid vitam istam desideramus, in qua quanto diutius quis fuerit, tanto maiore oneratur sarcina peccatorum?» — "Why do we desire this life, in which the longer one lives, the more he is weighed down by the burden of sins?" He who dies in the grace of God places himself in a state in which he can no longer, and no longer knows how to, offend Him. «Mortuus nescit peccare» — "The dead man knows not how to sin," said the same Saint. Therefore the Lord praises the dead more than any man who lives, however holy he may be: «Laudavi magis mortuos, quam viventes» — "I have praised the dead rather than the living" (Eccl. 4:2). A certain devout man ordered that, when his death came, whoever brought him word of it should say to him: "Take comfort, for the time has come when you shall offend God no more."

#### Affections and Prayers

«In manus tuas commendo spiritum meum; redemisti me, Domine Deus veritatis» — "Into Your hands I commend my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord, God of truth." Ah, my sweet Redeemer, what would have become of me if You had caused me to die when I was far from You? I would already be in hell, where I could no longer love You. I thank You for not having abandoned me and for having granted me so many graces to win my heart for You. I repent of having offended You. I love You above all things. Ah, I beseech You, make me ever more aware of the evil I have done in despising You, and of the love that Your infinite goodness deserves. I love You, and I desire to die soon (if it so pleases You), to free myself from the danger of losing Your grace again, and to be made certain of loving You eternally. Ah, for these years of life that remain to me, my beloved Jesus, give me strength to do something for You before death comes. Give me fortitude against temptations and passions, especially against the passion that in the past most drew me to displease You. Give me patience in infirmities and in the injuries I shall receive from men. For love of You, I now forgive everyone who has treated me with any contempt, and I beg You to grant them the graces they desire. Give me strength to be more diligent in avoiding even venial faults, in which I know I have been negligent. My Savior, help me; I hope for everything through Your merits; and I place all my confidence in Your intercession, O my Mother and my hope, Mary.

### POINT III

Death is not only the end of toils, but it is also the gate of life. «Finis laborum, vitae ianua» — "The end of labors, the doorway of life," as St. Bernard says. Whoever wishes to enter to see God must necessarily pass through this gate. «Ecce porta Domini, iusti intrabunt in eam» — "Behold the gate of the Lord; the just shall enter through it" (Ps. 117:20). St. Jerome prayed to death and said to it: «Aperi mihi, soror mea» — "Open to me, my sister." Death, my sister, if you do not open the door to me, I cannot go to enjoy my Lord. St. Charles Borromeo, seeing a painting in his house in which there was depicted the skeleton of a dead man with a scythe in his hand, called the painter and ordered him to erase that scythe and paint a golden key in its place, wishing thereby to enkindle within himself ever more the desire for death, because it is death that must open paradise for us to see God.

St. John Chrysostom says that if a king had prepared a dwelling for someone in his royal palace, but for the present kept him living in a sheepfold, how greatly should that man desire to leave the fold and pass into the palace? In this life the soul, dwelling in the body, is as in a prison, from which it is to go out and go to the palace of heaven; therefore David prayed: «Educ de custodia animam meam» — "Bring my soul out of prison" (Ps. 141:8). And the holy old man Simeon, when he held the Child Jesus in his arms, knew no other grace to ask of Him but death, that he might be freed from the prison of this present life: «Nunc dimittis servum tuum, Domine» — "Now dismiss Your servant, O Lord." St. Ambrose says: «Quasi necessitate teneretur, dimitti petit» — "As if held by necessity, he asks to be dismissed." The same grace did the Apostle desire when he said: «Cupio dissolvi, et esse cum Christo» — "I desire to be dissolved and to be with Christ" (Phil. 1).

What joy Pharaoh's cupbearer felt when he learned from Joseph that soon he was to leave the prison and return to his post! And shall a soul that loves God not rejoice on hearing that soon it must be released from this earth and go to enjoy God? «Dum sumus in corpore, peregrinamur a Domino» — "While we are in the body, we are absent from the Lord" (2 Cor. 5:6). While we are united with the body, we are far from the sight of God, as in a foreign land and outside our homeland; and therefore St. Bruno says that our death should not be called death but life: «Mors dicenda non est, sed vitae principium» — "It should not be called death, but the beginning of life." Hence the death of the Saints is called their birthday; yes, because in their death they are born to that blessed life which shall have no end. «Non est iustis mors, sed translatio» — "For the just there is no death, but a passing over," says St. Athanasius. For the just, death is nothing else than a passage to eternal life. O lovable death, said St. Augustine, and who will there be who does not desire you, since you are the end of travails, the close of toil, and the beginning of eternal rest? «O mors desiderabilis, malorum finis, laboris clausula, quietis principium!» — "O desirable death, end of evils, close of labor, beginning of rest!" Therefore the Saint anxiously prayed: «Eia moriar, Domine, ut Te videam» — "Come, let me die, O Lord, that I may see You."

Well may the sinner fear death, says St. Cyprian, he who from his temporal death must pass to eternal death: «Mori timeat, qui ad secundam mortem de hac morte transibit» — "Let him fear death, who from this death shall pass to the second death." But not he who, being in the grace of God, hopes through death to pass to life. In the Life of St. John the Almsgiver it is related that a certain rich man commended to the Saint the only son he had and gave him many alms, that he might obtain from God a long life for him; but the son died a short time afterward. When the father then lamented the death of his son, God sent him an Angel who said to him: "You asked for a long life for your son; know that he now enjoys it eternally in heaven." This is the grace that Jesus Christ obtained for us, as it was promised to us through Hosea: «Ero mors tua, o mors» — "I will be your death, O death" (Hos. 13:14). Jesus, by dying for us, made our death become life. St. Pionius the Martyr, while he was being led to the scaffold, was asked by those who were leading him how he could go so joyfully to death. The Saint answered: «Erratis, non ad mortem, sed ad vitam contendo» — "You are mistaken; I am hastening not to death, but to life" (Euseb., bk. 4, ch. 14). So too was the young St. Symphorian encouraged by his mother when he was close to martyrdom: «Nate, tibi vita non eripitur, sed mutatur in melius» — "My son, your life is not taken from you, but changed for the better."

#### Affections and Prayers

O God of my soul, in the past I have dishonored You by turning my back on You; but Your Son has honored You, sacrificing His life for You on the cross; for the honor, then, that Your beloved Son has given You, forgive me the dishonor I have done You. I repent, O sovereign Good, of having offended You, and I promise You from this day forward to love nothing but You. My salvation I hope for from You. Whatever good I have at present is all Your grace; I acknowledge it all as coming from You. «Gratia Dei sum id quod sum» — "By the grace of God I am what I am." If in the past I have dishonored You, I hope to honor You in eternity by blessing Your mercy. I feel a great desire to love You; it is You who give me this desire, and I thank You for it, my love. Continue, continue to help me, as You have begun, for I hope from this day forward to be Yours and all Yours. I renounce all the pleasures of the world. And what greater pleasure can I have than to please You, my Lord so worthy of love, who have loved me so much? Love alone do I beg of You, O my God — love, love; and I hope to beg You always for love, love; until, dying in Your love, I reach the kingdom of love, where, without asking for it any more, I shall be full of love, never ceasing for a moment to love You there for all eternity, and with all my strength.

Mary, my Mother, You who so love Your God and so desire to see Him loved, grant that I may love Him greatly in this life, so that I may love Him greatly in the next, forever.

## Consideration IX — Peace of a Just Man Who Dies

«Iustorum animae in manu Dei sunt, non tanget illos tormentum malitiae; visi sunt oculis insipientium mori; illi autem sunt in pace» — "The souls of the just are in the hand of God, and the torment of malice shall not touch them; in the eyes of the unwise they seemed to die, but they are in peace" (Wis. 3:3).

### POINT I

«Iustorum animae in manu Dei sunt» — "The souls of the just are in the hand of God." If God holds the souls of the just clasped in His hands, who could ever snatch them from His hands? It is true that hell does not cease to tempt and to insult even the Saints at their death, but neither does God cease to assist them and to increase His help to His faithful servants as their danger grows: «Ibi plus auxilii, ubi plus periculi; quia Deus adiutor est in opportunitatibus» — "There is more help where there is more danger, for God is a helper in times of need," says St. Ambrose (On Joseph, ch. 5). When the servant of Elisha saw the city surrounded by enemies, he was terrified; but the Saint gave him courage, saying: «Noli timere, plures enim nobiscum sunt, quam cum illis» — "Fear not, for there are more with us than with them" (2 Kgs. 6:16). And then he showed him an army of Angels sent by God for his defense. The devil will indeed come to tempt, but the Guardian Angel will also come to comfort the dying person; the holy Advocates will come; St. Michael will come, who is appointed by God to defend His faithful servants in the last struggle with hell; Mary Most Holy will come to drive away the enemies, placing her devotee beneath her mantle; above all, Jesus Christ will come to guard from temptations that little sheep of His — innocent or penitent — to save whom He gave His life: He will give her the confidence and the strength she needs in that combat, so that, full of courage, she will say: «Dominus factus est adiutor meus» — "The Lord has become my helper" (Ps. 29:11). «Dominus illuminatio mea, et salus mea, quem timebo?» — "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?" (Ps. 26:1). Our salvation matters more to God, says Origen, than our perdition matters to the devil;

for God loves us far more than the devil hates us: «Maior illi cura est, ut nos ad salutem pertrahat, quam diabolo, ut nos ad damnationem impellat» — "He has greater care to draw us to salvation than the devil has to drive us to damnation" (Hom. 20 on Numbers).

God is faithful, says the Apostle; He does not permit us to be tempted beyond our strength: «Fidelis Deus non patietur vos tentari supra id quod potestis» — "God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above what you are able" (1 Cor. 10:13). But you will say: Many Saints died in great fear of their eternal salvation. I reply: few are the examples one reads of such persons, who led a good life and then died with this fear. Vincent of Beauvais says that the Lord permits this in some, in order to purge them at death of some fault of theirs: «Iusti quandoque dure moriendo purgantur in hoc mundo» — "The just are sometimes purged in this world by a hard death." For the rest, of nearly all the servants of God we read that they died with a smile on their lips. The divine judgment inspires fear in everyone at death; but whereas sinners pass from fear to despair, the Saints pass from fear to confidence. St. Bernard was afraid while ill, as St. Antoninus relates, and was tempted to distrust; but thinking of the merits of Jesus Christ, he drove away every fear, saying: «Vulnera tua, merita mea» — "Your wounds are my merits." St. Hilarion was afraid too, but then he joyfully said: «Egredere, anima mea, quid times? Septuaginta prope annis servisti Christo, et mortem times?» — "Go forth, my soul; what do you fear? For nearly seventy years you have served Christ, and do you fear death?" And he meant to say: My soul, what do you fear, having served a God who is faithful and knows not how to abandon one who has been faithful to Him in life? Father Giuseppe Scamacca of the Society of Jesus, when asked whether he was dying with confidence, replied: Have I then served Mohammed, that I should now doubt the goodness of my God, that He should not will to save me?

If ever at death the thought of having offended God at some time should torment us, we know that the Lord has declared that He will forget the sins of penitents: «Si impius egerit poenitentiam, omnium iniquitatum eius non recordabor» — "If the wicked man does penance, I will no longer remember all his iniquities" (Ezek. 18). But, someone will say, how can we be certain that God has forgiven us? St. Basil asks the same question: «Quomodo certo persuasus esse quis potest, quod Deus ei peccata dimiserit?» — "How can anyone be firmly persuaded that God has forgiven him his sins?" And he answers: «Nimirum si dicat: iniquitatem odio habui, et abominatus sum» — "Doubtless, if he can say: I have held iniquity in hatred and have abhorred it" (In Reg., q. 12). Whoever hates sin can be certain that God has already forgiven him. The heart of man cannot be without loving: either it loves creatures or it loves God; if it does not love creatures, then it loves God. And he loves God who keeps the commandments: «Qui habet praecepta mea, et servat ea, ille est qui diligit me» — "He who has My commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves Me" (John 14). Whoever dies, then, in observance of the commandments dies loving God; and whoever loves God does not fear: «Caritas mittit foras timorem» — "Charity casts out fear" (1 John 4:18).

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Jesus, when will that day come when I can say to You: My God, I can lose You no more? When will it be that I shall see You face to face and be certain of loving You with all my strength for all eternity? Ah, my sovereign good, my only love, as long as I live I shall always have to remain in danger of offending You and of losing Your beautiful grace! There was an unhappy time when I did not love You and despised Your love; now I repent of it with all my soul, and I hope that You have already forgiven me; and now I love You with all my heart, and I desire to do all I can to love You and to give You pleasure. But I am still in danger of denying You my love and of turning my back on You once again. Ah, my Jesus, my life, my treasure, do not permit it. If this greatest of misfortunes were ever to befall me, let me die at this very moment by the hardest death You will; I consent to it, and I beg it of You. Eternal Father, for the love of Jesus Christ, do not abandon me to this great ruin. Chastise me as You will; I deserve it and I accept it; but deliver me from the chastisement of seeing myself deprived of Your grace and of Your love. My Jesus, recommend me to Your Father.

Mary, my Mother, recommend me to Your Son; obtain for me perseverance in His friendship and the grace to love Him, and then may He do with me whatever He wills.

### POINT II

«Iustorum animae in manu Dei sunt, non tanget illos tormentum malitiae, visi sunt oculis insipientium mori... illi autem sunt in pace» — "The souls of the just are in the hand of God, and the torment of malice shall not touch them; in the eyes of the foolish they seemed to die... but they are in peace" (Wis. 3:3). To the eyes of the foolish it seems that the servants of God die afflicted and unwilling, as worldlings die; but no — God knows well how to console His children at their death; and even amid the pains of death He lets them taste certain great sweetnesses, as foretastes of the paradise He is about to give them. Just as those who die in sin begin, even upon that bed, to feel certain foretastes of hell — of remorse, of terror, and of despair — so, in contrast, the Saints, by the acts of love they then make more frequently toward God, and by the desire and the hope they have of soon possessing Him, already begin before death to feel that peace which they will afterward enjoy fully in heaven. Death for the Saints is not a punishment but a reward: «Cum dederit dilectis suis somnum, ecce hereditas Domini» — "When He gives sleep to His beloved, behold the inheritance of the Lord" (Ps. 126:2). The death of one who loves God is not called death, but sleep, so that he may well say: «In pace in idipsum dormiam, et requiescam» — "In peace, in the selfsame, I will sleep and I will rest" (Ps. 4:9).

Father Suarez died with such peace that, while dying, he came to say: «Non putabam tam dulce esse mori» — "I did not think that dying was so sweet": I could never have imagined that death would prove so gentle to me. Cardinal Baronius, admonished by the physician not to think so much about death, replied: Why, do I perhaps fear it? I do not fear it, but I love it. Cardinal Ruffense, as Santero relates, when he went to die for the faith, took care to put on the best clothes he had, saying that he was going to a wedding. When he came within sight of the scaffold, he threw away his little staff and said: «Ite, pedes, parum a paradiso distamus» — "Onward, my feet; we are but a little way from paradise." And before dying he intoned the "Te Deum," in thanksgiving to God, who was making him die a martyr for the holy faith; and thus, all joyful, he laid his head beneath the blade. St. Francis of Assisi sang while dying and invited the others to sing. "Father," Brother Elias said to him, "in dying one must weep, not sing." "But I cannot" (the Saint replied) "help singing, seeing that shortly I must go to enjoy God." A Teresian nun, dying as a young girl while the other nuns stood weeping around her, said to them: "O God, why weep? I am going to find my Jesus Christ; rejoice with me, if you love me" (Dising. Parol. I. § VI).

Father Granada relates that a certain hunter found a leprous Solitary who was dying, and was singing. "How," said the hunter, "can you sing, being in such a state?" The hermit replied: "Brother, between me and God there stands only the wall of this body of mine; now I see it falling to pieces and the prison being dismantled, and I am going to see God; and for this I console myself and sing." This desire to see God made St. Ignatius the Martyr say that if the wild beasts had not come to take his life, he would have provoked them to devour him: «Ego vim faciam, ut devorer» — "I will use force, that they may devour me." St. Catherine of Genoa could not bear that some regarded death as a misfortune, and she said: "O beloved death, how ill-regarded you are! And why do you not come to me, who call you day and night?" (Life, ch. 7). And St. Teresa desired death so much that she deemed it her death not to die; and with this sentiment she composed that celebrated song of hers: «Muoio, perché non muoio» — "I die because I do not die." Such is death for the Saints.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my sovereign good, my God, if in the past I have not loved You, now I turn wholly to You. I take my leave of all creatures, and I choose to love You alone, my most lovable Lord. Tell me what You want of me, for I want to do it. Enough have I offended You. This life that remains to me, I want to spend entirely in pleasing You. Give me strength, so that with my love I may make up for the ingratitude I have shown You until now. For so many years I deserved to burn in the fire of hell, and You followed after me so much that You have already drawn me to You; now make me burn in the fire of Your holy love. I love You, infinite goodness. You want to be the only one loved by me, and You are right, because You have loved me more than all, and You alone deserve to be loved; and I want to love You alone; I want to do all I can to please You. Do with me whatever pleases You. It is enough for me that I love You, and that You love me.

Mary, my Mother, help me; pray to Jesus for me.

### POINT III

And how can one fear death who hopes after death to be crowned king of paradise? «Non vereamur occidi» — "Let us not fear to be slain" (said St. Cyprian), «quos constat quando occidimur coronari» — "for we know that when we are slain, we are crowned". How can one fear to die who knows that, dying in the grace of God, his body will become immortal? «Oportet mortale hoc induere immortalitatem» — "This mortal body must put on immortality" (1 Cor. 15:53). Whoever loves God and desires to see Him counts life a pain and death a joy. «Patienter vivit, delectabiliter moritur» — "He lives patiently, he dies delightfully", says St. Augustine. And St. Thomas of Villanova says that death, if it finds a man sleeping, comes like a thief: it strips him, kills him, and casts him into the pit of hell; but if it finds him watchful, like an ambassador of God it greets him and says to him: The Lord awaits you at the wedding feast; come, and I will lead you to the blessed kingdom you desire: «Te Dominus ad nuptias vocat, veni, ducam te quo desideras».

Oh, with what joy does he await death who finds himself in the grace of God, hoping soon to see Jesus Christ and to hear it said to him: «Euge serve bone et fidelis, quia in pauca fuisti fidelis super multa te constituam» — "Well done, good and faithful servant; because you have been faithful over a few things, I will set you over many" (Matt. 25:21). Oh, how consoling then will be the penances, the prayers, the detachment from earthly goods, and everything one has done for God! «Dicite iusto, quoniam bene, quoniam fructum adinventionum suarum comedet» — "Say to the just man that it shall be well with him, for he shall eat the fruit of his doings" (Isa. 3:10). Then whoever has loved God will taste the fruit of all his holy works. For this reason Father Ippolito Durazzo of the Society of Jesus, when a religious friend of his was dying with signs of salvation, did not weep, but rejoiced with all his heart. But what an absurdity it would be, said St. John Chrysostom, to believe in an eternal paradise and then to pity the one who goes there: «Fateri coelum, et eos, qui hinc eo commearunt, luctu prosequi?» (John Chrys., To a Widow). What consolation especially will it be then to remember the devotions paid to the Mother of God: those rosaries, those visits, those fasts on Saturdays, having frequented her Congregation! «Virgo fidelis» — "Virgin most faithful" — so Mary is called; oh, how faithful she is in consoling her faithful servants at death! A certain devout servant of Mary Most Holy said as he was dying to Father Binetti: "Father, you cannot believe the consolation that the thought of having served Mary Most Holy brings at death! Oh, my father, if you knew what joy I feel for having served this Mother of mine! I cannot express it." And what joy will it bring to one who has loved Jesus Christ, who has often visited Him in the Blessed Sacrament and often received Him in Holy Communion, to see his Lord enter the room with the Holy Viaticum, coming to accompany him in the passage to the other life! O happy is he who can then say to Him with St. Philip Neri: "Behold my love, behold my love; give me my love!"

But who knows (someone will say) what lot will befall me? Who knows whether in the end I shall make a bad death? But to you who speak thus, I ask: What is it that makes death bad? Sin alone; sin alone, then, must we fear, not death. «Liquet acerbitatem non mortis esse, sed culpae; non ad mortem metus referendus, sed ad vitam» (says St. Ambrose, De bono mortis, ch. 8) — "It is clear that the bitterness belongs not to death but to guilt; fear should be directed not to death but to life." Do you wish, then, not to fear death? Live well. «Timenti Deum bene erit in extremis» — "For him who fears God, it shall go well at the end."

Father de la Colombière held it to be morally impossible that anyone who has been faithful to God in life should make a bad death. And St. Augustine had said it before him: «Non potest male mori, qui bene vixerit» — "He who has lived well cannot die badly." Whoever is prepared to die does not fear any kind of death, even a sudden one. «Iustus quacunque morte praeoccupatus fuerit, in refrigerio erit» — "The just man, whatever death overtakes him, shall be at rest" (Wis. 7:7). And since we cannot go to enjoy God except by means of death, St. John Chrysostom exhorts us: «Offeramus Deo, quod tenemur reddere» — "Let us offer to God what we are bound to render to Him." And let us understand that whoever offers his death to God makes an act of love the most perfect he can make toward God; for by willingly embracing that death which pleases God, and at the time and in the manner that God wills, he makes himself like the holy Martyrs. Whoever loves God must desire and sigh for death, because death unites us eternally with God and frees us from the danger of losing Him. It is a sign of little love for God to have no desire to go soon to see Him, and thus to make sure of never being able to lose Him again. Meanwhile, in this life let us love Him as much as we can. For this alone must life serve us: to grow in love; the measure of our love with which death finds us will be the measure of the love with which we shall love God in blessed eternity.

#### Affections and Prayers

Bind me, my Jesus, to You, so that I may never be able to separate myself from You again. Make me wholly Yours before I die, so that I may see You appeased, O my Redeemer, the first time I see You. You sought me when I was fleeing from You; do not cast me out now that I seek You. Forgive me all the displeasure I have caused You. From this day forward I want to think of nothing but serving You and loving You. You have bound me by too great a debt: You did not refuse to give Your blood and Your life for love of me. I would therefore consume myself entirely for You, O my Jesus, who consumed Yourself entirely for me. O God of my soul, I want to love You much in this life, in order to love You much in the next. Eternal Father, draw my whole heart to Yourself; detach it from earthly affections, and wound it, inflame it wholly with Your holy love. Hear me through the merits of Jesus Christ. Give me holy perseverance, and give me the grace always to ask You for it.

Mary, my Mother, help me and obtain for me this grace of always asking Your Son for holy perseverance.

## Consideration X — Means for Preparing for Death

«Memorare novissima tua, et in aeternum non peccabis» — "Remember your last end, and you shall never sin" (Sir. 7:40).

### POINT I

All confess that we must die, and die only once; and that there is nothing of greater consequence than this, since on the moment of death depends our being blessed or damned forever. All know too that on living well or badly depends making a good or a bad death. Then how is it that most Christians live as though they never had to die, or as though it mattered little whether they die well or badly? We live badly because we do not think of death: «Memorare novissima tua, et in aeternum non peccabis» — "Remember your last end, and you shall never sin." We must convince ourselves that the time of death is not the proper time for settling accounts in order to secure the great affair of eternal salvation. The prudent of this world, in earthly affairs, take all their measures in due time to obtain that profit, that post, that marriage; for the health of the body they do not delay the necessary remedies in the least. What would you say of a man who had to fight a duel or compete for a professorship, if he wanted to wait to prepare himself until the time had already arrived? Would that captain not be mad who, in the midst of a siege, put off making provision of food and arms? And mad too that helmsman who neglected to provide himself with anchors and cables until the time of the storm? Just such is that Christian who puts off setting his conscience in order until death has arrived. «Cum interitus quasi tempestas ingruerit... tunc invocabunt me, et non exaudiam; comedent fructus vitae suae» — "When destruction comes upon you like a storm... then they shall call upon me, and I will not hear; they shall eat the fruit of their own life" (Prov. 1:27). The time of death is a time of storm, of confusion; then sinners call upon God for help, but only out of fear of hell, which they see near at hand, without true conversion, and therefore God does not hear them. And therefore they will justly taste then only the fruits of their evil life. «Quae seminaverit homo, haec et metet» — "What a man has sown, that also shall he reap." Ah, it is not enough then to receive the sacraments; one must die hating sin and loving God above all things; but how will he hate illicit pleasures who up to then will have loved them? How will he love God then above all things who up to that point will have loved creatures more than God?

The Lord calls foolish those virgins (for such they were) who wanted to prepare their lamps when the bridegroom was already coming. Everyone fears sudden death, because then there is no time to settle one's accounts. Everyone acknowledges that the Saints were the truly wise, because they prepared themselves for death before death came. And what are we doing? Do we want to wait to prepare ourselves to die well when death is already near? We must therefore do now what we will wish to have done at death. Oh, what pain the memory of time badly spent will cause then! Time given by God to gain merit, but time that has passed and returns no more. What anguish it will cause then to hear it said: «Iam non poteris amplius villicare» — "You can no longer be steward." There is no more time to do penance, to frequent the sacraments, to hear sermons, to visit Jesus Christ in the churches, to pray; what is done is done. You would then need a sounder mind and a quieter time to make your confession as it should be made, to resolve various points of serious scruple, and thus to quiet your conscience; but «tempus non erit amplius» — "there shall be no more time."

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, if I had died on those nights that You know of, where would I be now? I thank You for having waited for me, and I thank You for all those moments in which I would have had to be in hell, from that first moment when I offended You. Ah, give me light, and make me know the great wrong I have done You in voluntarily losing Your grace, which You merited for me by sacrificing Yourself for me upon a cross. Ah, my Jesus, forgive me, while I repent with all my heart, more than for any other evil, of having despised You, infinite Goodness. I hope that You have already forgiven me. Ah, help me, O my Savior, so that I may never lose You again. Ah, my Lord, if I were to return to offending You after so many lights and so many graces received from You, would I not deserve a hell made just for me? Ah, do not permit it, through the merits of that blood which You shed for love of me. Give me holy perseverance, give me Your love. I love You, O Sovereign Good, and I do not want to cease loving You until death. My God, have pity on me for love of Jesus Christ.

Have pity on me also, O Mary, my hope; commend me to God; Your commendations meet no refusal with that Lord who loves You so much.

### POINT II

Quickly then, my brother, since it is certain that you must die, place yourself at the feet of the Crucifix, and thank Him for the time that in His mercy He gives you to set your conscience in order; and then review all the disorders of your past life, especially those of your youth. Glance over the divine precepts, examine the offices you have exercised, the company you have kept, and note down in writing your failings; and make a general confession of your whole life, if you have not yet made one. Oh, how much a general confession helps to set the life of a Christian in good order! Consider that these are accounts for eternity, and therefore settle them as though you were now at the point of having to render them to Jesus Christ the Judge. Drive from your heart every evil affection, every rancor; remove now every scruple concerning others' goods, reputation taken away, scandals given; and resolve to flee those occasions in which you may lose God. Consider that what now seems difficult to you will at the point of death seem impossible to you.

What matters is that you resolve to put into practice the means of keeping yourself in the grace of God. The means are: Mass every day, meditation on the eternal truths, frequent confession and Holy Communion at least every eight days, a visit every day to the Blessed Sacrament and to Mary Most Holy, the pious congregation, spiritual reading, the examination of conscience every evening, some special devotion to Mary Most Holy such as fasting on Saturday; and above all, resolve to commend yourself often to God and to Mary Most Holy by frequently invoking, and especially in time of temptation, the most holy names of Jesus and Mary. These are the means that can obtain for you a good death and eternal salvation.

Doing this will be a great sign for you of your predestination. And as for the past, trust in the blood of Jesus Christ, who now gives you these lights because He wills you to be saved, and trust in the intercession of Mary, who obtains these lights for you. With such a rule of life and confidence in Jesus and Mary, oh how God helps, and what strength the soul acquires! Quickly then, my reader, give yourself entirely to God who calls you; and begin to enjoy that peace of which until now, through your own fault, you have been deprived. And what greater peace can a soul feel than to be able to say, on going to bed at night: If death comes tonight, I hope to die in the grace of God! What consolation it is to hear the crash of the thunder, to see the earth tremble, and to be awaiting death with resignation, if God so disposes!

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Lord, how I thank You for the light that You give me. I have left You so many times, I have turned my back on You; but You have not abandoned me; if You had abandoned me, I would have remained blind, as I chose to be in the past; I would be obstinate in my sin and would have neither the will to leave it nor the will to love You. Now I feel a great sorrow for having offended You, a great desire to remain in Your grace; I feel a horror of those accursed pleasures that made me lose Your friendship; all these are graces that come to me from You and make me hope that You will to forgive me and to save me. Since, then, with all my sins You have not abandoned me and You will my salvation; behold, Lord, I give myself entirely to You, I repent above every other evil of having offended You, and I resolve to lose my life a thousand times rather than Your grace. I love You, my Sovereign Good; I love You, my Jesus, who died for me; and I hope in Your blood that You will not permit me ever to be separated from You again. No, my Jesus, I do not want to lose You. I want to love You always in life, I want to love You in death, I want to love You for all eternity. Do You, then, ever preserve me and increase my love for You; I ask this of You through Your merits.

Mary, my hope, pray to Jesus for me.

### POINT III

Moreover, we must strive to find ourselves at every hour as we desire to find ourselves at death. «Beati mortui, qui in Domino moriuntur» — "Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord" (Rev. 14). St. Ambrose says that those die well who at the time of death are already dead to the world, that is, detached from those goods from which death will then have to separate us by force. So we must from now accept the stripping away of possessions, the separation from relatives and from all the things of this earth. If we do not do this voluntarily in life, we shall have to do it necessarily at death, but then with extreme sorrow and with danger to our eternal salvation. And in this regard St. Augustine observes that it greatly helps toward dying peacefully to settle one's temporal affairs during life, making from now the disposition of the goods that must be left, so that at death the person may be occupied only in uniting himself with God. Then it is good to speak only of God and of paradise. Those last moments are too precious to be wasted on thoughts of earth. At death the crown of the elect is completed, for then perhaps the best harvest of merits is made, in embracing those sorrows and that death with resignation and love.

But he will not be able to have these good dispositions at death who has not exercised them in life. To this end, some devout persons practice with great profit the renewal every month of the Protestation of Death with the Christian acts, after having confessed and received Holy Communion, picturing themselves already dying and near to departing this life. («In our little book of the Visit to the Blessed Sacrament this Protestation with the acts may be found, which can be read in a short time, for it is brief»). What is not done in life is very difficult to do at death. The great servant of God Sister Catherine of St. Albert, a Teresian nun, sighed as she was dying and said: Sisters, I do not sigh for fear of death, for I have been awaiting it for twenty-five years; I sigh to see so many deluded souls who spend their life in sin and are reduced to making peace with God at death, when I can scarcely pronounce the name of Jesus.

Examine then, my brother, whether your heart is now attached to something of earth, to that person, to that honor, to that house, to that money, to that company, to those amusements; consider that you are not eternal. You must leave it one day, and perhaps soon; and why do you wish to remain attached to it, putting yourself at risk of making a restless death? Offer everything to God from now, ready to deprive yourself of it whenever it pleases Him. If you wish to die resigned, you must from now resign yourself to all the contrary accidents that may befall you, and strip yourself of affection for the things of earth. Place the moment of death before your eyes and you will despise everything. «Facile contemnit omnia qui semper se cogitat moriturum» (says St. Jerome) — "He easily despises all things who always considers that he is going to die."

If you have not yet chosen your state in life, choose the state you would wish to have chosen when you are at the point of death, and which will give you a more peaceful death. If you have already chosen it, then do what you would wish to have done in that state at that moment. Live as though every day were the last of your life, and every action the last you will perform — your last prayer, your last confession, your last Holy Communion. Imagine that at any hour you found yourself dying, stretched out on a bed, hearing that summons: «Proficiscere de hoc mundo» — "Depart from this world." Oh, how much this thought will help you to walk well and to detach yourself from the world: «Beatus ille servus, quem, cum venerit Dominus eius, inveniet sic facientem» — "Blessed is that servant whom his lord, when he comes, finds so doing" (Matt. 24:46). He who awaits death at every hour, even should he die suddenly, will not fail to die well.

#### Affections and Prayers

Every Christian must be prepared to say, at the moment when the news of death is given him, something like this: So, my God, only a few hours remain to me? I wish to spend them loving You as much as I can in this present life, so as to love You more in the next. Little remains for me to offer You; I offer You these sufferings and the sacrifice of my life, in union with the sacrifice that Jesus Christ offered You for me on the cross. Lord, the pains I suffer are few and light compared with those I have deserved: such as they are, I embrace them as a sign of the love I bear You. I resign myself to all the punishments You wish to send me in this life and in the next, provided that I may love You for eternity. Punish me as You please, but do not deprive me of Your love. I know I would no longer deserve to love You, having so many times despised Your love; but You cannot cast away a repentant soul. I repent, O Supreme Good, of having offended You. I love You with all my heart, and in You I place all my trust. Your death, O my Redeemer, is my hope. Into Your wounded hands I commend my soul. «In manus tuas commendo spiritum meum; redemisti me, Domine Deus veritatis» — "Into Your hands I commend my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord, God of truth." O my Jesus, You have shed Your blood to save me; do not permit me to be separated from You. I love You, O eternal God, and I hope to love You for eternity.

Mary, my Mother, help me at that great moment. Now into Your hands I consign my spirit; tell Your Son to have pity on me. To You I commend myself; deliver me from hell.

## Consideration XI — The Value of Time

«Fili, conserva tempus» — "Son, guard your time" (Sir. 4:23).

### POINT I

Son, says the Holy Spirit, be careful to preserve your time, which is the most precious thing and the greatest gift that God can give to a living man. Even the pagans knew the value of time. Seneca said that no price can equal the value of time: «Nullum temporis pretium» — "No price matches the value of time." But the Saints, with a clearer light, have known the value of time. St. Bernardine of Siena said that a moment of time is worth as much as God, because in every moment man can, by an act of contrition or of love, gain for himself the divine grace of God and eternal glory: «Modico tempore potest homo lucrari gratiam, et gloriam. Tempus tantum valet, quantum Deus, quippe in tempore bene consumto comparatur Deus» — "In a short time man can gain grace and glory. Time is worth as much as God, since in time well spent God is gained" (St. Bernardine, Serm. Fer. IV, post Dom. I. Quadr. c. 4).

Time is a treasure found only in this life; it is not found in the next, neither in hell nor in heaven. In hell, this is the weeping of the damned: «O si daretur hora!» — "Oh, if only an hour were given!" They would pay any price for one hour of time in which they could remedy their ruin; but this hour they will never have. In heaven there is no weeping; but if the blessed could weep, this alone would be their grief — having lost time in this life, in which they could have gained greater glory, a time they can no longer have. A deceased Benedictine nun appeared in glory to a certain person and told her that she was perfectly content; but if she could have desired anything at all, it would be only to return to life and to suffer in order to merit more glory; and she said she would be content to suffer the painful illness she had endured at death until the day of judgment, in order to gain the glory corresponding to the merit of a single «Ave Maria» — "Hail Mary."

And you, my brother, on what do you spend your time? Why do you always put off until tomorrow what you could do today? Reflect that past time already gone is no longer yours; the future is not in your power: only the present time is yours for doing good. «Quid de futuro miser praesumis (ne avverte S. Bernardo), tanquam Pater tempora in tua posuerit potestate?» — "Why do you, wretched man, presume upon the future (as St. Bernard warns), as though the Father had placed the times in your power?" (Serm. 38 de Part.). And St. Augustine says: «Diem tenes, qui horam non tenes?» — "Do you hold the day, who do not hold the hour?" How can you promise yourself the day of tomorrow, if you do not know whether even another hour of life remains to you? Therefore St. Teresa concludes: if today you are not ready to die, fear lest you die badly.

#### Affections and Prayers

O my God, I thank You for the time You give me to remedy the disorders of my past life. If I had to die at this very moment, one of my greatest sorrows would be the thought of time lost. Ah, my Lord, You gave me time to love You, and I have spent it offending You! I deserved that You should send me to hell from the very first moment I turned my back on You; but You called me to penance and forgave me. I promised You never to offend You again, but how many times have I returned to insult You — and again You forgave me! Blessed forever be Your mercy. Were it not infinite, how could it have borne with me so! Who could ever have had the patience with me that You have shown me? How sorry I am to have offended so good a God! My dear Savior, the patience alone that You have had with me should make me fall in love with You. Ah, do not permit me to live any longer ungrateful for the love You have shown me. Detach me from everything, and draw me wholly to Your love. No, my God, I do not want to waste any more of the time You give me to repair the evil done; I want to spend it all in serving You and loving You. Give me strength; give me holy perseverance. I love You, O infinite Goodness, and I hope to love You for eternity.

I thank You, O Mary: You have been my Advocate in obtaining for me this time of life; assist me now, and grant that I may spend it all in loving Your Son, my Redeemer, and You, my Queen and Mother.

### POINT II

There is nothing more precious than time, but there is nothing less valued and more despised by the men of the world. This is what St. Bernard laments: «Nihil pretiosius tempore, sed nihil vilius aestimatur» — "Nothing is more precious than time, yet nothing is valued more cheaply" (Serm. ad Schol.). And he goes on to say: «Transeunt dies salutis, et nemo recogitat sibi perire diem, et nunquam rediturum» — "The days of salvation pass by, and no one reflects that a day is perishing for him, never to return." You will see that gambler spending days and nights wasting time at games; if you ask him, "What are you doing?" he answers, "We are passing the time." You will see that other vagabond lingering for whole hours in the middle of a street, watching who passes by, or speaking obscenely or about useless things; if you ask him, "What are you doing?" he answers, "I am passing the time." Poor blind men, who lose so many days — days that never return!

O despised time, you will be the thing most desired by worldlings at the time of death! They will then desire another year, another month, another day, but they will not have it; they will then hear it said to them: «Tempus non erit amplius» — "Time shall be no more." How much would each of them then pay for another week, another day of time, to better settle the accounts of his conscience? Even to obtain a single hour of time, says St. Lawrence Justinian, such a man would give all his goods: «Erogaret opes, honores, delicias pro una horula» — "He would lavish riches, honors, and pleasures for one little hour" (De Vita Sol. cap. 10). But this hour will not be given him: "Quickly," the assisting priest will tell him, "quickly depart from this earth; there is no more time": «Proficiscere, anima christiana, de hoc mundo» — "Depart, Christian soul, from this world."

Therefore the prophet exhorts us to remember God and to procure for ourselves the grace of God before the light fails: «Memento creatoris tui, antequam tenebrescat sol, et lumen» — "Remember your Creator before the sun and the light are darkened" (Eccl. 12:1). What anguish it is for a traveler who realizes he has taken the wrong road when night has already fallen and there is no more time to remedy it! Such will be the anguish at death of one who has lived many years in the world but has not spent them for God: «Venit nox, in qua nemo potest operari» — "The night comes, in which no one can work" (John 9:4). Then death will be for him a time of night, in which he can do nothing more. «Vocavit adversum me tempus» — "He has summoned a time against me" (Lam. 1:15). His conscience will then remind him how much time he has had, and that he spent it to the ruin of his soul; how many calls, how many graces he received from God to become a saint, and he refused to avail himself of them; and then he will see the way of doing any good closed to him. Wherefore he will say, weeping: Oh, what a fool I have been! Oh, time lost! Oh, my life lost! Oh, years lost, in which I could have become a saint; but I did not, and now there is no more time to do it. But what use will these laments and sighs be, when the scene is about to end, the lamp is about to be extinguished, and the dying man is drawing near to that great moment on which eternity depends?

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Jesus, You have spent Your whole life to save my soul; there was not a moment of Your life in which You did not offer Yourself for me to the Eternal Father to obtain for me pardon and eternal salvation. And I have been so many years in the world — how many of them have I spent for You until now? Ah, all that I remember having done fills me with remorse of conscience. The evil has been great; the good has been too little, and all of it full of imperfections, of lukewarmness, of self-love, and of distractions. Ah, my Redeemer, it has all been so because I forgot all that You have done for me. I forgot You, but You did not forget me; You came after me while I was fleeing from You, and so many times You called me to Your love. Here I am, my Jesus; I will resist no longer — or do I wish to wait until You abandon me completely? I repent, O Supreme Good, of having separated myself from You by sin. I love You, infinite Goodness, worthy of infinite love. Ah, do not permit me to waste any more of this time that You give me in Your mercy. Ah, always remind me, my beloved Savior, of the love You have borne me and of the pains You have suffered for me. Make me forget everything, so that in this life that remains to me I may think only of loving You and giving You pleasure. I love You, my Jesus, my love, my all. I promise You, whenever I remember, to make acts of love to You. Give me holy perseverance. I place all my trust in the merits of Your blood.

And I trust in Your intercession, O my dear Mother Mary.

### POINT III

«Ambulate dum lucem habetis» — "Walk while you have the light" (John 12:35). We must walk in the way of the Lord during life, now that we have the light, for afterward it is lost in death. Then it is not the time to prepare oneself, but to find oneself already prepared. «Estote parati» — "Be ready." In death nothing can be done; then what is done is done. O God, if someone received the news that shortly the case of his life, or of all his possessions, was to be tried, how he would hasten to obtain a good lawyer, to make the officials understand the grounds of his claims, and to find means of winning their favor! And what do we do? We know for certain that shortly — and it may be at any hour — the case of the greatest affair we have is to be tried, which is the affair of eternal salvation, and we lose time?

Someone will say: But I am young; later I will give myself to God. But know (I reply) that the Lord cursed the fig tree that He found without fruit, although it was not the season for fruit, as the Gospel notes: «Non enim erat tempus ficorum» — "For it was not the season for figs" (Mark 11:13). By this Jesus Christ wished to signify to us that man, at every season — even in youth — must bear the fruit of good works; otherwise he will be cursed and will bear fruit no more in the future. «Iam non amplius in aeternum ex te fructum quispiam manducet» — "Let no one ever eat fruit from you again." So said the Redeemer to that tree, and so He curses whoever is called by Him and resists. A remarkable thing! The devil considers the whole span of our life to be but little time, and therefore he does not lose a moment in tempting us: «Descendit diabolus ad vos habens iram magnam, sciens quod modicum tempus habet» — "The devil has come down to you in great wrath, knowing that he has but a short time" (Rev. 12:12). So the enemy loses no time in seeking to ruin us — and shall we lose time when it is a matter of saving ourselves?

Another will say: "But what harm am I doing?" O God, and is it not harm to lose time in games and in useless conversations that do no good to the soul? Does God perhaps give you this time so that you may waste it? No, says the Holy Spirit: «Non te praetereat particula boni diei» — "Let not even a particle of a good day pass you by" (Sir. ch. 4). Those laborers of whom St. Matthew writes were doing no harm, but were only wasting time; and for this they were reproved by the master of the vineyard: «Quid hic statis tota die otiosi?» — "Why do you stand here idle all day?" (Matt. ch. 20). On the day of judgment Jesus Christ will demand of us an account of every idle word. All time that is not spent for God is time lost: «Omne tempus, quo de Deo non cogitasti, cogita te perdidisse» — "All the time in which you have not thought of God, consider that you have lost" (St. Bernard, Coll. I, ch. 8). Therefore the Lord exhorts us: «Quodcunque facere potest manus tua, instanter operare, quia nec opus, nec ratio erunt apud inferos, quo tu properas» — "Whatever your hand is able to do, do it earnestly, for there shall be neither work nor reason in hell, where you are hastening" (Eccles. 9:10). The Venerable Mother Sister Joan of the Most Holy Trinity, a Teresian nun, used to say that in the life of the saints there is no "tomorrow": "tomorrow" belongs to the life of sinners, who are always saying, "later, later"; and so they arrive at death. «Ecce nunc tempus acceptabile» — "Behold, now is the acceptable time" (2 Cor. 6:2). «Hodie si vocem eius audieritis, nolite obdurare corda vestra» — "Today, if you hear His voice, harden not your hearts" (Ps. 94:8). Today God calls you to do good; do it today, for tomorrow it may be that there is no more time, or that God calls you no more.

And if in the past, to your misfortune, you have spent your time in offending God, strive to weep over it during the life that remains to you, as King Hezekiah resolved to do: «Recogitabo tibi omnes annos meos in amaritudine animae meae» — "I will recount to You all my years in the bitterness of my soul" (Isa. 38:15). God gives you life so that you may now repair the time that has been lost. «Redimentes tempus, quoniam dies mali sunt» — "Redeeming the time, because the days are evil" (Eph. 5:16). St. Anselm comments: «Tempus redimes, si quae facere neglexisti, facias» — "You will redeem the time if you do the things you have neglected to do." Of St. Paul, St. Jerome says that although he was the last of the Apostles, he was the first in merit because of what he did after he was called: «Paulus novissimus in ordine, prior in meritis, quia plus in omnibus laboravit» — "Paul, the last in order, was the first in merit, because he labored more than all." If nothing else, let us reflect that in every moment we can make greater acquisitions of eternal goods. If you were allowed to acquire as much land as you could walk around in a day, or as much money as you could count in a day, what haste would you not make? And you can acquire eternal treasures in every moment — and you wish to lose time? What you can do today, do not say that you can do tomorrow, because this "today" will be lost for you and will never return. St. Francis Borgia, when others spoke of worldly matters, would turn to God with holy affections, so that when he was then asked for his opinion, he did not know how to answer; for this he was reproved, but he said: «Malo rudis vocari, quam temporis iacturam pati» — "I would rather be thought dull of wit than suffer the loss of time."

#### Affections and Prayers

No, my God, I do not wish to lose any more of this time that You give me in Your mercy. At this hour I ought to be in hell, weeping without fruit. I thank You for having preserved me in life; in the days that remain to me, then, I wish to live for You alone. If I were now in hell, I would weep — but in despair and without fruit. I wish to weep over the offenses I have committed against You, and in weeping I know for certain that You forgive me, for the prophet assures me of it: «Plorans nequaquam plorabis miserans miserabitur tui» — "Weeping, you shall weep no more; having mercy, He will have mercy on you" (Isa. 30:19). If I were in hell, I could no longer love You; but now I love You, and I hope to love You always. If I were in hell, I could no longer ask You for graces; but now I hear You say to me: «Petite, et accipietis» — "Ask, and you shall receive." Since, then, I am still in time to ask You for graces, two graces I ask of You, O God of my soul: give me perseverance in Your grace, and give me Your love; and then do with me whatever You please. Grant that in all the moments of life that remain to me I may always commend myself to You, my Jesus, saying: Lord, help me; Lord, have pity on me; keep me from offending You any more; make me love You.

Mary Most Holy, my Mother, obtain for me the grace of always commending myself to God and of asking Him for perseverance and His holy love.

## Consideration XII — The Importance of Eternal Salvation

«Rogamus autem fratres, ut negotium vestrum agatis» — "We beseech you, brethren, to attend to your own business" (1 Thess. 4:10).

### POINT I

The affair of eternal salvation is certainly the business that concerns us more than all others; yet it is the one most neglected by Christians. No diligence is spared and no time is lost in obtaining that post, in winning that lawsuit, in arranging that marriage; how many consultations are held, how many measures are taken — one does not eat, one does not sleep! And then, to secure eternal salvation, what is done? How does one live? Nothing is done; indeed, everything is done to lose it. And the greater part of Christians live as though death, judgment, hell, paradise, and eternity were not truths of faith, but fables invented by poets. If a lawsuit is lost, or a harvest, what sorrow is not felt? And what effort is not made to repair the damage suffered? If a horse or a dog is lost, what diligence is not used to find it? The grace of God is lost — and one sleeps, and jests, and laughs. A remarkable thing! Everyone is ashamed of being called negligent in the affairs of the world, yet so many are not ashamed to neglect the affair of eternity, on which everything depends! They call the saints wise, who attended solely to saving themselves, and then they themselves attend to all the other things of the world and to nothing of the soul! But you, says St. Paul — you, my brothers, attend solely to the great affair of your eternal salvation, for this is the business that concerns you most. «Rogamus vos, ut vestrum negotium agatis» — "We beseech you to attend to your own business." Let us therefore be convinced that eternal salvation is for us the most "important" affair, the "only" affair, and an "irreparable" affair, if ever it goes wrong.

It is the most "important" affair. Yes, because it is the matter of greatest consequence, since it concerns the soul — and if the soul is lost, all is lost. The soul must be esteemed by us as a thing more precious than all the goods of the world. «Anima est toto mundo pretiosior» — "The soul is more precious than the whole world," says St. John Chrysostom.

To understand this, it is enough to know that God Himself gave His Son to death to save our souls! «Sic Deus dilexit mundum, ut Filium suum unigenitum daret» — "God so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son" (John 3:16). And the eternal Word did not refuse to purchase them with His very own blood. «Emti enim estis pretio magno» — "For you were bought at a great price" (1 Cor. 6:20). So much so (says a holy Father) that it seems man is worth as much as God is worth: «Tam pretioso munere humana redemtio agitur, ut homo Deum valere videtur» — "The redemption of man is wrought at so precious a price that man seems to be worth as much as God." Hence Jesus Christ said: «Quam dabit homo commutationem pro anima sua?» — "What exchange shall a man give for his soul?" (Matt. 16:26). If the soul is therefore worth so much, for what good in the world would a man ever exchange it by losing it?

St. Philip Neri was right to call a fool anyone who does not attend to saving his soul. If on this earth there were mortal men and immortal men, and the mortals saw the immortals wholly intent on the things of the world — on acquiring honors, riches, and earthly pleasures — they would surely say to them: Oh, what fools you are! You can acquire eternal goods for yourselves, and you concern yourselves with these miserable and passing things? And for these you condemn yourselves to eternal pains in the other life? Leave it to us wretches alone to think about these earthly goods, for whom everything will end at death. But no — we are all immortal; how then does it happen that so many lose their souls for the miserable pleasures of this earth? How is it, says Salvian, that Christians believe there is a judgment, a hell, an eternity, and then live without fearing them? «Quid causae est, quod christianus, si futura credit, futura non timeat?» — "What reason is there that the Christian, if he believes in the things to come, does not fear them?"

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, to what have I spent so many years, which You gave me in order to obtain my eternal salvation? You, my Redeemer, bought my soul with Your blood, and then entrusted it to me, that I might attend to saving it; and I have attended to nothing but losing it by offending You, who have loved me so much. I thank You that You still give me time to be able to remedy the great loss I have made. I have lost my soul and Your beautiful grace. Lord, I repent of it; I am sorry for it with all my heart. Ah, forgive me, for I resolve from this day forward to lose everything, even my life, rather than Your friendship. I love You above every good, and I resolve to love You always, O supreme good, worthy of infinite love. Help me, my Jesus, that this resolution of mine may not be like my other past resolutions, which have all been betrayals. Let me die first, rather than return again to offend You and cease to love You.

O Mary, my hope, save me Yourself, by obtaining holy perseverance for me.

### POINT II

The affair of eternal salvation is not only the most important, but it is the «only» affair we have in this life. «Porro unum est necessarium» — "But one thing is necessary." St. Bernard laments the foolishness of Christians, who call the follies of children folly, and then call their earthly affairs business. «Nugae puerorum, nugae vocantur, nugae maiorum, negotia vocatur?» — "The trifles of children are called trifles, but the trifles of grown men are called business?" These follies of grown men are greater follies. And of what use is it (says the Lord) to gain the whole world and lose your soul? «Quid prodest homini, si mundum universum lucretur, animae vero suae detrimentum patiatur?» — "What does it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, but suffer the loss of his soul?" (Matt. 16:26). If you are saved, my brother, it does not matter that in this world you have been poor, afflicted, and despised: once saved, you will have no more troubles, and you will be happy for all eternity. But if you lose your soul and are damned, what good will it do you in hell to have taken all the pleasures of the world and to have been rich and honored? Once the soul is lost, pleasures, honors, riches are lost; everything is lost.

What will you answer Jesus Christ on the day of reckoning? If a king sent one of his ambassadors to negotiate some great affair in a city, and that man, instead of attending there to the business entrusted to him, attended only to giving banquets, plays, and feasts, and thereby ruined the affair, what account would he give to the king on his return? But O God! how much greater an account will he give to the Lord at the judgment, who, placed on earth not to amuse himself, not to become rich, not to acquire honors, but to save his soul, will have attended to everything except his soul? Worldlings think only of the present, not of the future. St. Philip Neri, speaking once in Rome to a talented young man named Francesco Zazzera, who was attached to the world, said to him: My son, you will make a great fortune; you will be a good lawyer, then you will be a prelate, then perhaps even a cardinal, and who knows, perhaps even Pope. And then? and then? Go (he finally said to him), think about these last two words. Francesco went home, and thinking about those two words, «and then? and then?», he abandoned his worldly pursuits, left the world altogether, and entered the very Congregation of St. Philip, and began to attend to God alone.

«Only» affair, because we have but one soul. Benedict XII was asked by a prince for a favor that could not be granted without sin; the Pope replied to the ambassador: Tell your prince that if I had two souls, I could lose one for him and reserve the other for myself; but because I have only one, I cannot and will not lose it. St. Francis Xavier used to say that there is only one good in the world, and only one evil;

the only good is to be saved, the only evil is to be damned. St. Teresa also repeated this to her nuns, saying: «My sisters, one soul, one eternity.» Meaning: «One soul» — once it is lost, all is lost; «One eternity» — once the soul is lost, it is lost forever. Therefore David prayed: «Unam petii, et hanc requiram, ut inhabitem in domo Domini» — "One thing I have asked, and this I will seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord" (Ps. 22:6). Lord, one thing I ask of You: save my soul, and nothing else.

«Cum metu, et tremore, vestram salutem operamini» — "With fear and trembling work out your salvation" (Phil. 2:12). Whoever does not fear and tremble lest he be lost will not be saved; hence, to be saved, one must labor and do violence to oneself. «Regnum coelorum vim patitur, et violenti rapiunt illud» — "The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent bear it away" (Matt. 11). To attain eternal salvation it is necessary that at death our life be found conformed to that of Jesus Christ. «Praedestinavit uniformes fieri imaginis Filii sui» — "He predestined them to become conformed to the image of His Son" (Rom. 8:29). And therefore we must labor, on the one hand to flee the occasions of sin, and on the other to avail ourselves of the means necessary to attain eternal salvation. «Regnum non dabitur vagantibus (says St. Bernard), sed pro servitio Deo digne laborantibus» — "The kingdom will not be given to those who wander about, but to those who labor worthily in the service of God." Everyone would like to be saved without inconvenience. A fine thing! says St. Augustine: the devil labors so hard and does not sleep in order to ruin us; and you, when it is a question of your eternal good or eternal evil, are you so careless? «Vigilat hostis, dormis tu» — "The enemy keeps watch; do you sleep?"

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, I thank You that at this hour You keep me at Your feet, and not in hell, which I have deserved so many times. But what good would the life You preserve for me be, if I went on living deprived of Your grace? Ah, may it never be. I have turned my back on You; I have lost You, O my supreme good; I am sorry for it with all my heart. Would that I had died a thousand times first. I have lost You, but Your prophet makes me hear that You are all goodness, and that You readily let Yourself be found by a soul that seeks You: «Bonus est Dominus animae quaerenti illum» — "The Lord is good to the soul that seeks Him" (Lam. 3:25). If in the past I fled from You, O King of my heart, now I seek You, and I seek nothing but You. I love You with all my affection. Accept me; do not disdain to be loved by this heart that once despised You. «Doce me facere voluntatem tuam» — "Teach me to do Your will." Teach me what I must do to please You, for I wish to do it all. Ah, my Jesus, save this soul of mine, for which You spent Your blood and Your life; and may saving me mean giving me the grace to love You always in this life and in the next. So I hope, through Your merits.

And so I also hope through Your intercession, O Mary.

### POINT III

An «important» affair, an «only» affair, an «irreparable» affair. «Sane supra omnem errorem est», says St. Eucherius, «dissimulare negotium aeternae salutis» — "It is indeed beyond every error to dissemble the affair of eternal salvation." There is no error like the error of neglecting eternal salvation. For all other errors there is a remedy: if a man loses some property, he can acquire it by another way; if he loses a position, there may be a remedy to recover it; even if someone were to lose his life, if he is saved, all is remedied. But for one who is damned, there is no longer any remedy. We die only once; once the soul is lost, it is lost forever. «Periisse semel, aeternum est» — "To perish once is to perish for eternity." Nothing remains but to weep eternally with the other wretched fools in hell, where the greatest pain that torments them is the thought that for them the time to remedy their misery is ended. «Finita est aestas, et nos salvati non sumus» — "The summer is past, and we are not saved" (Jer. 8:20). Ask those sages of the world who now dwell in that pit of fire — ask what sentiments they now hold, and whether they are glad to have made their fortunes on this earth, now that they are damned to that eternal prison? Hear how they weep and say: «Ergo erravimus!» — "Therefore we have erred!" But what good does it do them to know the error they made, now that there is no longer any remedy for their eternal damnation? What pain would a man not feel on this earth if, having been able to prevent the ruin of his palace at little cost, he one day found it fallen, and considered his negligence, when he can no longer remedy it?

This is the greatest pain of the damned: the thought that they have lost their soul and have damned themselves through their own fault. «Perditio tua, Israel, tantummodo in me auxilium tuum» — "Your ruin is your own doing, O Israel; your help is only in me" (Hos. 13:9). St. Teresa says that if someone loses through his own fault a garment, a ring, even a trifle, he finds no peace, does not eat, does not sleep. O God, what pain will the damned soul feel at the moment he enters hell, when, seeing himself already shut up in that prison of torments, he will go on thinking of his misfortune and will see that for all eternity there will never again be a remedy! Then he will say: I have lost my soul, paradise, and God; I have lost everything forever — and why? Through my own fault.

But someone will say: If I commit this sin, why must I be damned? It may be that I shall still be saved. I reply: But it may be that you will still be damned. Indeed, I tell you it is more likely that you will be damned, since the Scriptures threaten damnation upon obstinate rebels, as you are at this moment: «Vae filii desertores, dicit Dominus» — "Woe to you, deserting children, says the Lord" (Isa. 30:1); «Vae eis, quoniam recesserunt» — "Woe to them, for they have withdrawn from me" (Hos. 7:13). At the very least, with this sin you commit, do you not place your eternal salvation in great peril and doubt? And is this a matter to put at risk? It is not a question of a house, an estate, a position; it is a question, says St. John Chrysostom, of sinking into an eternity of torments and of losing an eternal paradise: «De immortalibus suppliciis, de coelestis regni amissione res agitur» — "What is at stake is everlasting punishment and the loss of the heavenly kingdom." And this affair, on which everything depends for you — will you risk it on a "perhaps"?

You say: Perhaps, who knows, I shall not be damned; I hope that afterward God will forgive me. But in the meantime? In the meantime you already condemn yourself to hell. Tell me, would you throw yourself into a well, saying, "Perhaps, who knows, I shall not die"? No. And how then can you rest your eternal salvation on so weak a hope — on a "who knows"? Oh, how many have been damned with this accursed hope! Do you not know that the hope of those obstinately determined to keep sinning is not hope, but deception and presumption, which moves God not to mercy but to greater indignation? If now you say that you do not trust yourself to resist the temptation and the passion that dominates you, how will you resist afterward, when your strength will not be increased but will fail you through committing the sin? For then, on the one hand, the soul will be left more blinded and hardened by its own malice, and on the other hand, divine aid will be wanting. Do you perhaps hope that God will increase His lights and graces for you after you have increased your sins?

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Jesus, always remind me of the death You suffered for me, and give me confidence. I tremble that at my death the devil may drive me to despair at the sight of the many betrayals I have committed against You. How many promises I made You never to offend You again, in view of the light You gave me — and then I turned my back on You again, trusting in pardon! So, because You did not punish me, did I therefore insult You so greatly? Because You showed me greater mercy, did I commit greater outrages against You? My Redeemer, give me a great sorrow for my sins before I depart from this life. I repent, O Supreme Good, of having offended You. I promise You from this day forward to die a thousand times rather than leave You again. But meanwhile let me hear what You said to Magdalene: «Remittuntur tibi peccata tua» — "Your sins are forgiven you"; grant me a great sorrow for my faults before I come to death, otherwise I fear that my death will be troubled and unhappy. «Non sis tu mihi formidini, spes mea, in die afflictionis» — "Do not be a terror to me, You who are my hope in the day of affliction" (Jer. 17:17). At that final moment, O my crucified Jesus, do not be a terror to me. If I die then before having wept for my sins and before having loved You, then Your wounds and Your blood will give me terror rather than confidence. I do not ask You, then, for consolations and earthly goods in the life that remains to me; I ask You for sorrow and for love. Hear me, my dear Savior, for the sake of that love which made You sacrifice Your life for me on Calvary.

Mary, my Mother, obtain these graces for me, together with holy perseverance until death.

## Consideration XIII — The Vanity of the World

«Quid prodest homini, si mundum universum lucretur, animae vero suae detrimentum patiatur?» — "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but suffers the loss of his own soul?" (Matt. 16:26).

### POINT I

There was a certain ancient philosopher named Aristippus who, once traveling by sea, was shipwrecked with his ship and lost all his goods; but having reached the shore, since he was greatly renowned for his learning, the people of that place provided him with everything he had lost. He then wrote to his friends in his homeland that, following his example, they should take care to provide themselves only with those goods that are not lost even in a shipwreck. Now this is exactly what our relatives and friends who dwell in eternity send to tell us from the other life: that while still alive here we should take care to provide ourselves only with those goods that are not lost even in death. The day of death is called «Dies perditionis» («Iuxta est dies perditionis» — "The day of destruction is at hand" — Deut. 29:21), a "day of loss," because on that day all the goods of this earth — honors, riches, pleasures — must be lost. Hence St. Ambrose says that we cannot call these our goods, since we cannot take them with us to the other world, but the virtues alone accompany us to the other life: «Non nostra sunt, quae non possumus auferre nobiscum; sola virtus nos comitatur» — "They are not ours which we cannot carry away with us; virtue alone accompanies us."

What is the use, then, says Jesus Christ, of gaining the whole world, if in death, by losing our soul, we lose everything? «Quid prodest homini, si mundum universum lucretur?» — "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world?" Ah, how many young men has this great maxim sent to shut themselves up in cloisters, how many anchorites to live in deserts, how many martyrs to give their lives for Jesus Christ! With this maxim St. Ignatius of Loyola drew many souls to God, and especially the beautiful soul of St. Francis Xavier, who was in Paris, given over there to worldly thoughts. "Francis," the saint said to him one day, "remember that the world is a traitor that promises and does not keep its word. But even if the world gave you all it promises, it could never satisfy your heart. But suppose it did satisfy you — how long will this happiness of yours last? Can it last longer than your life? And in the end, what will you take with you into eternity? Is there perhaps any rich man there who has brought a coin, or a servant for his comfort? Is there any king who has brought a thread of purple for his honor?" At these words St. Francis left the world, followed St. Ignatius, and became a saint. «Vanitas vanitatum» — "Vanity of vanities" — so Solomon called all the goods of this world, after he had denied himself no pleasure of all those found on earth, as he himself confessed: «Omnia quae desideraverunt oculi mei, non negavi eis» — "Whatsoever my eyes desired, I did not deny them" (Eccl. 2:10). Sister Margaret of St. Anne, a Discalced Carmelite and daughter of the Emperor Rudolf II, used to say: "What use are kingdoms at the hour of death?" How strange! The saints tremble at the thought of the moment of their eternal salvation; Father Paul Segneri trembled, and in great fear asked his confessor, "What do you say, Father — will I be saved?" St. Andrew Avellino trembled and wept bitterly, saying, "Who knows whether I shall be saved!" St. Louis Bertrand was likewise so tormented by this thought that at night he would leap out of bed in fright, saying, "And who knows whether I shall be damned!" And sinners live in a state of damnation, yet they sleep, and jest, and laugh!

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Jesus, my Redeemer, I thank You for making me see my folly and the evil I did in turning my back on You, who for me shed Your blood and gave Your life. No, You did not deserve to be treated by me as I have treated You. Behold, if death were to come to me now, what would I find but sins and remorse of conscience that would make me die in anguish? My Savior, I confess it: I have done wrong, I made a mistake in leaving You, the Supreme Good, for the wretched pleasures of this world; I repent of it with all my heart. Ah, by that sorrow that killed You on the cross, give me such sorrow for my sins as will make me weep, for all the life that remains to me, over the wrongs I have done You. My Jesus, my Jesus, forgive me, for I promise You never again to displease You and to love You always. I am no longer worthy of Your love, because in the past I despised it so much; but You have said that You love those who love You: «[Ego diligentes me diligo]{lang=la}» — "I love those who love me" (Prov. 8). I love You; do You love me still. I do not want ever to see myself out of Your favor again. I renounce all the grandeurs and pleasures of the world, provided that You love me. My God, hear me for the love of Jesus Christ; He prays You not to drive me from Your heart. I consecrate myself entirely to You; I consecrate to You my life, my satisfactions, my senses, my soul, my body, my will, my liberty. Accept me; do not reject me, as I would deserve for having so often rejected Your friendship. «Ne proiicias me a facie tua» — "Cast me not away from Your face."

Mary Most Holy, my Mother, pray to Jesus for me; in Your intercession I place all my trust.

### POINT II

«Statera dolosa in manu eius» — "A deceitful balance is in his hand" (Hos. 12). We must weigh goods in the scales of God, not in those of the world, which deceive. The goods of the world are goods too wretched: they do not satisfy the soul, and they quickly come to an end. «Dies mei velociores fuerunt cursore, pertransierunt quasi naves poma portantes» — "My days have been swifter than a runner; they have passed by like ships carrying fruit" (Job 9:25). The days of our life and of the pleasures of this earth pass and flee away, and in the end what remains? «Pertransierunt quasi naves» — "They have passed by like ships." Ships do not even leave a trace of where they have passed. «Tanquam navis, quae pertransit fluctuantem aquam, cuius, cum praeterierit, non est vestigium invenire» — "Like a ship that passes through the surging water, of which, once it has passed, no trace can be found" (Wis. 5:10). Let us ask so many rich men, scholars, princes, and emperors, who are now in eternity, what has become of the pomp, the delights, and the grandeurs they enjoyed on this earth? They all answer: Nothing, nothing. Man, says St. Augustine: «Quid hic habebat, attendis, quid secum fert, attende» — "You mark what he had here; mark what he carries with him" (Serm. 13, de Adv. Dom.). You look (says the saint) only at the goods that great man possessed; but observe what he takes with him now that he dies, if not a stinking corpse and a rag of a garment to rot away with him. Of the great ones of the world who die, one hears talk for barely a short time, and then even their memory is lost. «Periit memoria eorum cum sonitu» — "Their memory has perished with a crash" (Ps. 9:7). And if the wretches then go to hell, what do they do there, what do they say? They weep and say: «Quid profuit nobis superbia, aut divitiarum iactantia?... transierunt omnia illa, tanquam umbra» — "What has pride profited us, or the boasting of riches?... All those things have passed away like a shadow" (Wis. 5:8). What good have our pomp and our riches done us, if now everything has passed like a shadow, and nothing remains but pain, weeping, and eternal despair?

«Filii huius saeculi prudentiores filiis lucis sunt» — "The children of this world are more prudent than the children of light" (Luke 16:8). A fine thing! How prudent worldlings are in the things of the earth! What labors do they not undertake to gain that post, that wealth! What diligence do they not use to preserve the health of the body! They choose the surest means, the best physician, the best remedies, the best air. And then for the soul they are so careless! Yet it is certain that health, posts, and possessions must one day come to an end; but the soul and eternity never end. «Intueamur quanta homines sustineant pro rebus, quas vitiose diligunt» — "Let us behold (says St. Augustine) how much men endure for the things they sinfully love." What will that vengeful man, that thief, that profligate not suffer to attain his wicked aim? And then for the soul they are willing to suffer nothing? O God, by the light of that candle which is lit at death — then, in that time of truth — worldlings recognize and confess their folly. Then each one says: Oh, had I left everything and become a saint! Pope Leo XI said at death: Better that I had been the porter of my monastery than Pope. Honorius III, likewise Pope, also said while dying: Better that I had remained in the kitchen of my convent washing dishes. Philip II, king of Spain, when dying called his son and, throwing off his royal robe, showed him his breast gnawed by worms, and then said to him: Prince, see how one dies, and how the grandeurs of the world come to an end. And then he exclaimed: Oh, had I been a lay brother of some religious order and not a monarch! At the same time he had a cord with a wooden cross tied around his neck, made the arrangements for his death, and said to his son: I wished, my son, that you should be present at this act, so that you may see how the world in the end treats even monarchs. Thus their death is the same as that of the poorest in the world. In short, whoever lives better has a better place with God. This same son (who became Philip III), dying young at forty-two years of age, said: My subjects, in the sermon at my funeral preach nothing but this spectacle that you see. Say that being a king avails nothing in death, except to feel a greater torment at having been one. And then he exclaimed: Oh, had I not been king, and had I lived in a desert serving God, for now I would go with greater confidence to present myself before His tribunal, and I would not find myself at such risk of being damned! But what use are these desires at the point of death, except for greater pain and despair for one who in life has not loved God? St. Teresa therefore used to say: «No account is to be made of what ends with life; true life is to live in such a way that death is not feared.» Therefore, if we wish to see what the goods of this earth are, let us look at them from the deathbed; and then let us say: Those honors, those amusements, those revenues will one day end; therefore we must strive to become saints and rich in those goods alone that will come with us and will make us happy for all eternity.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Redeemer, You have suffered so many pains and humiliations for love of me; and I have so loved the pleasures and the empty vanities of this earth that for their sake I have so many times come to trample Your grace underfoot! But if, when I despised You, You did not cease to come after me, I cannot fear, O my Jesus, that You will cast me away now that I seek You and love You with all my heart; and I repent more of having offended You than if I had suffered every other misfortune. O God of my soul, from this day forward I wish to give You no displeasure, however slight; make me know what displeases You, for I do not wish to do it for any good in the world; and make me understand what I must do to please You, for I am ready. I wish to love You in earnest. I embrace, O Lord, all the sorrows and crosses that will come to me from Your hands; give me the resignation that You require of me. «Hic ure, hic seca» — "Here burn, here cut."

Chastise me in this life, so that in the next I may love You for all eternity.

Mary, my Mother, to You I commend myself; never cease to pray to Jesus for me.

### POINT III

«Tempus breve est... qui utuntur hoc mundo, tanquam non utantur, praeterit enim figura huius mundi» — "The time is short... those who use this world should be as though they used it not, for the fashion of this world passes away" (1 Cor. 7:31). What else is our life in this world but a scene that passes and quickly ends? «Praeterit figura huius mundi» — "The fashion of this world passes away"; figura, that is, a stage, a play. «Mundus est instar scenae [(dice Cornelio a Lapide)]{lang=it}, generatio praeterit, generatio advenit. Qui regem agit, non auferet secum purpuram. Dic mihi, o villa, o domus, quot dominos habuisti?» — "The world is like a stage (says Cornelius a Lapide); one generation passes, another comes. He who plays the king will not take the purple away with him. Tell me, O villa, O house, how many masters have you had?" When the play is over, he who played the part of the king is no longer king; the master is no longer master. Now you possess that villa, that palace; but death will come, and others will be masters of them.

«Malitia horae oblivionem facit luxuriae magnae» — "The calamity of an hour brings forgetfulness of great luxury" (Sir. 11:29). The dread hour of death makes us forget and brings to an end all the grandeurs, the nobilities, and the splendors of the world. Casimir, king of Poland, one day while he was at table with the great men of his kingdom, bringing a cup to his mouth to drink, died — and for him the play was over. Celsus the emperor, seven days after he had been elected, was killed, and the play was over for Celsus. Ladislaus, king of Bohemia, a youth of eighteen, while he was awaiting his bride, the daughter of the king of France, and great festivities were being prepared — behold, one morning, seized by a pain, he died; whereupon couriers were at once dispatched to tell the bride to return to France, since for Ladislaus the play was over. This thought of the vanity of the world made St. Francis Borgia a saint: when, as related above, he beheld the Empress Isabella dead amid her grandeurs and in the flower of her youth, he resolved to give himself entirely to God, saying: «Is this, then, how the grandeurs and the crowns of this world end? Then from this day forward I wish to serve a master who cannot die on me.»

Let us strive to live in such a way that it will not be said to us at death, as it was said to that fool in the Gospel: «Stulte, hac nocte animam tuam repetent a te, et quae parasti cuius erunt?» — "Fool, this night your soul shall be required of you; and the things you have prepared, whose shall they be?" (Luke 12:20). Wherefore St. Luke concludes: «Sic est qui sibi thesaurizat, et non est in Deum dives» — "So is he who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God." And then He says: Strive to make yourselves rich, not in the world with possessions, but in God with virtues and merits, which are goods that will be eternal with you in heaven: «Thesaurizate vobis thesauros in coelo, ubi neque aerugo neque tinea demolitur» — "Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither rust nor moth destroys." And therefore let us labor to acquire for ourselves the great treasure of the divine love. «Quid habet dives, si caritatem non habet? Pauper si caritatem habet, quid non habet?» — "What has the rich man, if he has not charity? What does the poor man not have, if he has charity?" says St. Augustine. If a man has all riches and has not God, he is the poorest in the world. But the poor man who has God has everything. And who has God? He who loves Him: «Qui manet in caritate, in Deo manet, et Deus in eo» — "He who abides in charity abides in God, and God in him" (1 John 4:16).

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, I no longer wish the devil to have dominion over my soul; You alone I wish to be its master, and to rule it. I wish to leave all to acquire Your grace. I esteem it more than a thousand crowns and a thousand kingdoms. And whom have I to love, if not You — infinite loveliness, infinite good, infinite beauty, goodness, and love? In the past I left You for creatures; this is, and will always be, a grief that will pierce my heart — to have offended You, who have loved me so much. But after You have bound me, my God, with so many graces — no, I cannot believe I shall ever see myself deprived of Your love. Take, my love, all my will and all that is mine; make of me whatever pleases You. If in the past I have been troubled by adverse things, I ask Your pardon for it. I wish to complain no more, my Lord, of Your dispositions; I know that they are all holy and all for my good. Do, my God, what You will; I promise always to call myself content with it, and always to thank You for it. Make me love You, and I ask You for nothing more. What goods! What honors! What world? God, God — I want God alone.

Blessed are you, O Mary, who in this world loved nothing but God! Obtain for me that I may accompany You at least in this life that remains to me: in You I trust.

## Consideration XIV — The Present Life Is a Journey to Eternity

«Ibit homo in domum aeternitatis suae» — "Man shall go into the house of his eternity" (Eccl. 12:5).

### POINT I

From seeing that on this earth so many evildoers live amid prosperity, while so many just people, on the contrary, live in tribulation, even the pagans, by the light of natural reason alone, have recognized this truth: that since there is a God, and this God is just, there must be another life, in which the wicked are punished and the good rewarded. Now what the pagans said by the light of reason alone, we Christians confess by faith. «Non habemus hic manentem civitatem, sed futuram inquirimus» — "Here we have no lasting city, but we seek the one to come" (Heb. 13:14). This earth is not our homeland; for us it is a place of passage, through which we must shortly pass to the house of eternity. «Ibit homo in domum aeternitatis suae» — "Man shall go into the house of his eternity." Therefore, my reader, the house in which you dwell is not your house; it is a lodging from which, shortly, and when you least imagine it, you will have to move out. Know that when the time of your death has come, your dearest ones will be the first to drive you from it. And what will be your true house? A grave will be the house of your body until the day of judgment, and your soul will have to go to the house of eternity, either to paradise or to hell. Therefore St. Augustine warns you: «Hospes es, transis et vides» — "You are a guest: you pass by and you look." That pilgrim would be mad who, passing through a country, should wish to employ his whole patrimony there to buy himself a villa or a house which after a few days he would then have to leave. Think therefore, says the saint, that in this world you are only passing through; do not set your heart on what you see; look and pass on; and procure for yourself a good house, where you will have to dwell forever.

If you are saved, blessed are you — oh, what a beautiful house is paradise! All the richest palaces of monarchs are stables compared with the city of paradise, which alone can be called: «Civitas perfecti decoris» — "The city of perfect beauty" (Ezek. 23:3). There you will have nothing more to desire, dwelling in the company of the saints, of Mary Most Holy, and of Jesus Christ, without any more fear of evil; in short, you will live in a sea of contentment and in a continual joy that will last forever. «Laetitia sempiterna super capita eorum» — "Everlasting joy shall be upon their heads" (Isa. 35:10). And this joy will be so great that for all eternity, at every moment, it will always seem new. On the contrary, if you are damned, poor you! You will be confined in a sea of fire and torments, in despair, abandoned by all and without God. And for how long? When a hundred thousand years have perhaps passed, will your punishment be finished? Finished indeed! A hundred thousand million years and ages will pass, and your hell will always be beginning again. What are a thousand years compared with eternity? Less than a day that passes. «Mille anni ante oculos tuos, tanquam dies hesterna quae praeteriit» — "A thousand years in Your sight are as yesterday, which is past" (Ps. 89:4). Would you now like to know what house will fall to you in eternity? It will be the one you deserve, and that you choose for yourself by your works.

#### Affections and Prayers

Therefore, Lord, behold the house I have deserved by my life: hell (alas), where, from the first sin I committed, I should have remained abandoned by You, without hope of being able to love You anymore. Blessed forever be Your mercy, which has waited for me and gives me time to remedy the evil I have done. Blessed be the blood of Jesus Christ, which has obtained this mercy for me. No, my God, I will no longer abuse Your patience. I repent above all else of having offended You, not so much for the hell I have deserved, as because I have outraged Your infinite goodness. Never again, my God, never again; death first, rather than offend You again. If I were now in hell, O my supreme good, I could no longer love You, nor could You love me anymore. I love You; and I want to be loved by You. I do not deserve it, but Jesus Christ deserves it, who sacrificed Himself to You on the cross, so that You could forgive me and love me. Eternal Father, for love then of Your Son, give me the grace to love You always and to love You greatly. I love You, O my Father, who have given me Your Son. I love You, O Son of God, who died for me.

I love You, O Mother of Jesus, who by Your intercession have obtained for me time for penance. Obtain for me now, my Lady, sorrow for my sins, love for God, and holy perseverance.

### POINT II

«Si lignum ceciderit ad austrum, aut ad aquilonem, in quocunque loco ceciderit, ibi erit» — "If a tree falls to the south or to the north, in whatever place it falls, there it shall be" (Eccl. 11:3). Where the tree of your soul falls in death, there you will have to remain for eternity. And there is no middle way: either forever a king in heaven, or forever a slave in hell. Either forever blessed in a sea of delights, or forever in despair in a pit of torments. St. John Chrysostom, considering the rich man, who was thought happy but had then been confined to hell, and Lazarus on the contrary, who was thought miserable because he was poor but was then happy in paradise, exclaims: «O infelix felicitas, quae divitem ad aeternam infelicitatem traxit! O felix infelicitas, quae pauperem ad aeternitatis felicitatem perduxit!» — "O unhappy happiness, which dragged the rich man to eternal unhappiness! O happy unhappiness, which led the poor man to the happiness of eternity!"

What use is it to torment oneself, as some do, saying: Who knows whether I am reprobate or predestined! When a tree is cut, where does it fall? It falls where it leans. Where do you lean, my brother? What life are you leading? Strive to lean always toward the south; keep yourself in the grace of God, flee from sin; and so you will be saved and will be predestined. And to flee from sin, keep always before your eyes the great thought of eternity, called by St. Augustine precisely: «Magna cogitatio» — "The great thought." This thought has led so many young people to leave the world and to live in the deserts, to attend only to their soul; and they have made it secure. Now that they are saved, they certainly find themselves glad of it, and they will be glad of it for all eternity.

A certain lady, who was living far from God, was converted by Father Avila, who said to her only: Lady, think of these two words: «Sempre e Mai» — "Always and Never." Father Paul Segneri, upon a thought of eternity that came to him one day, could not sleep for several nights, and from then on gave himself to a more rigorous life. Dressellius relates that a certain bishop, with this thought of eternity, led a holy life, always repeating within himself: «Omni momento ad ostium aeternitatis sto» — "At every moment I stand at the gate of eternity." A certain monk shut himself up in a grave, and there did nothing but exclaim: "O eternity, O eternity!" Whoever believes in eternity and does not become a saint, said the same Father Avila, should be shut up in a prison for madmen.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, have pity on me: I already knew that by sinning I was condemning myself to an eternity of suffering, and yet I was content to contradict Your will despite all that penalty; and why? For a wretched satisfaction! Ah, my Lord, forgive me, for I repent of it with all my heart. I will no longer oppose Your holy will. Wretched me! If You had made me die in the days of my evil life, I would now have to remain in hell forever, hating Your will. But now I love it, and I want to love it always. «Doce me facere voluntatem tuam» — "Teach me to do Your will." Teach me and give me strength to carry out Your good pleasure from this day forward. I will no longer contradict You, O infinite goodness, and for this grace alone I beg You: «Fiat voluntas tua sicut in coelo et in terra» — "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven": make me do Your will perfectly, and I ask You for nothing more. And what else do You will, my God, if not my good and my eternal salvation? Ah, Eternal Father, hear me for the love of Jesus Christ, who has taught me to pray to You always, and in His name I ask it of You: «Fiat voluntas tua, fiat voluntas tua, fiat voluntas tua» — "Your will be done, Your will be done, Your will be done." O blessed me, if I live the life that remains to me, and if I end my life doing Your will!

O Mary, blessed are you, who always did the will of God perfectly; obtain for me, by Your merits, that I may do it at least for the days of life that remain to me.

### POINT III

«Ibit homo in domum aeternitatis suae» — "Man shall go into the house of his eternity": the prophet says "ibit" — "he shall go" — to signify that each one will go to that house where he wishes to go; he will not be carried there, but will go there of his own will. It is certain that God wills that all be saved, but He does not will to save us by force. «Ante hominem vita, et mors» — "Before man is life and death." He has placed before each of us life and death; the one we choose will be given to us: «Quod placuerit ei, dabitur illi» — "Whichever he chooses shall be given to him" (Sir. 15:18). Jeremiah finally says that the Lord has given us two ways to walk, one of paradise and the other of hell: «Ego do coram vobis viam vitae, et mortis» — "I set before you the way of life and the way of death" (Jer. 21:8). It is for us to choose. But whoever wills to walk the way of hell, how can he ever find himself arrived in paradise? A strange thing indeed! All sinners want to be saved, and meanwhile they condemn themselves to hell by saying, "I hope to be saved." But who, says St. Augustine, is ever found so mad as to wish to take poison in the hope of being healed? «Nemo vult aegrotare sub spe salutis» — "No one wishes to fall ill in the hope of being healed." And yet so many Christians, so many madmen, bring death upon themselves by sinning, saying: Later I will think of the remedy! O deception that has sent so many to hell!

We are not so mad as these; let us reflect that eternity is at stake. How much trouble do men take to make themselves a comfortable, airy house in a healthy location, thinking that they must live in it for their whole life? And why then are they so careless when it comes to that house which will be theirs for eternity? «Negotium pro quo contendimus, aeternitas est» — "The affair for which we are striving is eternity," says St. Eucherius; it is not a question of a house more or less comfortable, more or less airy; it is a question of dwelling either in a place of every delight among the friends of God, or in a pit of every torment among the infamous crew of so many scoundrels, heretics, and idolaters. And for how long? Not for twenty or forty years, but for all eternity. It is a great point. This affair is not of little moment; it is an affair on which everything depends. When Thomas More was condemned to death by Henry VIII, Louisa his wife went to try to persuade him to consent to the will of Henry; he then said to her: Tell me, Louisa, you see that I am old; how many years of life could I have left? His wife answered: You could live twenty more years. O foolish merchant, Thomas then replied, and for twenty more years of life on this earth do you want me to lose a happy eternity and condemn myself to an eternity of sufferings?

O God, give us light. If the point of eternity were a doubtful thing, were only a probable opinion, we should still put all our effort into living well, so as not to place ourselves in danger of being eternally unhappy, should this opinion ever prove true; but no—this point is not doubtful but certain; it is not opinion but a truth of faith: «Ibit homo in domum aeternitatis suae» — "Man shall go into the house of his eternity." Alas, says St. Teresa, it is the want of faith that is the cause of so many sins and of the damnation of so many Christians. Let us therefore always revive our faith, saying: «Credo vitam aeternam» — "I believe in eternal life." I believe that after this life there is another life that never ends; with this thought always before our eyes, let us take the means to secure our eternal salvation. Let us frequent the sacraments, meditate every day, and think of eternal life; let us flee dangerous occasions. And if we must leave the world, let us leave it; for no security is enough to assure this great point of eternal salvation. «Nulla nimia securitas, ubi periclitatur aeternitas» — "No security is too great where eternity is at stake" (St. Bernard).

#### Affections and Prayers

Therefore, my God, there is no middle way: either I shall be always happy or always unhappy; either in a sea of delights or in a sea of torments; either always with You in paradise or always far away and separated from You in hell. And of this hell I know for certain that I have deserved it so many times; but I also know for certain that You forgive the one who repents and deliver from hell the one who hopes in You. You assure me of it: «Clamabit ad me... eripiam eum, et glorificabo eum» — "He shall cry out to Me... I will deliver him and glorify him" (Ps. 90). Quickly then, my Lord, quickly forgive me and deliver me from hell. I repent, O supreme Good, above every other evil, of having offended You. Quickly restore me to Your grace and give me Your holy love. If I were now in hell, I could no longer love You; I would have to hate You forever. Ah, my God, and what wrong have You done me, that I should have to hate You? You have loved me even to death? You are worthy of infinite love. O Lord, do not permit me ever to separate myself from You again. I love You, and I want to love You always. «Quis me separabit a caritate Christi?» — "Who shall separate me from the love of Christ?" Ah, my Jesus, only sin can separate me from You; ah, do not permit it, by that blood which You have shed for me. Let me die first. «Ne permittas me separari a te» — "Do not permit me to be separated from You."

O Queen and my Mother, help me with Your prayers; obtain for me death first, and a thousand deaths, rather than that I should ever separate myself again from the love of Your Son.

## Consideration XV — On the Malice of Mortal Sin

«Filios enutrivi, et exaltavi, ipsi autem spreverunt me» — "I have brought up children and exalted them, but they have despised Me" (Isa. 1:2).

### POINT I

What does one who commits a mortal sin do? He insults God, dishonors Him, and grieves Him. First of all, mortal sin is an insult that is offered to God. The malice of an insult, as St. Thomas Aquinas says, is measured by the person who receives it and by the person who gives it. An insult done to a peasant is bad, but it is a greater crime if done to a nobleman, and greater still if done to a monarch. Who is God? He is the King of Kings. «Dominus Dominantium est, et Rex Regum» — "He is Lord of lords and King of kings" (Rev. 17:14). God is an infinite majesty, in comparison with whom all the princes of the earth and all the saints and angels of heaven are less than a grain of sand. «Quasi stilla situlae, pulvis exiguus» — "Like a drop from a bucket, a little dust" (Isa. 40:15). Indeed, Hosea says that before the greatness of God all creatures are as small as if they did not exist: «Omnes gentes quasi non sint, sic sunt coram Eo» — "All nations are before Him as if they were not" (Hos. 5). This is God. And who is man? St. Bernard: «Saccus vermium, cibus vermium» — a sack of worms and food for the worms that will shortly devour him. «Miser, et pauper, et caecus, et nudus» — "Wretched, poor, blind, and naked" (Rev. 3:17). Man is a miserable worm that can do nothing, blind and able to see nothing, poor and naked and possessing nothing. And this miserable worm dares to insult a God! «Tam terribilem maiestatem audet vilis pulvisculus irritare!» — "Vile dust dares to provoke so terrible a majesty!" says the same St. Bernard. The Angelic Doctor is therefore right in saying that man's sin contains an almost infinite malice. «Peccatum habet quandam infinitatem malitiae ex infinitate divinae maiestatis» — "Sin has a certain infinity of malice from the infinity of the divine majesty" (p. 3, q. 1, c. 2, ad 2). Indeed, St. Augustine calls sin simply «infinitum malum» — "an infinite evil." Hence, if all men and angels offered themselves to die, and even to be annihilated, they could not make satisfaction for a single sin. God punishes mortal sin with the great punishment of hell; but however much He punishes it, all theologians say that He always punishes it «citra condignum» — "short of what it deserves" — that is, less than it deserves to be punished.

And what punishment can ever be enough to punish as he deserves a worm who dares to rise against his Lord? God is the Lord of all, because He has created all things. «In ditione tua cuncta sunt posita, tu enim creasti omnia» — "All things are placed under Your dominion, for You have created all things" (Esther 13:9). And indeed all creatures obey God: «Venti et mare obediunt ei» — "The winds and the sea obey Him" (Matt. 8:27). «Ignis, grando, nix, glacies faciunt verbum eius» — "Fire, hail, snow, and ice do His word" (Ps. 148:8). But man, when he sins, what does he do? He says to God: Lord, I will not serve You. «Confregisti iugum meum;

dixisti, non serviam» — "You have broken My yoke; you have said: I will not serve" (Jer. 2:20). The Lord says to him: do not take revenge; and man answers: but I will take revenge. Do not take what belongs to another; but I will take it. Deprive yourself of that dishonest pleasure; but I will not deprive myself of it. The sinner says to God as Pharaoh did: when Moses brought him God's order to let His people go free, the rash man answered: «Quis est Dominus, ut audiam vocem eius? nescio Dominum» — "Who is the Lord, that I should hear His voice? I know not the Lord" (Exod. 5:2). The sinner says the same: Lord, I do not know You; I want to do what pleases me. In short, he loses all respect for Him to His face and turns his back on Him; this is properly mortal sin—a turning of the back done to God: «Aversio ab incommutabili bono» — "a turning away from the unchangeable Good" (St. Thomas Aquinas, part I, q. 34, art. 4). Of this the Lord complains: «Tu reliquisti me, dicit Dominus; retrorsum abiisti» — "You have left Me, says the Lord; you have gone backward" (Jer. 15:6): You have been the ungrateful one, says God, who have left Me, for I would never have left you: «retrorsum abiisti» — "you have gone backward"; you have turned your back on Me.

God has declared that He hates sin; hence He cannot help hating the one who commits it. «Similiter autem odio sunt Deo impius, et impietas eius» — "The impious man and his impiety are alike hateful to God" (Wis. 14:9). And man, when he sins, dares to declare himself an enemy of God and to contend with God as an equal: «Contra Omnipotentem roboratus est» — "He has strengthened himself against the Almighty" (Job 15:25). What would you say if you saw an ant wanting to pick a fight with a soldier? God is that Mighty One who from nothing, with a mere nod, created heaven and earth. «Ex nihilo fecit illa Deus» — "God made them out of nothing" (2 Macc. 7:28). And if He wills, with another nod He can destroy everything: «Potest universum mundum uno nutu delere» — "He can destroy the whole world with a single nod" (2 Macc. 8:18). And the sinner, when he consents to sin, stretches out his hand against God: «Tetendit adversus Deum manum suam; cucurrit adversus eum erecto collo, pingui cervice armatus est» — "He has stretched out his hand against God; he has run against Him with neck erect, armed with a fat neck." He raises his neck, that is, his pride, and runs to insult God; and he arms himself with a fat head, that is, with ignorance (fat is a symbol of ignorance), saying: «Quid feci?» — "What have I done?" And what great evil is that sin I have committed? God is merciful; He forgives sinners. What an insult! What rashness! What blindness!

#### Affections and Prayers

Behold, O my God, at Your feet the rebel, the rash offender, who has so many times had the audacity to lose all respect for You to Your face and to turn his back on You; but now he begs You for mercy. You have said: «Clama ad me, et exaudiam te» — "Call to Me, and I will hear you" (Jer. 33:3). Hell is too little for me — I know it already; but know that I grieve more for having offended You, O infinite goodness, than if I had lost all my goods and my life. Ah, my Lord, forgive me, and do not allow me ever to offend You again. You have waited for me so that I might forever bless Your mercy and love You; yes, I bless You and I love You, and I hope, through the merits of Jesus Christ, never to separate myself from Your love again. Your love has delivered me from hell; let this same love deliver me in time to come from sin. I thank You, my Lord, for this light and for the desire You give me to love You always. Ah, take possession of all that I am — of my soul and my body, of my powers, my senses, my will, my freedom. «Tuus sum ego, salvum me fac» — "I am Yours; save me." You who are the only good, the only one worthy of love, be also my only love. Give me fervor in loving You. I have offended You greatly, and so it cannot be enough for me simply to love You; I want to love You greatly, to repay You for the injuries I have done You. I hope for this from You, who are almighty.

And I hope for it also through Your prayers, O Mary, which are all-powerful with God.

### POINT II

The sinner not only insults God, but dishonors Him. «Per praevaricationem legis Deum inhonoras» — "By transgression of the law you dishonor God" (Rom. 2:23). Yes, because he renounces His grace, and for a wretched pleasure tramples the friendship of God underfoot. If a man were to lose the divine friendship in order to gain a kingdom — even the whole world — it would still be a great evil, because the friendship of God is worth more than the world and a thousand worlds. But for what does a man offend God?

«Propter quid irritavit impius Deum?» — "Why has the wicked man provoked God?" (Ps. 10:13). For a bit of earth, for a venting of anger, for a beastly pleasure, for a puff of smoke, for a whim. «Violabant me propter pugillum hordei, et fragmen panis» — "They profaned Me for a handful of barley and a piece of bread" (Ezek. 13:19). When the sinner sets himself to deliberate whether or not to consent to sin, he takes up the scales (so to speak) and weighs which is worth more — the grace of God, or that venting, that smoke, that pleasure; and when he then gives his consent, he declares, as far as he is concerned, that that venting, that pleasure, is worth more than the divine friendship. Behold God put to shame by the sinner. David, considering the greatness and the majesty of God, said: «Domine, quis similis tibi?» — "Lord, who is like You?" (Ps. 34:10). But God, on the contrary, when He sees Himself compared by sinners and placed below a miserable satisfaction, says to them: «Cui assimilastis me, et adaequastis me, dicit Sanctus?» — "To whom have you likened Me and made Me equal? says the Holy One" (Isa. 40:25). So then (says the Lord), that vile pleasure was worth more than My grace? «Proiecisti me post corpus tuum» — "You have cast Me behind your back" (Ezek. 23:35). You would not have committed that sin if you had stood to lose a hand, or ten ducats — and perhaps much less. God alone, then, says Salvian, is so worthless in your eyes that He deserves to be set below a venting of passion, a miserable satisfaction: «Deus solus in comparatione omnium tibi vilis fuit» — "God alone was cheap to you in comparison with all else." Moreover, when the sinner offends God for the sake of some pleasure, he makes that pleasure become his god, making it his last end. St. Jerome says: «Unusquisque quod cupit, si veneratur, hoc illi Deus est. Vitium in corde, est idolum in altari» — "Whatever a man desires, if he venerates it, is his god. Vice in the heart is an idol on the altar." Hence St. Thomas Aquinas says: «Si amas delicias, deliciae dicuntur Deus tuus» — "If you love pleasures, pleasures are called your god." And St. Cyprian: «Quidquid homo Deo anteponit, Deum sibi facit» — "Whatever a man sets before God, he makes a god for himself." When Jeroboam rebelled against God, he sought to draw the people with him into idolatry, and so he presented his idols to them and said: «Ecce dii tui, Israel» — "Behold your gods, O Israel" (1 Kings 12:28). So does the devil: he presents that satisfaction to the sinner and says: What do you want with God? Here is your god — this pleasure, this indulgence; take this for yourself and leave God. And the sinner, when he consents, does just that: he adores that satisfaction as his god in his heart. «Vitium in corde est idolum in altari» — "Vice in the heart is an idol on the altar."

If only, when the sinner dishonors God, he did not dishonor Him in His presence; but no — he insults Him and dishonors Him to His face, because God is present everywhere. «Coelum et terram ego impleo» — "I fill heaven and earth" (Jer. 23:24). And the sinner already knows this, yet with all this he does not hold back from provoking God before His very eyes. «Ad iracundiam provocant me ante faciem meam» — "They provoke Me to anger before My face" (Isa. 65:3).

#### Affections and Prayers

So then, my God, You are an infinite good, and I have many times exchanged You for a wretched pleasure that vanished as soon as it was had. But You, though despised by me, now offer me pardon if I want it; and You promise to receive me back into Your grace if I repent of having offended You. Yes, my Lord, I repent with all my heart of having so outraged You; I hate my sin above every other evil. Behold (so I hope), I now return to You, and You already receive me and embrace me as a son. I thank You, infinite goodness. But help me now, and do not allow me ever to drive You away from me again. Hell will not cease to tempt me, but You are more powerful than hell. I know that I will never again be separated from You if I always commend myself to You; this, then, is the grace You must grant me: make me always commend myself to You and always pray to You, as I now say to You: Lord, help me, give me light, give me strength, give me holy perseverance, give me paradise; but above all grant me Your love, which is the true paradise of souls. I love You, infinite goodness, and I want to love You always. Hear me for the love of Jesus Christ.

Mary, You are the refuge of sinners; help a sinner who wants to love Your God.

### POINT III

Sin insults God, dishonors Him, and thereby embitters Him most deeply. There is no more piercing bitterness than to see oneself repaid with ingratitude by a person who has been loved and benefited. Against whom does the sinner vent himself? He insults a God who created him and loved him so much that He went so far as to give His blood and His life for love of him; and the sinner, by committing a mortal sin, drives Him out of his heart. In a soul that loves God, God comes to dwell. «Si quis diligit me, Pater meus diliget eum et ad eum veniemus, et mansionem apud eum faciemus» — "If anyone loves Me, My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our dwelling with him" (John 14:23). Note well: «Mansionem faciemus» — "We will make Our dwelling" — God comes into the soul to remain there always, so that He does not leave it unless the soul drives Him out: «Non deserit, nisi deseratur» — "He does not forsake unless He is forsaken," as is said in the Council of Trent. But, Lord, You already know that this ungrateful soul will drive You out in another moment — why do You not depart now? Why wait until he actually expels You? Leave him, depart, before he does You this great wrong. "No," says God, "I do not wish to depart until he himself drives Me out."

Therefore, when the soul consents to sin, it says to God: Lord, depart from me: «Impii dixerunt Deo, recede a nobis» — "The wicked have said to God: Depart from us" (Job 21:14). It does not say this with the mouth, but in deed: «Recede, non verbis, sed moribus» — "He says 'Depart' not in words but in conduct," says St. Gregory. The sinner already knows that God cannot dwell together with sin; he already sees that by sinning God must depart; so he says to Him: Since You cannot remain with my sin, then off with You — a good journey to You. And by driving God out of his soul, he makes the devil enter at once to take possession of it. Through the very same door by which God departs, the enemy enters: «Tunc vadit, et assumit septem alios spiritus secum nequiores se, et intrantes habitant ibi» — "Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and entering they dwell there" (Matt. 12:45). When a child is baptized, the priest commands the devil: «Exi ab eo, immunde spiritus, et da locum Spiritui Sancto» — "Depart from him, unclean spirit, and give place to the Holy Spirit." Yes, because that soul, upon receiving grace, becomes a temple of God. «Nescitis, quia templum Dei estis?» — "Do you not know that you are the temple of God?" (1 Cor. 3:16). But when a man consents to sin, he does all the opposite: he says to God, who dwells in his soul: «Exi a me, Domine, da locum diabolo» — "Depart from me, O Lord; give place to the devil." Of this very thing the Lord complained to St. Bridget, saying that He is treated by the sinner like a king driven out of his own kingdom: «Sum tanquam rex a proprio regno expulsus, et loco mei latro pessimus electus est» — "I am like a king expelled from his own kingdom, and in My place the vilest thief has been chosen."

What pain would you feel if you received a grave injury from someone whom you had greatly benefited? This is the pain you have given to your God, who went so far as to give His life to save you. The Lord calls heaven and earth, as it were, to pity Him for the ingratitude sinners show Him. «Audite coeli desuper, auribus percipe terra; filios enutrivi, et exaltavi, ipsi autem spreverunt me» — "Hear, O heavens, from on high, and give ear, O earth; I have nourished children and raised them up, but they have despised Me" (Isa. 1:2). In short, sinners afflict the heart of God with their sins: «Ipsi autem ad iracundiam provocaverunt, et afflixerunt spiritum sanctum eius» — "But they provoked Him to wrath and grieved His Holy Spirit" (Isa. 63:10).

God is not capable of suffering; but if He were capable of it, a single mortal sin would be enough to make Him die of sheer sorrow, as Father Medina says (De Poenitentia): «Peccatum mortale, si possibile esset, destrueret ipsum Deum, eo quod causa esset tristitiae in Deo infinitae» — "Mortal sin, if it were possible, would destroy God Himself, since it would be the cause of infinite sorrow in God." So that, as St. Bernard says, «peccatum quantum in se est, Deum perimit» — "sin, as far as lies in it, puts God to death." Therefore the sinner, when he commits a mortal sin, gives poison to God, so to speak; on his part he does not fail to take away His life. «Exacerbavit Dominum peccator» — "The sinner has provoked the Lord" (Heb. 10:4). And according to St. Paul, he tramples the Son of God underfoot: «Qui Filium Dei conculcaverit» — "He who has trodden underfoot the Son of God" (Heb. 10:29). Meanwhile he despises all that Jesus Christ did and suffered to take sin away from the world.

#### Affections and Prayers

Therefore, my Redeemer, every time I have sinned, I have driven You from my soul, and have set about taking away Your life, if ever You could have died! Now I hear You asking me: «Quid feci tibi, aut in quo contristavi te? responde mihi» — "What have I done to you, or in what have I saddened you? Answer me." What harm have I done you (You say to me), what displeasure have I given you, that you have given me so many displeasures? Lord, You ask me what harm You have done me? You gave me being, and You died for me. Behold the harm You have done me. What then shall I answer You? I tell You that I deserve a thousand hells; You are right to send me there. But remember that love which made You die for me on the cross: remember the blood shed for love of me, and have pity on me. But now I understand: You do not want me to despair; rather You let me know that You are standing at the door of my heart, from which I drove You, and You knock with Your inspirations to enter it. «Sto ad ostium, et pulso» — "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." And You tell me to open to You: «Aperi mihi, soror mea» — "Open to me, my sister." Yes, my Jesus, I drive sin from it, I grieve for it with all my heart, and I love You above all things: enter, my love, the door is open; enter and never depart from me again. Bind me to Yourself with Your love, and do not permit me ever to be loosed from You again. No, my God, we will never be separated again; I embrace You and clasp You to my heart; give me holy perseverance. «Ne permittas me separari a Te» — "Do not permit me to be separated from You."

Mary, my Mother, help me always: pray to Jesus for me; obtain for me that I may never again lose His grace.

## Consideration XVI — On the Mercy of God

«Superexaltat autem misericordia iudicium» — "Mercy exalts itself above judgment" (Jas. 2:13).

### POINT I

Goodness is diffusive by nature, that is, inclined to communicate its goods to others as well. Now God, who by nature is infinite goodness («Deus cuius natura bonitas» — "God, whose nature is goodness," St. Leo), has a most ardent desire to communicate His happiness to us; and therefore His inclination is not to punish, but to show mercy to all. To punish, says Isaiah, is a work foreign to God's inclination: «Irascetur, ut faciat opus suum, alienum opus eius... peregrinum est opus eius ab eo» — "He will be angry, so as to do His work; His work is foreign... His work is strange to Him" (Isa. 28:21). And when the Lord chastises in this life, He chastises in order to show mercy in the next. «Deus iratus est, et misertus est nobis» — "God was angry, and has had mercy on us" (Ps. 59:3). He shows Himself angry, so that we may repent and detest our sins: «Ostendisti populo tuo dura, potasti nos vino compunctionis» — "You have shown Your people hard things; You have made us drink the wine of compunction" (Ibid. 5). And if He sends us some chastisement, He does so because He loves us, to deliver us from eternal chastisement: «Dedisti metuentibus te significationem, ut fugiant a facie arcus, ut liberentur dilecti tui» — "You have given a signal to those who fear You, that they may flee from before the bow, that Your beloved may be delivered" (Ibid. 6). And who can ever admire and praise enough the mercy God shows to sinners in waiting for them, in calling them, and in welcoming them when they return? And first of all, oh what great patience God has in waiting for you to do penance! My brother, when you were offending God, could He not have made you die? Yet God waited for you; and instead of chastising you, He did you good, He preserved your life and provided for you. He pretended not to see your sins, so that you might repent. «Dissimulans peccata hominum propter poenitentiam» — "Overlooking the sins of men for the sake of repentance" (Wis. 11:24). But how is it, Lord? You cannot look upon a single sin, and yet You see so many and keep silent? «Respicere ad iniquitatem non poteris; quare respicis super iniquitates, et taces?» — "You cannot look upon iniquity; why then do You look upon those who work iniquity and keep silent?" (Hab. 1:11). You gaze upon that dishonest man, that vindictive man, that blasphemer, who day after day adds to his offenses against You, and You do not punish him? And why such patience? «Propterea exspectat Dominus, ut misereatur vestri» — "Therefore the Lord waits, that He may have mercy on you" (Isa. 30:18). God waits for the sinner so that he may amend, and thus be able to pardon him and save him.

St. Thomas Aquinas says that all creatures — fire, earth, air, water — by their natural instinct would wish to punish the sinner, to avenge the injuries done to their Creator: «Omnis creatura, tibi factori deserviens, excandescit adversus iniustos» — "Every creature, serving You, its Maker, burns with indignation against the unjust." But God restrains them out of His compassion. But, Lord, You wait for these wicked ones so that they may repent; and do You not see that the ungrateful make use of Your mercy to offend You all the more? «Indulsisti, Domine, indulsisti genti, nunquid glorificatus es?» — "You have been gracious, O Lord, You have been gracious to the nation; have You not been glorified?" (Isa. 26:15). And why such patience? Because God does not will the death of the sinner, but that he be converted and saved.

«Nolo mortem impii, sed ut convertatur, et vivat» — "I desire not the death of the wicked, but that he turn and live" (Ezek. 33:11). Oh the patience of God! St. Augustine goes so far as to say that if God were not God, He would be unjust, considering the too-great patience He shows toward sinners: «Deus, Deus meus, pace tua dicam, nisi quia Deus esses, iniustus esses» — "My God, my God, with all reverence I say it: were You not God, You would be unjust." To wait for one who makes use of that patience to become more insolent seems an injustice to the divine honor. «Nos peccamus» — "We sin," the saint goes on to say, «inhaeremus peccato» — "we cling to sin" (some make peace with sin; they sleep in sin for months and years), «gaudemus de peccato» — "we rejoice in sin" (others even come to boast of their misdeeds): «et tu placatus es! Te nos provocamus ad iram, tu nos ad misericordiam» — "and You are appeased! We provoke You to anger; You call us to mercy"; it seems we are competing with God — we, to provoke Him to chastise us, and He, to invite us to pardon.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Lord, I understand that by now it would be my lot to be in hell. «Infernus domus mea est» — "Hell is my home." But now, by Your mercy, I find myself not in hell, but in this place at Your feet, and I hear You enjoining on me the precept that You will to be loved by me: «Diliges Dominum Deum tuum» — "You shall love the Lord your God." And You are telling me that You wish to pardon me, if I repent of the injuries I have done You. Yes, my God, since You wish to be loved even by me, a wretched rebel against Your majesty, I love You with all my heart, and I repent of having outraged You more than of any other evil I could have incurred. Ah, enlighten me, O infinite goodness; make me know the wrong I have done You. No, I will no longer resist Your calls. I will no longer displease a God who has loved me so much, and who has pardoned me so many times and with so much love. Ah, would that I had never offended You, my Jesus! Pardon me, and grant that from this day forward I love none but You: may I live for You alone, who died for me; may I suffer for love of You, since You have suffered so much for love of me. You have loved me from eternity; grant that in eternity I may burn with love for You. I hope for all things through Your merits, my Savior.

And in You I also trust, O Mary; through Your intercession You are to save me.

### POINT II

Consider, moreover, the mercy God shows in calling the sinner to penance. When Adam rebelled against the Lord and then hid himself from His face, behold: God, having lost Adam, goes in search of him and calls him, almost weeping: «Adam, ubi es?» — "Adam, where are you?" (Gen. 3:9). «Sunt verba Patris quaerentis filium suum perditum» — "These are the words of a Father seeking his lost son" (comments Father Pereira). God has done the same with you many times, my brother. You were fleeing from God, and God went on calling you — now with inspirations, now with remorse of conscience, now with sermons, now with tribulations, now with the death of your friends. It is as if Jesus Christ says, speaking of you: «Laboravi clamans, raucae factae sunt fauces meae» — "I have labored crying out; my throat has become hoarse" (Ps. 68:4). Son, I have almost lost my voice in calling you. Take heed, O sinners, says St. Teresa, that the one calling you is that Lord who must one day judge you.

My Christian, how many times have you played deaf to God who was calling you? You deserved that He should call you no more. But no, your God did not cease to keep calling you, because He wished to make peace with you and to save you. O God, who was it that called you? A God of infinite majesty. And who were you, if not a miserable, stinking worm? And why did He call you? For no other reason than to restore to you the life of grace that you had lost: «Revertimini, et vivite» — "Return, and live" (Ezek. 18:32). For a man to acquire divine grace, it would be little even if he lived in a desert all his life; but God was urging you to receive His grace in a moment, if you wished, with one act of repentance: and you refused it. And for all that, God did not abandon you; He went after you, almost weeping, saying: Son, why do you wish to damn yourself? «Et quare moriemini, domus Israel?» — "And why will you die, O house of Israel?" (Ezek. 18:31).

When a man commits a mortal sin, he drives God from his soul. «Impii dicebant Deo: Recede a nobis» — "The wicked said to God: Depart from us" (Job 21:14). But what does God do? He places Himself at the door of that ungrateful heart: «Ecce sto ad ostium, et pulso» — "Behold, I stand at the door and knock" (Rev. 3:20). And it seems He begs the soul to give Him entrance: «Aperi mihi, soror mea» — "Open to me, my sister" (Song 5:2). And He wearies Himself in pleading: «Laboravi rogans» — "I have labored in pleading" (Jer. 15:6). Yes, says St. Dionysius the Areopagite, God goes after sinners like a scorned lover, begging them not to perish: «Deus etiam a se aversos amatorie sequitur, et deprecatur ne pereant» — "God lovingly pursues even those who turn away from Him, and beseeches them not to perish." And this is exactly what St. Paul meant when he wrote to the disciples: «Obsecramus pro Christo, reconciliamini Deo» — "We beseech you on behalf of Christ: be reconciled to God" (2 Cor. 5:20). Beautiful is the reflection that St. John Chrysostom makes in commenting on this passage: «Ipse Christus vos obsecrat. Quid autem obsecrat? reconciliamini Deo; non enim Ipse inimicus gerit, sed vos» — "Christ Himself beseeches you. And what does He beseech? Be reconciled to God; for it is not He who is your enemy, but you." And the saint means that it is not the sinner who must struggle to move God to make peace with him; rather, the sinner must resolve to make peace with God, for it is he, not God, who flees from peace.

Ah, this good Lord goes all day in pursuit of so many sinners, and keeps saying to them: Ungrateful souls, flee from Me no more; tell Me, why do you flee? I love your welfare, and desire nothing but to make you happy; why do you wish to lose yourselves? But, Lord, what are You doing? Why such patience and such love toward these rebels? What good do You hope to gain from it? It does little honor to You to let Yourself be seen so ardently attached to these miserable worms that flee from You. «Quid est homo, quia magnificas eum? Aut quid apponis erga eum cor tuum?» — "What is man, that You should magnify him? Or why do You set Your heart upon him?" (Job 7:17).

#### Affections and Prayers

Behold, Lord, at Your feet the ungrateful one who begs Your mercy: «Pater, dimitte» — "Father, forgive me." I call You Father, because You will that I call You so. My Father, forgive me. I do not deserve compassion, for the better You have been to me, the more ungrateful I have been to You. Ah, for that goodness which held You back, my God, from abandoning me when I fled from You, for that same goodness receive me now that I return to You. Give me, my Jesus, a great sorrow for the offenses I have committed against You, and give me the kiss of peace. I repent, more than of every other evil, of the injuries I have done You; I detest them, I abhor them, and I unite this my abhorrence to that which You, my Redeemer, had for them in the Garden of Gethsemane. Ah, forgive me for the merits of that blood which You shed for me in that garden. I resolutely promise You never to depart from You again, and to drive from my heart every affection that is not for You. My Jesus, my love, I love You above all things, and I wish to love You always, and to love only You; but give me the strength to do it; make me all Yours.

O Mary, my hope, You are the Mother of mercy; pray to God for me, and have pity on me.

### POINT III

The princes of the earth disdain even to look upon rebellious subjects who come to seek their pardon; but God does not act so with us. «Non avertet faciem suam a vobis, si reversi fueritis ad eum» — "He will not turn His face away from you, if you return to Him" (2 Chron. 30:9). God cannot turn His face away from one who returns to His feet; no, for He Himself invites him and promises to receive him as soon as he comes: «Revertere ad me, et suscipiam te» — "Return to Me, and I will receive you" (Jer. 3:1). «Convertimini ad me, convertar ad vos, ait Dominus» — "Return to Me, and I will return to you, says the Lord" (Zech. 1:3). Oh, the love and tenderness with which God embraces a sinner who returns to Him! This is precisely what Jesus Christ wished to make us understand with the parable of the little sheep which, when the shepherd has found it, he presses upon his shoulders: «Imponit in humeros suos gaudens» — "He lays it upon his shoulders, rejoicing" (Luke 15). And he calls his friends to rejoice with him: «Congratulamini mihi, quia inveni ovem meam, quae perierat» — "Rejoice with me, because I have found my sheep that was lost" (Ibid., v. 6). And then St. Luke adds: «Gaudium erit in coelo super uno peccatore poenitentiam agente» — "There will be joy in heaven over one sinner who does penance." This the Redeemer signified still more in the parable of the prodigal son, saying that He is that Father who, seeing his lost son returning, runs to meet him; and before the son can speak, embraces him and kisses him, and in embracing him almost swoons with tenderness for the consolation he feels: «Accurrens cecidit super collum eius, et osculatus est eum» — "Running to him, he fell upon his neck and kissed him" (Luke 15:20).

The Lord goes so far as to say that if the sinner repents, He wills to forget his sins, as if he had never offended Him: «Si impius egerit poenitentiam... vita vivet; omnium iniquitatum eius non recordabor» — "If the wicked man does penance... he shall surely live; I will not remember all his iniquities" (Ezek. 18:21). He even goes so far as to say: «Venite, et arguite me (dicit Dominus), si fuerint peccata vestra ut coccinum, quasi nix dealbabuntur» — "Come, and accuse Me (says the Lord): if your sins be as scarlet, they shall be made white as snow" (Isa. 1:18). As if He said: come, sinners (come, and accuse Me), and if I do not forgive you, reproach Me and treat Me as faithless. But no — God cannot despise a heart that humbles itself and repents. «Cor contritum et humiliatum, Deus, non despicies» — "A contrite and humbled heart, O God, You will not despise" (Ps. 50).

The Lord glories in showing mercy and in forgiving sinners. «Exaltabitur parcens vobis» — "He will be exalted, sparing you" (Isa. 30:18). And how long does He take to forgive? At once. «Plorans nequaquam plorabis, miserans miserabitur tui» — "Weeping, you shall not weep; having pity, He will have pity on you" (Isa. 30:10). Sinner, says the prophet, you will not have long to weep; at the first tear the Lord will be moved to pity for you. «Ad vocem clamoris tui, statim ut audierit, respondebit tibi» — "At the voice of your cry, as soon as He hears it, He will answer you" (Ibid.). God does not act with us as we act with God; God calls us, and we pretend to be deaf; not so God — «statim ut audierit respondebit tibi» — "as soon as He hears, He will answer you": as soon as you repent and ask His pardon, at once God answers and forgives you.

#### Affections and Prayers

O my God, against whom have I turned? Against You who are so good, who created me and died for me? And who have borne with me so after so many betrayals? Ah, seeing only the patience You have had with me, this alone should make me live always burning with Your love. And who would ever have endured me so much, amid the injuries I have done You, as You have endured me? Poor me, if from this day forward I should return to offending You and damn myself! These mercies You have shown me would be, O God, a hell more painful for me than all of hell. No, my Redeemer, do not permit that I should turn my back on You again. Let me die first. For I see that Your mercy can bear with me no longer. I repent, O supreme Good, of having offended You. I love You with all my heart, and I am resolved to give to You all the life that remains to me. Hear me, Eternal Father, for the merits of Jesus Christ; give me holy perseverance and Your holy love. Hear me, my Jesus, for the blood You have shed for me. «Te ergo, quaesumus, tuis famulis subveni, quos pretioso sanguine redemisti» — "We therefore beseech You, help Your servants, whom You have redeemed with Your precious blood."

O Mary, my Mother, look upon me; «illos tuos misericordes oculos ad nos converte» — "turn those merciful eyes of Yours toward us"; and draw me wholly to God.

## Consideration XVII — The Abuse of Divine Mercy

«Ignoras, quoniam benignitas Dei ad poenitentiam te adducit?» — "Do you not know that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?" (Rom. 2:4).

### POINT I

We read in the parable of the cockle in St. Matthew (ch. 13) that when the cockle had grown up in a field together with the wheat, the servants wanted to go and root it out: «Vis, imus, et colligimus ea?» — "Do You wish us to go and gather it?" But the master answered: No, let it grow, and then it will be gathered and sent to the fire: «In tempore messis dicam messoribus, colligite primum zizania, et alligate ea in fasciculos ad comburendum» — "At the time of the harvest I will say to the reapers: Gather up first the cockle, and bind it into bundles to be burned." From this parable we learn, on the one hand, the patience the Lord exercises toward sinners; and on the other, the rigor He exercises toward the obstinate. St. Augustine says that the devil deceives men in two ways: «Desperando, et sperando» — "by despairing and by hoping." After the sinner has sinned, the devil tempts him to despair through the terror of divine justice; but before he sins, he draws the soul to sin through the hope of divine mercy. Therefore the saint warns everyone: «Post peccatum spera misericordiam; ante peccatum pertimesce iustitiam» — "After sin, hope for mercy; before sin, dread justice." Yes, for he does not deserve mercy who makes use of the mercy of God to offend Him. Mercy is shown to the one who fears God, not to the one who avails himself of it in order not to fear Him. He who offends justice, says the Abulense, can have recourse to mercy; but he who offends mercy itself, to whom shall he have recourse?

It is hard to find a sinner so desperate that he truly wills to damn himself. Sinners wish to sin without losing the hope of saving themselves. They sin and say: God is merciful; I will commit this sin, and then I will confess it. «Bonus est Deus, faciam quod mihi placet» — "God is good; I will do what pleases me" — this is how sinners speak, writes St. Augustine (Tract. 33 on John). But O God, so spoke so many who are now already damned.

Do not say, says the Lord: Great are the mercies God shows; however many sins I commit, with one act of sorrow I shall be forgiven. «Et ne dicas: miseratio Domini magna est, multitudinis peccatorum meorum miserebitur» — "And do not say: The mercy of the Lord is great; He will have mercy on the multitude of my sins" (Sir. 5:6). Do not say it, says God; and why? «Misericordia enim, et ira ab illo cito proximant, et in peccatores respicit ira illius» — "For mercy and wrath quickly come forth from Him, and His wrath looks upon sinners" (Ibid.). The mercy of God is infinite, but the acts of this mercy (which are the mercies He shows) are finite. God is merciful, but He is also just. «Ego sum iustus, et misericors» — "I am just and merciful," the Lord said one day to St. Bridget; «peccatores tantum misericordem me existimant» — "sinners think Me only merciful." Sinners, writes St. Basil, wish to consider God only by half: «Bonus est Dominus, sed etiam iustus; nolite Deum ex dimidia parte cogitare» — "The Lord is good, but also just; do not conceive of God by half." To bear with one who makes use of the mercy of God to offend Him the more — this, said Father Avila, would not be mercy but a failure of justice. Mercy is promised to those who fear God, not to those who abuse it. «Et misericordia eius timentibus eum» — "And His mercy is to those who fear Him," as Mary Most Holy sang. To the obstinate, justice is threatened; and since (says St. Augustine) God does not lie in His promises, neither does He lie in His threats: «Qui verus est in promittendo, verus est in minando» — "He who is true in promising is true in threatening."

Beware, says St. John Chrysostom, when the devil (but not God) promises you the divine mercy so that you may sin: «Cave ne unquam canem illum suscipias, qui misericordiam Dei pollicetur» — "Take care never to welcome that dog who promises the mercy of God" (Hom. 50 to the People of Antioch). Woe, adds St. Augustine, to him who hopes in order to sin: «Sperat, ut peccet; vae a perversa spe» — "He hopes in order to sin; woe from a perverse hope" (On Ps. 144). Oh, how many this vain hope has deceived and ruined, says the saint. «Dinumerari non possunt, quantos haec inanis spei umbra deceperit» — "They cannot be numbered whom this empty shadow of hope has deceived." Poor the one who abuses the pity of God to outrage Him the more!

St. Bernard says that Lucifer was punished by God so quickly because he rebelled while hoping to receive no punishment for it. King Manasseh was a sinner, then he was converted, and God forgave him; Amon his son, seeing his father so easily forgiven, gave himself over to an evil life in the hope of pardon; but for Amon there was no mercy. For this reason St. John Chrysostom also says that Judas was lost because he sinned trusting in the gentleness of Jesus Christ: «Fidit in lenitate magistri» — "He trusted in the leniency of the Master." In short, if God bears with sinners, He does not bear with them forever. If it were that God always bore with them, no one would be damned; but the more common opinion is that the greater part even of Christians (speaking of adults) are damned: «Lata porta et spatiosa via est, quae ducit ad perditionem, et multi intrant per eam» — "Wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to perdition, and many enter through it" (Matt. 7:13).

Whoever offends God in the hope of pardon, «irrisor est non poenitens» — "is a mocker, not a penitent," says St. Augustine. But on the other hand St. Paul says that God does not let Himself be mocked: «Deus non irridetur» — "God is not mocked" (Gal. 6:7). It would be mocking God to go on offending Him whenever one pleases and then go to paradise. «Quae enim seminaverit homo, haec et metet» — "For whatever a man sows, that also shall he reap" (Ibid. 8). Whoever sows sins has no reason to hope for anything but punishment and hell. The net by which the devil drags to hell nearly all those Christians who are damned is this deception, with which he says to them: Sin freely, for even with all your sins you will be saved. But God curses the one who sins in the hope of pardon: «Maledictus homo qui peccat in spe» — "Cursed is the man who sins in hope." The hope of the sinner after sin, when there is repentance, is dear to God, but the hope of the obstinate is an abomination to God: «Et spes illorum abominatio» — "And their hope shall be an abomination" (Job 11:20). Such a hope provokes God to punish, just as that servant would provoke his master who offended him precisely because the master is good.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, behold, I have been one of those who have offended You because You were good to me. Ah, Lord, wait for me; do not yet abandon me, for I hope by Your grace never to provoke You again to abandon me. I repent, O infinite goodness, of having offended You and of having so abused Your patience. I thank You for having waited for me until now. From this day forward I no longer wish to betray You, as I have done in the past. You have borne with me so long so that one day You might see me become a lover of Your goodness. Behold, that day has already come, I hope. I love You above all things, and I esteem Your grace more than all the kingdoms of the world: rather than lose it, I am ready to lose my life a thousand times. My God, for love of Jesus Christ, give me holy perseverance until death, together with Your holy love. Do not permit me to betray You again and cease to love You.

Mary, You are my hope; obtain for me this perseverance; and I ask nothing more of You.

### POINT II

Someone will say: God has shown me so many mercies in the past, so I hope He will show me the same in the future. But I answer: And because He has shown you so many mercies, do you for that reason want to return to offending Him? Then (St. Paul says to you), do you thus despise the goodness and patience of God? Do you not know that the Lord has borne with you until now, not so that you should go on offending Him, but so that you should weep for the evil you have done? «An divitias bonitatis eius, et patientiae contemnis? Ignoras, quoniam benignitas Dei ad poenitentiam te adducit?» — "Do you despise the riches of His goodness and patience? Do you not know that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?" (Rom. 2:4). When you, trusting in the divine mercy, refuse to put an end to it, the Lord will put an end to it Himself. «Nisi conversi fueritis, arcum suum vibrabit» — "Unless you are converted, He will brandish His bow" (Ps. 7). «Mea est ultio et ego retribuam in tempore» — "Vengeance is Mine, and I will repay in due time" (Deut. 32:35). God waits, but when the time of vengeance arrives, He waits no longer and punishes.

«Propterea exspectat Dominus, ut misereatur vestri» — "Therefore the Lord waits, that He may have mercy on you" (Isa. 30:18). God waits for the sinner so that he may amend; but when He sees that the sinner uses the time given him to weep for his sins to increase them instead, then He calls that very time to judge him. «Vocavit adversum me tempus» — "He has summoned the time against me" (Lam. 1:15). St. Gregory says: «Ipsum tempus ad iudicandum vertit» — "He turns the very time to judgment." Thus the very time given and the very mercies shown will serve to have him punished with greater rigor and abandoned more quickly. «Curavimus Babylonem, et non est sanata, derelinquamus eam» — "We would have healed Babylon, but she is not healed; let us forsake her" (Jer. 51:9). And how does God abandon him? Either He sends him death and lets him die in sin; or He deprives him of abundant graces and leaves him with sufficient grace alone, with which the sinner could indeed save himself but will not be saved. The blinded mind, the hardened heart, the evil habit formed will render his salvation morally impossible; and so he will remain, if not absolutely, at least morally abandoned. «Auferam sepem eius, et erit in direptionem» — "I will take away its hedge, and it shall be laid waste" (Isa. 5:5). Oh, what a punishment! What does it mean when the owner tears down the hedge and lets anyone who wishes enter the vineyard, men and beasts alike? It is a sign that he abandons it. So does God when He abandons a soul: He takes away the hedge of holy fear and of remorse of conscience, and leaves it in darkness; and then all the monsters of the vices will enter that soul. «Posuisti tenebras, et facta est nox, in ipsa pertransibunt omnes bestiae silvae» — "You have made darkness, and it has become night; in it all the beasts of the forest shall pass through" (Ps. 103:20). And the abandoned sinner who finds himself in that darkness will despise everything: the grace of God, paradise, warnings, excommunications; he will mock even his own damnation. «Impius, cum in profundum peccatorum venerit, contemnit» — "The wicked man, when he has come into the depth of sins, despises" (Prov. 18:3).

God will leave him in this life without punishing him, but not punishing him will be his greatest punishment. «Misereamur impio, et non discet iustitiam» — "Let us show mercy to the wicked, and he will not learn justice" (Isa. 26:10). St. Bernard says on this text: «Misericordiam hanc ego nolo; super omnem iram miseratio ista» — "This mercy I do not want; this pity is worse than all wrath" (Sermon 42 on the Song of Songs). Oh, what a punishment it is when God leaves the sinner in the grip of his sin and seems no longer to ask him for an account! «Secundum multitudinem irae suae non quaeret» — "According to the multitude of His wrath, He will not call him to account" (Ps. 9). And it seems that He is not angry with him. «Auferetur zelus meus a te, et quiescam, nec irascar amplius» — "My jealousy shall depart from you, and I will be at rest and be angry no more" (Ezek. 16:42). And it seems that He lets him attain everything he desires on this earth. «Et dimisi eos secundum desideria cordis eorum» — "And I let them go according to the desires of their hearts" (Ps. 80). Poor sinners who prosper in this life! It is a sign that God is waiting to make them victims of His justice in eternal life. Jeremiah asks: «Quare via impiorum prosperatur?» — "Why does the way of the wicked prosper?" (Jer. 12:1). And then he answers: «Congregas eos quasi gregem ad victoriam» — "You gather them like a flock for the slaughter." There is no greater punishment than when God permits a sinner to add sins to sins, as David says: «Appone iniquitatem super iniquitatem... deleantur de libro viventium» — "Add iniquity upon iniquity... let them be blotted out of the book of the living" (Ps. 66:28). On which St. Robert Bellarmine says: «Nulla poena maior, quam cum peccatum est poena peccati» — "There is no greater punishment than when sin is the punishment of sin." It would have been better for some of these unhappy souls if the Lord had let them die after the first sin; for, dying later, they will have as many hells as the sins they have committed.

#### Affections and Prayers

My God, in this miserable state I now see that I have deserved to remain, deprived of Your grace and deprived of light; but seeing the light that You now give me, and feeling myself called by You to penance, is a sign that You have not yet abandoned me. And since You have not abandoned me, come then, my Lord, increase Your mercies upon my soul, increase the light, increase in me the desire to serve You and to love You. Change me, O almighty God, and from the traitor and rebel that I have been, make me a great lover of Your goodness, so that one day I may come to heaven to praise Your mercies forever. You therefore wish to pardon me, and I desire nothing but pardon from You and Your love. I repent, O infinite goodness, of having caused You so much displeasure. I love You, O supreme good, because You command me to; I love You, because You are well worthy of it. Ah, my Redeemer, by the merits of Your blood, make Yourself loved by a sinner whom You have loved so much and borne with such patience for so many years. I hope for everything from Your mercy. I hope to love You always, from this day forward until death and for all eternity. «Misericordias Domini in aeternum cantabo» — "I will sing the mercies of the Lord forever." I will praise Your mercy forever, my Jesus.

And I will praise Your mercy forever, O Mary, who have obtained so many graces for me: I acknowledge them all as coming from Your intercession. Continue now, my Lady, to help me and to obtain for me holy perseverance.

### POINT III

It is related in the life of Father Luigi la Nusa that in Palermo there were two friends. One day, as they were out walking, one of them, named Cesare, who was an actor, seeing the other lost in thought, said to him: "How long is it since you went to confession, that you have become so troubled? Listen," he then added, "know that Father la Nusa once told me that God was giving me twelve years of life, and that if I did not amend within that time, I would die a bad death. I have traveled through many parts of the world, I have suffered illnesses—especially one that brought me to the very end—but in this month, in which the twelve years are completed, I feel better than in all the rest of my life." Then he invited him to come on Saturday to hear a new comedy he had written. Now what happened? On that Saturday, which was November 24, 1668, just as he was about to go on stage, he was struck by apoplexy and died instantly, expiring in the arms of a woman who was also an actress; and so the comedy ended. Now let us come to ourselves. My brother, when the devil tempts you to sin again—if you wish to damn yourself, it is within your power to sin—but do not then say that you wish to be saved; while you wish to sin, consider yourself damned, and picture to yourself that at that moment God is writing your condemnation and saying to you: «Quid ultra debui facere vineae meae, et non feci?» — "What more ought I to have done for my vineyard, that I have not done?" (Isa. 5:4). Ungrateful one, what more should I have done for you that I have not done? Come then, since you wish to be damned, be damned; the fault is yours.

But you will say: And where is the mercy of God? Ah, wretched man, does it not seem to you mercy on God's part that He has borne with you for so many years amid so many sins? You should keep your face always on the ground, thanking Him and saying: «Misericordiae Domini, quia non sumus consumti» — "It is of the mercies of the Lord that we are not consumed" (Lam. 3:22). By committing a single mortal sin, you have committed a greater crime than if you had trampled underfoot the first monarch of the earth; and you have committed so many that, if the injuries you have done to God you had done to a brother of your own flesh, not even he would have put up with you. God has not only waited for you, but has called you so many times and invited you to His pardon. «Quid ultra debui facere?» — "What more ought I to have done?" If God had needed you, or if you had done Him some great favor, could He have shown you greater mercy? This being so, if you return to offending Him, you will cause all His mercy to be turned into fury and chastisement.

If that fig tree which its owner found without fruit, after the year granted for its cultivation, had still yielded no fruit at all, who could ever have hoped that the Lord would give it more time and spare it from the knife? Hear, then, what St. Augustine warns you: «O arbor infructuosa, dilata est securis, noli esse secura, amputaberis» — "O fruitless tree, the axe has been delayed; do not be secure, for you will be cut down." The chastisement (says the saint) has been deferred for you, not removed; if you go on abusing the divine mercy, «amputaberis» — "you will be cut down" — in the end He will cut you down. What are you waiting for—for God Himself to send you to hell? But if He sends you there, you already know that then there will be no more remedy for you. The Lord keeps silence, but He does not keep silence forever; when the time of vengeance comes, He is silent no more. «Haec fecisti, et tacui. Existimasti inique, quod ero tui similis? Arguam te, et statuam contra faciem tuam» — "These things you have done, and I kept silence. You thought unjustly that I was like you; I will rebuke you, and set them before your face" (Ps. 49:21).

He will set before you the mercies He has shown you, and He will make those very mercies judge you and condemn you.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, woe to me if from this day forward I were not faithful to You, and returned to betraying You after the light You now give me! This light is a sign that You wish to pardon me. I repent, O supreme Good, of all the injuries I have done You in having offended You, infinite Goodness. I hope for pardon through Your blood, and I hope for it with certainty; but if I were to turn my back on You again, I see that I would deserve a hell made on purpose for me. And this is what makes me tremble, O God of my soul: I can return to losing Your grace. I think of how many times I have promised You to be faithful, and then have again rebelled against You. Ah, Lord, do not permit it: do not abandon me to this great misfortune of seeing myself once more made Your enemy. Send me every chastisement, but not this. «Ne permittas me separari a Te» — "Do not permit me to be separated from You." If You ever see that I would offend You again, let me die first. I am content with the most tormenting of deaths rather than have to weep over the misery of being once more deprived of Your grace. «Ne permittas me separari a Te» — "Do not permit me to be separated from You." I repeat it, my God; and grant that I may always repeat it to You: «Ne permittas me separari a Te» — "Do not permit me to be separated from You." I love You, my dear Redeemer; I no longer wish to be parted from You: by the merits of Your death, give me a love so great that it binds me to You in such a way that I can never again break loose from it.

O Mary, my Mother, if I return to offending God, I fear that You too will abandon me. Help me, then, with Your prayers; obtain for me holy perseverance and love for Jesus Christ.

## Consideration XVIII — Of the Number of Sins

«Quia non profertur cito contra malos sententia, ideo filii hominum perpetrant mala» — "Because sentence is not speedily pronounced against the evil, therefore the children of men commit evils" (Eccles. 8:11).

### POINT I

If God punished immediately whoever offends Him, He would certainly not be seen to be offended as He now is seen; but because the Lord does not punish at once and waits, therefore sinners take heart to offend Him all the more. But it must be understood that God waits and bears: yet He does not wait and does not bear forever. It is the teaching of many holy Fathers—of St. Basil, St. Jerome, St. Ambrose, St. Cyril of Alexandria, St. John Chrysostom, St. Augustine, and others—that just as God has determined for each man the number of the days of life, of the degrees of health, or of the talent He wills to give him: «Omnia in mensura, et numero, et pondere disposuisti» — "You have disposed all things in measure, and number, and weight" (Wis. 11:21)—so also He has determined for each one the number of sins He wills to forgive him; once that number is completed, He forgives no more. «Illud sentire nos convenit (says St. Augustine) tandiu unumquenque a Dei patientia sustineri; quo consummato, nullam illi veniam reservari» — "It befits us to hold that each one is borne with by God's patience only for so long; and once that is finished, no pardon is reserved for him" (De vita christiana, ch. 3). Eusebius of Caesarea says the same: «Deus exspectat usque ad certum numerum, et postea deserit» — "God waits up to a certain number, and afterward abandons" (bk. 8, ch. 2). And the other Fathers named above say the same.

And these Fathers did not speak at random, but grounded themselves on the divine Scriptures. In one place the Lord said that He was holding back the ruin of the Amorites, because the number of their sins was not yet complete: «Nondum completae sunt iniquitates Amorrhaeorum» — "The iniquities of the Amorites are not yet complete" (Gen. 15:16). In another place He said: «Non addam ultra misereri Israel» — "I will no longer have mercy on Israel" (Isa. 19). In another: «Tentaverunt me per decem vices, non videbunt terram» — "They have tempted me ten times; they shall not see the land" (Num. 14:22). In another, Job says: «Signasti quasi in sacculo delicta mea» — "You have sealed up my offenses as in a bag" (Job 14:17). Sinners keep no account of their sins, but God keeps it well, in order to inflict the chastisement when the harvest is ripe—that is, when the number is complete: «Mittite falces, quoniam maturavit messis» — "Put in the sickles, for the harvest is ripe" (Joel 3:13). In another place God says: «De propitiato peccato noli esse sine metu; neque adiicias peccatum super peccatum» — "Be not without fear concerning a sin forgiven, and add not sin upon sin" (Sir. 5:5). And it means: Sinner, you must tremble even over the sins I have forgiven you, because if you add one more, it may be that the new sin, together with the forgiven ones, completes the number, and then there will be no more mercy for you. In another place Scripture says still more clearly: «Exspectat Deus patienter, ut cum iudicii dies advenerit, eas (Nationes), in plenitudine peccatorum puniat» — "God waits patiently, that when the day of judgment comes, He may punish them (the Nations) in the fullness of their sins" (2 Macc. 6:14). So God waits until the day on which the measure of sins is filled, and then He chastises.

Of such chastisement there are then many examples in Scripture, and especially that of Saul, who, having disobeyed God for the last time, was abandoned by God; so that when he begged Samuel to intercede for him: «Porta quaeso peccatum meum, et revertere mecum, ut adorem Deum» — "Bear with my sin, I pray you, and return with me, that I may worship God"—Samuel answered him: «Non revertar tecum, quia abiecisti sermonem Domini, et abiecit te Dominus» — "I will not return with you, because you have rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lord has rejected you" (1 Sam. 15:25). There is the example of Belshazzar, who, while at table, profaned the vessels of the temple, and then saw a hand that wrote upon the wall: «Mane, Thecel, Phares» — "Mene, Tekel, Peres." Daniel came, and in explaining those words said to him, among other things: «Appensus es in statera, et inventus es minus habens» — "You have been weighed in the balance and found wanting" (Dan. 5:27). Giving him to understand that the weight of his sins had already made the scale of divine justice sink; and in fact that same night he was slain: «Eadem nocte interfectus est Baltassar rex Chaldaeus» — "That same night Belshazzar, the king of the Chaldeans, was slain."

And oh, to how many wretched souls does the same thing happen—souls who live many years in sin, but when their number comes to an end are seized by death and sent to hell! «Ducunt in bonis dies suos, et in puncto ad inferna descendunt» — "They spend their days in wealth, and in a moment they go down to hell" (Job 21:13). Some set themselves to investigating the number of the stars, the number of the angels, or the years of life that someone will have; but who can ever set himself to investigating the number of the sins that God wills to forgive each one? And for this we must tremble. Who knows, my brother, whether at that first unworthy gratification, at that first thought consented to, at that first sin you commit, God may forgive you no more?

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, I thank You. How many, for sins fewer than mine, are at this hour in hell, where there is no longer forgiveness or hope for them; and I have hope of forgiveness and of paradise, if I want it. Yes, my God, I want forgiveness. I repent above every other evil of having offended You, because I have offended You, infinite goodness. Eternal Father, «respice in faciem Christi tui» — "look upon the face of Your Christ": look upon Your Son, dead on that cross for me, and for His merits have pity on me. I promise You that I would rather die than offend You again. I must rightly fear, considering the sins I have committed and the graces You have shown me, that one more sin I might add would fill the measure, and I would be damned! Ah, help me with Your grace. From You I hope for the light and the strength to be faithful to You. And if You ever see that I would offend You again, make me die at this very moment, in which I hope to be in Your grace. My God, I love You above all things, and I fear more than death seeing myself once more out of Your favor; in mercy, do not permit it.

Mary, my Mother, in mercy help me; obtain for me holy perseverance.

### POINT II

That sinner says: But God is merciful. I answer: and who denies it? The mercy of God is infinite, but with all this mercy, how many are damned every day? «Veni ut mederer contritis corde» — "I came to heal the contrite of heart" (Isa. 61:1). God heals those who have good will. He forgives sins, but He cannot forgive the will to sin. He will reply: But I am young. You are young? But God does not count years; He counts sins. And this quota of sins is not equal for everyone: to some God forgives a hundred sins, to another a thousand; another He will send to hell at the second sin. How many has the Lord sent there at the first sin? St. Gregory relates that a five-year-old child, for uttering a blasphemy, was sent to hell. Mary Most Holy revealed to that servant of God, Benedetta of Florence, that a twelve-year-old girl was condemned at her first sin. Another eight-year-old boy likewise died at his first sin and was damned. It is said in the Gospel of St. Matthew (ch. 21) that the Lord, the first time He found that fig tree without fruit, immediately cursed it: «nunquam ex te nascatur fructus» — "May no fruit ever grow from you again"; and it withered. Another time He said: «Super tribus sceleribus Damasci, et super quatuor non convertam eum» — "For three crimes of Damascus, and for four, I will not revoke it" (Amos 1:3). Perhaps some rash man will want to demand of God an account of why He wills to forgive one person three sins, and not four. In this we must adore the divine judgments and say with the Apostle: «O altitudo divitiarum sapientiae et scientiae Dei; quam incomprehensibilia sunt iudicia eius, et investigabiles viae eius!» — "O the depth of the riches of the wisdom and of the knowledge of God! How incomprehensible are His judgments, and how unsearchable His ways!" (Rom. 11:33). St. Augustine: «Novit ille cui parcat, et cui non parcat. Quibus datur misericordia, gratis datur, quibus non datur, ex iustitia non datur» — "He knows whom to spare and whom not to spare. To those to whom mercy is given, it is given freely; to those to whom it is not given, it is withheld out of justice" (De correptione et gratia, ch. 5).

The obstinate man will reply: But I have offended God so many times, and God has forgiven me; and so I hope He will forgive me this other sin as well. But I say: because God has not punished you until now, must it always be so? The measure will be filled, and the punishment will come. Samson, continuing to dally with Delilah, still hoped to free himself from the hands of the Philistines, as he had done before: «Egrediar sicut ante feci, et me excutiam» — "I will go out as I did before and shake myself free" (Judg. 16:20). But that last time he remained caught, and he lost his life. «Ne dicas: peccavi, et quid accidit mihi triste?» — "Do not say: I have sinned, and what evil has befallen me?" Do not say, says the Lord, I have committed so many sins and God has never punished me. «Altissimus enim est patiens redditor» — "For the Most High is a patient rewarder" (Sir. 5:4). Which is to say, He will come once and repay everything. And the greater the mercy has been, the heavier the punishment will be. St. John Chrysostom says that God is more to be feared when He tolerates the obstinate man than when He punishes him at once: «Plus timendum est cum tolerat, quam cum festinanter punit» — "He is more to be feared when He tolerates than when He swiftly punishes." For (as St. Gregory writes) those whom God awaits with greater patience, He then punishes more rigorously if they remain ungrateful: «Quos diutius exspectat, durius damnat» — "Those He awaits longer, He condemns more severely." And often, the saint adds, those who have been tolerated for a long time then die suddenly, without having time to convert: «Saepe qui diu tolerati sunt, subita morte rapiuntur, ut nec flere ante mortem licet» — "Often those long tolerated are snatched away by sudden death, so that they are not even permitted to weep before dying." Especially when the light God has given you has been greater, so much greater will be your blindness and obstinacy in sin. «Melius enim erat illis» (said St. Peter) «non cognoscere viam iustitiae quam post agnitionem retrorsum converti» — "For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of justice than, after knowing it, to turn back" (2 Pet. 2:21). And St. Paul said that it is impossible (morally speaking) for an enlightened soul, by sinning again, to be converted: «Impossibile enim est eos, qui semel illuminati sunt, et gustaverunt donum coeleste... et prolapsi sunt, rursus renovari ad poenitentiam» — "For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift... and have fallen away, to be renewed again unto repentance" (Heb. 6:4).

Terrible is what the Lord says against those who are deaf to His calls: «Quia vocavi, et renuistis... Ego quoque in interitu vestro ridebo, et subsannabo vos» — "Because I called, and you refused... I also will laugh at your destruction, and will mock you" (Prov. 1:24). Let those two words «Ego quoque» — "I also" — be noted: they mean that just as that sinner has mocked God — confessing, promising, and then always betraying Him — so the Lord will mock him at his death. Moreover the Wise Man says: «Sicut canis qui revertitur ad vomitum suum, sic imprudens qui iterat stultitiam suam» — "As a dog that returns to its vomit, so is the fool who repeats his folly" (Prov. 26:11). Denis the Carthusian explains this text, and says that just as that dog becomes abominable and loathsome which feeds on what it has previously vomited, so he who returns to commit the sins he detested in confession renders himself hateful to God: «Sicut id quod per vomitum est reiectum resumere, est valde abominabile ac turpe, sic peccata deleta reiterare» — "Just as to take back what has been cast out by vomiting is most abominable and shameful, so it is to repeat sins that have been blotted out."

#### Affections and Prayers

Here I am, my God, at Your feet; I am that loathsome dog who so many times has returned to feed on those forbidden fruits that I had previously detested. I do not deserve pity, O my Redeemer; but the blood You have shed for me gives me courage and obliges me to hope for it. How many times have I offended You, and You have forgiven me! I promised You not to offend You anymore, and then I returned to my vomit, and You returned to forgive me. What are You waiting for — to send me to hell once and for all? Or to abandon me into the hands of my sin, which would be a greater punishment than hell? No, my God, I want to amend, and to be faithful to You I want to place all my confidence in You; I want, when I am tempted, to have recourse to You at once and always. In the past I trusted in my promises and my resolutions, and I neglected to commend myself to You in temptations; and this has been my ruin. No, from today onward You must be my hope and my strength, and thus I shall be able to do all things: «Omnia possum in eo qui me confortat» — "I can do all things in Him who strengthens me." Give me then, by Your merits, O my Jesus, the grace to commend myself always to You, and to seek Your help in my needs. I love You, O supreme good, lovable above every good; and You alone do I want to love; but You must help me.

And You too must aid me with Your intercession, O Mary, my Mother; keep me under Your mantle, and make me always call upon You when I am tempted. Your name will be my defense.

### POINT III

«Fili, peccasti? Non adiicias iterum, sed de pristinis deprecare, ut tibi dimittantur» — "My son, have you sinned? Do so no more, but for your former sins pray that they may be forgiven you" (Sir. 21:1). This is what your good Lord warns you, my Christian, because He wants you saved: Son, do not return to offend Me, but from today onward attend to asking forgiveness for the sins committed. My brother, the more you have offended God, the more you must tremble not to offend Him again, because one more sin that you commit will tip the scale of divine justice, and you will be damned. I do not say absolutely that after one more sin there will be no more forgiveness for you, because this I do not know; but I say that it can happen. Therefore, when you are tempted, say: And who knows whether God will forgive me no more, and I remain damned? Tell me, I pray: if it were probable that a certain food contained poison, would you take it? If you believed it probable that on that road your enemies were waiting to take your life, would you pass that way, having another safe road? And so what certainty — or rather what probability — do you have that, in returning to sin, you will afterwards have true sorrow for it and will never return to your vomit? And that in sinning, God will not make you die in the very act of sin, or will not abandon you after it?

O God! If you buy a house, you already use every diligence to secure the deed and not throw away your money. If you take a medicine, you take care to assure yourself well that it cannot harm you. If you cross a torrent, you take care to assure yourself that you will not fall in. And then, for a wretched satisfaction, for a beastly pleasure, you are willing to risk your eternal salvation, saying: I hope to confess it? But I ask you: when will you confess it? On Sunday. And who promises you that you will be alive until Sunday? Tomorrow. And who promises you this tomorrow? St. Augustine says: «Diem tenes, qui horam non tenes?» — "Do you hold the day, who do not hold even the hour?" How can you promise yourself to confess tomorrow, when you do not know that you have even one more hour of life? «Qui poenitenti veniam spopondit (the saint continues), peccanti diem crastinum non promisit; fortasse dabit, fortasse non dabit» — "He has promised pardon to him who repents, but He has not promised tomorrow to him who offends Him; perhaps He will give it, perhaps He will not give it." If you sin now, perhaps God will give you time for repentance, and perhaps not; and if He does not give it to you, what will become of you for all eternity? Meanwhile, for a wretched pleasure you already lose your soul and put it at risk of remaining lost forever. Would you put a thousand ducats at risk for that vile satisfaction? I say more: for that brief pleasure, would you make an all-or-nothing wager of money, house, lands, liberty, and life? No? Then how is it that, for that wretched pleasure, you are willing in a single stroke to forfeit everything — soul, paradise, and God? Tell me: are these things that faith teaches truths, or are they fables — that there is a paradise, a hell, an eternity? Do you believe that if death overtakes you in sin, you will be lost forever? And what rashness, what madness, to condemn yourself already to an eternity of pains, saying: I hope to remedy it afterward? «Nemo sub spe salutis vult aegrotare» — "No one wishes to fall sick in the hope of health," says St. Augustine. No madman can be found who takes poison, saying, perhaps I can cure myself afterward with remedies; and you wish to condemn yourself to an eternal death, saying: Perhaps I can free myself from it afterward? O madness, which has carried and still carries so many souls to hell! According to the threat of the Lord: «Fiduciam habuisti in malitia tua, veniet super te malum, et nescies ortum eius» — "You have trusted in your wickedness; evil shall come upon you, and you shall not know its dawning" (Isa. 48:10). You have sinned, rashly trusting in the divine mercy; the punishment will come upon you suddenly, without your knowing whence it comes.

#### Affections and Prayers

Behold, Lord, one of those madmen, who has so many times lost his soul and Your grace, in the hope of recovering it afterward. And if You had made me die at that moment, or on those nights in which I was in sin, what would have become of me? I thank Your mercy, which has waited for me and now makes me know my madness. I see that You want me saved, and I want to save myself. I repent, O infinite goodness, of having so many times turned my back on You, and I love You with all my heart. And I hope, through the merits of Your Passion, O my Jesus, never to be a madman again. Forgive me quickly, and receive me into Your grace, for I do not want to leave You anymore. «In te, Domine, speravi, non confundar in aeternum» — "In You, O Lord, have I hoped; let me never be confounded." Ah no — I hope, O my Redeemer, never again to suffer the disgrace and the confusion of seeing myself in time to come deprived of Your grace and Your love. Grant me holy perseverance, and make me always ask it of You, especially when I am tempted, calling to my aid Your holy name and that of Your holy Mother, saying: My Jesus, help me; my Mary, help me.

Yes, my Queen, for in having recourse to You I shall never be overcome. And if the temptation persists, obtain for me that I do not cease to persist in invoking You.

## Consideration XIX — What a Great Good Is the Grace of God, and What an Evil Is the Disgrace of God

«Nescit homo pretium eius» — "Man does not know its price" (Job 28:13).

### POINT I

The Lord says: «Si separaveris pretiosum a vili, quasi os meum eris» — "If you separate the precious from the vile, you shall be as My mouth" (Jer. 15:19). He who knows how to separate precious things from vile things makes himself like God, who knows how to reject evil and choose good. Let us see what a good the grace of God is, and what an evil the disgrace of God. Men do not understand the value of divine grace: «Nescit homo pretium eius» — "Man does not know its price." And so they exchange it for nothing — for a puff of smoke, for a bit of earth, for a beastly pleasure; yet it is an infinite treasure, which makes us worthy of the friendship of God: «Infinitus enim thesaurus est hominibus, quo qui usi sunt, participes facti sunt amicitiae Dei» — "For it is an infinite treasure to men, which they who use it become partakers of the friendship of God" (Wis. 7:14). So that a soul in grace is a friend of God. The Gentiles, who were deprived of the light of faith, deemed it impossible that a creature could have friendship with God; and, speaking according to the light of nature, they rightly said so, because friendship (as St. Jerome says) makes friends equal: «Amicitia pares aut accipit, aut facit» — "Friendship either finds equals or makes them." But God has declared to us in many places that through His grace we become His friends by the observance of His law: «Vos amici mei estis, si feceritis quae praecipio vobis» — "You are My friends, if you do the things that I command you" (John 15:14). «Iam non dicam vos servos... vos autem dixi amicos» — "I will no longer call you servants... but you I have called friends" (John 15:15). Hence St. Gregory exclaims: O goodness of God! we do not deserve to be called even His servants, and He deigns to call us friends: «Oh mira divinae bonitatis dignatio! Servi non sumus digni nominari, et amici vocamur» — "O marvelous condescension of the divine goodness! We are not worthy to be named servants, and we are called friends."

How fortunate would a man think himself, who had the lot of having his king for a friend! But it would be rashness in a vassal to aspire to friendship with his prince; yet it is not rashness for a soul to aspire to be the friend of its God. St. Augustine relates that two courtiers, finding themselves in a monastery of solitaries, one of them began to read there the life of St. Anthony the Abbot. «Legebat (writes the saint) et exuebatur mundo cor eius» — "He read, and as he read, his heart was gradually stripped of the affections of the world." Then, turning to his companion, he spoke to him thus: «Quid quaerimus? Maior ne esse potest spes nostra, quam quod amici imperatoris simus? Et per quot pericula ad maius periculum pervenitur? et quandiu hoc erit?» — "Friend, he said to him, what are we madmen seeking? Can we hope for more, by serving the emperor, than to become his friends? And if we were to reach that point, we would place ourselves in a greater danger to our eternal salvation. But no — we shall hardly ever succeed in having Caesar for a friend." «Amicus autem Dei (so he concluded) si voluero, ecce nunc fio» — "But if I wish, he said, to be a friend of God, behold, I can become one now."

Whoever stands, then, in the grace of God becomes a friend of God. More than that, he becomes a son: «Ecce Dii estis, et filii Excelsi omnes» — "Behold, you are gods, and all of you sons of the Most High" (Ps. 3:6). This is the great lot that divine love has obtained for us through Jesus Christ.

«Videte qualem caritatem dedit nobis Pater, ut filii Dei nominemur, et simus» — "Behold what manner of charity the Father has given us, that we should be called and should be the sons of God" (1 John 3:1). More than that, the soul in grace becomes a spouse of God: «Sponsabo te mihi in fide» — "I will espouse you to Me in faith" (Hos. 2:20). And therefore the father of the prodigal son, receiving him back into his grace, ordered that a ring be given him as a sign of the espousal: «Date annulum in manum eius» — "Put a ring on his hand" (Luke 15:22). I say more: it becomes a temple of the Holy Spirit. Sister Mary Dognes saw a devil go out of a child who was receiving baptism, and the Holy Spirit enter into him with a crown of angels.

#### Affections and Prayers

So then, my God, my soul, when it happily stood in Your grace, was Your friend and daughter, Your spouse and temple; but then, by sinning, it lost everything and became Your enemy and a slave of hell. But I thank You that You still give me time to recover Your grace, O my God. I repent, above every other evil, of having offended You, O infinite goodness. And I love You above all things. Ah, receive me once more into Your friendship; for pity's sake, do not disdain me. I know well that I would deserve to be driven away by You; but Jesus Christ deserves that You receive me back repentant, for love of the sacrifice that He made of Himself to You on Calvary. «Adveniat regnum tuum» — "Your kingdom come." My Father — so Your Son has taught me to call You — my Father, come with Your grace to reign in my heart; make it serve You alone, live for You alone, love You alone. «Et ne nos inducas in tentationem» — "And lead us not into temptation." Ah, do not permit the enemies to tempt me in such a way that I am overcome by them. «Sed libera nos a malo» — "But deliver us from evil." Deliver me from hell, but first deliver me from sin, which alone can lead me to hell.

O Mary, pray for me, and deliver me from this great evil — that I should see myself in sin and deprived of the grace of Your God and mine.

### POINT II

St. Thomas Aquinas says that the gift of grace exceeds every gift that a creature can receive, since grace is a participation in the very nature of God: «Donum gratiae excedit omnem facultatem naturae creatae, cum sit participatio divinae naturae» — "The gift of grace exceeds every faculty of created nature, since it is a participation in the divine nature." And St. Peter had already said it before: «Ut per haec efficiamini divinae consortes naturae» — "That by these you may be made partakers of the divine nature" (2 Pet. 1:4). So much has Jesus Christ merited for us by His Passion: He has communicated to us the same splendor that He received from God: «Et ego claritatem, quam dedisti mihi, dedi eis» — "And the glory that You have given Me, I have given to them" (John 17:22). In short, he who stands in the grace of God becomes one thing with God: «Qui adhaeret Domino, unus spiritus est» — "He who adheres to the Lord is one spirit" (1 Cor. 6:17). And the Redeemer said that into a soul that loves God the whole Most Holy Trinity comes to dwell: «Si quis diligit me, Pater meus diliget eum... et ad eum veniemus, et mansionem apud eum faciemus» — "If anyone loves Me, My Father will love him... and We will come to him and make Our dwelling with him" (John 14:23).

So beautiful in the eyes of God is a soul in grace that God Himself praises it: «Quam pulchra es, amica mea! quam pulchra es!» — "How beautiful you are, my beloved, how beautiful you are!" (Song 4:1). From a soul that loves Him, the Lord seems unable to turn away His eyes or His ears from all that it asks of Him. «Oculi Domini super iustos, et aures eius in preces eorum» — "The eyes of the Lord are upon the just, and His ears are open to their prayers" (Ps. 33:16). St. Bridget used to say that a man could not behold the beauty of a soul in the grace of God without dying of joy. And St. Catherine of Siena, once seeing a soul in grace, said that she would gladly have given her life so that that soul might not lose so great a beauty; and for this reason the saint kissed the ground where priests had passed, thinking that through them souls are restored to the grace of God.

What great gains of merit, then, can a soul in grace make! At every moment it can acquire an eternal glory. St. Thomas Aquinas says that every act of love made by a soul merits a paradise of its own: «Quilibet actus caritatis meretur vitam aeternam» — "Every act of charity merits eternal life." Why, then, do we stand envying the great ones of the world? If we remain in the grace of God, we can continually acquire far greater greatness in heaven. A certain lay brother of the Society of Jesus, as Father Patrignani writes in his Menologies, appeared after death and said that he was saved together with Philip II, king of Spain; and that both already enjoyed glory, but that as much as he had been less than Philip on earth, so much greater was he in paradise. Moreover, only one who experiences it can understand the peace that a soul in the grace of God enjoys even on this earth. «Gustate, et videte, quam suavis est Dominus» — "Taste and see how sweet the Lord is" (Ps. 33). The words of the Lord cannot fail: «Pax multa diligentibus legem tuam» — "Great peace have they who love Your law" (Ps. 118:165). The peace of one who is united with God surpasses all the pleasures that the senses and the world can give. «Pax Dei, quae exsuperat omnem sensum» — "The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding" (Phil. 4:7).

#### Affections and Prayers

O my Jesus, You are that good shepherd who let Yourself be killed to give life to us, Your sheep. When I was fleeing from You, You did not cease to come after me, seeking me; receive me now that I seek You and return repentant to Your feet. Give me once again Your grace, which I have miserably lost through my own fault. I repent of it with all my heart; I would wish to die of sorrow, thinking that I have turned my back on You so many times. Forgive me through the merits of that bitter death You suffered for me on the cross. Bind me with the sweet chains of Your love, and do not permit me to flee from You again. Give me strength to suffer with patience all the crosses You send me, since I have deserved the eternal pains of hell. Make me embrace with love the contempt I shall receive from men, since I have deserved to be under the feet of the devils eternally. In short, make me obey Your inspirations in everything, and overcome all human respect for love of You. I am resolved from this day forward to serve You alone; let others say what they will, I want to love only You, O my most lovable God. You alone do I wish to please; but give me Your help, without which I can do nothing. I love You, my Jesus, with all my heart, and I trust in Your blood.

Mary, my hope, help me with Your prayers. I glory in being Your servant; and You glory in saving the sinners who have recourse to You; help me and save me.

### POINT III

Let us now see the misery of a soul that is in disgrace with God. It is separated from its supreme good, which is God. «Peccata vestra diviserunt inter vos, et Deum vestrum» — "Your sins have divided between you and your God" (Isa. 59:2). So that it no longer belongs to God, and God is no longer its own: «Vos non populus meus, et ego non ero vester» — "You are not my people, and I will not be yours" (Hos. 1:9). Not only is He no longer its own, but He hates it and condemns it to hell. The Lord hates none of His creatures, not even wild beasts, vipers, or toads: «Diligis omnia quae fecisti, et nihil odisti eorum quae fecisti» — "You love all things that You have made, and You hate nothing of what You have made" (Wis. 11:25). But God cannot help hating sinners. «Odisti omnes qui operantur iniquitatem» — "You hate all who work iniquity" (Ps. 5:7). Yes, because God cannot but hate sin, which is that enemy wholly contrary to His will; and therefore, hating sin, He must necessarily also hate the sinner who is united with sin. «Similiter autem odio sunt Deo impius, et impietas eius» — "The impious man and his impiety are alike hateful to God" (Wis. 14:9).

O God, if a man has a prince of the earth for an enemy, he can never sleep peacefully, rightly fearing death at every moment. And he who has God for an enemy, how can he have peace? Someone may escape the wrath of the prince by hiding in a forest, or by going far away to another kingdom; but who can escape the hands of God? Lord (David said), if I ascend to heaven, if I hide myself in hell, wherever I go, Your hand can reach me: «Si ascendero in coelum, tu illic es, si descendero in infernum, ades. Etenim illuc manus tua deducet me» — "If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I descend into hell, You are present. There Your hand shall lead me" (Ps. 138:8).

Poor sinners! They are cursed by God, cursed by the angels, cursed by the Saints, cursed even on earth every day by all the priests and religious who proclaim their curse in reciting the divine office: «Maledicti qui declinant a mandatis tuis» — "Cursed are they who turn aside from Your commandments." Moreover, the disgrace of God carries with it the loss of all merits. Let a man have merited as much as a St. Paul the Hermit, who lived 98 years in a cave; as much as a St. Francis Xavier, who won ten million souls for God; as much as a St. Paul the Apostle, who gained more merits (as St. Jerome says) than all the other apostles—if such a man commits a single mortal sin, he loses everything. «Omnes iustitiae eius, quas fecerat, non recordabuntur» — "All his just deeds which he has done shall not be remembered" (Ezek. 18). And behold the ruin that the disgrace of God brings: from a child of God it makes him become a slave of Lucifer; from a beloved friend it makes him become a most hated enemy; from an heir of paradise it makes him become one condemned to hell. St. Francis de Sales used to say that if the angels could weep, on seeing the misery of a soul that commits a mortal sin and loses the divine grace, the angels would begin to weep out of compassion.

But the greatest misery is that the angels would weep, if they were capable of weeping, and the sinner does not weep. St. Augustine says: A man loses a little beast, a little sheep—he does not eat, does not sleep, and weeps; then he loses the grace of God, and he eats, sleeps, and does not weep.

#### Affections and Prayers

Behold the miserable state to which I have reduced myself, O my Redeemer. You, to make me worthy of Your grace, spent 33 years of toil and pain; and I, for a moment of poisoned pleasure, despised it and lost it for nothing. I thank Your mercy, which still gives me time to recover it, if I will. Yes, I will do all I can to regain it. Tell me what I must do to receive pardon from You. Do You will that I repent? Yes, my Jesus, I repent with all my heart of having offended Your infinite goodness. Do You will that I love You? I love You above all things. In the past I have too ill employed my heart in loving creatures and vanities. From this day forward I wish to live for You alone; I wish to love only You, my God, my treasure, my hope, and my strength. «Diligam te, Deus, fortitudo mea» — "I will love You, O God, my strength." Your merits, Your wounds, O my Jesus, must be my hope and my strength. From You I hope for the strength to be faithful to You. Receive me then into Your grace, O my Savior, and do not permit me ever to leave You again. Detach me from worldly affections, and inflame my heart with Your holy love. «Tui amoris in eo ignem accende» — "Kindle in it the fire of Your love."

Mary, my mother, make me burn with love for God, as You always burned.

## Consideration XX — The Madness of the Sinner

«Sapientia enim huius mundi stultitia est apud Deum» — "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God" (1 Cor. 3:19).

### POINT I

The Venerable John of Avila would have wished to divide the world into two prisons, one for those who do not believe, and the other for those who believe and live in sin far from God; to these, he said, belonged the prison of the mad. But the greatest misery and misfortune of these wretches is that they consider themselves wise and prudent, while they are the most foolish and senseless in the world. And the worst is that the number of such people is innumerable. «Et stultorum infinitus est numerus» — "The number of fools is infinite" (Eccles. 1:15). One goes mad for honors, another goes mad for pleasures, another for the carrion of this earth. And then these people dare to call mad the saints, who despise these goods of the world in order to gain eternal salvation and the true good that is God. They call it madness to embrace contempt and to forgive injuries, madness to deprive oneself of the pleasures of the senses and to embrace mortifications; madness to renounce honors and riches, to love solitude and a humble and hidden life. But they do not notice that their wisdom is called madness by the Lord: «Sapientia enim huius mundi stultitia est apud Deum» — "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God" (1 Cor. 3:19).

Ah, one day they will indeed confess this madness of theirs — but when? When there is no longer any remedy; and in despair they will say: «Nos insensati vitam illorum aestimabamus insaniam, et finem illorum sine honore» — "Ah, wretched men that we have been! We esteemed the life of the saints madness, but now we know that we were the mad ones" (Wis. 5:4). «Ecce quomodo inter filios Dei computati sunt, et inter sanctos sors illorum est» — "Behold how they are already placed among the happy number of the children of God, and have made their fortune among the saints — a fortune that will be eternal and will make them blessed forever" (Ibid. 5). And we have remained among the number of the slaves of the devil, condemned to burn in this pit of torments for all eternity. «Ergo erravimus (thus will they end their lament) a via veritatis, et iustitiae lumen non luxit nobis» — "Thus we went astray, because we chose to close our eyes to the divine light" (Ibid. 6). And what will make us most unhappy is that for our error there is no remedy, nor will there ever be, as long as God is God.

What madness, then, for a vile gain, for a wisp of smoke, for a brief pleasure, to lose the grace of God! What will a vassal not do to win the favor of his prince! O God! For a miserable satisfaction to lose the supreme good, which is God! To lose paradise! To lose even peace in this life, letting sin enter the soul, which with its remorse will torment it continually! And to condemn oneself willingly to an eternal misery! Would you take that illicit pleasure, if for it you had afterward to have a hand burned? Or to remain shut up for a year inside a tomb? Would you commit that sin, if after it you had to lose a hundred scudi? And yet you believe, and you know, that by sinning you lose paradise and God, and are condemned to the fire forever — and still you sin?

#### Affections and Prayers

O God of my soul, what would have become of me by now, if You had not shown me so many mercies? I would be in hell, in the place of madmen, as I myself have been. I thank You, Lord, and I beg You not to abandon me in my blindness. I deserved to remain abandoned by Your light, but I see that Your grace has not yet abandoned me. I feel that it calls me with tenderness, and invites me to seek Your forgiveness, and to hope for great things from You, despite the great offenses I have committed against You. Yes, my Savior, I hope to be accepted by You as a son. I am not worthy even to be so called, for I have insulted You so many times to Your face. «Pater, non sum dignus vocari filius tuus; peccavi in coelum, et coram te» — "Father, I am not worthy to be called Your son; I have sinned against heaven and before You." But I feel that You go seeking the lost sheep, and You delight in embracing lost children. My dear Father, I repent of having offended You; I cast myself down and cling to Your feet, and I will not depart unless You forgive me and bless me. «Non dimittam te, nisi benedixeris mihi» — "I will not let You go, unless You bless me." Bless me, my Father, and let Your blessing be to give me a great sorrow for my sins and a great love for You. I love You, my Father, I love You with all my heart. Do not allow me ever to depart from You again. Deprive me of everything, but do not deprive me of Your love.

O Mary, if God is my Father, You are my Mother. Bless me also. I do not deserve to be a son; accept me as Your servant; but make me a servant who always loves You tenderly, and always trusts in Your protection.

### POINT II

Poor sinners! They toil and struggle to acquire worldly sciences, or the art of gaining the goods of this life, which must soon end; and then they neglect the goods of that life which never ends! They so lose their reason that they become not only mad but brutes; for, living like brutes, they do not consider what is good and what is evil, but only follow the bestial instincts of the senses, embracing what presently pleases the flesh, without thinking of what they lose, nor of the eternal ruin they draw down upon themselves. But this is not acting as a man, but as a beast. St. John Chrysostom says: «Hominem illum dicimus, qui imaginem hominis salvam retinet; quae autem est imago hominis? rationalem esse» — "To be a man is to be rational; that is, to act according to reason, not according to the appetite of the senses." If God gave a beast the use of reason, and it acted according to reason, we would say that it acts as a man; so, on the contrary, when a man acts according to the senses against reason, it must be said that the man acts as a beast.

«Utinam saperent, et intelligerent, et novissima providerent» — "Would that they were wise, and understood, and provided for their last end" (Deut. 32:29). He who acts prudently according to reason foresees the future — that is, what must befall him at the end of life: death, judgment, and after these, hell or paradise. Oh, how much wiser is a peasant who saves himself than a monarch who damns himself! «Melior est puer pauper, et sapiens rege sene et stulto, nesciente praevidere in posterum» — "Better is a poor and wise child than an old and foolish king, who knows not how to provide for the future" (Eccl. 4:13). O God! Would not everyone consider mad one who, to gain a penny now, put himself at risk of losing all his goods? And one who for a brief satisfaction loses his soul, or puts himself at risk of losing it forever — must he not be considered mad? This is the ruin of so many souls that are damned: they look only to present goods and evils, and do not look to eternal goods and evils.

God certainly did not place us on this earth to make us rich, to acquire honors, or to gratify our senses, but to gain eternal life for ourselves. «Finem vero vitam aeternam» — "and the end, life everlasting" (Rom. 6:22). And the attainment of this end should alone concern us. «Porro unum est necessarium» — "But one thing is necessary" (Luke 10:42). But this end is what sinners most despise; they think only of the present, they walk toward death, they draw near to enter eternity, and they do not know where they are going. What would you say, says St. Augustine, of a helmsman who, when asked where he is going, answered that he does not know? Everyone would say that this man is taking the ship to its ruin: «Fac hominem perdidisse quo tendit, et dicatur ei: Quo is et dicat, nescio. Nonne iste navem ad naufragium perducet? Talis est (the saint then concludes) qui currit praeter viam» — "Imagine a man who has lost sight of where he is going, and it is said to him: Where are you going? and he says: I do not know. Will not this man bring the ship to shipwreck? Such is (the saint then concludes) he who runs along outside the way." Such are those wise men of the world who know how to make money, to take their pleasures, to obtain posts, but do not know how to save their souls. The rich man was wise in making himself wealthy, but «mortuus est, et sepultus in inferno» — "he died and was buried in hell." Alexander the Great was wise in acquiring so many kingdoms, but a few years later he died and was damned for eternity. Henry VIII was wise in knowing how to keep himself on the throne by rebelling against the Church, but at the last he himself, seeing that he was already losing his soul, confessed: «Perdidimus omnia» — "We have lost all." How many wretches now weep and cry out in hell: «Quid profuit nobis superbia, aut divitiarum iactantia? transierunt omnia illa tanquam umbra» — "Behold, they say, all the goods of the world have passed for us like a shadow, and nothing remains to us but weeping and eternal pain" (Wis. 5:9).

«Ante hominem vita, et mors, quod placuerit ei, dabitur illi» — "Before man is life and death; whichever pleases him shall be given him" (Sir. 15:18). My Christian, in this life, life and death are set before you — that is, either to deprive yourself of forbidden pleasures and so gain eternal life, or to take them with eternal death. What do you say? What do you choose? Choose as a man, and not as a beast. Choose as a Christian, who has faith and says: «Quid prodest homini, si mundum universum lucretur, animae vero suae detrimentum patiatur?» — "What does it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, but suffers the loss of his own soul?"

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, You gave me reason, You bestowed on me the light of faith, and in the past I acted like a brute, losing Your grace for the miserable pleasures of my senses, which have passed like a wind; and nothing of them remains to me but remorse of conscience and accounts to render to Your divine justice. «Non intres in iudicium cum servo tuo» — "Enter not into judgment with Your servant." Ah, Lord, do not set about judging me according to my merits, but deal with me according to Your mercy. Give me light. Give me sorrow for the offenses I have committed against You, and forgive me. «Erravi sicut ovis quae periit, quaere servum tuum» — "I am a lost sheep; if You do not seek me, I shall remain lost." Have pity on me, for the sake of that blood which You shed for love of me. I repent, O supreme good, of having left You, and of having willingly renounced Your grace. I could wish to die of sorrow; but give me, rather, still more sorrow. Grant that I may come to heaven to sing Your mercies.

O Mary, my Mother, You are my refuge; pray to Jesus Christ for me; pray Him to forgive me and to give me holy perseverance.

### POINT III

We understand that the truly wise are those who know how to acquire the grace of God and paradise. Let us therefore always pray the Lord to give us the science of the saints, which He gives to those who ask it of Him. «Dedit illis scientiam sanctorum» — "He gave them the science of the saints" (Wis. 6:10). Oh, what a beautiful science it is to know how to love God and to save one's soul — a science that consists in knowing how to take the way of eternal salvation and the means to attain it. The affair of saving one's soul is the most necessary affair of all. If we know everything, but do not know how to save ourselves, it will profit us nothing, and we shall be unhappy forever; but on the contrary, we shall be blessed forever if we know how to love God, even though we were ignorant of all other things. «Beatus qui te novit, etsi alia nescit» — "Blessed is he who knows You, even if he knows not other things," said St. Augustine. One day Brother Giles said to St. Bonaventure: "Happy are you, Father Bonaventure, who know so many things, while I, a poor ignorant man, know nothing; you can become holier than I." "Listen," the saint then answered him, "if an ignorant little old woman knows how to love God more than I, she will be holier than I." At this Brother Giles began to cry out: "O little old woman, little old woman, listen, listen! If you love God, you can become holier than Father Bonaventure."

«Surgunt indocti, et rapiunt coelum» — "The unlearned arise and carry off heaven," said St. Augustine. How many unlettered souls, who cannot read but know how to love God, are saved; and how many of the world's learned are damned! Yet it is the former, not the latter, who are the truly wise. Oh, what great wise men were a St. Paschal, a St. Felix the Capuchin, a St. John of God, though ignorant of the human sciences! What great wise men were so many who, leaving the world, went to shut themselves up in cloisters and to live in deserts, like a St. Benedict, a St. Francis of Assisi, a St. Louis of Toulouse, who renounced a kingdom. What great wise men were so many martyrs, so many young virgins, who renounced marriage with the great in order to go and die for Jesus Christ! And even worldlings know this truth, and they cannot help saying of someone who has given himself to God: Happy is he who understands this, and saves his soul. In short, those who leave the goods of the world to give themselves to God are called men undeceived. Then what must those be called who leave God for the goods of the world? Deluded men.

My brother, to which of these two companies do you wish to belong? To choose well, St. John Chrysostom advises you to visit the cemeteries. «Proficiscamur ad sepulchra» — "Let us go forth to the graves." What fine schools the burial places are for learning the vanity of the goods of this world and for acquiring the science of the saints! Tell me (says Chrysostom), can you discern there who was a prince, who a nobleman, and who a scholar? For my part, says the saint: «Nihil video, nisi putredinem, ossa et vermes. Omnia fabula, somnium, umbra» — "I see nothing but rottenness, bones, and worms. All is a fable, a dream, a shadow." All the things of this world will soon end and vanish like a play, a dream, a shadow. But, my Christian, if you wish to become wise, it is not enough to know the importance of your end; you must take the means to attain it. Everyone would like to be saved and to become a saint; but because they do not then take the means, they do not become saints and are damned. One must flee the occasions of sin, frequent the sacraments, pray, and above all one must fix in one's heart the maxims of the Gospel: «Quid prodest homini, si mundum universum lucretur? Qui amat animam suam, perdet eam» — "What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world? He who loves his life shall lose it" (John 12:25).

Which is to say: one must lose even one's life in order to save one's soul. «Qui vult venire post me, abneget semetipsum» — "He who would come after Me, let him deny himself" (Matt. 16:24). To follow Jesus Christ, one must deny self-love the satisfactions it seeks: «Vita in voluntate eius» — "Life is in His will" (Ps. 39:6). Our eternal salvation lies in doing the divine will — these and other such maxims.

#### Affections and Prayers

O Father of mercies, look upon my miseries and have pity on me; give me light and make me know my past madness, so that I may bewail it, and make me know Your infinite goodness, so that I may love it. My Jesus, «ne tradas bestiis animas confitentes tibi» — "do not deliver to the beasts the souls that confess You." You have shed Your blood to save me; do not permit me ever to be again the slave of devils, as I was in the past. I repent, O sovereign Good, of having left You. I curse all those moments in which, by my own will, I gave consent to sin; and I embrace Your holy will, which desires nothing but my good. Eternal Father, through the merits of Jesus Christ give me the strength to carry out all that pleases You. Let me die rather than ever again contradict Your will. Help me by Your grace to place all my love in You alone, and to detach myself from every affection that does not tend toward You. I love You, O God of my soul; I love You above all things, and from You I hope for every good — pardon, holy perseverance in Your love, and paradise, to love You forever.

O Mary, obtain these graces for me. Your Son denies You nothing. My hope, in You I trust.

## Consideration XXI — The Unhappy Life of the Sinner and the Happy Life of One Who Loves God

«Non est pax impiis, dicit Dominus» — "There is no peace for the wicked, says the Lord" (Isa. 48:22). «Pax multa diligentibus legem tuam» — "Great peace have they who love Your law" (Ps. 118:165).

### POINT I

All men in this life labor to find peace. That merchant toils, that soldier, that litigant, because he thinks that with that gain, with that post, or by winning that lawsuit he will make his fortune and so find peace. But poor worldlings, who seek peace in the world, which cannot give it! God alone can give us peace: «Da servis tuis (prega la santa Chiesa) illam, quam mundus dare non potest, pacem» — "Give to Your servants (the holy Church prays) that peace which the world cannot give." No, the world with all its goods cannot satisfy the heart of man, because man is not created for these goods, but for God alone; hence only God can satisfy him. Beasts, which are created for the pleasures of the senses, find their peace in the goods of the earth: give a mule a bundle of grass, give a dog a piece of meat — behold, they are content; they desire nothing more. But the soul, which is created only to love God and to be united with God, will never be able to find its peace amid all the pleasures of the senses; only God can make it fully content.

That rich man of whom St. Luke speaks (Luke 12:19), having gathered a good harvest from his fields, said to himself: «Anima, habes multa bona posita in annos plurimos, requiesce, comede, bibe» — "Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your rest, eat, drink." But this unhappy rich man was called a fool — «Stulte» — "You fool" — and rightly so, says St. Basil: «Nunquid animam porcinam habes?» — "Do you perhaps have the soul of a pig?" Wretch (the saint says to him), do you perhaps have the soul of some pig, of some beast, that you expect to satisfy your soul with eating, with drinking, with the pleasures of the senses? «Requiesce, comede, bibe?» — "Take your rest, eat, drink?" By the goods of the world a man may be filled, but never satisfied: «Inflari potest, satiari non potest» — "He can be puffed up, but he cannot be sated," says St. Bernard. And the same saint writes, concerning the Gospel words «Ecce nos reliquimus omnia» — "Behold, we have left all things" — that he had seen different madmen with different madnesses. He says that all of them suffered a great hunger, but some sated themselves with earth — a figure of the avaricious; others with air — a figure of those who covet honors; others, standing around a furnace, caught in their mouths the sparks that flew out of it — a figure of the irascible; others, finally, drank the stagnant waters of a fetid lake — a figure of the unchaste. Then, turning to them, the saint says: O madmen, do you not see that these things increase your hunger rather than take it away? «Haec potius famem provocant, quam exstinguunt» — "These things provoke hunger rather than extinguish it." The goods of the world are apparent goods, and therefore they cannot satisfy the heart of man. «Comedistis, et non estis satiati» — "You have eaten, and have not been satisfied" (Hag. 1:6). And therefore the more the miser acquires, the more he seeks to acquire. St. Augustine: «Maior pecunia avaritiae fauces non claudit, sed extendit» — "Greater wealth does not close the jaws of avarice, but stretches them wider." The unchaste man, the more he wallows in filth, the more he is left both nauseated and famished; and how could dung and sensual filth ever satisfy the heart? The same happens to the ambitious man, who wishes to sate himself on smoke, since the ambitious man looks more at what he lacks than at what he has. Alexander the Great, after having conquered so many kingdoms, wept because he lacked dominion over the rest. If the goods of this earth satisfied man, the rich, the monarchs would be fully happy, but experience shows the opposite. So says Solomon, who declares that he denied nothing to his senses: «Et omnia, quae desideraverunt oculi mei, non negavi eis» — "And all that my eyes desired, I did not deny them" (Eccles. 2:10). But with all this, what does he say? «Vanitas vanitatum, et omnia vanitas» — "Vanity of vanities, and all is vanity" (ibid. 1:2). And he means: everything that is in the world is sheer vanity, sheer falsehood, sheer folly.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, what do I gain from the offenses I have committed against You, if not pains, bitternesses, and merits for hell? I am not displeased by the bitterness I now feel on their account; on the contrary, it consoles me, since it is a gift of Your grace and makes me hope (because You give it to me) that You wish to forgive me. What grieves me is the displeasure and bitterness I have given to You, my Redeemer, who have loved me so much. I deserved, my Lord, that You should then have abandoned me; but instead of abandoning me, I see that You offer me pardon — indeed, You are the first to ask me for peace. Yes, my Jesus, I wish to make peace, and I desire Your grace more than every good. I repent, O infinite Goodness, of having offended You; I would wish to die of sorrow. Ah, by that love You bore me in breathing Your last for me on the cross, forgive me and receive me into Your Heart, and change my heart, so that as much displeasure as I have given You in the past, so much delight may I give You in the future. For love of You I now renounce all the pleasures the world can give me; and I resolve to lose my life rather than Your grace. Tell me what I must do to please You, for I wish to do it all. What pleasures! what honors! what riches! I want only You, my God, my joy, my glory, my treasure, my life, my love, my all. Give me, Lord, the strength to be faithful to You. Grant me to love You, and do with me whatever You please.

Mary, my Mother and my hope after Jesus, receive me into Your protection and make me wholly God's.

### POINT II

But Solomon says not only that the goods of this world are vanity, that they do not satisfy, but that they are pains that afflict the spirit: «Et ecce universa vanitas, et afflictio spiritus» — "And behold, all is vanity and affliction of spirit" (Eccl. 1:14). Poor sinners! They expect to make themselves happy with their sins, but they find only bitterness and remorse: «Contritio, et infelicitas in viis eorum, et viam pacis non cognoverunt» — "Destruction and misery are in their ways, and the way of peace they have not known" (Ps. 13:3). What peace! What peace! No, says God: «Non est pax impiis, dicit Dominus» — "There is no peace for the wicked, says the Lord" (Isa. 48:22). First of all, sin brings with it the terror of divine vengeance. If someone has a powerful enemy, he never eats or sleeps in quiet; and can one who has God for an enemy remain at peace? «Pavor his qui operantur malum» — "Fear is for those who work evil" (Prov. 10:29). He who lives in sin — if he feels the earth tremble, if he hears thunder — oh how he trembles! Every leaf that moves frightens him. «Sonitus terroris semper in aure eius» — "The sound of terror is always in his ears" (Job 15:21). He is always fleeing, without seeing who pursues him. «Fugit impius, nemine persequente» — "The wicked man flees when no one pursues" (Prov. 28:1). And who pursues him? His own sin. Cain, after he killed his brother Abel, said: «Omnis igitur, qui invenerit me, occidet me» — "Everyone, therefore, who finds me will kill me" (Gen. 4:14). And although the Lord assured him that no one would harm him: «Dixitque ei Dominus: Nequaquam ita fiet» — "And the Lord said to him: By no means shall it be so"; yet Scripture says that Cain «habitavit profugus in terra» — "lived as a fugitive in the land" (Ibid.): he kept fleeing from one place to another. Who was Cain's persecutor, if not his own sin?

Moreover, sin carries with it the remorse of conscience, which is that tyrant worm that gnaws unceasingly. The wretched sinner goes to the play, to the party, to the banquet: but you (his conscience says to him) are out of God's favor; if you die, where will you go? The remorse of conscience is so great a torment even in this life that some, to free themselves from it, have gone so far as to take their own lives. One of these was Judas who, as is known, hanged himself in despair. It is told of another that, having killed a child, he went to become a religious in order to escape the pain of remorse; but finding no peace even in religion, he went and confessed his crime to the judge, and had himself condemned to death.

What is a soul that lives without God? The Holy Spirit says it is a stormy sea: «Impii autem quasi mare fervens, quod quiescere non potest» — "But the wicked are like the raging sea, which cannot rest" (Isa. 57:20). I ask: if someone were brought to a feast of music, dancing, and refreshments, and were hanging there by his feet with his head downward, could he enjoy the amusement? Such is the man who lives with his soul turned upside down, standing amid the goods of this world but without God. He will eat, he will drink, he will dance; he may well wear that rich garment, receive those honors, obtain that position, that property — but he will never have peace. «Non est pax impiis» — "There is no peace for the wicked." Peace is obtained from God alone, and God gives it to his friends, not to his enemies.

The goods of this earth, says St. Vincent Ferrer, remain outside; they do not enter the heart: «Sunt aquae, quae non intrant illuc, ubi est sitis» — "They are waters that do not enter where the thirst is." That sinner may wear a fine embroidered garment, have a beautiful diamond on his finger, eat to his heart's content; but his poor heart will remain full of thorns and gall. And so you will see that, with all his riches, delights, and amusements, he is always restless; at every contrary thing he flies into a rage and fumes, becoming like a mad dog. He who loves God, in adverse things resigns himself to the divine will, and finds peace; but this cannot be done by one who lives as an enemy of God's will, and therefore he has no way to find rest. The wretch serves the devil; he serves a tyrant who pays him with troubles and bitterness. And the words of God cannot fail, which say: «Eo quod non servieris Deo tuo in gaudio, servies inimico tuo in fame, et siti, et nuditate, et omni penuria» — "Because you did not serve your God in joy, you shall serve your enemy in hunger, and thirst, and nakedness, and in want of all things" (Deut. 28:48). What does that vengeful man not suffer after he has taken his revenge! That unchaste man after he has attained his desire! That ambitious man! That miser! Oh, how many, if they suffered for God what they suffer to damn themselves, would become great saints!

#### Affections and Prayers

Oh, my lost life! Oh, if I had suffered in serving You, my God, the pains I have suffered in offending You, how many merits would I now have stored up for paradise! Ah, my Lord, why did I leave You and lose Your grace? For poisoned and fleeting pleasures, which vanished as soon as they were had and left my heart full of thorns and bitterness. Ah, my sins, I detest you, and a thousand times I curse you; and I bless Your mercy, my God, who has borne with me with such patience. I love You, O my Creator and Redeemer, who gave Your life for me; and because I love You, I repent with all my heart of having offended You. My God, my God, why did I lose You? Why did I exchange You? Now I know the evil I have done, and I resolve to lose everything, even life itself, rather than Your love. Give me light, Eternal Father, for the love of Jesus Christ; make me know the great Good that You are, and the baseness of the goods that the devil sets before me to make me lose Your grace. I love You, but I desire to love You more. Make it so that You alone are my only thought, my only desire, my only love; I hope for all things from Your goodness, through the merits of Your Son.

Mary, my Mother, for the love You bear to Jesus Christ, I beg You to obtain for me light and strength to serve Him and to love Him until death.

### POINT III

Therefore, all the goods and delights of the world cannot satisfy the heart of man; and who can satisfy it? God alone. «Delectare in Domino et dabit tibi petitiones cordis tui» — "Delight in the Lord, and he will give you the petitions of your heart" (Ps. 36:4). The heart of man is ever seeking the good that will satisfy it. It obtains riches, pleasures, honors, and is not satisfied, because these are finite goods and it is created for an infinite good; let it find God, let it unite itself with God — and behold, it is now content, it desires nothing more. «Delectare in Domino, et dabit tibi petitiones cordis tui.» — "Delight in the Lord, and he will give you the petitions of your heart." St. Augustine, throughout the life he led amid the pleasures of the senses, never found peace. When he later gave himself to God, then he confessed and said to the Lord: «Inquietum est cor nostrum, donec requiescat in te» — "Our heart is restless until it rests in You." My God, he said, now I know that everything is vanity and pain, and You alone are the true peace of the soul. «Dura sunt omnia, et tu solus requies» — "All things are hard, and You alone are rest." Whereupon, having become a teacher at his own expense, he wrote: «Quid quaeris homuncio, quaerendo bona? quaere unum bonum, in quo sunt omnia bona» — "What do you seek, little man, in seeking after goods? Seek the one good in which are all goods." David, being king, while he lived in sin, went to the hunt, to the gardens, to banquets, and to all the other royal delights; but the banquets, the gardens, and all the other creatures he enjoyed said to him: David, do you seek to be satisfied by us? No, we cannot satisfy you: «Ubi est Deus tuus?» — "Where is your God?" Go, find your God, for he alone can satisfy you. And therefore David, amid all his delights, did nothing but weep: «Lacrimae meae fuerunt panes die ac nocte, dum dicitur mihi quotidie, ubi est Deus tuus?» — "My tears have been my bread day and night, while it is said to me daily: Where is your God?" (Ps. 41:4).

Oh, how well, on the contrary, does God know how to satisfy the faithful souls that love him! St. Francis of Assisi, having left everything for God, though he found himself barefoot, with a rag upon him, dead with cold and hunger, in saying «Deus meus et omnia» — "My God and my all" — experienced a paradise. St. Francis Borgia, after he became a religious and on his journeys had to sleep on straw, felt such consolation that because of it he could not fall asleep. St. Philip Neri likewise, having left everything, when he went to rest, God consoled him so greatly that he came to say: But, my Jesus Christ, let me sleep. Fr. Charles of Lorraine, a Jesuit of the princes of Lorraine, finding himself in his poor cell, would sometimes begin to dance for joy. St. Francis Xavier in the countryside of the Indies would bare his breast, saying: «Sat est, Domine» — "It is enough, Lord; no more consolation, for my heart cannot bear it." St. Teresa used to say that a single drop of heavenly consolation gives more contentment than all the pleasures and amusements of the world. For indeed the promises of God cannot fail — to give to whoever leaves the goods of the world for his love, even in this life, a hundredfold of peace and contentment. «Qui reliquerit domum, vel fratres, etc. propter nomen meum, centuplum accipiet, et vitam aeternam possidebit» — "Whoever shall leave house or brothers, etc., for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and shall possess eternal life" (Matt. 19:29).

What then are we seeking? Let us go to Jesus Christ, who calls us and says: «Venite ad me omnes, qui laboratis, et onerati estis, et ego reficiam vos» — "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will refresh you" (Matt. 11:28). For a soul that loves God finds a peace that surpasses all the pleasures and satisfactions that the senses and the world can give. «Pax Dei quae exsuperat omnem sensum» — "The peace of God which surpasses all understanding" (Phil. 4:7). It is true that in this life even the saints suffer, because this earth is a place of merit, and one cannot merit without suffering; but St. Bonaventure says that divine love is like honey, which makes the most bitter things sweet and delightful. Whoever loves God loves His will, and therefore rejoices in spirit even amid bitterness; for in embracing bitterness he knows that he pleases Him and gives Him joy. O God, sinners insist on despising the spiritual life, yet without ever tasting it! «Vident crucem, sed non vident unctionem» — "They see the cross, but they do not see the anointing," says St. Bernard; they look only at the mortifications suffered by the lovers of God and the pleasures of which they deprive themselves, but they do not see the spiritual delights with which the Lord caresses them. Oh, if sinners would only taste the peace enjoyed by a soul that wants nothing but God! «Gustate, et videte» — "Taste and see" (says David) «quam suavis est Dominus» — "how sweet the Lord is" (Ps. 33). My brother, begin to meditate every day, to receive Holy Communion often, to spend time before the Blessed Sacrament; begin to leave the world and to make your peace with God, and you will see that the Lord will console you more in that little time you spend with Him than the world has consoled you with all its amusements. «Gustate, et videte» — "Taste and see." He who does not taste it cannot understand how God satisfies a soul that loves Him.

#### Affections and Prayers

My dear Redeemer, how was I so blind in the past as to leave You, the infinite good, the fountain of all consolations, for the miserable and fleeting satisfactions of the senses! I marvel at my blindness, but I marvel still more at Your mercy, which has borne with me with such goodness. I thank You that You now make me see my folly and the obligation I have to love You. I love You, my Jesus, with all my soul, and I desire to love You more. Do You increase my desire and my love. Make me enamored of You, O infinitely lovable One, who have nothing left to do to be loved by me, and who so greatly desire my love. «Si vis, potes me mundare» — "If You will, You can make me clean." Ah, my dear Redeemer, cleanse my heart of so many impure affections that keep me from loving You as I would wish. It is not within my power to make my heart burn wholly for You and love nothing but You; it must be the work of Your grace, which can do whatever it wills. Detach me from everything; drive out of my soul every affection that is not for You, and make me wholly Yours. I repent, more than for any other evil, of all the displeasure I have caused You, and I resolve to consecrate the life that remains to me entirely to Your holy love; but You must do it. Do it for the sake of that blood which You shed for me with such pain and such love. May it be the glory of Your power to make my heart, which once was full of earthly affections, now all flames of love for You, O infinite good.

O Mother of fair love, make me by Your prayers what You always were — all aflame with charity toward God.

## Consideration XXII — On the Evil Habit

«Impius cum in profundum venerit, contemnit» — "The wicked man, when he has fallen into the depths, despises" (Prov. 18:3).

### POINT I

One of the greatest harms that the sin of Adam caused us was the evil inclination to sin. This made St. Paul weep, seeing himself driven by concupiscence toward those very evils that he abhorred: «Video aliam legem in membris meis... captivantem me in lege peccati» — "I see another law in my members... taking me captive in the law of sin" (Rom. 7:23). And so for us, infected by this concupiscence and beset by so many enemies who drive us to evil, it is most difficult to reach the blessed homeland without fault. Now, given such frailty as ours, I ask: what would you say of a traveler who had to cross the sea in a great storm in a half-broken boat, and who then wished to load it with a weight that, even without a storm and however strong the boat might be, would still be enough to sink it? What would you predict for this man's life? Now say the same of a man with an evil habit who, having to cross the sea of this life (a storm-tossed sea where so many are lost) in a weak and ruined boat such as our flesh, to which we are joined, then wishes to weigh it down with habitual sins. It is very difficult for such a man to be saved, because the evil habit blinds the mind, hardens the heart, and thereby easily makes him obstinate until death.

First, the evil habit "blinds." Why is it that the saints always seek light from God and tremble at the thought of becoming the worst sinners in the world? Because they know that if they lose the light for a single moment, they can commit any wickedness whatever. How is it that so many Christians have obstinately insisted on living in sin until at last they are damned? «Excaecavit eos malitia eorum» — "Their malice has blinded them" (Wis. 2:21). Sin took away their sight, and so they were lost. Every sin brings blindness with it; as sins increase, the blindness increases. God is our light;

the more, then, the soul withdraws from God, the blinder it remains. «Ossa eius implebuntur vitiis» — "His bones shall be filled with vices" (Job 20:11). Just as the light of the sun cannot enter a vessel full of earth, so the divine light cannot enter a heart full of vices.

And so we see that certain dissolute sinners lose the light and go from sin to sin, and no longer even think of amending. «In circuitu impii ambulant» — "The wicked walk round about" (Ps. 11:9). Once fallen into that dark pit, the wretches can do nothing but sins, they speak of nothing but sins, they think of nothing but sinning, and they almost no longer recognize that sin is evil. «Ipsa consuetudo mali non sinit peccatores videre malum, quod faciunt» — "The very habit of evil does not let sinners see the evil they do," says St. Augustine. So they live as though they no longer believed there were a God, a paradise, a hell, an eternity.

And behold, the sin that once inspired horror, with the evil habit no longer horrifies. «Pone illos, ut rotam et sicut stipulam ante faciem venti» — "Make them like a wheel, and like stubble before the face of the wind" (Ps. 82:14). See, says St. Gregory, with what ease a wisp of straw is moved by every wind, even a light one; so too you will see someone who before (before he fell) resisted at least for a while and fought against the temptation, but who, once the evil habit is formed, falls at once at every temptation, at every occasion of sin that comes his way. And why? Because the evil habit has taken away his light. St. Anselm says that the devil deals with certain sinners as does one who holds a bird tied to a string: he lets it fly, but when he wishes, he brings it down to the ground again; such are (as the saint says) those habituated to evil: «Pravo usu irretiti ab hoste tenentur, volantes in eadem vitia deiiciuntur» — "Entangled by evil use, they are held fast by the enemy; as they fly, they are cast down into the same vices"

(Ap. Edinor. in Vita lib. 2). Some, adds St. Bernardine of Siena (tom. 4, Serm. 15), will go on sinning even without occasion. The saint says that those habituated to evil become like windmills, which «rotantur omni vento» — "are turned by every wind"; and moreover they turn even when there is no grain to grind, and even when the master does not want them to turn. You will see a habituated sinner who, without occasion, goes on harboring evil thoughts, without pleasure and almost without willing it, dragged by force by the evil habit. St. John Chrysostom: «Dura res est consuetudo, quae nonnunquam nolentes committere cogit illicita» — "Habit is a hard thing, which sometimes forces us to commit unlawful deeds even against our will." Yes, because (as St. Augustine says) the evil habit then becomes a kind of necessity: «Dum consuetudini non resistitur, facta est necessitas» — "So long as habit is not resisted, it becomes necessity." And as St. Bernardine adds, «usus vertitur in naturam» — "use turns into nature"; hence, just as breathing is necessary to man, so to those habituated to evil, made slaves of sin, sinning seems to become necessary. I said "slaves": there are servants, who serve by force but for pay; slaves, on the other hand, serve by force without pay; to this some wretches come — they come to sin without pleasure.

«Impius, cum in profundum venerit, contemnit» — "The wicked man, when he has fallen into the depths, despises" (Prov. 18:3). St. John Chrysostom explains this precisely of the man habituated to evil who, set in that pit of darkness, despises corrections, sermons, censures, hell, God — he despises everything; the wretch becomes like a vulture which, rather than leave the carcass, is content to let itself be killed by the hunters upon it. Father Recupito relates that a man condemned to death, while being led to the gallows, raised his eyes, saw a young woman, and consented to an evil thought. Father Gisolfo likewise relates that a blasphemer, also condemned to death, when thrown from the ladder, burst forth in a blasphemy. St. Bernard goes so far as to say that for those with an evil habit it is no longer of use to pray, and they must be wept over as damned. But how can they wish to escape from their precipice if they can no longer see? A miracle of grace is needed. The wretches will open their eyes in hell, when opening them will no longer avail, except to weep more bitterly over their folly.

#### Affections and Prayers

My God, You have distinguished me with Your benefits, blessing me more than others; I have distinguished You with offenses, insulting You more than any other person known to me. O sorrowful Heart of my Redeemer, who on the cross were so afflicted and tormented by the sight of my sins, give me, through Your merits, a lively knowledge and sorrow for my faults. Ah, my Jesus, I am full of vices, but You are almighty; surely You can make me full of Your holy love. To You, then, I entrust myself, who are an infinite goodness and mercy. I repent, O sovereign Good, of having offended You. Oh, would that I had died first and had never given You displeasure! I forgot You, but You did not forget me: I see it by this light that You now give me. Since, then, You give me the light, give me also the strength to be faithful to You. I promise You that I would rather die a thousand times than ever turn my back on You again; but my hopes rest upon Your help: «In te, Domine, speravi, non confundar in aeternum» — "In You, O Lord, have I hoped; let me not be confounded forever." In You I hope, my Jesus, nevermore to see myself entangled in sin and deprived of Your grace.

To You I turn also, O Mary, my Lady: «In te, Domina, speravi, non confundar in aeternum» — "In You, O Lady, have I hoped; let me not be confounded forever." In Your intercession I trust, O my hope, nevermore to see myself an enemy of Your Son. Ah, pray to Him that He may let me die rather than abandon me to this most grievous misfortune.

### POINT II

Moreover, the evil habit hardens the heart. «Cor durum efficit consuetudo peccandi» — "The habit of sinning makes the heart hard" (Cornelius a Lapide). And God justly permits it in punishment for the resistance made to His calls. St. Paul says that the Lord «cuius vult miseretur, et quem vult indurat» — "has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens" (Rom. 9:18). St. Augustine explains: «Obduratio Dei est nolle misereri» — "God's hardening is His unwillingness to show mercy." It is not that God hardens the man with the evil habit, but that He withdraws the grace of God from him, in punishment for the ingratitude he has shown toward His graces; and thus his heart remains hard and become as it were of stone. «Cor eius indurabitur tanquam lapis, et stringetur quasi malleatoris incus» — "His heart shall be hardened like a stone, and bound fast like the smith's anvil" (Job 41:15). Hence it will happen that, where others are moved to tenderness and weep on hearing preached the rigor of the divine judgment, the pains of the damned, the Passion of Jesus Christ, the man with the evil habit will not be moved at all; he will speak of these things and hear them spoken of with indifference, as though they were things that did not concern him; and under such blows he will become harder still. «Et stringetur quasi malleatoris incus» — "And he shall be bound fast like the smith's anvil."

Even sudden deaths, earthquakes, thunder, and lightning will no longer frighten him: rather than awaken him and bring him to his senses, they will sooner lull him into that sleep of death in which he lies lost. «Ab increpatione tua, Deus Iacob, dormitaverunt» — "At Your rebuke, O God of Jacob, they have slept their sleep" (Ps. 75:7). The evil habit little by little destroys even the remorse of conscience. To the man with the evil habit, the most enormous sins seem as nothing. St. Augustine: «Peccata quanvis horrenda, cum in consuetudinem veniunt, parva, aut nulla esse videntur» — "Sins, however horrendous, when they become habitual, seem small or nothing at all." The doing of evil naturally carries with it a certain blush of shame, but St. Jerome says that those with the evil habit lose even the blush in sinning: «Qui ne pudorem quidem habent in delictis» — "Who have not even shame in their sins." St. Peter compares the man with the evil habit to the sow that wallows in the mire: «Sus lota in volutabro luti» — "The sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mire" (2 Pet. 2:22). Just as the pig, wallowing in the mud, does not smell its stench, so it is with the man of evil habit: the stench that makes itself felt by everyone else, he alone does not smell. And since the mud has even taken away his sight, what wonder is it, says St. Bernardine, that he does not come to his senses, even while God scourges him? «Populus immergit se in peccatis, sicut sus in volutabro luti; quid mirum si Dei flagellantis futura iudicia non cognoscit?» — "A people plunges itself into sins like the sow in the miry wallow; what wonder if it does not recognize the future judgments of the God who scourges it?" (St. Bernardine of Siena, pt. 2, p. 182). Hence it happens that, instead of grieving over his sins, he rejoices in them, laughs at them, and boasts of them. «Laetantur, cum malefecerint» — "They rejoice when they have done evil"

(Prov. 2:14). «Quasi per risum stultus operatur scelus» — "The fool works wickedness as it were in sport" (Prov. 10:23). What signs are these of such diabolical hardness? St. Thomas of Villanova says they are all signs of damnation: «Induratio, damnationis indicium» — "Hardening is a mark of damnation." My brother, tremble lest the same befall you. If you have contracted any evil habit, strive to come out of it quickly, now that God calls you. And while your conscience still stings you, be of good cheer, for it is a sign that God has not yet abandoned you. But amend, and come out quickly; for otherwise the wound will turn to gangrene, and you will be lost.

#### Affections and Prayers

O Lord, how shall I ever be able to thank You as I ought for so many graces You have granted me? How many times have You called me, and I resisted? Instead of being grateful to You and loving You for having freed me from hell and called me with such love, I have gone on provoking You to anger, heaping insults upon You. No, my God, I will no longer outrage Your patience; enough have I offended You. You alone, who are infinite goodness, have been able to bear with me until now. But I see already that You can bear with me no longer — and You are right. Forgive me, then, my Lord and my sovereign Good, all the insults I have offered You, of which I repent with all my heart; and I resolve for the future never to offend You again. Must I perhaps go on provoking You forever? Ah, be reconciled with me, O God of my soul — not for my merits, which deserve nothing but chastisements and hell, but for the merits of Your Son and my Redeemer, in whom I place all my hope. For the love, then, of Jesus Christ, receive me into Your grace, and grant me holy perseverance in Your love. Detach me from impure affections, and draw me wholly to You. I love You, O sovereign God, O sovereign Lover of souls, who are worthy of infinite love. Oh, that I had always loved You!

O Mary, my Mother, grant that this life which remains to me may serve me no more to offend Your Son, but only to love Him and to weep for the offenses I have given Him.

### POINT III

Once the light has been lost and the heart has been hardened, it will morally follow that the sinner comes to a bad end and dies obstinate in his sin. «Cor durum habebit male in novissimo» — "A hard heart shall fare ill in the end" (Sir. 3:27). The just keep walking along the straight way. «Rectus callis iusti ad ambulandum» — "The path of the just is straight to walk in" (Isa. 26:7). Those with the evil habit, on the contrary, go always in a circle. «In circuitu impii ambulant» — "The wicked walk round about" (Ps. 11:9). They leave sin for a little while, and then return to it. To such men St. Bernard announces damnation: «Vae homini qui sequitur hunc circuitum» — "Woe to the man who follows this circuit" (Serm. 12 on Ps. 90). But such a one will say: I intend to amend before death. Here, however, lies the difficulty: that a man of evil habit should amend, even should he reach old age. The Holy Spirit says: «Adolescens iuxta viam suam, etiam cum senuerit, non recedet ab ea» — "A young man according to his way, even when he has grown old, will not depart from it" (Prov. 22:6). The reason is, as St. Thomas of Villanova tells us (Conc. 4, Dom. Quadr. 4), that our strength is very weak. «Et erit fortitudo nostra ut favilla stupae» — "And our strength shall be as a spark of tow" (Isa. 1:31). Whence it follows, as the saint says, that the soul deprived of the grace of God cannot long remain without new sins: «Quo fit, ut anima a gratia destituta diu evadere ulteriora peccata non possit» — "Whence it happens that a soul bereft of grace cannot for long escape further sins." But beyond this, what folly would it be in a man who chose to gamble and deliberately lose all he had, hoping to win it back at the last game? Such is the folly of one who goes on living amid sins and hopes, on the last day of his life, to set everything right. Can the Ethiopian or the leopard change the color of his skin? And how shall he be able to lead a good life who has made a long habit of evil? «Si mutare potest Aethiops pellem suam, aut pardus varietates suas, et vos poteritis benefacere, cum didiceritis malum» — "If the Ethiopian can change his skin, or the leopard his spots, you also may do well, when you have learned evil" (Jer. 13:23). Thus it happens that the man habituated to evil in the end abandons himself to despair, and so finishes his life. «Qui vero mentis est durae, corruet in malum» — "But he that is of a hard heart shall fall into evil" (Prov. 28:14).

St. Gregory, on that passage of Job — «Concidit me vulnere super vulnus, irruit in me quasi gigas» — "He has cut me down with wound upon wound; He has rushed in upon me like a giant" (Job 16:15) — the saint says: If a man is assailed by an enemy, at the first wound he receives he may still be able to defend himself; but the more wounds he receives, the more he loses his strength, until at last he is slain. So it is with sin: at the first and second time, some strength remains to the sinner (it being always understood, through the grace of God that assists him); but if he continues to sin, sin becomes a giant — «irruit quasi gigas», "it rushes in like a giant". The sinner, on the other hand, finding himself weaker and with so many wounds, how shall he escape death? Sin, in the words of Jeremiah, is like a great stone that crushes the soul: «Et posuerunt lapidem super me» — "And they laid a stone upon me" (Lam. 3:53). Now St. Bernard says that it is as difficult for a man with an evil habit to rise again as it is for one who has fallen beneath a great rock and has not the strength to remove it and free himself: «Difficile surgit, quem moles malae consuetudinis premit» — "He rises with difficulty whom the mass of evil habit weighs down."

Therefore, that man with the evil habit will say: am I then without hope? No, you are not without hope, if you wish to remedy it. But an author rightly says that in the gravest illnesses the gravest remedies are needed: «Praestat in magnis morbis a magnis auxiliis initium medendi sumere» — "In great illnesses one must begin the cure with great remedies" (Cardin. Meth. cap. 16). If a sick man who is in danger of death and does not wish to take remedies, because he does not know the gravity of his illness, were told by the physician: Friend, you are dead if you do not take that medicine. What would the sick man reply? Here I am, he would say, ready to take anything; it is a matter of life. My Christian, I say the same to you, if you are habituated to some sin: you are ill, and you are one of those sick who «raro sanantur» — "are rarely healed" (as St. Thomas of Villanova says); you are close to damning yourself. If, however, you wish to heal yourself, there is a remedy; but you must not expect a miracle of grace; you must exert yourself on your part to remove the occasions, to flee evil companions, to resist by commending yourself to God when you are tempted; you must take the means: confessing often, reading a little spiritual book every day, taking up devotion to Mary Most Holy, praying to her continually to obtain for you the strength not to fall back. You must exert yourself, otherwise the threat of the Lord against the obstinate will overtake you: «In peccato vestro moriemini» — "You shall die in your sin" (John 8:21). And if you do not remedy it, now that God gives you this light, you will hardly be able to remedy it afterward. Hear God calling you: «Lazare, exi foras» — "Lazarus, come forth." Poor sinner already dead, come out of this dark pit of your evil life. Answer quickly; and give yourself to God; and tremble lest this be the last call for you.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah my God, what then — do I wish to wait until You actually abandon me and send me to hell? Ah Lord, wait for me, for I wish to change my life and give myself to You. Tell me what I must do, for I wish to do it. O blood of Jesus, help me. O Mary, advocate of sinners, come to my aid. And You, Eternal Father, for the merits of Jesus and of Mary, have pity on me. I repent, O God of infinite goodness, of having offended You, and I love You above all things. Forgive me for the love of Jesus Christ and give me Your love. Give me also a great fear of my ruin, if I should offend You again. Light, my God, light and strength. I hope for everything from Your mercy. You granted me so many graces when I was going far from You; much more do I hope, now that I return to You resolved to love nothing but You. I love You, my God, my life, my all.

I love You too, my Mother Mary; to You I entrust my soul; preserve it by Your intercession from falling again into disfavor with God.

## Consideration XXIII — Deceptions that the Devil Puts into the Minds of Sinners

(«Although many of the thoughts set forth in this consideration are touched upon in the preceding ones, it is nevertheless helpful to gather them together here, in order to overcome the usual deceptions with which the devil is wont to induce sinners to fall back»).

### POINT I

Let us imagine that a young man, having fallen into grave sins, has already confessed them and has already recovered the grace of God. The devil tempts him again to fall back: the young man still resists, but he is already wavering because of the deceptions that the enemy suggests to him. Young man, I say, tell me what you wish to do? Do you now wish to lose the grace of God, which you have already acquired and which is worth more than the whole world, for this miserable satisfaction of yours? Do you wish to write your own sentence of eternal death, and condemn yourself to burn forever in hell? "No," you tell me, "I do not wish to damn myself, I wish to save myself; if I commit this sin, afterward I will confess it." Behold the first deception of the tempter. So you tell me that afterward you will confess it; but meanwhile you already lose your soul. Tell me, if you had in your hand a jewel worth a thousand ducats, would you throw it into a river, saying: afterward I will make an effort and hope to find it again? You hold in your hand this beautiful jewel of your soul, which Jesus Christ bought with His blood, and you voluntarily throw it into hell (for by sinning, according to present justice, you remain already damned) and you say: But I hope to recover it by confession? But what if then you do not recover it? To recover it a true repentance is needed, which is a gift of God; what if God does not give you this repentance? And what if death comes and takes away your time to confess?

You say that you will not let a week pass, and you will confess it. And who promises you this week of time? You say that you will confess it tomorrow, and who promises you this tomorrow? St. Augustine writes: «Crastinum Deus non promisit, fortasse dabit, et fortasse non dabit». God has not promised you this day of tomorrow; perhaps He will give it to you, and perhaps He will deny it to you, as He has denied it to so many who went to bed alive in the evening and in the morning were found suddenly dead. How many has the Lord made to die in the very act of sin, and sent to hell? And if He does the same with you, how will you ever be able to remedy your eternal ruin? Know that with this deception of saying, "then I will confess it," the devil has carried thousands and thousands of Christians to hell, for one hardly finds a sinner so desperate that he truly wishes to damn himself; all, when they sin, sin with the hope of confessing, but in this way so many miserable ones have been damned, and now they can no longer remedy it.

But you say: "Now I do not trust myself to resist this temptation." Behold the second deception of the devil, who makes it appear to you that you have no strength to resist the present passion. First of all you must know that God (as St. Paul says) is faithful, and never permits us to be tempted beyond our strength: «Fidelis autem Deus est, qui non patietur vos tentari supra id quod potestis» — "But God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able" (1 Cor. 10:13). Moreover I ask you: if now you do not trust yourself to resist, how will you trust yourself afterward? Afterward the enemy will not cease to tempt you to other sins, and then he will have become much stronger against you, and you weaker. If therefore you do not trust yourself now to put out this flame, how will you trust yourself to put it out after it has grown greater? You say: God will give me His help. But God already gives you this help at present; why, with this help, do you not wish to resist? Do you perhaps hope that God must increase His aids and graces for you, after you have increased your sins? And if you want greater help and strength at present, why do you not ask it of God? Do you perhaps doubt the faithfulness of God, who has promised to give all that is asked of Him? «Petite et dabitur vobis» — "Ask, and it shall be given you" (Matt. 7:7). God cannot fail; have recourse to Him, and He will give you that strength which you need to resist. «Deus impossibilia non iubet», says the Council of Trent, «sed iubendo monet et facere quod possis, et petere quod non possis, et adiuvat ut possis» (Sess. 6, ch. 13). God does not command impossible things, but in giving His precepts He admonishes us to do what we can with the actual help He gives us; when that help is not enough for us to resist, He exhorts us to ask for greater help, and in asking He will indeed give it to us.

Prayer Therefore, my God, since You have been so good to me, why have I been so ungrateful to You? We have vied with each other: I in fleeing from You, and You in coming after me; You in doing good to me, and I in doing evil to You. Ah my Lord, even if there were nothing else, the goodness alone that You have shown me should make me fall in love with You; for after I multiplied my sins, You multiplied Your graces. And how did I deserve the light that You now give me? My Lord, I thank You for it with all my heart, and I hope to come to thank You for it for all eternity in paradise. I hope in Your blood to be saved, and I hope it with certainty, since You have shown me so many mercies. Meanwhile I hope that You will give me strength never to betray You again. I resolve, with Your grace, to die a thousand times rather than offend You again. Enough have I offended You. In the life that remains to me, I wish to love You. And how could I not love a God who, after dying for me, has borne with me with such patience, through so many injuries that I have done Him? God of my soul, I repent of it with all my heart; I could wish to die of sorrow. But if in the past I turned my back on You, now I love You above all things, I love You more than myself. Eternal Father, for the merits of Jesus Christ, help a miserable sinner who wishes to love You.

Mary, my hope, do You help me; obtain for me the grace of always having recourse to Your Son, and to You, every time the devil tempts me to offend Him again.

### POINT II

He says: "God is merciful." Behold the third common deception of sinners, by which very many are damned. A learned author writes that the mercy of God sends more souls to hell than His justice does; for these wretches, rashly trusting in mercy, do not cease to sin, and so they are lost. God is merciful — who denies it? Yet notwithstanding this, how many does God send to hell every day! He is merciful, but He is also just, and therefore He is bound to punish whoever offends Him. He shows mercy, but to whom? To those who fear Him: «Misericordia sua super timentes se... Misertus est Dominus timentibus se» — "His mercy is upon those who fear Him... The Lord has compassion on those who fear Him" (Ps. 102:11, 13). But with those who despise Him and abuse His mercy in order to despise Him the more, He exercises justice. And rightly so; God forgives sin, but He cannot forgive the will to sin. St. Augustine says that whoever sins with the thought of repenting after he has sinned is not a penitent but a mocker of God: «Irrisor est, non poenitens» — "He is a mocker, not a penitent." But St. Paul, on the contrary, lets us know that God does not allow Himself to be mocked: «Nolite errare, Deus non irridetur» — "Be not deceived, God is not mocked" (Gal. 6:7). It would be mocking God to offend Him as one pleases, and as much as one pleases, and then to lay claim to paradise.

"But since God has shown me so many mercies in the past and has not punished me, so I hope that He will show me mercy in the future." Behold the fourth deception. What then — because God has had compassion on you, must He therefore always show you mercy and never punish you? On the contrary: the greater the mercies He has shown you, the more you must tremble lest He forgive you no more and punish you, if you offend Him again. «Ne dicas: Peccavi, et quid accidit mihi triste? Altissimus enim est patiens redditor» — "Do not say: I have sinned, and what evil has befallen me? For the Most High is a patient rewarder" (Sir. 5:4). Do not say (Ecclesiasticus warns), I have sinned and have received no punishment; for God bears with you, but He does not bear with you always. When the limit He has fixed for the mercies He wills to show a sinner is reached, then He inflicts on him the punishment for all his sins at once. And the longer He has waited for him to repent, the more severely He punishes him, as St. Gregory says: «Quos diutius exspectat, durius damnat» — "Those for whom He waits the longer, He condemns the more severely."

If therefore you see, my brother, that you have offended God many times, and God has not sent you to hell, you ought to say: «Misericordiae Domini, quia non sumus consumti» — "It is of the mercies of the Lord that we are not consumed" (Lam. 3:22). Lord, I thank You that You have not sent me to hell, as I deserved. Think how many have been damned for fewer sins than yours. And with this thought, strive to make amends for the offenses you have committed against God by penance and other good works. This patience that God has had with you should animate you, not to displease Him further, but to serve Him and love Him the more, seeing that He has shown to you so many mercies that He has not shown to others.

Prayer My crucified Jesus, my Redeemer and my God, behold the traitor at Your feet. I am ashamed to appear before You. How many times have I mocked You? How many times have I promised You to offend You no more, yet my promises have all been betrayals; for when the occasion came, I forgot You and again turned my back on You. I thank You that at this hour You do not leave me in hell, but keep me at Your feet, and enlighten me and call me to Your love. Yes, I do wish to love You, my Savior and my God, and I wish to despise You no more. Enough have You borne with me; I see that You can bear with me no longer. Woe is me, if after so many graces I should return to offend You! Lord, I am firmly resolved to change my life; and as much as I have offended You, so much do I wish to love You. I console myself that I have to deal with an infinite goodness, such as You are. I repent, above every evil, of having so despised You, and I promise You all my love for the future. Forgive me, for the merits of Your Passion; forget the injuries I have done You, and give me strength to be faithful to You in the life that remains to me. I love You, my sovereign good, and I hope to love You always. My dear God, I will leave You no more.

O Mother of God, Mary, bind me to Jesus Christ, and obtain for me the grace never to depart from His feet again; in You I trust.

### POINT III

"But I am young; God makes allowance for youth; later I will give myself to God." We are at the fifth deception. You are young? But do you not know that God does not count the years, but the sins of each one? You are young? But how many sins have you committed? There will be many old men who have not committed even a tenth part of the sins you have committed. And do you not know that the Lord has fixed the number and the measure of the sins He wills to forgive each one? «Dominus patienter exspectat», says Scripture, «ut eas, cum iudicii dies advenerit, in plenitudine peccatorum puniat» — "The Lord waits patiently, that when the day of judgment shall come, He may punish them in the fullness of their sins" (2 Macc. 6:14). This means that God is patient and waits until a certain point; but when the measure of the sins He has determined to forgive is already full, He forgives no more, and punishes the sinner, either by sending him death at once in the state of damnation in which he finds himself, or else by abandoning him in his sin — a punishment worse than death. «Auferam sepem eius, et erit in direptionem» — "I will take away its hedge, and it shall be laid waste" (Isa. 5:5). If you have a field, and you have surrounded it with a hedge, cultivated it for many years, and spent much money on it, and you see that with all this the field yields you no fruit; what do you do? You take away the hedge and leave it abandoned. So tremble lest God do the same with you. If you continue to sin, you will go on losing the remorse of conscience, you will no longer think of eternity or of your soul, you will lose almost all light, you will lose all fear: behold, the hedge is taken away, and behold, the abandonment of God has already arrived.

We come to the last deception. You say: "It is true that with this sin I lose the grace of God and remain condemned to hell, and it may well be that for this sin I am damned; but it may also be that afterward I shall confess and be saved." Yes, sir, I grant you that it may be that you will still be saved, for after all I am not a prophet, so I cannot say for certain that after this sin God will show you mercy no more. But you cannot deny that after so many graces the Lord has bestowed on you, if you now offend Him again, it is very likely that you will remain lost. Thus speak the Scriptures: «Cor durum male habebit in novissimo» — "A hard heart shall fare ill at the last" (Sir. 3:27). The obstinate heart will fare ill in death. «Qui malignantur, exterminabuntur» — "They that do wickedly shall be cut off" (Ps. 36:9). The wicked will finally be exterminated by divine justice. «Quae seminaverit homo, haec et metet» — "What things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap" (Gal. 6:8). He who sows sins will in the end reap only pains and torments. «Vocavi, et renuistis... in interitu vestro ridebo, et subsannabo vos» — "I called, and you refused... I also will laugh in your destruction, and will mock you" (Prov. 1:24). I have called you, says God, and you have mocked me; in your death I will mock you. «Mea est ultio, et ego retribuam in tempore» — "Vengeance is Mine, and I will repay in due time" (Deut. 32:35). To Me belongs the vengeance for sins, and I will repay you when the time comes. Thus then do the Scriptures speak of obstinate sinners. Thus do justice and reason demand. You tell me: "But it may be that even with all this I shall still be saved." And I say again: yes, sir, it may be; but what madness, I say, to rest the eternal salvation of the soul on a "may be," and on a "may be" that is then so unlikely? Is this a matter to be placed in such great peril?

Prayer My dear Redeemer, prostrate at Your feet I thank You that after so many sins You have not abandoned me. How many who have offended You less than I will not have the light that You now give me! I see that You truly wish me to be saved, and I, chiefly to give You pleasure, wish to be saved; I wish to come and sing eternally in heaven these many mercies You have shown me. I hope that by this hour You have already forgiven me; but if I should still find myself in Your disfavor, because I did not know how to repent as I ought of the offenses I have committed against You, now I repent with all my soul, I grieve for them above every evil. Forgive me in Your pity, and ever increase in me the sorrow for having offended You, my God so good. Give me sorrow, and give me love. I love You above all things, but I love You too little; I wish to love You greatly; and this love I ask of You, and from You I hope for it. Hear me, my Jesus; You have promised to hear those who pray to You.

O Mother of God, Mary, all tell me that You never let anyone who recommends himself to You depart disconsolate. O my hope after Jesus, to You I have recourse, and in You I trust; recommend me to Your Son and save me.

## Consideration XXIV — Of the Particular Judgment

«Omnes enim nos manifestari oportet ante tribunal Christi» — "For we must all be manifested before the judgment seat of Christ" (2 Cor. 5:10).

### POINT I

Let us consider the appearance, the accusation, the examination, and the sentence. And speaking first of the soul's appearance before the judge, it is the common opinion of theologians that the particular judgment takes place at the very moment a man breathes his last, and that in the very place where the soul is separated from the body it is judged by Jesus Christ, who will not send another, but will come Himself to judge its cause. «Qua hora non putatis, Filius hominis veniet» — "The Son of Man will come at the hour you do not expect" (Luke 12:40). «Veniet nobis in amore, impiis in tremore» — "He will come to us in love, to the wicked in trembling" (St. Augustine). Oh what terror he will feel who sees the Redeemer for the first time, and sees Him wrathful! «Ante faciem indignationis eius quis stabit?» — "Who shall stand before the face of His indignation?" (Nah. 1:6). Reflecting on this, Father Louis de Ponte trembled so greatly that he made even the cell in which he was staying tremble. The Venerable Father Juvenal Ancina, hearing the «Dies illa» — "That day" — being sung, at the thought of the terror the soul will feel in having to be presented for judgment, resolved to leave the world, as in fact he did leave it. The sight of the judge's wrath will be the forewarning of condemnation: «Indignatio regis, nuntii mortis» — "The indignation of the king is a messenger of death" (Prov. 16:14). St. Bernard says that then the soul will suffer more in seeing Jesus wrathful than in being in hell itself: «Mallet esse in inferno» — "It would rather be in hell."

At times criminals have been seen to break into a cold sweat on being brought before some earthly judge. Piso, appearing in the senate in the garb of a culprit, felt such confusion that he took his own life. What anguish it is for a son, or for a vassal, to see his father or his prince deeply angered! Oh what far greater anguish will that soul feel in seeing Jesus Christ, whom it despised during life! «Videbunt in quem transfixerunt» — "They shall look upon Him whom they have pierced" (Zech. 12:10). That Lamb who in life had such patience, the soul will then see enraged, with no hope left of appeasing Him; and this will drive it to beg the mountains to fall upon it and so hide it from the fury of the angered Lamb. «Montes cadite super nos, abscondite nos ab ira Agni» — "Mountains, fall upon us, and hide us from the wrath of the Lamb" (Rev. 6:16). St. Luke, speaking of the judgment, says: «Tunc videbunt Filium hominis» — "Then they shall see the Son of Man" (Luke 21:27). To see the judge in the form of a man — oh what anguish it will bring to the sinner! For at the sight of that man who died for his eternal salvation, he will feel his ingratitude reproached all the more keenly. When the Savior ascended into heaven, the angels said to the disciples: «Hic Iesus qui assumptus est a vobis in coelum, sic veniet, quemadmodum vidistis eum euntem in coelum» — "This Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you have seen Him going into heaven" (Acts 1:11). The judge will therefore come to judge bearing the same wounds with which He departed from the earth. «Grande gaudium intuentium! grandis timor exspectantium» — "Great joy for those who behold Him, great fear for those who await Him," says Rupert. Those wounds will console the just, but they will terrify sinners. When Joseph said to his brothers, «Ego sum Ioseph, quem vendidistis» — "I am Joseph, whom you sold" — Scripture says that in their terror they fell silent and lost the power of speech: «Non poterant respondere fratres, nimio terrore perterriti» — "His brothers could not answer him, so utterly terrified were they" (Gen. 45:3). Now what answer will the sinner give to Jesus Christ? Will he perhaps have the boldness to beg pity of Him, when he must first render Him an account of the contempt he has shown for the pity He had shown him? «Qua fronte misericordiam petes, primum de misericordiae contemtu iudicandus?» — "With what face will you ask for mercy, you who must first be judged for your contempt of mercy?" (Eusebius of Emesa). What then will he do, says St. Augustine; where will he flee, when he sees above him the wrathful judge, below him hell lying open, on one side his sins accusing him, on the other the devils ready to execute the sentence, and within him the conscience gnawing? «Superius erit iudex iratus, inferius horrendum chaos, a dextris peccata accusantia, a sinistris daemonia ad supplicium trahentia, intus conscientia urens; quo fugiet peccator sic comprehensus?» — "Above will be the angered judge, below the horrid abyss, on the right sins accusing, on the left devils dragging him to punishment, within the burning conscience: where will the sinner thus encompassed flee?"

#### Affections and Prayers

O my Jesus, I wish to call You always Jesus; Your name consoles me and gives me courage, reminding me that You are my Savior, who died to save me. Here I am at Your feet; I confess that I have deserved as many hells as the times I have offended You by mortal sin. I do not deserve pardon; but You died to pardon me. «Recordare Iesu pie, quod sum causa tuae viae» — "Remember, O loving Jesus, that I am the cause of Your journey." Quickly, my Jesus, pardon me before You come to judge me. Then I will no longer be able to seek pity from You; now I can ask it of You, and I hope for it. Then Your wounds will terrify me, but now they give me confidence. My dear Redeemer, I repent above every other evil of having offended Your infinite goodness. I resolve to accept every pain and every loss rather than lose Your grace. I love You with all my heart. Have pity on me: «Miserere mei, Deus, secundum magnam misericordiam tuam» — "Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your great mercy."

O Mary, Mother of mercy, O advocate of sinners, obtain for me a great sorrow for my sins, pardon, and perseverance in the divine love. I love You, my Queen, and in You I trust.

### POINT II

Consider the accusation and the examination. «Iudicium sedit, et libri aperti sunt» — "The judgment sat, and the books were opened" (Dan. 7:10). These books will be two: the Gospel and the conscience. In the Gospel will be read what the culprit was bound to do; in the conscience, what he has done: «Videbit unusquisque quod fecit» — "Each one will see what he has done" (St. Jerome). In the scales of divine justice, neither riches, nor dignity, nor nobility of persons will then be weighed, but only works. «Appensus es in statera, et inventus es minus habens» — "You have been weighed in the balance and found wanting" — said Daniel to King Belshazzar (Dan. 5:27). Father Alvarez comments: «Non aurum, non opes in stateram veniunt, solus rex appensus est» — "It is not gold or riches that are placed in the balance; the king alone is weighed." Then the accusers will come forward, and first of all the devil. «Praesto erit diabolus ante tribunal Christi, et recitabit verba professionis tuae. Obiiciet nobis in faciem omnia quae fecimus, in qua die, in qua hora peccavimus» — "The devil will stand ready before the tribunal of Christ, and he will recite the words of your profession. He will throw in our face all that we have done, on what day and at what hour we sinned" (St. Augustine, Against Julian, vol. 6). «Recitabit verba professionis tuae» — "He will recite the words of your profession" — that is, he will produce our very promises, which we then failed to keep; and he will bring forward all our faults, marking the day and the hour on which we committed them. Then he will say to the judge, as St. Cyprian writes: «Ego pro istis nec alapas, nec flagella sustinui» — "For these I endured neither blows nor scourges." Lord, for this culprit I have suffered nothing; but he abandoned You, who died to save him, to make himself my slave; therefore he belongs to me. The guardian angels will also be accusers, as Origen says: «Unusquisque Angelorum testimonium perhibet, quot annis circa eum laboraverit, sed ille monita sprevit» — "Each of the angels bears witness for how many years he labored over him, but he spurned the warnings" (Origen, Hom. 66). So that then: «Omnes amici eius spreverunt eam» — "All her friends have despised her" (Jer. 51). The very walls within which that culprit will have sinned will be his accusers! «Lapis de pariete clamabit» — "A stone from the wall will cry out" (Hab. 2:11). His own conscience will be an accuser: «Testimonium reddente illis conscientia ipsorum in die, cum iudicabit Deus» — "Their conscience bearing witness against them on the day when God shall judge" (Rom. 2:15-16). Their very sins will then speak, says St. Bernard, «et dicent: Tu nos fecisti, opera tua sumus, non te deseremus» — "and will say: You made us; we are your works; we will not desert you" (Book of Meditations, ch. 2). Finally, the accusers will be, as St. John Chrysostom says, the wounds of Jesus Christ: «Clavi de te conquerentur: cicatrices contra te loquentur: crux Christi contra te perorabit» — "The nails will complain of you, the scars will speak against you, the cross of Christ will plead against you" (St. John Chrysostom, Hom. on Matt.). Then will come the examination.

The Lord says: «Ego in die illa scrutabor Ierusalem in lucernis» — "On that day I will search Jerusalem with lamps" (Zeph. 1:12). The lamp, says Mendoza, penetrates every corner of the house: «Lucerna omnes angulos permeat» — "The lamp passes through all the corners." And Cornelius a Lapide, explaining the word «in lucernis» — "with lamps" — says that then God will set before the culprit the examples of the saints and all the lights and inspirations He gave him in life, and also all the years He granted him to do good. «Vocavit adversum me tempus» — "He has summoned the time against me" (Lam. 1:15). So that then you will have to render an account of every glance. «Exigitur a te usque ad ictum oculi» — "An account is exacted of you even to a glance of the eye" (St. Anselm). «Purgabit filios Levi, et colabit eos» — "He will purify the sons of Levi and strain them" (Mal. 3:3). As gold is strained by separating the dross from it, so will good works, confessions, Holy Communions, and the like have to be examined. «Cum accepero tempus, ego iustitias iudicabo» — "When I take the appointed time, I will judge with justice" (Ps. 74:3). In short, says St. Peter, in the judgment the just man will scarcely be saved: «Si iustus vix salvabitur, impius et peccator ubi parebunt?» — "If the just man will scarcely be saved, where will the wicked and the sinner appear?" (1 Pet. 4:18). If an account must be rendered of every idle word, what account will be rendered of so many evil thoughts consented to? Of so many shameless words? St. Gregory: «Si de verbo otioso ratio poscitur, quid de verbo impuritatis?» — "If an account is demanded for an idle word, what of a word of impurity?" Above all, says the Lord (speaking of the scandalous who have robbed Him of souls): «Occuram eis quasi ursa raptis catulis» — "I will come upon them like a bear robbed of her cubs" (Hos. 13:8). Then, speaking of his works, the judge will say: «Date ei de fructu manuum suarum» — "Give him of the fruit of his hands" (Prov. 31:31). Pay him according to the works he has done.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah my Jesus, if You willed now to repay me according to the works I have done, nothing but hell would fall to me. O God, how many times have I myself written out my own condemnation to that place of torments! I thank You for the patience You have had in bearing with me so long. O God, if I had now to appear before Your tribunal, what account would I render You of my life? «Non intres in iudicium cum servo tuo» — "Do not enter into judgment with Your servant." Ah Lord, wait for me a little while longer; do not judge me yet. If You wished to judge me now, what would become of me? Wait for me; since You have shown me so many mercies until now, show me this one more: give me a great sorrow for my sins. I repent, O Sovereign Good, of having so many times despised You. I love You above all things. Eternal Father, pardon me for the love of Jesus Christ, and through His merits grant me holy perseverance. My Jesus, I hope for all things through Your blood.

Mary Most Holy, in You I trust. «Eia ergo advocata nostra, illos tuos misericordes oculos ad nos converte» — "Turn then, our advocate, those merciful eyes of Yours toward us." Look upon my miseries and have pity on me.

### POINT III

In short, to attain eternal salvation, the soul must appear at the judgment with a life made conformable to the life of Jesus Christ. «Quos praescivit, et praedestinavit conformes fieri imaginis Filii sui» — "For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be made conformable to the image of His Son" (Rom. 8:29). But this was what made Job tremble. «Quid faciam, cum surrexerit ad iudicandum Deus? et cum quaesierit, quid respondebo illi?» — "What shall I do when God rises up to judge? And when He examines me, what shall I answer Him?" Philip II, when a servant of his had told him a lie, rebuked him, saying: "So you deceive me?" That wretched man returned home and died of grief. What will the sinner do, what will he answer to Jesus Christ the judge? He will do what that man in the Gospel did who came without the wedding garment: he was silent, not knowing what to answer. «At ille obmutuit» — "But he was speechless" (Matt. 22:12). His very sin will stop his mouth: «Omnis iniquitas oppilabit os suum» — "All iniquity shall stop its mouth" (Ps. 106:42). St. Basil says that the sinner will then be more tormented by shame than by the very fire of hell: «Horridior, quam ignis, erit pudor» — "Shame will be more dreadful than the fire."

At last the judge will pronounce the sentence. «Discede a me, maledicte, in ignem aeternum» — "Depart from Me, you cursed, into everlasting fire." Oh, what a terrible thunderclap this will be! «Oh quam terribiliter personabit tonitruum illud!» — "Oh, how terribly that thunder will resound!" — the Carthusian. St. Anselm says: «Qui non tremit ad tantum tonitruum, non dormit, sed mortuus est» — "He who does not tremble at so great a thunder is not asleep, but dead." And Eusebius adds that the terror of the sinners at hearing their condemnation pronounced will be so great that, if they could die, they would die again: «Tantus terror invadet malos, cum viderint iudicem sententiam proferentem, ut nisi essent immortales, iterum morerentur» — "So great a terror will seize the wicked, when they see the judge pronouncing the sentence, that, were they not immortal, they would die again." Then, says St. Thomas of Villanova, there is no longer room for prayers, nor are there any more intercessors to whom to have recourse: «Non ibi precandi locus; nullus intercessor assistet, non amicus, non pater» — "There is no place for prayer; no intercessor will be present — no friend, no father." To whom, then, will they have recourse? Perhaps to God, whom they have so despised? «Quis te eripiet, Deusne ille, quem contempsisti?» — "Who will deliver you — that God whom you have despised?" (St. Basil, Oration 4, On Repentance).

Perhaps to the saints? To Mary? No, for then: «Stellae cadent de coelo; et luna non dabit lumen suum» — "The stars (which are the saints, the advocates) shall fall from heaven; and the moon (which is Mary) shall not give her light" (Matt. 24). St. Augustine says: «Fugiet a ianua paradisi Maria» — "Mary will flee from the gate of paradise" (Serm. 3, To the Brethren).

O God, exclaims St. Thomas of Villanova, with what indifference we hear the judgment spoken of, as though the sentence of condemnation could not touch us, or as though we did not have to be judged! «Heu quam securi haec dicimus, et audimus, quasi nos non tangeret haec sententia, aut quasi dies ille nunquam esset venturus!» — "Alas, how unconcerned we are when we say and hear these things, as though this sentence did not concern us, or as though that day were never to come!" (Serm. 1, On the Judgment). And what folly, adds the same saint, it is to remain secure in a matter of such great danger! «Quae est ista stulta securitas in discrimine tanto!» — "What foolish security in so great a peril!" Do not say, my brother, St. Augustine warns you: Ah, will God really want to send me to hell? «Nunquid Deus vere damnaturus est?» — "Will God truly condemn?" Do not say it, says the saint, for even the Jews did not believe they would be exterminated; so many of the damned did not believe they would be sent to hell; but then the end of the punishment came: «Finis venit, venit finis: nunc immittam furorem meum in te, et iudicabo» — "The end has come, the end has come: now I will send My fury upon you, and I will judge" (Ezek. 7:6). And so, says St. Augustine, it will happen to you as well: «Veniet iudicii dies, et invenies verum, quod minatus est Deus» — "The day of judgment will come, and you will find true what God has threatened." At present it is ours to choose the sentence we want: «In potestate nostra [(dice S. Eligio)]{lang=it} datur, qualiter iudicemur» — "It is given into our power (says St. Eligius) how we shall be judged." And what must we do? Settle our accounts before the judgment: «Ante iudicium para iustitiam» — "Before judgment, prepare justice" (Sir. 18:19). St. Bonaventure says that prudent merchants, to avoid going bankrupt, often review and settle their accounts. «Iudex ante iudicium placari potest, in iudicio non potest» — "The judge can be appeased before the judgment; at the judgment he cannot," St. Augustine. Let us then say to the Lord, as St. Bernard used to say: «Volo iudicatus praesentari, non iudicandus» — "I wish to be presented already judged, not to be judged." My Judge, I want You to judge me and punish me now, in this life, while it is the time of mercy and You can forgive me; for after death it will be the time of justice.

#### Affections and Prayers

My God, if I do not appease You now, then it will no longer be time to appease You. But how shall I appease You, I who have so many times despised Your friendship for wretched, brutish pleasures? I have repaid Your immense love with ingratitude. What worthy satisfaction can a creature ever give for offenses committed against its Creator? Ah, my Lord, I thank You that Your mercy has already given me the means to appease You and to satisfy You. I offer You the blood and the death of Jesus Your Son, and behold, I already see Your justice appeased and superabundantly satisfied. For this, my repentance is also needed. Yes, my God, I repent with all my heart of all the injuries I have done You. Judge me now, then, O my Redeemer. I detest, above every evil, all the displeasure I have caused You. I love You above all things with all my heart; and I resolve always to love You, and to die rather than ever offend You again. You have promised to forgive whoever repents; come then, judge me now, and absolve me of my sins. I accept the punishment I deserve, but restore me to Your grace, and keep me in it until death. So I hope.

O Mary, my Mother, I thank You for the many mercies You have obtained for me; pray, continue to protect me until the end.

## Consideration XXV — Of the General Judgment

«Cognoscetur Dominus iudicia faciens» — "The Lord is known when He executes judgment" (Ps. 9:17).

### POINT I

At present, if we consider it well, there is no person in the world more despised than Jesus Christ. More account is taken of a peasant than is taken of God; for it is feared that the peasant, finding himself too much offended and moved to indignation, may take revenge: but injuries are done to God, and He is answered back freely, as though God could not avenge Himself whenever He wills. «Et quasi nihil possit facere Omnipotens, aestimabant eum» — "And they esteemed Him as though the Almighty could do nothing" (Job 22:17). But for this reason the Redeemer has appointed a day, which will be the day of the general judgment (called by the Scriptures precisely «Dies Domini» — "the day of the Lord"), on which Jesus Christ will make Himself known as the great Lord that He is. «Cognoscetur Dominus iudicia faciens» — "The Lord is known when He executes judgment" (Ps. 9:17). Hence such a day is called no longer a day of mercy and of pardon, but «Dies irae, dies tribulationis, et angustiae, dies calamitatis, et miseriae» — "a day of wrath, a day of tribulation and anguish, a day of calamity and misery" (Zeph. 1:15). Yes, for then the Lord will justly wish to recover for Himself the honor that sinners have tried to take from Him on this earth. Let us see how the judgment of this great day will take place.

Before the judge comes, «Ignis ante Ipsum praecedet» — "A fire shall go before Him" (Ps. 96:3). Fire will come from heaven, which will burn the earth and all the things of this earth. «Terra, et quae in ipsa sunt opera, exurentur» — "The earth and the works that are in it shall be burned up" (2 Pet. 3:10). So that palaces, churches, villas, cities, kingdoms — all must become a heap of ashes. This house, infected with sins, must be purged by fire. Behold the end that all the riches, the pomp, and the delights of this earth must come to. When men are dead, the trumpet will sound and all will rise again. «Canet enim tuba, et mortui resurgent» — "For the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall rise" (1 Cor. 15:52). St. Jerome says (on Matt., ch. 5): «Quoties diem iudicii considero, contremisco; semper videtur illa tuba insonare auribus meis: Surgite, mortui, venite ad iudicium» — "As often as I consider the day of judgment, I tremble; that trumpet always seems to resound in my ears: Arise, you dead, come to judgment." At the sound of this trumpet, the beautiful souls of the blessed will descend to be united with their bodies, with which they served God in this life; and the unhappy souls of the damned will ascend from hell to be united with those accursed bodies with which they offended God.

Oh, what a difference there will then be between the bodies of the blessed and those of the damned! The blessed will appear beautiful, radiant, shining more than the sun. «Tunc iusti fulgebunt sicut sol» — "Then shall the just shine as the sun" (Matt. 13:43). Oh, happy is he who in this life knows how to mortify his flesh by denying it the forbidden pleasures; and who, to keep it more under the rein, denies it even the lawful pleasures of the senses and treats it harshly, as the saints did! Oh, how content he will then find himself for having done so, like a St. Peter of Alcantara, who after death said to St. Teresa: «O felix poenitentia, quae tantam mihi promeruit gloriam!» — "O happy penance, which has merited for me so great a glory!" On the contrary, the bodies of the reprobate will appear deformed, black, and stinking.

Oh, what anguish the damned soul will then have in being reunited with its body! "Accursed body," the soul will say, "for the sake of pleasing you, I am lost." And the body will say: "Accursed soul, you who held reason in your hand, why did you grant me those pleasures that have made both you and me lost for all eternity?"

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Jesus and my Redeemer, who one day must be my judge, forgive me before that day arrives. «Non avertas faciem tuam a me» — "Do not turn Your face away from me." Now You are a father to me, and as a father You receive into Your grace a son who returns repentant to Your feet. My Father, I ask Your pardon; I have offended You unjustly, I have abandoned You unjustly; You did not deserve to be treated by me as I have treated You; I repent of it, I grieve for it with all my heart; forgive me. «Non avertas faciem tuam a me»: do not turn Your face from me, do not cast me away, as I would deserve. Remember the blood that You shed for me, and have pity on me. My Jesus, I want no other judge than You. St. Thomas of Villanova used to say: «Libenter illius iudicium subeo, qui pro me mortuus est, et ne me damnaret, ad crucem se damnari permisit» — "Gladly do I submit to the judgment of Him who died for me, and who, that He might not condemn me, allowed Himself to be condemned to the cross." And this St. Paul had said first: «Quis est, qui condemnet? Christus Iesus, qui mortuus est» — "Who is he that shall condemn? Christ Jesus, who died" (Rom. 8).

My Father, I love You, and for the future I never want to depart from Your feet again. Forget the injuries I have done You, and give me a great love for Your goodness. I desire to love You more than I have offended You; but if You do not help me, I cannot love You.

Help me, my Jesus; make me live grateful to Your love, so that on that day I may find myself in the valley among the number of Your lovers.

O Mary, my Queen and my advocate, help me now, for if I am lost, on that day You will be able to help me no more. You pray for all; pray also for me, who glory in being Your devoted servant and place such great confidence in You.

### POINT II

When men have risen from the dead, the angels will command them all to go to the Valley of Jehoshaphat, to be judged there: «Populi, populi in valle concisionis, quia iuxta est dies Domini» — "Nations, nations in the valley of decision, for the day of the Lord is near" (Joel 3:14). And when they have been gathered there, the angels will come and separate the reprobate from the elect. «»Exibunt angeli, et separabunt malos de medio iustorum» — "The angels shall go forth and separate the wicked from the midst of the just" (Matt. 13:49). The just will remain on the right, and the damned will be driven to the left. What grief it would cause someone to see himself banished from a social gathering or from the church! But how much greater a grief will it then be to see oneself banished from the company of the saints: «Quomodo putas impios confundendos, quando, segregatis iustis, fuerint derelicti!» — "How do you think the wicked will be confounded when, the just having been set apart, they are left forsaken!" (Auct. op. imperf., Hom. 54). St. John Chrysostom says that if the damned had no other punishment, this shame alone would suffice to make their hell: «Et si nihil ulterius paterentur, ista sola verecundia sufficeret eis ad poenam» — "And even if they suffered nothing further, this shame alone would suffice them for punishment" (On Matthew, ch. 54). The son will be separated from the father, the husband from the wife, the master from the servant: «Unus assumetur, et alter relinquetur» — "One shall be taken, and the other shall be left" (Matt. 24:40). Tell me, my brother, what place do you think will then fall to you? Would you wish to find yourself on the right? Then abandon the road that leads you to the left.

Now on this earth princes and the rich are held to be fortunate, while the saints, who live poor and humble, are despised. O you faithful who love God, do not lose heart at seeing yourselves so scorned and afflicted on this earth: «Tristitia vertetur in gaudium» — "Your sorrow shall be turned into joy" (John 16:20). Then you will be called the truly fortunate, and you will have the honor of being declared members of the court of Jesus Christ. Oh, what a splendid figure will then be made by a St. Peter of Alcantara, who was scorned almost as an apostate! By a St. John of God, who was treated as a madman! By a St. Peter Celestine, who, having renounced the papacy, died inside a prison! Oh, what honors will then be bestowed on so many martyrs mangled by their executioners! «Tunc laus erit unicuique a Deo» — "Then shall every man have praise from God" (1 Cor. 4:5). And oh, what a horrible figure, by contrast, will be made by a Herod, a Pilate, a Nero! And by so many other great ones of the earth — yet damned! O lovers of the world, to the valley, to the valley I await you. There, without doubt, you will change your mind. There you will bewail your folly. Wretched ones, who for the sake of making a brief appearance on the stage of this earth will then have to play the part of the damned in the tragedy of the judgment. The elect, then, will be placed on the right; indeed, for their greater glory (as St. Paul says), they will be lifted up into the air above the clouds, to go with the angels to meet Jesus Christ, who is to come from heaven: «Rapiemur cum illis in nubibus obviam Domino in aëra» — "We shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air" (1 Thess. 4:6). And the damned, like so many kids destined for the slaughter, will be confined to the left, to await their judge, who must pronounce the public condemnation of all His enemies.

But behold, the heavens are already opening; the angels come to assist at the judgment, and they bear the signs of the passion of Jesus Christ: «Veniente Domino ad iudicium (says St. Thomas Aquinas), signum crucis, et alia passionis indicia demonstrabuntur» — "When the Lord comes to judgment, the sign of the cross and the other marks of the passion will be shown" (Opusc. 2, ch. 244). Above all, the cross will appear: «Et tunc parebit signum Filii hominis in coelo, et tunc plangent omnes tribus terrae» — "And then shall appear the sign of the Son of Man in heaven, and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn" (Matt. 24:30). Cornelius a Lapide says: Oh, how the sinners will weep then at the sight of the cross — they who in life took no account of their eternal salvation, which cost the Son of God so dearly! «Plangent qui salutem suam, quae Christo tam cara stetit, neglexerint» — "They shall mourn who neglected their salvation, which stood so dear to Christ." Then, says St. John Chrysostom: «Clavi de te conquerentur, cicatrices contra te loquentur, crux Christi contra te perorabit» — "The nails will utter their complaint against you, the wounds will speak against you, the cross of Christ will plead against you" (Hom. 20 on Matthew). The holy Apostles and all their imitators will also assist as assessors at this judgment, and together with Jesus Christ they will judge the nations: «Fulgebunt iusti, iudicabunt nationes» — "The just shall shine and shall judge the nations" (Wis. 3:7). The Queen of saints and of angels, Mary Most Holy, will also come to assist. Finally, the eternal Judge will come upon a throne of majesty and light: «Et videbunt Filium hominis venientem in nubibus coeli, cum virtute multa et maiestate» — "And they shall see the Son of Man coming in the clouds of heaven with great power and majesty" (Matt. 24:31). «A facie eius cruciabuntur populi» — "Before His face the people shall be in anguish" (Joel 2:6). The sight of Jesus Christ will console the elect, but to the reprobate it will bring more pain than hell itself: «Damnatis (says St. Jerome) melius esset inferni poenas, quam Domini praesentiam ferre» — "For the damned it would be better to endure the pains of hell than the presence of the Lord." St. Teresa used to say: My Jesus, give me every pain, but do not let me see Your face angered against me on that day. And St. Basil: «Superat omnem poenam confusio ista» — "This confusion surpasses every punishment." Then will come to pass what St. John foretold — that the damned will beg the mountains to fall upon them and hide them from the sight of their angered judge: «Dicent autem montibus: Cadite super nos, et abscondite nos a facie sedentis super thronum, et ab ira Agni» — "And they shall say to the mountains: Fall upon us, and hide us from the face of Him who sits upon the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb" (Rev. 6:6).

#### Affections and Prayers

O my dear Redeemer, O Lamb of God, who came into the world not to punish but to forgive sins, ah, forgive me quickly, before that day comes on which You are to be my Judge. Then the sight of You, O Lamb — You who had such patience with me in bearing with me — would be, should I be lost, the hell of my hell. Ah, I say again, forgive me quickly; draw me out with Your merciful hand from the precipice into which I have fallen through my sins. I repent, O Supreme Good, of having offended You, and of having offended You so greatly. I love You, my Judge, who have loved me so much. Ah, by the merits of Your death, grant me a great grace that will change me from a sinner into a saint. You have promised to hear whoever prays to You: «Clama ad me et exaudiam te» — "Cry out to me, and I will hear you" (Job 33:3). I do not ask You for the goods of this earth; I ask for Your grace, Your love, and nothing else. Hear me, my Jesus, for the sake of that love You bore me in dying for me on the cross. My beloved Judge, I am the guilty one, but a guilty one who loves You more than himself. Have pity on me.

Mary, my Mother, quickly, help me quickly; now is the time when You can help me. You did not abandon me when I lived forgetful of You and of God; come to my aid now, when I am resolved to serve You always and to offend my Lord no more. O Mary, You are my hope.

### POINT III

But behold, the judgment is already beginning. The proceedings are opened — and these will be the consciences of each one: «Iudicium sedit et libri aperti sunt» — "The judgment sat, and the books were opened" (Dan. 7:10). The witnesses against the reprobate will be, first, the devils, who will say (according to St. Augustine): «Aequissime Deus, iudica esse meum qui tuus esse noluit» — "O most just God, judge him to be mine who refused to be Yours." Second will be their own consciences: «Testimonium reddente illis conscientia ipsorum» — "Their own conscience bearing witness against them" (Rom. 2:15). Moreover, the very walls of the house where sinners have offended God will be witnesses crying out for vengeance: «Lapis de pariete clamabit» — "The stone shall cry out from the wall" (Hab. 2:11). Finally, the Judge Himself will be a witness, He who was present at all the offenses committed against Him: «Ego sum iudex, et testis, dicit Dominus» — "I am the judge and the witness, says the Lord" (Jer. 29:23). St. Paul says that then the Lord «illuminabit abscondita tenebrarum» — "will bring to light the hidden things of darkness" (1 Cor. 4:5). He will reveal to all men the most secret and shameful sins of the reprobate, which in life were hidden even from confessors: «Revelabo pudenda tua in facie tua» — "I will reveal your shame upon your face" (Nah. 3:5). As for the sins of the elect, the Master of the Sentences holds, with others, that they will not then be made manifest but will be found covered, according to what David said: «Beati quorum remissae sunt iniquitates, et quorum tecta sunt peccata» — "Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered" (Ps. 31:1). By contrast, St. Basil says that the sins of the reprobate will be seen by all at a single glance, as in a picture: «Unico intuitu singula peccata velut in pictura noscentur» — "Each sin will be recognized in a single glance, as in a painting" (Bk. 1, On True Virginity). St. Thomas Aquinas says (Opusc. 60): If in the Garden of Gethsemane, when Jesus Christ said «Ego sum» — "I am He" — all the soldiers who had come to seize Him fell to the ground, what will it be when, seated as Judge, He says to the damned: Behold, I am the one whom you have so despised? «Quid faciet iudicaturus, qui hoc fecit iudicandus?» — "What will He do when about to judge, He who did this when about to be judged?"

But come now — we are already at the sentence. Jesus Christ will first turn to the elect and say to them those sweet words: «Venite, benedicti Patris mei, possidete paratum vobis regnum a constitutione mundi» — "Come, you blessed of My Father, possess the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world" (Matt. 25:34). St. Francis of Assisi, when it was revealed to him that he was predestined, could not contain himself for consolation; what joy will it be, then, to hear the Judge say: Come, blessed children, come to the kingdom; there are no more pains for you, there is no more fear; you are already saved, and you shall be saved for all eternity. I bless the blood I shed for you, and I bless the tears you have shed for your sins: let us go up to paradise, where we shall remain together forever, for all eternity. Mary Most Holy will also bless her devotees and invite them to come with her into heaven; and so, singing «Alleluia, alleluia», the elect will enter paradise in triumph, to possess, to praise, and to love God for all eternity.

The damned, on the other hand, turning to Jesus Christ, will say to Him: And we wretches — what is to become of us? And you — the eternal Judge will answer — since you have renounced and despised my grace: «Discedite a me, maledicti, in ignem aeternum» — "Depart from me, you cursed, into eternal fire" (Matt. ibid.). «Discedite» — "Depart": be separated from me, for I no longer wish to see you or to hear you. «Maledicti» — "Cursed": go, and go accursed, since you have despised my blessing. And where, Lord, are these wretches to go? «In ignem» — "Into the fire": into hell, to burn in soul and body. And for how many years, or for how many centuries? What years, what centuries! «In ignem aeternum» — "Into eternal fire": for all eternity, for as long as God shall be God. After this sentence, St. Ephrem says, the reprobate will take their leave of the angels, the saints, their kinsfolk, and Mary Most Holy: «Valete iusti, vale crux, vale paradise. Valete patres ac filii, nullum siquidem vestrum visuri sumus ultra. Vale tu quoque Dei Genitrix Maria» — "Farewell, O you just; farewell, O cross; farewell, O paradise. Farewell, fathers and children, for we shall never see any of you again. Farewell to you also, O Mary, Mother of God" (St. Ephrem, On the Various Torments of Hell). And then in the midst of the valley a great pit will open, into which devils and the damned will fall together; and — O God! — they will hear those gates close behind them, never, never, never to be opened again for all eternity. O accursed sin, to what a wretched end will you one day lead so many poor souls! O unhappy souls, for whom so tearful an end is reserved!

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Savior and my God, what will be the sentence that awaits me on that day? If now, my Jesus, You were to demand of me an account of my life, what else could I answer You but that I deserve a thousand hells? Yes, it is true, my dear Redeemer, I deserve a thousand hells; but know that I love You, and I love You more than myself; and for the offenses I have committed against You I feel such sorrow that I would have been content to suffer every evil rather than to have displeased You. You condemn, O my Jesus, obstinate sinners, but not those who repent and wish to love You. Here I am at Your feet, repentant; make me feel that You forgive me. But You already make me hear it through the prophet: «[Convertimini ad me, et convertar ad vos]{lang=la}» — "Return to me, and I will return to you" (Zech. 1:3). I leave all, I renounce all the pleasures and goods of the world, and I turn to You and cling to You, my beloved Redeemer. Ah, receive me into Your holy love; but inflame me so greatly that I may never again think of separating myself from You. My Jesus, save me, and let my eternal salvation be to love You always and always to praise Your mercies. «Misericordias Domini in aeternum cantabo» — "I will sing the mercies of the Lord forever."

Mary, my hope, refuge, and Mother, help me and obtain for me holy perseverance. No one who has had recourse to You has ever been lost. To You I commend myself; have pity on me.

## Consideration XXVI — On the Pains of Hell

«Et ibunt hi in supplicium aeternum» — "And these shall go into everlasting punishment" (Matt. 25:46).

### POINT I

The sinner does two evils when he sins: he forsakes God, the supreme good, and turns to creatures: «Duo enim mala fecit populus meus, me dereliquerunt fontem aquae vivae, et foderunt sibi cisternas; cisternas dissipatas, quae continere non valent aquas» — "For my people have done two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living water, and have dug for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns, that cannot hold water" (Jer. 2:13). Because, then, the sinner turns to creatures with loathing for God, in hell he will justly be tormented by the very same creatures — by fire and by the devils — and this is the pain of sense. But because his greater guilt, in which sin consists, is the turning of his back on God, the principal pain in hell will therefore be the pain of loss — that is, the pain of having lost God.

Let us consider first the pain of sense. It is an article of faith that hell exists. In the midst of the earth there is this prison, reserved for the punishment of God's rebels. What is this hell? It is the place of torments. «In hunc locum tormentorum» — "Into this place of torments" — so did the damned rich man call hell (Luke 16:28). A place of torments, where all the senses and powers of the damned must each have its own proper torment; and the more anyone has offended God with a sense, the more he will be tormented in that sense: «Per quae peccat quis, per haec et torquetur» — "By the things in which a man sins, by these also is he tormented" (Wis. 11:17). «Quantum in deliciis fuit, tantum date illi tormentum» — "As much as she lived in delights, so much torment give to her" (Rev. 18:7). The sight will be tormented by darkness. «Terram tenebrarum, et opertam mortis caligine» — "A land of darkness, covered with the gloom of death" (Job 10:21). What pity it stirs to hear that a poor man is shut up in a dark pit for as long as he lives — for forty or fifty years of life! Hell is a pit closed on every side, into which no ray of sun or of any other light will ever enter. «Usque in aeternum non videbit lumen» — "He shall not see the light forever" (Ps. 48:20). The fire that gives light on earth will be all darkness in hell. «Vox Domini intercidentis flammam ignis» — "The voice of the Lord dividing the flame of fire" (Ps. 28:7). St. Basil explains it thus: The Lord will separate the light from the fire, so that this fire will perform only the office of burning, and not of giving light; and Albert the Great explains it still more briefly: «Dividet a calore splendorem» — "He will divide the brightness from the heat." The very smoke that will issue from this fire will form that storm of darkness of which St. James speaks, which will blind the eyes of the damned: «Quibus procella tenebrarum servata est in aeternum» — "For whom the storm of darkness is reserved forever" (Jas. 2:13). St. Thomas Aquinas says (3. p. q. 97. n. 4) that only so much light is granted to the damned as suffices to torment them the more: «Quantum sufficit ad videndum illa, quae torquere possunt» — "As much as suffices for seeing the things that can torment them." In that glimmer of light they will see the hideousness of the other reprobate and of the devils, who will take on horrid forms to terrify them the more.

The sense of smell will be tormented. What a torment it would be to find oneself shut up in a room with a putrid corpse! «De cadaveribus eorum ascendit foetor» — "The stench rises from their carcasses" (Isa. 34:3). The damned soul must remain amid so many millions of other damned — alive to their punishment, yet corpses for the stench they give off. St. Bonaventure says that if a single body of one of the damned were cast out of hell, its stench would be enough to kill all men. And then some fools say: If I go to hell, I will not be alone. Wretches! The more there are in hell, the more they suffer. «Ibi (says St. Thomas Aquinas) miserorum societas miseriam non minuet, sed augebit» — "There the company of the wretched will not lessen their misery, but increase it" (St. Thomas Aquinas, Suppl. q. 89. a. 1). They suffer the more, I say, on account of the stench, the cries, and the cramped space; for they will be in hell one upon another, like sheep heaped together in wintertime: «Sicut oves in inferno positi sunt» — "Like sheep they are placed in hell" (Ps. 48:15). Nay more, they will be like grapes pressed beneath the winepress of the wrath of God. «Et ipse calcat torcular vini furoris irae Dei» — "And he treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God" (Rev. 19:15). From this will then follow the pain of immobility. «Fiant immobiles quasi lapis» — "Let them become as immovable as a stone" (Exod. 15:16). So that, just as the damned soul will fall into hell on the last day, so must he remain — never changing place again and never able to move either a foot or a hand — for as long as God shall be God.

The hearing will be tormented by the continual howls and weeping of those poor despairing souls. The devils will make a continual din. «Sonitus terroris semper in aure eius» — "The sound of terror is always in his ear" (Job 15:21). What a torment it is when one wants to sleep and hears a sick man groaning continually, a dog barking, or a child crying! Wretched damned, who must hear without ceasing, for all eternity, those noises and the cries of the tormented! The throat will be tormented by hunger; the damned soul will have a dog's hunger: «Famem patientur ut canes» — "They shall suffer hunger like dogs" (Ps. 58:15). But he will never have a crumb of bread. Then he will have such a thirst that all the water of the sea would not suffice him; yet he will not have even a drop of it: the rich man asked for a drop, but he has not received it yet, and he will never, never receive it.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Lord, here at Your feet is one who has made so little account of Your grace and of Your chastisements. Poor me — if You, my Jesus, had not had pity on me, for how many years would I already have been in that stinking furnace, where so many of my companions are already burning! Ah, my Redeemer, how is it that, thinking of this, I do not burn with love for You? How could I ever think of offending You again in the future! Ah, may it never be, my Jesus Christ — let me rather die a thousand times. Since You have begun, bring the work to completion. You have drawn me out of the stench of so many of my sins, and with such love You have called me to love You; grant now that I may spend all the time You give me wholly for You. How greatly would the damned desire a day, an hour of the time You grant me; and what will I do? Will I go on spending it in things that displease You? No, my Jesus, do not permit it, through the merits of that Blood which until now has delivered me from hell. I love You, O supreme good, and because I love You I repent of having offended You; I wish never to offend You again, but to love You always.

O Mary, my Queen and Mother, pray to Jesus for me, and obtain for me the gift of holy perseverance and of His holy love.

### POINT II

The pain that most torments the senses of the damned is the fire of hell, which torments the sense of touch. «Vindicta carnis impii ignis, et vermis» — "The punishment of the flesh of the wicked is fire and worms" (Sir. 7:19). It is for this reason that the Lord makes special mention of it in the judgment: «Discedite a me, maledicti, in ignem aeternum» — "Depart from Me, you cursed, into everlasting fire" (Matt. 25:41). Even on this earth the pain of fire is the greatest of all; but there is such a difference between our fire and that of hell that St. Augustine says ours seems painted: «In eius comparatione noster hic ignis depictus est» — "In comparison with it, our fire here is painted." And St. Vincent Ferrer says that by comparison ours is cold. The reason is that our fire was created for our benefit, but the fire of hell was created by God on purpose to torment. «Longe alius est ignis, qui usui humano, alius qui Dei iustitiae deservit» — "Very different, says Tertullian, is the fire that serves human use from the fire that serves the justice of God." The wrath of God kindles this avenging fire: «Ignis succensus est in furore meo» — "A fire is kindled in My wrath" (Jer. 15:14). Hence the fire of hell is called by Isaiah a spirit of burning: «Si abluerit Dominus sordes... in spiritu ardoris» — "If the Lord shall wash away the filth... in the spirit of burning" (Isa. 4:4). The damned will be sent not to the fire, but into the fire: «Discedite a me, maledicti, in ignem aeternum» — "Depart from Me, you cursed, into everlasting fire." So the wretch will be surrounded by fire, like a log inside a furnace. The damned will find himself with an abyss of fire below, an abyss above, and an abyss all around. If he touches, if he sees, if he breathes — he touches, sees, and breathes nothing but fire. He will dwell in fire as the fish dwells in water. But this fire will not merely surround the damned; it will also enter into his bowels to torment him. His body will become all fire, so that his bowels will burn within his belly, his heart within his breast, his brains within his head, his blood within his veins, even the marrow within his bones: every damned soul will become in himself a furnace of fire. «Pone eos ut clibanum ignis» — "Thou shalt make them as a furnace of fire" (Ps. 20:10). Some cannot bear to walk along a road beaten by the sun, to stay in a closed room with a brazier, cannot endure a spark that flies from a candle; and yet they do not fear that fire which devours, as Isaiah says:

«Quis poterit habitare de vobis cum igne devorante?» — "Who among you shall be able to dwell with devouring fire?" (Isa. 33:14). As a wild beast devours a kid, so the fire of hell devours the damned; it devours him, but without ever letting him die. Keep on, you fool, says St. Peter Damian (speaking to the unchaste man), keep on gratifying your flesh, for a day will come when all your impurities will become pitch in your bowels, making greater and more tormenting the flame that will burn you in hell: «Venit dies, imo nox, quando libido tua vertetur in picem, qua se nutriat perpetuus ignis in tuis visceribus» — "The day will come, nay the night, when your lust will be turned into pitch, on which the everlasting fire in your bowels will feed" (St. Peter Damian, Epist. 6). St. Jerome adds (Epist. ad Pam.) that this fire will bring with it all the torments and pains suffered on this earth: pains of side and of head, of the bowels, of the nerves: «In uno igne omnia supplicia sentiunt in inferno peccatores» — "In that one fire, sinners in hell suffer all punishments." In this fire there will also be the pain of cold: «Ad nimium calorem transeat ab aquis nivium» — "Let him pass from the waters of snow to excessive heat" (Job 24:19). But it must always be understood that all the pains of this earth are a mere shadow, as St. John Chrysostom says, compared with the pains of hell: «Pone ignem, pone ferrum, quid, nisi umbra ad illa tormenta?» — "Set before me fire, set before me iron: what are they but a shadow beside those torments?"

The powers of the soul will also have their own torment. The damned will be tormented in the memory, by remembering the time he had in this life to save himself, and which he spent in damning himself; and of the graces he received from God and would not use. In the intellect, by thinking of the great good he has lost — paradise and God — and that for this loss there is no longer any remedy. In the will, in seeing that everything he asks will always be denied him. «Desiderium peccatorum peribit» — "The desire of sinners shall perish" (Ps. 111:10). The wretch will never have anything he desires, and will always have all that he abhors, which will be his eternal pains. He would like to escape the torments and find peace, but he will always be tormented and will never have peace.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Jesus, Your blood and Your death are my hope. You died to deliver me from eternal death. Ah, Lord, and who has partaken of the merits of Your passion more than I, a wretch who have so many times deserved hell? Ah, do not let me live any longer ungrateful for so many graces that You have shown me. You have delivered me from the fire of hell, because You do not want me to burn in that fire of torment, but to burn with the sweet fire of Your love. Help me, then, so that I may fulfill Your desire. If I were now in hell, I could no longer love You; but since I can love You, I want to love You. I love You, infinite Goodness; I love You, my Redeemer, who have loved me so much. How could I have lived so long forgetful of You! I thank You that You did not forget me. If You had forgotten me, I would now be in hell, or I would have no sorrow for my sins. This sorrow that I feel in my heart at having offended You, this desire that I feel to love You greatly, are gifts of Your grace, which still assists me. I thank You for them, my Jesus. For the future, I hope to give You the life that remains to me. I renounce everything. I want only to think of serving You and giving You pleasure. Remind me always of the hell I have deserved, and of the graces You have shown me; and do not permit me ever again to turn my back on You and condemn myself to this pit of torments.

O Mother of God, pray for me, a sinner. Your intercession has delivered me from hell; by it, O my Mother, deliver me also from sin, which alone can condemn me to hell anew.

### POINT III

But all these pains are nothing in comparison with the pain of loss. It is not the darkness, the stench, the cries, and the fire that make hell; the pain that makes hell is the pain of having lost God. St. Bruno says: «Addantur tormenta tormentis, ac Deo non priventur» — "Let torments be added to torments, provided they are not deprived of God" (Serm. de Iud. fin.). And St. John Chrysostom: «Si mille dixeris gehennas, nihil par dices illius doloris» — "If you were to speak of a thousand hells, you would say nothing equal to that pain" (Hom. 49 ad Pop.). And St. Augustine adds that if the damned enjoyed the sight of God, «nullam poenam sentirent, et infernus ipse verteretur in paradisum» — "they would feel no punishment, and hell itself would be turned into paradise" (St. Aug. tom. 9, de Tripl. hab.). To understand something of this pain, consider that if someone loses, for example, a gem that was worth 100 scudi, he feels great pain, but if it was worth 200 he feels double the pain; if 400, still more. In short, the greater the value of the thing lost, the greater the pain. What good has the damned lost? An infinite good, which is God; hence St. Thomas Aquinas says he suffers a pain in a certain sense infinite: «Poena damnati est infinita, quia est amissio boni infiniti» — "The pain of the damned is infinite, because it is the loss of an infinite good" (St. Thomas, I-II, q. 87, a. 4).

This pain is now feared only by the saints. «Haec amantibus, non contemnentibus poena est» — "This is a pain for those who love, not for those who scorn," says St. Augustine. St. Ignatius of Loyola used to say: Lord, I can bear every pain, but not this one — to be deprived of You. But this pain is not at all understood by sinners, who are content to live months and years without God, for the wretches live in darkness. At death, however, they must come to know the great good they are losing. The soul, on leaving this life, as St. Antoninus says, at once understands that she is created for God: «Separata autem anima a corpore intelligit Deum summum bonum et ad illud esse creatam» — "But the soul, separated from the body, understands that God is the supreme good and that she was created for Him." Hence she at once darts forward to go and embrace her supreme good; but being in sin, she will be driven away by God. If a dog sees a hare, and someone holds it on a chain, what force does the dog exert to break the chain and go seize its prey? The soul, on separating from the body, is naturally drawn to God, but sin divides her from God and sends her far away to hell. «Iniquitates vestrae diviserunt inter vos, et Deum vestrum» — "Your iniquities have divided between you and your God" (Isa. 59:2). All of hell, then, consists in that first word of the sentence: «Discedite a me, maledicti» — "Depart from Me, you cursed." Begone, Jesus Christ will say; I do not want you to see My face any more. «Si mille quis ponat gehennas, nihil tale dicturus est, quale est exosum esse Christo» — "If a man were to imagine a thousand hells, he would still say nothing like what it is to be hated by Christ" (Chrysost. hom. 24 in Matt.). When David condemned Absalom never to appear before him again, this pain was such for Absalom that he answered: Tell my father either to let me see his face or to give me death (2 Sam. 14:24). Philip II said to a nobleman whom he saw behaving irreverently in church: Do not appear before me again. So great was that nobleman's pain that, on reaching home, he died of grief. What will it be when God at death declares to the reprobate: Begone, for I do not want to see you anymore. «Abscondam faciem ab eo, et invenient eum omnia mala» — "I will hide My face from him, and all evils shall find him" (Deut. 31:17). You — Jesus will say to the damned on the last day — are no longer Mine; I am no longer yours. «Voca nomen eius, non populus meus, quia vos non populus meus, et ego non ero vester» — "Call his name Not-my-people, for you are not My people, and I will not be yours" (Hos. 1:9).

What pain it is for a son whose father dies, or for a wife when her husband dies, to say: My father, my husband, I shall never see you again. Ah, if we could now hear a damned soul weeping, and ask him: Soul, why do you weep so? He would answer only this: I weep because I have lost God, and I shall never see Him again. If only the wretched man in hell could love his God and resign himself to His will. But no; if he could do this, hell would not be hell: the unhappy man cannot resign himself to the will of God, because he has been made an enemy of the divine will. Nor can he love his God any more, but hates Him and will hate Him forever; and this will be his hell: to know that God is a supreme good, and then to see himself forced to hate Him at the very moment when he knows Him worthy of infinite love. «Ego sum ille nequam privatus amore Dei» — "I am that wicked one deprived of the love of God" — so answered that devil when St. Catherine of Genoa asked him who he was. The damned soul will hate and curse God, and in cursing God he will also curse the benefits God has bestowed on him: creation, redemption, the sacraments, especially those of baptism and penance, and above all the Blessed Sacrament of the altar. He will hate all the angels and saints, but especially his guardian angel and the saints his advocates, and more than all, Mary Most Holy; but above all he will curse the three divine Persons, and among these especially the Son of God, who one day died for his eternal salvation, cursing His wounds, His blood, His sufferings, and His death.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah my God, You then are my supreme good, infinite good, and I have willingly lost You so many times. I already knew that by my sin I caused You great displeasure and lost Your grace — and yet I did it? Ah, if I did not see You, O Son of God, pierced on the cross, dying for me, I would no longer have the courage to seek You and to hope for pardon from You. Eternal Father, do not look at me; look at this beloved Son, who asks You for mercy on my behalf; hear Him, and forgive me. At this hour I should have been in hell for so many years, without hope of being able to love You any more or to recover Your lost grace. My God, I repent above every other evil of this injury I have done You: of renouncing Your friendship and despising Your love for the miserable pleasures of this earth. Oh, would that I had died a thousand times first! How could I have been so blind and so mad! I thank You, my Lord, for giving me time to be able to remedy the evil I have done. Since by Your mercy I am outside of hell and can love You, my God, I want to love You. I no longer wish to delay converting myself entirely to You. I love You, infinite goodness; I love You, my life, my treasure, my love, my all. Always remind me, O Lord, of the love You have borne me, and of the hell where I should be, so that this thought may ever inflame me to make acts of love toward You and to say to You always: I love You, I love You, I love You.

O Mary, my Queen, my hope and my Mother, if I were in hell, I could not even love You any more. I love You, my Mother, and in You I trust never to cease loving You and my God. Help me; pray to Jesus for me.

## Consideration XXVII — The Eternity of Hell

«Et ibunt hi in supplicium aeternum» — "And these shall go into everlasting punishment" (Matt. 25:46).

### POINT I

If hell were not eternal, it would not be hell. A pain that does not last long is not a great pain. For one sick man an abscess is lanced, for another a gangrene is cauterized; the pain is great, but because it ends soon, it is not a great torment. But what pain would it be if that cutting or that operation of fire continued for a week, for a whole month? When pain lasts very long, even if it is slight — like a pain in the eyes, a toothache — it becomes unbearable. But why do I say pain? Even a play, a piece of music that lasted too long, even for a whole day, could not be endured for the tedium. And if it lasted a month? A year? What will hell be, where one does not always hear the same play or the same music; where there is not only a pain in the eyes or a toothache; where one feels not only the torment of a cut or of a red-hot iron, but where there are all torments, all pains; and for how long? For all eternity: «Cruciabuntur die ac nocte in saecula saeculorum» — "They shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever" (Rev. 20:10).

This eternity is a matter of faith; it is not merely some opinion, but a truth attested to us by God in so many Scriptures: «Discedite a me, maledicti, in ignem aeternum» — "Depart from me, you cursed, into everlasting fire" (Matt. 25:41). «Et hi ibunt in supplicium aeternum» — "And these shall go into everlasting punishment" (Ibid. 46). «Poenas dabunt in interitu aeternas» — "They shall suffer eternal punishment in destruction" (2 Thess. 1:9). «Omnis igne salietur» — "Every one shall be salted with fire" (Mark 9:48). Just as salt preserves things, so the fire of hell, at the same time that it torments the damned, performs the office of salt by preserving their life. «Ignis ibi consumit, ut semper reservet» — "The fire there consumes, so as to preserve forever" (says St. Bernard) (Medit. ch. 3).

Now, what madness would it be for someone who, to enjoy a day of pleasure, would condemn himself to remain shut up in a pit for twenty or thirty years? If hell lasted a hundred years — what am I saying, a hundred? — if it lasted no more than two or three years, it would still be a great madness, for a moment of vile pleasure, to condemn oneself to two or three years of fire. But it is not a question of thirty, of a hundred, nor of a thousand, nor of a hundred thousand years; it is a question of eternity, of suffering forever the same torments, which will never end nor be lightened in the least. The saints were right, then, while they were alive — and even when they were in danger of being damned — to weep and tremble. Blessed Isaiah, even while he was in the desert amid fasts and penances, wept, saying: Ah, wretched me, who am not yet free from being damned! «Heu me miserum, quia nondum a gehennae igne sum liber!» — "Alas, wretched me, for I am not yet free from the fire of hell!"

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah my God, if You had sent me to hell, as I have already deserved so many times, and then by Your mercy had drawn me out of it, how greatly would I have remained obliged to You? And then what a holy life would I have begun to lead? And now that with greater mercy You have preserved me from falling into it, what shall I do? Shall I return to offending You and provoking You to anger, so that You may indeed send me to burn in that prison of Your rebels, where so many already burn for fewer sins than mine? Ah my Redeemer, so I have done in the past; instead of using the time You gave me to weep for my sins, I spent it provoking You still more. I thank Your infinite goodness, which has borne with me so long. If it were not infinite, how could it ever have suffered me? I thank You, then, for having waited for me with such patience until now; and I thank You exceedingly for the light You now give me, with which You make me know my madness and the wrong I have done You in outraging You with so many of my sins. My Jesus, I detest them and repent of them with all my heart; forgive me for the sake of Your Passion; and assist me with Your grace, that I may offend You no more. Justly now must I fear that at another mortal sin You would abandon me. Ah my Lord, I beg You, set this just fear before my eyes when the devil tempts me again to offend You. My God, I love You, and I do not want to lose You any more; help me with Your grace.

Help me, O Mary Most Holy; make me always have recourse to You in my temptations, so that I may no longer lose God. Mary, Mary, You are my hope.

### POINT II

Whoever once enters hell will never come out of it for all eternity. This thought made David tremble, as he said: «Neque absorbeat me profundum, neque urgeat super me puteus os suum» — "Let not the deep swallow me up, and let not the pit shut her mouth upon me" (Ps. 68:16). Once the damned soul has fallen into that pit of torments, its mouth closes and never opens again. In hell there is a door to enter, but there is no door to leave: «Descensus erit, ascensus non erit» — "There will be a descent, but no ascent" (says Eusebius of Emesa). And thus he explains the words of the Psalmist: «Neque urgeat os suum; quia cum susceperit eos, claudetur sursum, et aperietur deorsum» — "Let it not press its mouth upon me; for when it has received them, it will be shut above and opened beneath." As long as the sinner lives, he can always have hope of a remedy; but once he is seized by death in sin, every hope is finished for him. «Mortuo homine impio, nulla erit ultra spes» — "When the wicked man is dead, there shall be no hope any more" (Prov. 11:7). If only the damned could flatter themselves with some false hope, and thus find some relief for their despair. That poor man covered in sores, confined to a bed, has already been given up by the doctors as beyond cure; yet he flatters himself and consoles himself by saying: Who knows whether later some doctor and some remedy may be found to heal me. That wretch condemned to the galleys for life also consoles himself, saying: Who knows what may happen, and I may free myself from these chains. If only, I say, the damned soul could likewise say: Who knows whether one day I shall leave this prison — and could thus deceive himself at least with this false hope. No: in hell there is no hope, neither true nor false; there is no "who knows." «Statuam contra faciem» — "I will set it before your face" (Ps. 49:21). The wretch will see his condemnation always written before his eyes: that he must remain weeping forever in that pit of pains: «Alii in vitam aeternam, et alii in opprobrium, ut videant semper» — "Some to everlasting life, and others to reproach, that they may see it always" (Dan. 12:2). Hence the damned soul not only suffers what he suffers in every moment, but suffers in every moment the pain of eternity, saying: What I now suffer, I must suffer forever. «Pondus aeternitatis sustinet» — "He bears the weight of eternity," says Tertullian.

Let us therefore pray to the Lord, as St. Augustine used to pray: «Hic ure, hic seca, hic non parcas, ut in aeternum parcas» — "Burn here, cut here, do not spare here, that You may spare me for eternity." The punishments of this life pass away. «Sagittae tuae transeunt, vox tonitrui tui in rota» — "Your arrows pass away; the voice of Your thunder is in the wheel" (Ps. 76:18). But the punishments of the other life never pass. Let us fear these; let us fear that thunder («vox tonitrui tui in rota»), by which is meant the thunder of the eternal condemnation that will issue from the mouth of the Judge at the judgment against the reprobate: «Discedite a me, maledicti, in ignem aeternum» — "Depart from Me, you cursed, into everlasting fire." And it says «in rota» — "in the wheel"; for the wheel is a figure of eternity, which has no end. «Eduxi gladium meum de vagina sua irrevocabilem» — "I have drawn My sword out of its sheath, never to be returned" (Ezek. 21:5). Great will be the punishment of hell, but what should terrify us most is that it will be an irrevocable punishment.

But how, an unbeliever will say, what justice is this — to punish with an eternal penalty a sin that lasts but a moment? Yet how (I answer) can a sinner have the audacity, for a moment's pleasure, to offend a God of infinite majesty? Even in human judgment (says St. Thomas Aquinas, I-II, q. 87, a. 3) the penalty is not measured by the duration of time but by the gravity of the crime: «Non quia homicidium in momento committitur, momentanea poena punitur» — "Murder is not punished with a momentary penalty just because it is committed in a moment." For a single mortal sin, one hell is little; for an offense against an infinite majesty an infinite punishment is due, says St. Bernardine of Siena: «In omni peccato mortali infinita Deo contumelia irrogatur; infinitae autem iniuriae infinita debetur poena» — "In every mortal sin an infinite outrage is inflicted upon God; and to an infinite injury an infinite penalty is due." But because, says St. Thomas Aquinas, the creature is not capable of an infinite pain in intensity, God justly ordains that his pain be infinite in duration.

Moreover, this punishment must necessarily be eternal, first of all because the damned soul can no longer make satisfaction for his guilt. In this life the penitent sinner can make satisfaction, insofar as the merits of Jesus Christ are applied to him; but from these merits the damned soul is excluded. Hence, since he can no longer appease God, and since his sin is eternal, his punishment too must be eternal. «Non dabit Deo placationem suam, laborabit in aeternum» — "He shall not give God the price of his atonement; he shall labor unto eternity" (Ps. 48:8). Therefore Vincent of Beauvais says (lib. 2, p. 3): «Culpa semper poterit ibi puniri, et nunquam poterit expiari» — "There the guilt can always be punished, but never expiated"; for, as St. Antoninus says, «ibi peccator poenitere non potest» — "there the sinner cannot repent"; and therefore the Lord will remain forever angry with him. «Populus cui iratus est Dominus usque in aeternum» — "The people against whom the Lord is angry forever" (Mal. 1:4). What is more, the damned soul, even if God wished to forgive him, does not wish to be forgiven, because his will is obstinate and confirmed in its hatred of God. Innocent III says: «Non humiliabuntur reprobi, sed malignitas odii in illis excrescet» — "The reprobate will not be humbled, but the malice of hatred will grow in them" (De Contemptu Mundi, bk. 3, ch. 10). And St. Jerome: «Insatiabiles sunt in desiderio peccandi» — "They are insatiable in the desire to sin" (On Prov. 27). Hence the wound of the damned soul is hopeless, since he even refuses to be healed. «Factus est dolor eius perpetuus, et plaga desperabilis renuit curari» — "His sorrow has become perpetual, and his incurable wound refuses to be healed" (Jer. 15:18).

#### Affections and Prayers

So then, my Redeemer, if at this hour I were damned, as I have deserved, would I be obstinate in hatred against You, my God, who died for me? O God, and what hell would this be — to hate You, who have loved me so much, and who are an infinite beauty, an infinite goodness, worthy of infinite love! So then, if I were now in hell, would I be in so wretched a state that I would not even want the forgiveness You now offer me? My Jesus, I thank You for the pity You have shown me; and since I can now be forgiven and can love You, I wish to be forgiven and I wish to love You. You offer me forgiveness, and I ask it of You, and I hope for it through Your merits. I repent of all the offenses I have committed against You, O infinite goodness; and You — forgive me. I love You with all my soul. Ah, Lord, what evil have You done me, that I should have to hate You as my enemy forever? And what friend have I ever had who did and suffered for me what You have done and suffered, O my Jesus? Ah, do not permit me ever to fall again into Your disfavor and lose Your love; let me die first, rather than have this utter ruin befall me.

O Mary, enclose me beneath Your mantle, and do not permit me ever to come out from under it to rebel against God and against You.

### POINT III

Death in this life is the thing most feared by sinners, but in hell it will be the most desired. «Quaerent mortem, et non invenient; et desiderabunt mori, et mors fugiet ab eis» — "They shall seek death and shall not find it; and they shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them" (Rev. 9:6). Hence St. Jerome wrote: «O mors quam dulcis esses, quibus tam amara fuisti!» — "O death, how sweet would you be to those to whom you were so bitter!" (in St. Bonaventure, Soliloquy). David says that death will feed on the damned: «Mors depascet eos» — "Death shall feed upon them" (Ps. 48:15). St. Bernard explains that just as the sheep, grazing on the grass, feeds on the leaves but leaves the roots, so death feeds on the damned: it kills them every moment, but leaves them their life in order to go on killing them with torment for all eternity: «Sicut animalia depascunt herbas, sed remanent radices; sic miseri in inferno corrodentur a morte, sed iterum reservabuntur ad poenas» — "As animals feed on the grass while the roots remain, so the wretched in hell will be devoured by death, yet will be kept alive again for further punishments." Thus St. Gregory says that the damned soul dies every moment without ever dying: «Flammis ultricibus traditus semper morietur» — "Delivered over to the avenging flames, he will die forever" (Moralia, ch. 12). If a man dies slain by grief, everyone pities him; if only the damned soul had someone to pity him. No — the wretch dies of grief every moment, but he has no one, and never will have anyone, to pity him. The emperor Zeno, shut up in a tomb, cried out: "Open it for me, for pity's sake!" He was heard by no one, and so he was found dead in despair, for he had eaten the very flesh of his own arms. The reprobate cry out from the pit of hell, says St. Cyril of Alexandria, but no one comes to pull them out, and no one has compassion on them: «Lamentantur, et nullus eripit; plangunt et nemo compatitur» — "They lament, and no one delivers them; they wail, and no one pities them."

And how long will this misery of theirs last? Forever, forever. It is related in the Spiritual Exercises of Father Paul Segneri the Younger (recorded by Muratori) that in Rome, when the devil dwelling in the body of a possessed man was asked how long he was to remain in hell, he answered in a rage, striking his hand upon a chair: "Forever, forever!" The terror was so great that many young men of the Roman Seminary who were present there made a general confession and changed their lives at this great sermon of two words: "Forever, forever!" Poor Judas! Seventeen hundred years have already passed while he has been in hell, and his hell is still at its beginning. Poor Cain! He has been in the fire for five thousand seven hundred years, and his hell is at its beginning. Another devil was asked how long ago he had gone to hell, and he answered: "Yesterday." "How, yesterday?" he was asked, "when you have been damned for five thousand years and more?" He answered again: "Oh, if only you knew what eternity means, you would well understand that five thousand years are not even a moment in comparison." If an angel were to say to a damned soul, "You will come out of hell, but only when as many centuries have passed as there are drops of water, leaves on the trees, and grains of sand in the sea," the damned soul would rejoice more than a beggar receiving the news that he had been made a king. Yes, for all those centuries will pass, they will be multiplied an infinite number of times, and hell will always be at its beginning. Every damned soul would make this pact with God: "Lord, increase my punishment as much as You wish; make it last as long as You please; only set an end to it, and I am content." But no — that end will never come. The trumpet of divine justice will sound nothing else in hell but "forever, forever; never, never."

The damned will ask the devils: "How stands the night?" «Custos, quid de nocte?» — "Watchman, what of the night?" (Isa. 21:11). When does it end? When will this darkness end, these cries, this stench, these flames, these torments? And the answer given them is: "Never, never!" And how long will they last? "Forever, forever!" Ah, Lord, give light to so many blind men who, when begged not to damn themselves, answer: "After all, if I go to hell — patience!" O God, they have no patience to feel a little cold, to stay in a room that is too warm, to suffer a single blow — and then they would have patience to remain in a sea of fire, trampled by devils, abandoned by God and by everyone for all eternity!

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, Father of mercies, You do not abandon those who seek You. «Non dereliquisti quaerentes te, Domine» — "You have not forsaken those who seek You, O Lord" (Ps. 9:11). In the past I turned my back on You so many times, and You did not abandon me: do not abandon me now that I seek You. I repent, O supreme Good, of having held Your grace in so little account that I exchanged it for nothing. Look upon the wounds of Your Son; hear His cries, which plead with You to forgive me, and forgive me. And You, my Redeemer, always remind me of the pains You suffered for me, of the love You bore me, and of my ingratitude, by which I so often deserved hell — so that I may ever weep over the wrong I have done You, and live ever burning with Your love. Ah, my Jesus, how can I not burn with Your love, when I think that for so many years I should have been burning in hell, and would have gone on burning for all eternity, and that You died to free me from it, and with such pity have freed me? If I were in hell, I would now hate You, and I would have to hate You forever; but now I love You, and I wish to love You forever. So I hope, through Your blood. You love me, and I too love You. You will love me always, if I do not leave You. Ah, my Savior, save me from this misfortune — that I should ever leave You — and then do with me whatever You will. I deserve every punishment, and I accept it, provided that You free me from the punishment of being deprived of Your love.

O Mary, my refuge, how many times have I myself condemned myself to hell, and You have delivered me from it? Ah, deliver me now from sin, which alone can deprive me of the grace of God and carry me to hell.

## Consideration XXVIII — The Remorse of the Damned

«Vermis eorum non moritur» — "Their worm does not die" (Mark 9:47).

### POINT I

By this worm that does not die, St. Thomas Aquinas explains, is meant the remorse of conscience, by which the damned will be eternally tormented in hell. Many will be the remorses with which conscience will gnaw at the heart of the reprobate, but three will be the most tormenting: the thought of the little for which they damned themselves; of the little they had to do to save themselves; and finally of the great good they have lost. The first remorse, then, that the damned soul will have is the thought of how little it lost itself for. After Esau had eaten that dish of lentils, for which he had sold his birthright, Scripture says that, for the sorrow and remorse of the loss he had made, he began to cry out: «Irrugiit clamore magno» — "He roared with a great cry" (Gen. 27:34). Oh, what different screams and roars the damned soul will utter when it thinks that for a few momentary and poisoned satisfactions it has lost an eternal kingdom of delights, and must see itself eternally condemned to a continual death! Hence it will weep far more bitterly than Jonathan wept when he saw himself condemned to death by his father Saul for having eaten a little honey. «Gustans gustavi paulum mellis, et ecce morior» — "Tasting, I tasted a little honey, and behold, I die" (1 Sam. 14:43). O God, and what pain will it bring the damned soul then to see the cause of its damnation? At present, what does our past life seem to us, if not a dream, a moment? Now, what will those fifty or sixty years of life, which it will have lived on this earth, seem to one who is in hell, when it finds itself at the bottom of eternity, where hundreds of thousands of millions of years will already have passed, and it will see that its eternity is only then beginning! But what am I saying — fifty years of life? Fifty years all of pleasures, perhaps? And does the sinner, living without God, always rejoice in his sins? How long do the pleasures of sin last? They last but moments; and all the rest of the time, for one who lives out of the grace of God, is a time of pains and resentments. Now what will those moments of pleasure seem to the poor damned soul? And especially, what will that one last sin committed seem, for which it has lost itself? "Then," it will say, "for a wretched, brutal pleasure that lasted a moment, and had barely been had before it vanished like the wind, I must remain burning in this fire, despairing and abandoned by all, while God will be God for all eternity!"

#### Affections and Prayers

Lord, enlighten me to know the injustice I have done You in offending You, and the eternal punishment I have thereby deserved. My God, I feel a great sorrow for having offended You, but this sorrow consoles me; if You had sent me to hell, as I have deserved, this remorse would be the hell of my hell, thinking of how little I damned myself for; but now this remorse, I say, consoles me, because it gives me courage to hope for pardon from You, who have promised to forgive whoever repents. Yes, my Lord, I repent of having outraged You; I embrace this sweet pain — indeed, I beg You to increase it and preserve it in me until death, so that I may always bitterly mourn the offenses I have given You. My Jesus, forgive me; O my Redeemer, who, to have pity on me, had no pity on Yourself, condemning Yourself to die of grief in order to free me from hell, have pity on me. Grant then that the remorse of having offended You may keep me continually grieved, and at the same time may inflame me wholly with love for You, who have loved me so much, and have borne with me with such patience, and now, instead of punishments, enrich me with lights and graces; I thank You for it, my Jesus, and I love You; I love You more than myself, I love You with all my heart. You cannot despise one who loves You. I love You; do not drive me away from Your face. Receive me, then, into Your grace, and do not permit me ever to lose You again.

Mary, my Mother, accept me as Your servant, and press me close to Jesus Your Son. Pray to Him that He forgive me, that He give me His love and the grace of holy perseverance until death.

### POINT II

St. Thomas Aquinas says that this will be the principal punishment of the damned: seeing that they have lost themselves for nothing, and that they could so easily have acquired the glory of paradise, if they had wished: «Principaliter dolebunt, quod pro nihilo damnati sunt, et facillime vitam poterant consequi sempiternam» — "They will grieve chiefly because they have been damned for nothing, and could most easily have obtained everlasting life." The second remorse of conscience, then, will be the thought of the little they had to do to save themselves. A damned soul appeared to St. Humbert and told him that this was precisely the greatest affliction that tormented him in hell: the thought of the little for which he had damned himself, and of the little he would have had to do to save himself. The wretch will then say: "If I had mortified myself by not looking at that object, if I had overcome that human respect, if I had fled that occasion, that companion, that conversation, I would not have been damned. If I had gone to confession every week, if I had frequented the Congregation, if I had read that little spiritual book every day, if I had commended myself to Jesus Christ and to Mary, I would not have fallen back. I resolved so many times to do it, but I did not carry it out; or else I began to do it, and then I abandoned it — and for this I am lost."

The examples he will have had from his other good friends and companions will increase the pain of this remorse; and still more will it be increased by the gifts God had granted him to save himself: gifts of nature, such as good health, worldly goods, talents that the Lord had given him so that he might employ them well and make himself a saint; then gifts of grace — so many lights, inspirations, calls, and so many years granted him to remedy the evil done. But he will see that in this wretched state to which he has come, there is no longer time to make amends. He will hear the Angel of the Lord who cries out and swears: «Et Angelus, quem vidi stantem, iuravit per viventem in saecula saeculorum... quia tempus non erit amplius» — "And the Angel, whom I saw standing, swore by Him who lives forever and ever... that there shall be time no longer" (Rev. 10:6). Oh, what cruel swords all these graces received will be to the heart of the poor damned soul, when it sees that the time in which it could still repair its eternal ruin is already at an end! Then, weeping with his other despairing companions, he will say: «Transiit messis, finita est aestas, et nos salvati non sumus» — "The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved" (Jer. 8:20). He will say: "Oh, if the labors I have performed to damn myself I had spent for God, I would find myself a great saint; and now what do I find, if not remorses and pains that will torment me for all eternity?" Ah, this thought will torture the damned soul more than the fire and all the other torments of hell — to say: "I could have been happy forever, and now I must be unhappy forever."

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Jesus, how have You been able to bear with me so long? So many times I have turned my back on You, and You did not cease to come after me. So many times I have offended You, and You forgave me; I offended You again, and You returned to forgive me. Ah, give me a share in that sorrow which You felt in the Garden of Gethsemane for my sins, which then made You sweat blood. I repent, my dear Redeemer, of having repaid Your Heart so badly. O my accursed pleasures, I detest you and curse you; you have made me lose the grace of my Lord. My beloved Jesus, now I love You above all things; I renounce all illicit satisfactions, and I resolve to die a thousand times rather than offend You again. Ah, by that love with which You loved me on the cross and offered Your divine life for me, give me light and strength to resist temptations, and to have recourse to Your help when I am tempted.

O Mary, my hope, You can do all things with God; obtain for me holy perseverance: obtain for me that I may never again separate myself from His holy love.

### POINT III

The third remorse of the damned soul will be the sight of the great good it has lost. St. John Chrysostom says that the reprobate will be more tormented by the loss of paradise than by the very pains of hell: «Plus coelo torquentur, quam gehenna» — "They are more tormented by heaven than by hell." The unhappy Princess Elizabeth, queen of England, said: "Let God give me forty years of reign, and I will renounce paradise to Him." The wretched woman had those forty years of reign; but now that her soul has left this world, what does she say? Certainly she no longer feels that way; oh, how afflicted and despairing she must now be, thinking that for forty years of an earthly kingdom, possessed amid fears and anguish, she has eternally lost the kingdom of heaven.

But what will most afflict the damned soul for all eternity will be seeing that he has lost heaven and the supreme good who is God, not through some misfortune of his own or the malice of others, but through his own fault. He will see that he was created for paradise; he will see that God placed in his hands the choice to procure for himself either life or eternal death: «Ante hominem vita, et mors... quod placuerit ei dabitur illi» — "Before man is life and death... whichever he chooses shall be given to him" (Sir. 15:18). Thus he will see that it was in his own power, had he wished, to make himself eternally happy, and he will see that of his own accord he chose to hurl himself into that pit of torments from which he will never be able to escape, nor will there ever be anyone who will endeavor to free him from it. He will see so many of his companions saved, who found themselves in the same, and perhaps even greater, dangers of sinning, but because they knew how to restrain themselves by commending themselves to God, or even if they fell, because they knew how to rise quickly and give themselves to God, they were saved; but he, because he would not put an end to it, went wretchedly to end up in hell, in that sea of torments, without hope of ever being able to remedy it.

My brother, if in the past you too have been so foolish as to choose to lose paradise and God for a miserable pleasure, strive to remedy it quickly now while there is time. Do not continue to be a fool. Tremble at the thought of going to bewail your folly for all eternity. Who knows whether this consideration that you are reading is the last call God makes to you? Who knows whether, if you do not now change your life, at the next mortal sin you commit the Lord will abandon you, and for this will then send you to suffer eternally among that crew of fools who are now in hell and confess their error («ergo erravimus» — "we have indeed erred"), but confess it in despair, seeing that for their error there is no longer any remedy. When the devil tempts you to sin again, remember hell, and have recourse to God and to Mary Most Holy; the thought of hell will deliver you from hell. «Memorare novissima tua, et in aeternum non peccabis» — "Remember your last end, and you shall never sin" (Sir. 7), because the thought of hell will make you have recourse to God.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my supreme good, how many times have I lost You for nothing, and deserved to lose You forever! Yet I am consoled to hear what Your prophet says: «Laetetur cor quaerentium Dominum» — "Let the heart of those who seek the Lord rejoice" (Ps. 104:25). I must not then lose confidence of recovering You, my God, if I seek You with my heart. Yes, my Lord, now I yearn for Your grace more than for any other good. I am content to be deprived of everything, even of life, rather than see myself deprived of Your love. I love You, my Creator, above all things, and because I love You, I repent of having offended You. My God, lost and despised by me, forgive me quickly; and grant that I may find You again, for I do not want to lose You anymore. If You receive me back into Your friendship, I will leave everything and give myself over to loving You alone; so I hope in Your mercy. Eternal Father, hear me for the love of Jesus Christ; forgive me and give me the grace never to separate myself from You again; for if I ever willingly lose You again, I must justly fear that You will abandon me.

O Mary, O peacemaker of sinners, make me make peace with God, and then hold me fast beneath Your mantle, so that I may never lose Him again.

## Consideration XXIX — Of Paradise

«Tristitia vestra vertetur in gaudium» — "Your sorrow shall be turned into joy" (John 16:20).

### POINT I

Let us endeavor for the present to suffer patiently the afflictions of this life, offering them to God in union with the pains that Jesus Christ suffered for love of us; and let us take heart from the hope of paradise. One day all these anguishes, sorrows, persecutions, and fears will end; and if we are saved, they will become for us joys and delights in the kingdom of the blessed. So does the Lord encourage us: «Tristitia vestra vertetur in gaudium» — "Your sorrow shall be turned into joy" (John 16:20). Let us then consider today something of paradise. But what shall we say of this paradise, if not even the most enlightened saints have been able to make us understand the delights that God reserves for His faithful servants? David could say of it only that paradise is a good too greatly to be desired: «Quam dilecta tabernacula tua, Domine virtutum!» — "How lovely are Your tabernacles, O Lord of hosts!" (Ps. 83:2). But you at least, my St. Paul, you who had the fortune of being caught up to see heaven («Raptus in paradisum» — "caught up into paradise"), tell us something of what you saw. No, says St. Paul, what I have seen cannot be explained. Such are the delights of paradise: «Arcana verba, quae non licet homini loqui» — "secret words, which it is not granted to man to utter" (2 Cor. 12:4). They are so great that they cannot be explained unless they are enjoyed. Nothing else can I tell you, says St. Paul, but that «oculus non vidit, nec auris audivit, neque in cor hominis ascendit, quae praeparavit Deus iis, qui diligunt illum» — "eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man, what things God has prepared for those who love Him" (1 Cor. 2:9). No man on earth has ever seen, heard, or comprehended the beauties, the harmonies, the delights that God has prepared for those who love Him.

We cannot have any capacity for the goods of paradise, because we have no ideas other than those of the goods of this earth. If horses had the use of speech and knew that their master, upon marrying, had prepared a great banquet, they would imagine that the banquet consisted of nothing but fine straw, good oats, and barley, because horses have no idea of any foods but these. So do we think of the goods of paradise. It is beautiful to see the starry sky at night in summertime; it is a great delight in springtime to be by the seashore when the sea is calm, where one can see within it rocks clothed with grass and fish darting about; it is a great delight to find oneself in a garden full of fruits and flowers, surrounded by flowing fountains, with birds flying and singing all around. Someone will say: Oh, what a paradise! What paradise? What paradise? The goods of paradise are of another order. To form some dim notion of paradise, consider that there dwells an almighty God, engaged in delighting the souls He loves. St. Bernard says: Do you wish to know what is in paradise? «Nihil est quod nolis, totum est quod velis» — "There is nothing you would not wish; there is everything you would wish." There there is nothing that displeases, and there is all that pleases.

O God, what will the soul say upon entering that blessed kingdom! Let us imagine that a young virgin dies, or that young man who, having consecrated himself to the love of Jesus Christ, when death arrives, already leaves this earth. The soul is presented for judgment; the Judge embraces her and declares that she is saved. Her Guardian Angel comes to meet her and rejoices over her; she thanks him for the assistance he gave her, and then the Angel says to her: Come, beautiful soul, rejoice, for now you are saved; come and see the face of your Lord. Behold, the soul now passes beyond the clouds, the spheres, the stars: she enters heaven. O God, what will she say as she sets foot for the first time in that blessed homeland, and casts her first glance upon that city of delights! The angels and saints will come to meet her and, exulting, will bid her welcome. What consolation she will have there in meeting her relatives, or friends who had already entered paradise before her, and her holy advocates! The soul will then wish to genuflect before them to venerate them, but those saints will say to her: «Vide ne faceris, conservus tuus sum» — "See that you do not do it; I am your fellow servant" (Rev. 22:9). Then she will be brought to kiss the feet of Mary, who is the Queen of paradise. What tenderness the soul will feel at beholding for the first time Mary Most Holy, who helped her so much to be saved! For then the soul will see all the graces that Mary obtained for her, and she will see herself lovingly embraced by her. Then by that same Queen the soul will be led to Jesus, who will receive her as a bride and say to her: «Veni de Libano, sponsa mea, veni, coronaberis» — "Come from Lebanon, my bride, come, you shall be crowned" (Song 4:8). My bride, be glad: the tears, the sorrows, and the fears are ended; receive the eternal crown that I have won for you with my blood. Jesus himself will then lead her to receive the blessing of his divine Father, who, embracing her, will bless her, saying: «Intra in gaudium Domini tui» — "Enter into the joy of your Lord" (Matt. 25:21). She shall be blessed with the very blessedness that He enjoys.

#### Affections and Prayers

Behold, my God, at Your feet an ungrateful man, created by You for paradise, yet so many times he renounced it to Your face for wretched pleasures, contenting himself with being condemned to hell. But I hope that You have already forgiven me all the injuries I have done You, for which I repent ever anew, and I will repent of them until death; and I want You always to forgive me for them anew. But O God, although You have already forgiven me, it will always nonetheless be true that I had the heart to grieve You, my Redeemer, who to lead me to Your kingdom gave Your life. But may Your mercy be forever praised and blessed, O my Jesus, for with such patience You have borne with me; and instead of punishments You have increased toward me Your graces, lights, and calls. I see, my dear Savior, that You truly want me saved; You want me in Your homeland to love You eternally, but You want me first to love You on this earth. Yes, I do want to love You. Even if there were no paradise, I want to love You, as long as I live, with all my soul, with all my strength. May it suffice me to know that You, my God, desire to be loved by me. My Jesus, help me with Your grace; do not abandon me. My soul is eternal — am I then bound either to love You or to hate You for eternity? No, for eternity I want to love You, and I want to love You greatly in this life, so as to love You greatly in the next. Dispose of me as You please; chastise me here as You will; do not deprive me of Your love, and then do with me whatever pleases You. My Jesus, Your merits are my hope.

O Mary, in Your intercession I place all my trust. You delivered me from hell when I was in sin; now that I wish to love God, You must save me and make me holy.

### POINT II

Once the soul has entered into the bliss of God, «nihil est quod nolit» — "there is nothing it would not wish" — it will have nothing left to trouble it. «Absterget Deus omnem lacrimam ab oculis eorum, et mors ultra non erit; neque luctus, neque clamor, neque dolor erit ultra; quia prima abierunt. Et dixit qui sedebat in throno: Ecce nova facio omnia» — "God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more; neither mourning, nor crying, nor pain shall be anymore, for the former things have passed away. And he who sat upon the throne said: Behold, I make all things new" (Rev. 21:4). In paradise there is no more sickness, no poverty, nor discomfort; there are no more alternations of days and nights, nor of cold and heat. There is one continual day, ever serene; one continual spring, ever delightful. There are no more persecutions or envies; in that kingdom of love all love one another tenderly, and each one rejoices in the good of the other as if it were his own. There are no more fears, because the soul, confirmed in grace, can no longer sin and lose its God. «Ecce nova facio omnia» — "Behold, I make all things new." Everything is new, and everything consoles and satisfies. «Totum est quod velis» — "Everything is whatever you could wish." There the sight will be contented in gazing upon that city of perfect beauty: «Urbs perfecti decoris» — "the city of perfect beauty" (Lam. 2:15). What a delight it would be to see a city where the pavement of the streets was of crystal, the palaces of silver with ceilings of gold, and all adorned with festoons of flowers! Oh, how much more beautiful will the city of paradise be! What will it be to see those citizens all clothed in royal fashion, since all are kings, as St. Augustine says: «Quot cives tot reges!» — "As many citizens, so many kings!" What will it be to see Mary, who will appear more beautiful than all paradise! What will it then be to see the divine Lamb, the spouse Jesus! St. Teresa, having once seen only a hand of Jesus Christ, was left spellbound by such beauty. The sense of smell will be contented with those odors — but odors of paradise. The hearing will be contented with the celestial harmonies. St. Francis once heard from an angel a single stroke of a viol, and nearly died of the sweetness. What will it be to hear all the saints and angels singing in chorus the glories of God! «In saecula saeculorum laudabunt te» — "They shall praise You for ever and ever" (Ps. 83:5). What will it be to hear Mary praising God! The voice of Mary in heaven, says St. Francis de Sales, will be like that of a nightingale in a wood, surpassing the song of all the other birds that are there. In short, there are all the delights that can be desired.

But these delights considered thus far are the lesser goods of paradise. The good that makes paradise is the supreme good, which is God. «Totum quod exspectamus [(dice S. Agostino)]{lang=it}, duae syllabae sunt, Deus» — "All that we await (says St. Augustine) is two syllables: Deus." The reward that the Lord promises us is not only the beauties, the harmonies, and the other joys of that blessed city: the principal reward is God himself, that is, seeing and loving God face to face. «Ego ero merces tua magna nimis» — "I will be your reward exceeding great" (Gen. 15:1). St. Augustine says that if God were to show his face to the damned, «continuo infernus ipse in amoenum converteretur paradisum» — "hell itself would at once be turned into a delightful paradise" (Tom. 9. de Tripl. habit.). And he adds that if a soul departed from this life had to choose either to see God and remain in the pains of hell, or not to see him and be freed from hell, «eligeret potius videre Dominum, et esse in illis poenis» — "it would choose rather to see the Lord and to be in those pains."

This joy of seeing and loving God face to face cannot be comprehended by us in this life; but let us form some idea of it, first, from knowing that divine love is so sweet that even in this life it has come to lift from the ground not only the souls but also the bodies of the saints. St. Philip Neri was once rapt into the air together with the stool to which he clung. St. Peter of Alcantara was also raised from the ground while embracing a tree torn up by the roots. Moreover, we know that the holy martyrs, through the sweetness of divine love, rejoiced in the very midst of their torments. St. Vincent, while he was being tormented, spoke in such a way (says St. Augustine) that «alius videbatur pati, alius loqui» — "one seemed to suffer, and another to speak." St. Lawrence, lying on the gridiron over the fire, taunted the tyrant: «Versa, et manduca» — "Turn me over and eat"; yes, says the same St. Augustine, because Lawrence, «hoc igne (del divino amore) accensus non sentit incendium» — "kindled with this fire (of divine love), did not feel the burning." Furthermore, what sweetness does a sinner experience on this earth, even in weeping over his sins! Hence St. Bernard used to say: «Si tam dulce est flere pro te, quid erit gaudere de te» — "If it is so sweet to weep for You, what will it be to rejoice in You?" And what suavity does a soul not experience when, in prayer, the divine goodness is revealed to it in a ray of light — the mercies God has shown it, and the love that Jesus Christ has borne and still bears it! Then the soul feels itself melt and faint away with love. And yet on this earth we do not see God as he is: we see him darkly. «Videmus nunc per speculum in aenigmate, tunc autem facie ad faciem» — "We see now through a glass in a dark manner, but then face to face" (1 Cor. 13:12). At present we have a bandage before our eyes, and God stands behind the curtain of faith and does not let himself be seen by us; what will it be when the bandage is taken from our eyes, the curtain is lifted, and we see God face to face? We shall see how beautiful God is, how great, how just, how perfect, how lovable, and how loving.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my supreme good, I am that wretch who turned his back on You and renounced Your love. For this I would no longer be worthy either to see You or to love You. But You are He who, in taking pity on me, had no pity on Yourself, condemning Yourself to die of sorrow, in shame, upon an infamous wood. Your death, then, gives me hope that one day I shall see and enjoy Your face, loving You then with all my strength. But now that I am in danger of losing You forever — now that I find I have already lost You by my sins — what shall I do in the life that remains to me? Shall I go on offending You? No, my Jesus, I detest with all my hatred the offenses I have committed against You; I am exceedingly sorry for having injured You, and I love You with all my heart. Will You cast away from You a soul that repents and loves You? No — I already know what You have said: that You cannot, my beloved Redeemer, cast away anyone who comes repentant to Your feet: «Eum qui venit ad me, non eiiciam foras» — "He who comes to me, I will not cast out" (John 6:37). My Jesus, I leave all, and turn to You; I embrace You, I press You to my heart; do You also embrace me and press me to Your Heart. I dare to speak thus, because I speak and deal with an infinite goodness: I speak with a God who was pleased to die for love of me. My dear Savior, give me perseverance in Your love.

My dear Mother Mary, by the love You bear Jesus Christ, obtain for me this perseverance. So I hope, so may it be.

### POINT III

On this earth, the greatest pain that afflicts souls who love God and are in desolation is the fear of not loving and of not being loved by God. «Nescit homo, utrum amore an odio dignus sit» — "Man knows not whether he is worthy of love or of hatred" (Eccl. 9:1). But in paradise the soul is certain that it loves God and that it is loved by God; it sees that it is happily lost in the love of its Lord, that the Lord holds it embraced as a dear child, and it sees that this love will never again be dissolved for all eternity. The blessed flames of the soul will be increased by the clearer knowledge it will then have of what love it was in God to have made himself man and to have died for it; what love was the institution of the Blessed Sacrament — a God making himself the food of a worm! Then the soul will also see distinctly all the graces God granted it in delivering it from so many temptations and dangers of being lost; and then it will see that those tribulations, infirmities, persecutions, and losses which it called misfortunes and punishments of God were all love and the pullings of divine providence to draw it to paradise. It will see especially the patience God had in bearing with it after so many sins, and the mercies he showed it, giving it so many lights and so many calls of love. From that blessed mountain it will see so many souls damned in hell for fewer sins than its own; and it will see itself already saved, possessing God, and secure in never having to lose that supreme good for all eternity.

The blessed soul, then, will forever enjoy that happiness which, throughout eternity, will be ever new to it at every moment, as if that moment were the first in which it enjoyed it. It will always desire that joy, and will always obtain it: ever content, ever thirsting; ever thirsting, and ever satiated — yes, because the desire for paradise brings no pain, and the possession brings no weariness. In short, as the damned are vessels full of wrath, the blessed are vessels full of contentment, so that they have nothing more to desire. St. Teresa says that even on this earth, when God introduces a soul into the cellar of wine — that is, of his divine love — he makes it happily drunk, so that it loses all affection for earthly things. But on entering paradise, oh, how much more perfectly, as David says, will the elect «inebriabuntur ab ubertate domus tuae» — "be inebriated with the richness of Your house" (Ps. 35:9). Then it will come to pass that the soul, in seeing unveiled and in embracing its supreme good, will remain so inebriated with love that it will happily lose itself in God — that is, it will wholly forget itself, and from then on think only of loving, praising, and blessing that infinite good which it possesses.

When, therefore, the crosses of this life afflict us, let us take comfort in bearing them patiently with the hope of paradise. St. Mary of Egypt, when asked at the end of her life by Abbot Zosimus how she had been able to endure living for so many years in that desert, replied: «With the hope of paradise». St. Philip Neri, when the dignity of the cardinalate was offered to him, threw his cap into the air, saying: «Paradise, paradise». Brother Giles the Franciscan, on hearing paradise named, was lifted into the air for joy. So likewise we too, when we see ourselves distressed by the miseries of this earth, let us raise our eyes to heaven and console ourselves, sighing and saying: «Paradise, paradise». Let us reflect that, if we are faithful to God, all these pains, miseries, and fears will one day end, and we shall be admitted into that blessed homeland, where we shall be fully happy for as long as God is God. Behold, the saints await us, Mary awaits us; and Jesus stands with the crown in His hand, to make us kings of that eternal kingdom.

#### Affections and Prayers

My dear Savior, You have taught me to pray to You: «Adveniat regnum tuum» — "Your kingdom come": so now I pray to You: may Your kingdom come in my soul, so that You may possess it wholly, and it may possess You, the supreme Good. O my Jesus, You have spared nothing to save me and to win my love for Yourself; save me, then, and let my eternal salvation be to love You forever, in this life and in the next. So many times I have turned my back on You, and yet You let me know that You will not disdain to hold me clasped to You in paradise for all eternity with as much love as if I had never offended You; and I, knowing this — could I love anyone but You, seeing that You wish to give me paradise after I have so many times deserved hell? Ah, my Lord, would that I had never offended You! Oh, if I could be born again, I would love You always! But what is done is done. Now I can do nothing but give to You this life that remains to me. Yes, I give it all to You; I consecrate myself entirely to Your love. Depart from my heart, earthly affections; give place to my God, who wishes to possess it wholly. Yes, possess me entirely, O my Redeemer, my love, my God. From this day forward I wish to think of nothing but pleasing You. Help me with Your grace; so I hope through Your merits. Increase ever more in me Your love and the desire to give You pleasure. Paradise, paradise! When will it be, Lord, that I shall see You face to face, and embrace You without fear of losing You anymore? Ah, my God, keep Your hands upon me, so that I may never offend You again.

O Mary, when will it be that I shall see myself at Your feet in paradise? Help me, my Mother; do not permit me to be damned, and to go dwell far from You and from Your Son.

## Consideration XXX — On Prayer

«Petite, et dabitur vobis... omnis enim qui petit, accipit» — "Ask, and it shall be given you... for everyone who asks, receives" (Luke 11:10).

### POINT I

Not only in this passage, but in a thousand places of the Old and New Testament, God promises to hear whoever prays to Him. «Clama ad me, et exaudiam te» — "Turn to me, and I will hear you" (Job 33:3). «Invoca me, et eruam te» — "Call upon me, and I will deliver you from dangers" (Ps. 49:15). «Si quid petieritis me in nomine meo, hoc faciam» — "Whatever you shall ask of me for the sake of my merits, I will do" (John 14:14). «Quodcunque volueritis, petetis, et fiet nobis» — "Ask whatever you will; it is enough that you ask it, and it shall be granted you" (John 15:7). And many other similar passages. Hence Theodoret said that prayer is but one thing, yet it can obtain all things: «Oratio cum sit una, omnia potest» — "Though prayer is but one, it can do all things." St. Bernard says that when we pray, the Lord will give us either the grace of God we requested, or another more profitable for us: «Aut dabit quod petimus, aut quod nobis noverit esse utilius» — "Either He will give what we ask, or what He knows to be more profitable for us" (Serm. 5, on Ash Wednesday). Meanwhile the prophet encourages us to pray, assuring us that God is all mercy toward those who call upon Him for help: «Tu Domine suavis, et mitis, et multae misericordiae omnibus invocantibus te» — "You, O Lord, are sweet and mild, and of great mercy to all who call upon You" (Ps. 85). And still greater courage does St. James give us, saying: «Si quis vestrum indiget sapientia, postulet a Deo, qui dat omnibus affluenter, nec improperat» — "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask it of God, who gives to all abundantly and does not upbraid" (Jas. 1:5). This apostle says that when the Lord is prayed to, He opens wide His hands and gives more than is asked of Him — «dat omnibus affluenter, nec improperat» — "He gives to all abundantly, and does not upbraid" — nor does He reproach us for the displeasures we have caused Him; when He is prayed to, He seems to forget all the offenses we have committed against Him.

St. John Climacus said that prayer in a certain way does violence to God, so that He grants us whatever we ask of Him: «Oratio pie Deo vim infert» — "Prayer piously offers violence to God." Violence — but a violence that is dear to Him, and which He desires from us. «Haec vis grata Deo» — "This violence is pleasing to God," wrote Tertullian. Yes, because (as St. Augustine says) God has a greater desire to do good to us than we have to receive it: «Plus vult ille tibi beneficia elargiri, quam tu accipere concupiscas» — "He wishes to bestow benefits upon you more than you desire to receive them." And the reason for this is that God is by His nature infinite goodness: «Deus cuius natura bonitas» — "God, whose nature is goodness," writes St. Leo. And therefore He has a supreme desire to share His goods with us. Hence St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi used to say that God remains, as it were, indebted to the soul that prays to Him, since it thereby opens the way for Him to satisfy His desire to dispense His graces to us. And David said that this goodness of the Lord in hearing at once those who pray to Him made him know that He was his true God: «In quacunque die invocavero te, ecce cognovi quia Deus meus es tu» — "On whatever day I shall call upon You, behold, I have known that You are my God" (Ps. 55:10). Wrongly do some complain (St. Bernard observes) that the Lord is wanting to them; far more justly does the Lord complain that many are wanting to Him, neglecting to come and ask Him for the graces of God: «Multi queruntur deesse sibi gratiam, sed multo iustius gratia quereretur deesse sibi multos» — "Many complain that the grace of God is wanting to them; but far more justly might the grace of God complain that many are wanting to it." And of this very thing the Redeemer seems to have complained one day to His disciples: «Usque modo non petistis quidquam in nomine meo; petite et accipietis, ut gaudium vestrum sit plenum» — "Hitherto you have asked nothing in my name; ask, and you shall receive, that your joy may be full" (John 16:24). Do not complain of me (He seems to say) if you have not been fully happy; complain of yourselves, who have not asked me for the graces of God; ask me for them from this day forward, and you shall be content.

From this the ancient monks concluded in their conferences that there is no exercise more useful for saving oneself than always praying and saying: Lord, help me: «Deus, in adiutorium meum intende» — "O God, come to my aid." The Venerable Father Paul Segneri said of himself that in his meditations he at first spent his time making acts of affection, but afterwards, knowing the great efficacy of prayer, he strove for the most part to spend it in praying. Let us always do the same. We have a God who loves us greatly and is solicitous for our eternal salvation, and therefore stands ever ready to hear whoever prays to Him. The princes of the earth, says St. John Chrysostom, give audience to few; but God gives it to everyone who desires it: «Aures principis paucis patent, Dei vero omnibus volentibus» — "The ears of princes are open to few, but those of God to all who wish it" (Bk. 2, On Prayer to God).

#### Affections and Prayers

Eternal God, I adore You and thank You for all the benefits You have bestowed upon me: for having created me and redeemed me through Jesus Christ, for having made me a Christian, for having waited for me while I was in sin, and for having so many times forgiven me. Ah, my God, I would never have fallen into offending You if in temptations I had had recourse to You. I thank You for the light by which You now make me know that all my eternal salvation consists in praying to You and asking You for the graces of God. Behold, I pray to You in the name of Jesus Christ to grant me a great sorrow for my sins, holy perseverance in Your grace, a good death, paradise; but above all, the supreme gift of Your love and a perfect resignation to Your most holy will. I well know that I do not deserve these graces of God, but You have promised them to whoever asks You for them through the merits of Jesus Christ; through the merits of Jesus Christ I ask You for them, and I hope for them.

O Mary, Your prayers obtain whatever they ask; do You pray for me.

### POINT II

Let us consider, moreover, the necessity of prayer. St. John Chrysostom says that as the body is dead without the soul, so the soul is dead without prayer. He says likewise that as water is necessary to plants lest they dry up, so prayer is necessary to us lest we be lost: «Non minus quam arbores aquis, precibus indigemus» — "We stand in need of prayer no less than trees do of water" (Vol. 1, Hom. 77). God wills that all be saved: «Omnes homines vult salvos fieri» — "He wills that all men be saved" (1 Tim. 2:4). And He does not will that any should perish: «Patienter agit propter vos, nolens aliquos perire, sed omnes ad poenitentiam reverti» — "He deals patiently with you, not willing that any should perish, but that all should return to penance" (2 Pet. 3:9). But He wills that we ask Him for the graces of God necessary to save ourselves; for on the one hand, we cannot observe the divine precepts and save ourselves without the actual help of the Lord, and on the other, He will not give us the graces of God (ordinarily speaking) unless we ask Him for them. Hence the holy Council of Trent declared that God does not impose impossible precepts, since He either gives us the proximate and actual grace of God to observe them, or else gives us the grace of God to ask Him for this actual grace of God: «Deus impossibilia non iubet, sed iubendo monet et facere quod possis, et petere quod non possis, et adiuvat ut possis» — "God does not command impossible things; but in commanding He admonishes you both to do what you can and to ask for what you cannot, and He aids you so that you can" (Sess. 6, ch. 11). For St. Augustine teaches that, excepting the first graces of God — such as the call to faith or to penance — He does not grant all the other graces of God (and especially holy perseverance) except to those who pray: «Constat alia Deus dare etiam non orantibus, sicut initium fidei; alia nonnisi orantibus praeparasse, sicut usque in finem perseverantiam» — "It is certain that God gives some graces even to those who do not pray, such as the beginning of faith; and that He has prepared others only for those who pray, such as perseverance even to the end" (De dono persev., ch. 6).

From this the theologians conclude, with St. Basil, St. Augustine, St. John Chrysostom, Clement of Alexandria, and others, that for adults prayer is necessary with the necessity of means. So that without praying it is impossible for anyone to be saved. And the most learned Lessius says this must be held as a matter of faith: «Fide tenendum est orationem adultis ad salutem esse necessariam, ut colligitur ex Scripturis» — "It must be held by faith that prayer is necessary for adults for salvation, as is gathered from the Scriptures" (De Iust. lib. 2. cap. 37. n. 9).

The Scriptures are clear. «Oportet semper orare» — "We must always pray" (Luke 18:1). «Orate, ut non intretis in tentationem» — "Pray, that you may not enter into temptation" (John 4:2). «Petite, et accipiets» — "Ask, and you shall receive" (John 16:24). «Sine intermissione orate» — "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thess. 5:17). Now the above words: «Oportet, orate, petite» — "It is necessary, pray, ask" — according to the common opinion of the doctors with St. Thomas Aquinas (2. p. qu. 39. a. 5), imply a precept that binds under grave sin especially in three cases: 1. when a man is in sin; 2. when he is in danger of death; 3. when he is in grave danger of sinning; and the doctors then ordinarily teach that whoever does not pray for a month, or at most two, is not excused from mortal sin (see Lessius in the place cited). The reason is that prayer is a means without which we cannot obtain the helps necessary to save ourselves from sins.

«Petite, et accipietis» — "Ask, and you shall receive." He who asks obtains; therefore, says St. Teresa, he who does not ask does not obtain. And St. James said it before her: «Non habetis, propter quod non postulatis» — "You do not have, because you do not ask" (Jas. 4:2). And prayer is especially necessary to obtain the virtue of continence. «Et ut scivi, quia aliter non possum esse continens, nisi Deus det... adii Dominum, et deprecatus sum» — "And when I knew that I could not otherwise be continent unless God granted it... I went to the Lord and implored Him" (Wis. 8:21). Let us conclude this point. He who prays is certainly saved; he who does not pray is certainly damned. All who have been saved have been saved by praying. All who have been damned have been damned for not praying; and this is, and will forever be, their greatest despair in hell — that they could so easily have saved themselves by praying, and now it is too late to do so.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Redeemer, how could I have lived in the past so forgetful of You? You were ready to grant me all the graces I would have asked of You; You were only waiting for me to ask them of You; but I thought of nothing but satisfying my senses, little caring that I remained deprived of Your love and Your graces. Lord, forget so many of my ingratitudes and have pity on me; forgive me the many displeasures I have given You, and give me holy perseverance. Give me the grace always to seek Your help so as not to offend You, O God of my soul. Do not permit me to be negligent in this, as I have been in the past. Give me light and strength always to commend myself to You, and especially when the enemies tempt me anew to offend You. Grant me this grace, my God, through the merits of Jesus Christ, and for the love You bear Him. Enough, my Lord, of how I have offended You; I wish to love You in this life that remains to me. Give me Your holy love, and may it remind me to seek Your help whenever I find myself in danger of losing You through sin.

Mary, my hope, from You I hope for the grace always to commend myself to You and to Your Son in my temptations. Hear me, my Queen, for the sake of the love You bear Jesus Christ.

### POINT III

Let us consider, lastly, the conditions of prayer. Many pray and do not obtain, because they do not pray as they ought. «Petitis et non accipitis, eo quod male petatis» — "You ask and do not receive, because you ask badly" (Jas. 4:3). To pray well, first of all, humility is needed. «Deus superbis resistit, humilibus autem dat gratiam» — "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (Jas. 4:6). God does not hear the petitions of the proud, but on the contrary He does not let the prayers of the humble depart from Him unheard. «Oratio humiliantis se nubes penetrabit, et non discedet, donec Altissimus aspiciat» — "The prayer of the one who humbles himself will pierce the clouds, and it will not depart until the Most High looks down" (Sir. 35:21). And this even though in the past they may have been sinners. «Cor contritum et humiliatum Deus non despicies» — "A contrite and humbled heart, O God, You will not despise" (Ps. 50). Secondly, confidence is needed. «Nullus speravit in Domino, et confusus est» — "No one has hoped in the Lord and been confounded" (Sir. 2:11). To this end Jesus Christ taught us that in seeking graces from God we should call Him by no other name than Father (Pater noster); so that we may pray to Him with that confidence with which a child turns to his own father. Whoever asks with confidence, then, obtains everything: «Omnia quaecunque orantes petitis, credite quia accipietis, et evenient vobis» — "All things whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you will receive, and they will come to you" (Mark 11). And who can fear, says St. Augustine, that what is promised him by the very Truth who is God will fail him? «Quis falli metuit, dum promittit veritas?» — "Who fears being deceived when the Truth promises?" God is not like men, says Scripture, who promise and then fail, either because they lie when they promise or because they later change their will: «Non est Deus quasi homo, ut mentiatur, nec ut mutetur; dixit ergo, et non faciet?» — "God is not as a man, that He should lie, nor that He should change; has He spoken, then, and will He not do it?" (Num. 23). And why, adds the same St. Augustine, would the Lord so exhort us to ask for graces if He did not wish to grant them to us? «Non nos hortaretur ut peteremus nisi dare vellet» — "He would not urge us to ask unless He wished to give" (De Verb. Dom. Serm. 5). By promising, He has bound Himself to grant us the graces we ask of Him: «Promittendo debitorem se fecit» — "By promising He made Himself a debtor" (St. Aug. ibid. Serm. 2).

But someone will say: I am a sinner and therefore do not deserve to be heard. But St. Thomas Aquinas replies that prayer, in obtaining graces, does not rest upon our merits but upon the divine mercy: «Oratio in impetrando non innititur nostris meritis, sed soli divinae misericordiae» — "Prayer, in obtaining, does not rely on our merits, but solely on the divine mercy" (2. 2. qu. 178. a. 2. ad 1). «Omnis qui petit accipit» — "Everyone who asks receives" (Luke 11:10). The author of the Opus imperfectum comments: «Omnis sive iustus, sive peccator sit» — "Everyone, whether he be just or a sinner" (Hom. 18). But in this our Redeemer Himself took away every fear from us, saying: «Amen, amen dico vobis, si quid petieritis Patrem in nomine meo, dabit vobis» — "Amen, amen, I say to you: if you ask the Father anything in My name, He will give it to you" (John 16:23). Sinners (as if He said), if you have no merit, I have it with My Father: ask then in My name, and I promise you that you will have whatever you ask. Here, however, it must be understood that this promise is not made for temporal graces, such as health, goods of fortune, and the like, since the Lord many times justly denies us these graces because He sees that they would harm our eternal salvation. «Quid infirmo sit utile, magis novit medicus, quam aegrotus» — "What is useful to a sick man, the physician knows better than the patient," says St. Augustine (to. 3. c. 212). And he adds that God in mercy denies to one what He grants in anger to another: «Deus negat propitius, quae concedit iratus» — "God in mercy denies what He grants in wrath." Hence temporal graces must always be sought by us on condition that they benefit the soul. But on the contrary, spiritual graces, such as pardon, holy perseverance, divine love, and the like, must be asked absolutely, with firm confidence of obtaining them. «Si vos cum sitis mali [(disse Gesu-Cristo)]{lang=it}, nostis bona data dare filiis vestris, quanto magis Pater vester de coelo dabit spiritum bonum petentibus se?» — "If you then, being evil (said Jesus Christ), know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father from heaven give the good Spirit to those who ask Him?" (Luke 11:13).

Above all, holy perseverance in praying is needed. Cornelius a Lapide says (in Luc. cap. 11) that the Lord «vult nos esse perseverantes in oratione usque ad importunitatem» — "wills that we persevere in prayer even to importunity." And this is the meaning of those Scriptures: «Oportet semper orare» — "We must always pray" (Luke 11). «Vigilate omni tempore orantes» — "Watch at all times, praying" (Luke 21:36). «Sine intermissione orate» — "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thess. 5:17). This is also the meaning of those repeated words: «Petite, et accipietis; quaerite, et invenietis; pulsate, et aperietur vobis» — "Ask, and you shall receive; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you" (Luke 11:9). It would have been enough to have said "ask"; but no, the Lord wished to make us understand that we must do as beggars do, who do not cease seeking, insisting, and knocking at the door until they have the alms. And final holy perseverance especially is a grace that is not obtained without continual prayer. This holy perseverance cannot be merited by us, but through prayers, says St. Augustine, it is in a certain sense merited: «Hoc Dei donum suppliciter emereri potest: idest supplicando impetrari» — "This gift of God can be merited by supplication: that is, it can be obtained by supplicating" (De dono persev. cap. 6). Let us therefore pray always, and not cease praying, if we wish to be saved. And whoever is a confessor or a preacher should never cease exhorting others to pray, if he wishes to see souls saved. And as St. Bernard says, let us also always have recourse to the intercession of Mary: «Quaeramus gratiam, et per Mariam quaeramus; quia quod quaerit invenit et frustrari non potest» — "Let us seek grace, and let us seek it through Mary; for what she seeks she finds, and she cannot be disappointed" (Serm. de Aquaeduct.).

#### Affections and Prayers

My God, I hope that You have already forgiven me, but the enemies will not cease to fight me until death; if You do not help me, I shall be lost again. Ah, through the merits of Jesus Christ I ask You for holy perseverance. «Ne permittas me separari a Te» — "Never permit me to be separated from You." And I ask You for the same grace for all those who are now in Your grace. I am certain, trusting in Your promise, that You will give me holy perseverance if I continue to ask it of You. But this I fear: I fear that in temptations I may cease to have recourse to You, and so fall again. I therefore ask You for the grace never to cease praying. Grant that in the occasions of falling back I may always commend myself to You and invoke in my aid the most holy names of Jesus and Mary. My God, so I resolve, and so I hope to do with Your grace. Hear me for the love of Jesus Christ.

O Mary, my Mother, obtain for me that in the dangers of losing God I may always have recourse to You and to Your Son.

## Consideration XXXI — On Perseverance

«Qui perseveraverit usque in finem, hic salvus erit» — "He who perseveres to the end, he shall be saved" (Matt. 24:13).

### POINT I

St. Jerome says that many begin well, but few are those who persevere: «Incipere multorum est, perseverare paucorum» — "To begin belongs to many, to persevere to few" (Lib. I contra Iovin.). A Saul, a Judas, a Tertullian began well, but then they ended badly, because they did not persevere in good. «Non quaeruntur in christianis initia, sed finis» — "In Christians it is not the beginning that is sought, but the end" (St. Jerome, Ep. ad Fur.). The Lord (the saint continues) does not require only the beginnings of a good life, but also the end; it is the end that will obtain the reward. St. Bonaventure says that to perseverance alone is the crown given: «Sola perseverantia coronatur» — "Perseverance alone is crowned." Therefore St. Lawrence Justinian called perseverance the gate of heaven: «coeli ianuam». Thus, whoever does not find the gate to enter cannot enter paradise. My brother, at present you have left sin, and you rightly hope to have been forgiven. You are therefore a friend of God, but know that you are not yet saved. And when will you be saved? When you have persevered to the end: «Qui perseveraverit usque in finem, hic salvus erit» — "He who shall have persevered to the end, he shall be saved." You have begun the good life; thank the Lord;

but St. Bernard warns you that to those who begin, the reward is only promised, while it is given only to those who persevere: «Incohantibus praemium promittitur, perseverantibus datur» — "To those who begin, the prize is promised; to those who persevere, it is given" (Serm. 6 de Modo bene viv.). It is not enough to run for the prize; one must run until one takes it: «Sic currite, ut comprehendatis» — "So run, that you may obtain it," says St. Paul (1 Cor. 9:24).

Now you have already put your hand to the plow, you have begun to live well; but now more than ever, fear and tremble. «Cum metu et tremore vestram salutem operamini» — "With fear and trembling work out your salvation" (Phil. 2:12). And why? Because if (may God never will it) you turn to look back and return to your evil life, God will declare you excluded from paradise. «Nemo mittens manum ad aratrum, et respiciens retro, aptus est regno Dei» — "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62). Now, by the grace of the Lord, you flee evil occasions, you frequent the sacraments, you practice meditation every day; blessed are you if you continue to do so, and if Jesus Christ finds you doing so when He comes to judge you: «Beatus ille servus, quem cum venerit Dominus eius, invenerit sic facientem» — "Blessed is that servant whom his Lord, when He comes, shall find so doing" (Matt. 24:46). But do not believe that, now that you have set yourself to serve God, the temptations are nearly over or wanting; hear what the Holy Spirit says to you: «Fili, accedens ad servitutem Dei, praepara animam tuam ad tentationem» — "Son, when you come to the service of God, prepare your soul for temptation" (Sir. 2:1). Know that now more than ever you must prepare yourself for battle; for the enemies — the world, the devil, and the flesh — now more than ever will arm themselves to fight you, to make you lose all that you have gained. Denis the Carthusian says that the more someone gives himself to God, the more hell seeks to strike him down: «Quanto quis fortius nititur Deo servire, tanto acrius contra eum saevit adversarius» — "The more strenuously one strives to serve God, the more fiercely the adversary rages against him." And this is clearly expressed in the Gospel of St. Luke, where it is said: «Cum immundus spiritus exierit ab homine, quaerens requiem et non inveniens, dicit: Revertar in domum meam, unde exivi. Tunc vadit, et assumit septem alios spiritus nequiores se, et ingressi habitant ibi; et fiunt novissima eorum peiora prioribus» — "When the unclean spirit has gone out of a man, seeking rest and not finding it, he says: I will return to my house, from whence I came out. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits worse than himself, and entering in they dwell there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first" (Luke 11:24). The devil, when he is driven out of a soul, finds no rest and puts all his effort into entering it again; he even calls companions to his aid, and if he succeeds in reentering, the second ruin will be far greater for that soul than the first was.

Consider, then, what weapons you must avail yourselves of, to defend yourselves from these enemies and to keep yourselves in the grace of God. To avoid being conquered by the devil, there is no other defense than prayer. St. Paul says that we do not have to fight against men of flesh and blood like ourselves, but against the princes of hell: «Non est nobis colluctatio adversus carnem et sanguinem, sed adversus principes et potestates» — "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers" (Eph. 6:12). And with this he wishes to warn us that we do not have the strength to resist such powers, and therefore we need God to help us. With divine help we shall be able to do all things: «Omnia possum in eo qui me confortat» — "I can do all things in Him who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13): so he said, and so must each of us say. But that help is not given except to those who ask for it in prayer. «Petite, et accipietis» — "Ask, and you shall receive." Let us not trust, then, in our own resolutions; if we place confidence in them, we shall be lost: when we are tempted by the devil, let us place all our confidence in the help of God, by then commending ourselves to Jesus Christ and to the divine Mother. And we must do this especially when we are tempted against chastity, for this temptation, of them all, is the most terrible, and it is the one by which the devil gains the most victories. We do not have the strength to preserve chastity; God must give it to us. Solomon said: «Et ut scivi quoniam aliter non possum esse continens, nisi Deus det... adii Dominum, et deprecatus sum illum» — "And as I knew that I could not otherwise be continent, unless God gave it... I went to the Lord, and besought Him" (Wis. 8:21). In such a temptation, then, we must at once have recourse to Jesus Christ and to His holy Mother, then frequently invoking their most holy names of Jesus and of Mary. Whoever does this will conquer; whoever does not do this will be lost.

#### Affections and Prayers

«Ne proiicias me a facie tua» — "Cast me not away from Your face." Ah, my God, do not drive me away from Your face. I already know that You will never abandon me, unless I am the first to abandon You; but I tremble at this, from the experience of my weakness. Lord, You must give me the strength I need against hell, which claims to see me once more made its slave. I ask it of You for the love of Jesus Christ. Establish, O my Savior, between me and You an everlasting peace, which may never again be broken in eternity. And therefore give me Your holy love. «Qui non diligit, manet in morte» — "He who does not love abides in death." Whoever does not love You is dead. From this unhappy death You must save me, O God of my soul. I was lost — You already know it. It has been all Your goodness to bring me to this state in which I see myself, and I hope I am in Your grace. Ah, do not permit, my Jesus, by that bitter death You suffered for me, that I should ever willingly return to lose it. I love You above all things. I hope to see myself always bound by this holy love, so as to die thus bound, and to live bound in eternity.

O Mary, You are called the Mother of perseverance. This great gift is dispensed through You: I ask it of You, and through You I hope for it.

### POINT II

Let us now see how the world is to be conquered. The devil is a great enemy, but the world is worse. If the devil did not avail himself of the world and of wicked men (by whom the world is meant), he would not gain the victories he obtains. The Redeemer warned us not so much to guard against devils as against men: «Cavete autem ab hominibus» — "But beware of men" (Matt. 10:17). Men are often worse than devils, because devils flee at prayer and at the invoking of the most holy names of Jesus and of Mary; but when evil companions tempt someone to sin, and he answers with some spiritual word, they do not flee — rather, they tempt him the more and deride him, calling him a cowardly man, without breeding, who is good for nothing; and when they can say nothing else, they call him a hypocrite who feigns holiness. And certain weak souls, to avoid hearing these reproaches or derisions, miserably keep company with those ministers of Lucifer and return to their vomit. My brother, be persuaded that if you wish to live well, you must without fail be mocked and despised by the wicked. «Abominantur impii eos, qui in recta sunt via» — "The wicked abhor those who are in the right way" (Prov. 29:27). He who lives badly cannot bear those who live well; and why? Because their life is a continual reproach to him, and therefore he would wish all to imitate him, so as not to suffer the remorse that the good life of others causes him. There is no remedy (says St. Paul): he who serves God must be persecuted by the world. «Omnes qui pie volunt vivere in Christo Iesu, persecutionem patientur» — "All who wish to live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution" (2 Tim. 3:12). All the saints have been persecuted. Who was holier than Jesus Christ? And the world persecuted Him, even to making Him die, drained of blood, upon a cross.

There is no escape from this, because the maxims of the world are all contrary to those of Jesus Christ. What is esteemed by the world is called folly by Jesus Christ: «Sapientia enim huius mundi stultitia est apud Deum» — "For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God" (1 Cor. 3:19). In turn, the world calls folly what is esteemed by Jesus Christ, such as crosses, sorrows, and contempt. «Verbum enim crucis pereuntibus quidem stultitia est» — "For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing" (1 Cor. 1:18). But let us take comfort: if the wicked curse us and revile us, God blesses us and praises us. «Maledicent illi, et tu benedices» — "They will curse, and You will bless" (Ps. 108:28). Is it not enough for us to be praised by God, by Mary, by all the angels, by the saints, and by all good men? Let us then let sinners say what they will, and let us continue to give pleasure to God, who is so gracious and faithful to those who serve Him. The greater the repugnance and opposition with which we do good, the greater will be the pleasure of God and our merit. Let us imagine that in the world there were nothing but God and ourselves. When these wicked people mock us, let us commend them to the Lord; and in return let us thank God, who gives light to us that He does not give to these wretches, and let us continue on our way. Let us not be ashamed to appear as Christians, for if we are ashamed of Jesus Christ, He declares that He too will be ashamed of us and of keeping us at His right hand on the day of judgment: «Nam qui me erubuerit, et meum sermonem, hunc Filius hominis erubescet, cum venerit in maiestate sua» — "For whoever shall be ashamed of Me and of My words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when He shall come in His majesty" (Luke 9:26).

If we wish to be saved, we must resolve to suffer and to force ourselves — indeed, to do ourselves violence. «Arcta est via, quae ducit ad vitam» — "Narrow is the way that leads to life" (Matt. 7:14). «Regnum coelorum vim patitur, et violenti rapiunt illud» — "The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force"

(Matt. 11:12). He who does not force himself is not saved. There is no remedy, for we have to go against our rebellious nature if we wish to practice what is good. We must especially force ourselves at the beginning, to root out the evil habits and acquire the good ones; for once the good habit is formed, the observance of the divine law becomes easy, indeed sweet. The Lord said to St. Bridget that whoever, in practicing virtue, patiently and resolutely endures the first pricks of the thorns, will afterwards find the thorns turn into roses. Be attentive then, my Christian: Jesus Christ now says to you what He said to the paralytic: «Ecce sanus factus es, iam noli peccare, ne deterius tibi contingat» — "Behold, you have been made whole; sin no more, lest something worse befall you" (John 5:14). Understand (St. Bernard continues): if by misfortune you fall again, know that your ruin will be worse than all your former falls: «Audis: recidere quam incidere esse deterius» — "You hear it: to fall back is worse than to fall." Woe, says the Lord, to those who take the way of God and then leave it: «Vae, filii desertores» — "Woe to you, deserting children" (Isa. 30:1). Such men are punished as rebels against the light: «Ipsi fuerunt rebelles lumini» — "They have been rebels against the light" (Job 24:13). And the punishment of these rebels — who have been favored by God with a great light and are then unfaithful to Him — is to remain blind, and so to end their life in their sins: «Si autem averterit se iustus a iustitia sua... nunquid vivet? omnes iustitiae eius, quas fecerat, non recordabuntur... in peccato morietur» — "But if the just man turns away from his justice... shall he live? All the just works that he had done shall not be remembered... in his sin he shall die" (Ezek. 18:24).

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, I have already deserved such a punishment many times, for many times I left sin by means of the light that You gave me, and then miserably returned to it. I thank Your mercy infinitely for not having abandoned me in blindness, leaving me wholly deprived of light, as I deserved. Too much then, O my Jesus, am I obliged to You; and too ungrateful would I be if I were to turn my back on You again. No, my Redeemer, «misericordias Domini in aeternum cantabo» — "I will sing the mercies of the Lord forever." I hope, in the life that remains to me and for all eternity, to sing and praise Your great mercies always, loving You always and never again seeing myself deprived of Your grace. The ingratitudes I showed You in the past — which I now detest and curse above every evil — will serve to make me weep ever bitterly over the wrongs I have done You, and to enkindle me more to love You, who after so many offenses received from me have shown me such great graces. Yes, I love You, O my God, worthy of infinite love. From this day forward You must be my only love, my only good. O Eternal Father, through the merits of Jesus Christ I ask You for final holy perseverance in Your grace and in Your love. I already know that You will grant it to me, whenever I ask it of You. But who assures me that I will be careful to ask You for this holy perseverance? For this reason, my God, I ask You for holy perseverance and the grace always to seek it of You.

O Mary, my advocate, my refuge and my hope, obtain for me by Your intercession the constancy to ask God always for final holy perseverance. I beg You to obtain it for me by the love You bear Jesus Christ.

### POINT III

We come to the third enemy, which is the worst of all, namely the flesh; and let us see how we must defend ourselves against it. First, by prayer; but this we have already considered above. Secondly, by fleeing the occasion; and this we now wish to weigh well. St. Bernardine of Siena says that the greatest of all counsels — indeed, as it were the very foundation of religion — is the counsel to flee dangerous occasions: «Inter consilia Christi unum celeberrimum, et quasi religionis fundamentum est, fugere peccatorum occasiones» — "Among the counsels of Christ, one of the most renowned, and as it were the foundation of religion, is to flee the occasions of sins" (Tom. I, Serm. 21, a. 3, c. 3). The devil once confessed, constrained by exorcisms, that among all sermons the one that most displeases him is the sermon on fleeing the occasion; and rightly so, for the devil laughs at all the resolutions and promises that a repentant sinner makes, if that man does not leave the occasion. The occasion, especially in matters of sensual pleasures, is like a blindfold placed over the eyes: it no longer lets the person see resolutions made, lights received, or the eternal truths; in short, it makes him forget everything and renders him as though blind. This was the cause of the ruin of our first parents: not fleeing the occasion. God had forbidden even the touching of the forbidden fruit: «Praecepit nobis Deus [(disse Eva al serpente)]{lang=it} ne comederemus, et ne tangeremus illud» — "God commanded us (Eve said to the serpent) that we should not eat of it, and that we should not touch it" (Gen. 3). But the incautious woman «vidit, tulit, comedit» — "saw, took, and ate." First she began to gaze at the fruit, then she took it in her hand, and then she ate it. Whoever voluntarily puts himself in danger will perish in it: «Qui amat periculum, in illo peribit» — "He who loves danger shall perish in it" (Sir. 3:27). St. Peter says that the devil «circuit quaerens quem devoret» — "goes about seeking whom he may devour"; and so, to re-enter a soul from which he has been driven out (says St. Cyprian), what does he do? He goes in search of the occasion: «Explorat an sit pars, cuius aditu penetretur» — "He looks for some part through whose entrance he may penetrate." If the soul lets itself be induced to put itself in the occasion, the enemy will enter into it once more and devour it. Abbot Guerric further says that Lazarus rose bound — «prodiit ligatus manibus, et pedibus» — "he came forth bound hand and foot" — and rising in that state, he died again. Unhappy, this author means, is he who rises from sin but rises bound by the occasion: even if he rises, he will die again. Whoever therefore wishes to save himself must leave not only sin, but also the occasion of sin — that companion, that house, that correspondence.

But you will say: now I have changed my life, and I no longer have any evil intention with that person — indeed, not even a temptation. I answer: In Mauritania it is related that there are certain bears that go hunting monkeys; the monkeys, seeing the bear, save themselves in the trees, and the bear stretches out under the tree and feigns death; when it then sees the monkeys come down, it rises, seizes them, and devours them. So does the devil: he makes the temptation appear dead, but when the person has come down to put himself in the occasion, he makes the temptation rise up, and it devours him. Oh, how many wretched souls, who frequented prayer and Holy Communion and could be called saints, by then putting themselves in the occasion have remained the prey of hell! It is related in the Ecclesiastical History that a holy matron, who performed the pious office of burying the martyrs, once found one who had not yet expired; she took him into her house and he recovered. What happened? With the occasion near at hand, these two saints (as they could be called) first lost the grace of God and then also the faith.

The Lord commanded Isaiah to preach that every man is hay: «Clama, omnis caro foenum» — "Cry out: all flesh is hay" (Isa. 40:6). Here St. John Chrysostom reflects and says: Is it possible for hay not to burn when fire is set to it? «Lucernam in foenum pone, ac tum aude negare, quod foenum exuratur» — "Set a torch to hay, and then dare to deny that the hay will be burnt." And so St. Cyprian then says: it is impossible to stand amid flames and not burn: «Impossibile est flammis circumdari, et non ardere» — "It is impossible to be surrounded by flames and not burn" (De Sing. Cler.). Our strength, the prophet warns us, is like the strength of tow set in the flame: «Et erit fortitudo vestra ut favilla stupae» — "And your strength shall be as a spark of tow" (Isa. 1:32). Likewise Solomon says: mad would be the man who claimed to walk on burning coals without being burnt: «Nunquid potest homo ambulare super prunas, ut non comburantur plantae eius?» — "Can a man walk upon hot coals, and the soles of his feet not be burnt?" (Prov. 6:17). And so he too is mad who claims to put himself in the occasion without falling. We must therefore flee from sin as from the face of the serpent: «Quasi a facie colubri fuge peccatum» — "Flee from sin as from the face of a serpent" (Sir. 21:1). We must flee, says Geoffrey, not only the serpent's bite, not only the touching of it, but even the drawing near to it: «Fuge etiam tactus, etiam accessum» — "Flee even the touch, even the approach." But that house, you say, that friendship serves my interests. But if you already see that that house is for you the way to hell — «via inferi domus eius» — "her house is the way to hell" (Prov. 7:27) — there is no remedy: you must leave it, if you wish to save yourself. Even if it were your right eye, says the Lord, if you see that it causes you to be damned, you must pluck it out and cast it far from you: «Si oculus tuus dexter scandalizat te, erue eum, et proiice abs te» — "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you" (Matt. 5:30). And note the word «abs te» — "from you": it must be cast not near, but far away; which is to say that every occasion must be removed. St. Francis of Assisi used to say that the devil tempts spiritual persons, who have given themselves to God, in a different manner from that in which he tempts evildoers: at first he does not seek to bind them with a rope; he is content to bind them with a hair, then he binds them with a thread, then with a cord, then with a rope, and so finally he drags them into sin. Therefore whoever wishes to be free of this danger must break all the hairs at the outset — all the occasions: those greetings, those gifts, those notes, and the like. And speaking especially of one who has had the habit of the impure vice, it will not be enough for him to flee the proximate occasions: if he does not flee the remote ones as well, he will fall again.

It is necessary for one who truly wishes to be saved to establish and continually renew the resolution never again to separate himself from God, often repeating that saying of the saints: "Let all be lost, provided God is not lost." But it is not enough merely to resolve never to lose Him again; one must also adopt the means not to lose Him. The first means is to flee the occasions of sin, of which we have already spoken. The second is to frequent the sacraments of confession and Holy Communion. In a house that is swept often, filth does not reign. By confession the soul is kept cleansed, and through it we obtain not only the remission of our faults but also help to resist temptations. Holy Communion, moreover, is called the heavenly bread, because just as the body cannot live without earthly food, so the soul cannot live without this heavenly food. «Nisi manducaveritis carnem Filii hominis, et biberitis eius sanguinem, non habebitis vitam in vobis» — "Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink His blood, you shall not have life in you" (John 6:54). On the other hand, to one who often eats this bread it is promised that he shall live forever:

«Si quis manducaverit ex hoc pane, vivet in aeternum» — "If anyone eats of this bread, he shall live forever" (John 6:52). For this reason the Council of Trent calls Holy Communion a medicine that frees us from venial sins and preserves us from mortal ones: «Antidotum quo liberamur a culpis quotidianis, et a peccatis mortalibus praeservamur» — "An antidote by which we are freed from daily faults and preserved from mortal sins" (Trid., Sess. 13, c. 2). The third means is meditation, or mental prayer. «Memorare novissima tua, et in aeternum non peccabis» — "Remember your last end, and you shall never sin" (Sir. 7:40). Whoever keeps the eternal truths before his eyes — death, judgment, eternity — will not fall into sin. In meditation God enlightens us: «Accedite ad eum, et illuminamini» — "Come to Him, and you shall be enlightened" (Ps. 33:6). There He speaks to us and makes us understand what we must flee and what we must do. «Ducam eam in solitudinem, et loquar ad cor eius» — "I will lead her into solitude, and speak to her heart" (Hos. 2:14). Meditation, moreover, is that blessed furnace in which divine love is enkindled: «In meditatione mea exardescet ignis» — "In my meditation a fire shall flame forth" (Ps. 38:4). Furthermore, as has already been considered several times, in order to remain in the grace of God it is absolutely necessary always to pray and to ask for the graces we need; one who does not practice mental prayer hardly prays, and not praying, he will certainly be lost.

We must therefore adopt the means to be saved and lead a well-ordered life. In the morning, on rising, let him make the Christian acts of thanksgiving, love, offering, and good resolution, with a prayer to Jesus and Mary that they may preserve him that day from sins. Then let him make his meditation and hear Mass. During the day, spiritual reading, and a visit to the Blessed Sacrament and to the divine Mother. In the evening, the rosary and the examination of conscience. Holy Communion several times a week, according to the advice of his spiritual director, who should be kept permanently. It would also be very useful to make the spiritual exercises in some religious house. The divine Mother should also be honored with some special devotion, for example by fasting on Saturday. She is called the Mother of holy perseverance, and she promises it to those who serve her: «Qui operantur in me, non peccabunt» — "They who work in me shall not sin" (Sir. 24:31). Above all, one must always ask God for holy perseverance, especially in time of temptation, then invoking more frequently the most holy names of Jesus and Mary as long as the temptation lasts. If you do this, you will certainly be saved; and if you do not, you will certainly be damned.

#### Affections and Prayers

My beloved Redeemer, I thank You for these lights that You give me, and for the means that You make known to me for my salvation. I promise You that I will steadfastly put them into practice. Give me Your help to be faithful to You. I see that You wish me to be saved, and I wish to be saved, chiefly to please Your Heart, which so greatly desires my eternal salvation. No, my God, I will no longer resist the love You bear me. This love made You bear with me so patiently while I was offending You. You call me to Your love, and I desire nothing but to love You. I love You, infinite goodness; I love You, infinite good. Ah, I beseech You, by the merits of Jesus Christ, do not permit me ever to be ungrateful to You again: either make me cease to be ungrateful to You, or make me cease to live. Lord, You have begun the work; bring it now to completion: «Confirma hoc Deus quod operatus es in nobis» — "Confirm, O God, what You have wrought in us." Give me light, give me strength, give me love.

O Mary, You who are the treasurer of graces, come to my aid. Declare me to be Your servant, as I wish to be; and pray to Jesus for me. First the merits of Jesus Christ, and then Your prayers, must save me.

## Consideration XXXII — Confidence in the Patronage of the Divine Mother

«Qui invenerit me, inveniet vitam, et hauriet salutem a Domino» — "He who finds me shall find life, and shall draw salvation from the Lord" (Prov. 8:35).

### POINT I

How greatly we ought to thank the mercy of our God for having given us Mary as our advocate, who by her prayers can obtain for us all the graces we desire! «O certe Dei nostri mira benignitas (exclaims St. Bonaventure), qui suis reis te Dominam tribuit advocatam, ut auxilio tuo quod volueris valeas impetrare» — "O truly wondrous goodness of our God, who has given You, our sovereign Lady, to His guilty ones as their advocate, that by Your help they may obtain whatever they wish" (In Salve Reg.). Sinners, my brothers, if we stand guilty before divine justice and already condemned to hell for our sins, let us not despair; let us have recourse to this divine Mother, let us take shelter under her mantle, and she will save us. All we need is the good intention of changing our life: a good intention and great confidence in Mary, and we shall be saved. And why? Because Mary is an advocate who is "powerful," an advocate who is "merciful," an advocate "who desires to save all."

In the first place, let us consider that Mary is a "powerful" advocate, who can do all things with the Judge for the benefit of her devotees. This is a singular privilege granted her by that very Judge who is her Son: «Grande privilegium, quod Maria apud Filium sit potentissima» — "It is a great privilege that Mary is all-powerful with the Son" (St. Bonaventure, in Spec., lect. 6). John Gerson says (tr. 6, sup. Magn.) that the divine Mother asks nothing of God with an absolute will which she does not obtain, and that she, as queen, sends the angels to enlighten, purify, and perfect her servants. Therefore the Church, in order to inspire us with confidence in this great advocate, has us invoke her under the name of Virgin most powerful: «Virgo potens, ora pro nobis» — "Virgin most powerful, pray for us." And why is Mary's patronage so powerful? Because she is the Mother of God. «Oratio Deiparae», says St. Antoninus, «habet rationem imperii, unde impossibile est eam non exaudiri» — "The prayer of the Mother of God has the force of a command; hence it is impossible that she should not be heard" (Part. 4, tit. 15, c. 17, c. 4). The prayers of Mary, since she is a mother, have a certain right of command with Jesus Christ; and therefore it is impossible that she, when she prays, should not be heard. St. George, Archbishop of Nicomedia, says that the Redeemer, as though to satisfy the obligation He has toward this Mother for having given Him His human nature, grants all her petitions: «Filius quasit exsolvens debitum, petitiones tuas implet» — "The Son, as if paying a debt, fulfills Your petitions" (Orat. de Exitu Mar.). Hence St. Theophilus, Bishop of Alexandria, left it written thus: "The Son is pleased to be prayed to by His Mother, because He wishes to grant her whatever she asks, so as thereby to recompense the favor He received from her in giving Him His flesh." For this reason the martyr St. Methodius exclaimed: «Euge, euge, quae debitorem habes Filium! Deo enim universi debemus, tibi autem ille debitor est» — "Rejoice, rejoice, O Mary, who have the good fortune of having as Your debtor that Son to whom we are all debtors, since whatever we have is all His gift" (Orat. Hyp. Dom.).

Hence Cosmas of Jerusalem said that Mary's help is omnipotent: «Omnipotens auxilium tuum, o Maria» — "Your help is omnipotent, O Mary." Yes, it is omnipotent, as Richard of St. Lawrence confirms, for it is right that the Mother should share in the power of the Son; the Son, therefore, who is omnipotent has made the Mother omnipotent: «Cum autem eadem sit potestas Filii, et Matris, ab omnipotente Filio omnipotens Mater facta est» — "Since the power of the Son and of the Mother is one and the same, by the omnipotent Son the Mother has been made omnipotent" (Lib. 4, de Laud. Virg.). The Son is omnipotent by nature, the Mother is omnipotent by grace; which is to say that she obtains by her prayers whatever she asks, according to that celebrated verse: «Quod Deus imperio, tu prece, Virgo, potes» — "What God does by command, You, O Virgin, do by prayer." And this very thing was revealed to St. Bridget (Rev., lib. 1, c. 4). One day this saint heard Jesus, speaking with Mary, say to her: «Pete quod vis a me, non enim potest esse inanis petitio tua» — "My Mother, ask of Me whatever You wish; You know that any petition of Yours cannot fail to be granted by Me." And then He added the reason: «Quia tu mihi nihil negasti in terris. Ego nihil tibi negabo in coelis» — "You denied Me nothing while living on earth; it is right that I deny You nothing now that You are with Me in heaven."

In short, there is no one, however wicked, whom Mary cannot save by her intercession. «Habes vires iusuperabiles (St. Gregory of Nicomedia said to her), ne clementiam tuam superet multitudo peccatorum. Nihil tuae resistit potentiae; tuam enim gloriam Creator existimat esse propriam» — "You have invincible strength, so that the multitude of sins cannot overcome Your mercy. Nothing resists Your power, for the Creator esteems Your glory as His own" (Orat. de Exitu B. V.). O Mother of God, nothing can resist Your power, since Your Creator regards Your glory as His own. You can therefore do all things, St. Peter Damian also says to her, since You can save even the despairing. «Nihil tibi impossibile, quae etiam desperatos in spem salutis potes relevare» — "Nothing is impossible to You, who can raise even the despairing to the hope of salvation" (Serm. 1, de Nat. B. V.).

#### Affections and Prayers

My dear Queen and Mother, I will say to You with St. Germanus: «You are omnipotent to save sinners, and You need no other recommendation with God, for You are the Mother of true life» (Serm. 3. in Dorm. B. V.). Therefore, my Lady, if I have recourse to You, all my sins cannot make me lose confidence in my eternal salvation. You obtain by Your prayers whatever You will; if You pray for me, I shall certainly be saved. Pray, then, for me, a wretch (I will say to You with St. Bernard), O great Mother of God, for Your Son hears You and grants You whatever You ask of Him: «Loquere, Domina, quia audit Filius tuus, et quaecunque petieris impetrabis» — "Speak, Lady, for Your Son hears You, and whatever You ask You shall obtain". I am a sinner, it is true, but I wish to amend, and I glory in being Your special servant. I am unworthy, it is true, of Your protection, but I know that You have never abandoned anyone who has placed his confidence in You. You can and will save me, and I trust in You. When I was lost and did not think of You, You thought of me and obtained for me the grace of repentance; how much more ought I now to trust in Your mercy, now that I have dedicated myself to Your service, and commend myself to You and hope? O Mary, pray for me, and make me a saint. Obtain for me holy perseverance; obtain for me a great love toward Your Son and toward You, my Mother so worthy of love. I love You, my Queen, and I hope to love You always. Love me also, and with Your love change me from a sinner into a saint.

### POINT II

Let us consider, secondly, that Mary is an advocate as «merciful» as she is powerful, who cannot deny her patronage to anyone who has recourse to her. The eyes of the Lord, says David, are turned upon the just, but this Mother of mercy (as Richard of St. Lawrence says) keeps her eyes upon the just as upon sinners, that they may not fall, or, if they have fallen, that by her intercession she may raise them up: «Sed oculi Dominae super iustos et peccatores, sicut oculi matris ad puerum, ne cadat; vel si ceciderit, ut sublevet» — "But the eyes of the Lady are upon the just and upon sinners, as the eyes of a mother upon her child, lest he fall; or if he has fallen, that she may lift him up". St. Bonaventure used to say that when he looked upon Mary, he seemed to look upon mercy itself: «Certe Domina, cum te aspicio, nihil nisi misericordiam cerno» — "Truly, Lady, when I behold You, I see nothing but mercy". Therefore St. Bernard exhorts us to commend ourselves in all our needs to this powerful advocate with great confidence, for she is all sweet and kind to everyone who commends himself to her: «Quid ad Mariam accedere trepidat humana fragilitas? nihil austerum in ea, nihil terribile, tota suavis est» — "Why does human frailty fear to approach Mary? In her there is nothing austere, nothing terrible; she is all sweetness". For this reason Mary is called an olive tree: «Quasi oliva speciosa in campis» — "As a fair olive tree in the plains" (Sir. 24). As from the olive tree nothing comes forth but oil, the symbol of mercy, so from the hands of Mary nothing comes forth but graces and mercies, which she dispenses to all who take shelter under her patronage. Hence Denis the Carthusian rightly calls her the advocate of all sinners who have recourse to her: «Advocata omnium iniquorum ad se confugientium» — "Advocate of all sinners who flee to her". O God, what torment will a Christian who is damned suffer, in thinking that in life he could have saved himself so easily by having recourse to this Mother of mercy, and did not do so, and then it will no longer be time to do it! The divine Mother one day said to St. Bridget: I am called the Mother of mercy, and such I am, for the mercy of God has made me such: «Ego vocor ab omnibus mater misericordiae, et vere misericordia illius misericordem me fecit» — "I am called by all the mother of mercy, and truly His mercy has made me merciful" (Rev. lib. 1. cap. 6). And in truth, who has given us this advocate to defend us, if not the mercy of God, because He wills that we be saved? «Ideo miser erit (Mary added) qui ad misericordiam, cum possit, non accedit» — "Therefore wretched shall he be who does not have recourse to mercy, when he can". Wretched, she said, and wretched for eternity shall be the one who, being able in this life to commend himself to me, who am so kind and merciful to all — unhappy man — does not have recourse, and is damned.

Perhaps we fear, says St. Bonaventure, that if we seek help from Mary, she will deny it to us? No, says the saint: «Ipsa enim non misereri ignorat, et miseris non fatisfacere nunquam scivit» — "For she does not know how to withhold mercy, and has never known how to fail the wretched". No — Mary does not know, nor has she ever known, how to cease pitying and helping any wretch who has had recourse to her. She does not know, nor can she do so, because she has been assigned to us by God as queen and mother of mercy: as queen of mercy she is bound to take care of the wretched: «Tu Regina misericordiae (St. Bernard says to her), et qui subditi misericordiae, nisi miseri?» — "You, O Queen of mercy — and who are the subjects of mercy, if not the wretched?". Hence the saint then humbly added: Since You, then, O Mother of God, are the queen of mercy, You must take greater care of me, who among all am the most wretched sinner: «Tu regina misericordiae, et ego miserrimus peccator, subditorum maximus; rege nos ergo, o regina misericordiae» — "You are the queen of mercy, and I the most wretched sinner, the greatest of Your subjects; rule us, then, O queen of mercy". And as mother of mercy, she must strive to free her sick children from death — children of whom her mercy alone makes her the mother. Therefore St. Basil calls her «publicum valetudinarium» — "a public hospital". Public hospitals are made for the poor sick, and the poorer one is, the more right he has to be received there; and so, according to St. Basil, Mary must receive with greater mercy and attention the greatest sinners who have recourse to her.

But let us not doubt the mercy of Mary. One day St. Bridget heard the Savior say to His Mother: «Etiam diabolo misericordiam exhiberes, si humiliter peteret» — "Even to the devil You would show mercy, if he humbly asked for it". Proud Lucifer will never humble himself to do this, but if the wretch were to humble himself before this divine Mother and beg her to help him, Mary by her intercession would drive him out of hell. By this Jesus Christ wished to give us to understand what Mary herself then said to the saint: that when a sinner has recourse to her, however great he may be, she does not look at the sins he bears, but at the intention with which he comes; and that if he comes with a good will to amend, she receives him and heals him of all the wounds he has: «Quantumcunque homo peccat, si ex vera emendatione ad me reversus fuerit, statim parata sum recipere revertentem: nec attendo quantum peccaverit, sed cum quali voluntate venit. Nam non dedignor eius plagas ungere et sanare; quia vocor, et vere sum mater misericordiae» — "However much a man may sin, if he returns to me with true amendment, I am ready at once to receive him who returns; I do not consider how much he has sinned, but with what will he comes. For I do not disdain to anoint and heal his wounds, because I am called, and truly am, the mother of mercy". Therefore St. Bonaventure gives us courage: «Respirate ad illam, perditi peccatores, et perducet vos ad portum» — "Look to her, lost sinners, and she will lead you to the harbor" (on Ps. 8). Poor lost sinners, do not despair; lift your eyes to Mary, and take heart, trusting in the mercy of this good mother. Let us therefore seek (says St. Bernard) the grace we have lost, and let us seek it through Mary: «Quaeramus gratiam, et per Mariam quaeramus» — "Let us seek grace, and let us seek it through Mary" (Serm. de Aquaed.). This grace which we have lost, she has found again, says Richard of St. Lawrence; to her, therefore, we must go to recover it: «Cupientes invenire gratiam, quaeramus inventricem gratiae» — "We who desire to find grace, let us seek the finder of grace" (De Laud. Virg. lib. 2). When St. Gabriel went to announce to Mary the divine motherhood, among other things he said to her: «Ne timeas Maria, invenisti gratiam» — "Fear not, Mary, you have found grace"

(Luke 1). But if Mary was never deprived of grace — indeed, she was always full of it — how could he say to her that she had found it? Cardinal Hugh answers that Mary did not find grace for herself, for she had always possessed it, but for us who have lost it; hence Hugh says that we must go to her and say to her: Lady, property must be restored to the one who lost it; this grace which You have found is not Yours, for You have always possessed it; it is ours — we lost it through our own fault, and to us therefore You must return it: «Currant ergo, currant peccatores ad Virginem, qui gratiam amiserant peccando; secure dicant: Redde nobis rem nostram, quam invenisti» — "Let sinners run, then, let them run to the Virgin, who had lost grace by sinning; let them say with confidence: Give us back what is ours, which You have found".

#### Affections and Prayers

Behold, O great Mother of God, at Your feet a wretched sinner who not once but many times has willed to lose the divine grace that Your Son had won for him by His death. O mother of mercy, I come to You with a soul all full of wounds and sores; do not disdain me for this, but be moved to greater compassion, and help me. Look upon the confidence I have in You, and do not abandon me. I do not ask You for the goods of earth; I ask You for the grace of God and for love of Your Son. My Mother, pray for me, and never cease to pray. The merits of Jesus Christ and Your intercession must save me. Your office is to intercede for sinners: therefore, «Advocata nostra (I will say to You with St. Thomas of Villanova) officium tuum imple» — "Our advocate, fulfill your office": do Your office, commend me to God, and defend me. There is no case, however desperate, that is lost when it is defended by You. You are the hope of sinners; You are my hope. O Mary, I will not cease to serve You, to love You, and to have recourse always to You; and You, never cease to help me, especially when You see me in danger of losing the grace of God again. O Mary, O great Mother of God, have pity on me.

### POINT III

Let us consider, in the third place, that Mary is an advocate so merciful that she not only helps those who have recourse to her, but she herself goes seeking out the wretched, to defend and save them. Behold how she calls to everyone, giving us courage to hope for every good if we have recourse to her: «In me omnis spes vitae et virtutis: transite ad me omnes» — "In me is all hope of life and of strength; pass over to me, all of you" (Sir. 24:25). The devout Pelbart comments on this passage: «Vocat omnes, iustos, et peccatores» — "She calls all: the just and sinners." The devil goes always about, says St. Peter, seeking someone to devour: «Circuit quaerens quem devoret» — "He goes about seeking whom he may devour" (1 Pet. 5:8). But this divine Mother, says Bernardino da Bustis, goes about seeking whom she can save: «Ipsa semper circuit, quaerens quem salvet» — "She herself ever goes about, seeking whom she may save" (Marial. par. 3. Serm. 3). Mary is the Mother of mercy, because the mercy she has for us makes her compassionate toward us and ever seek to save us; like a mother who cannot see her children in danger of being lost and refrain from helping them. And who, says St. Germanus, after Jesus Christ, has more care for our eternal salvation than You, O Mother of mercy? «Quis post Filium tuum curam gerit generis humani sicut tu?» — "Who, after Your Son, cares for the human race as You do?" (Serm. de Zona Virg.). St. Bonaventure adds that Mary is so solicitous in succoring the wretched that she seems to have no greater desire than this: «Undique sollicita es de miseris; solum misereri videris appetere» — "On every side You are solicitous for the wretched; You seem to desire only to show mercy" (Super Salve Reg.).

She certainly comes to our aid when we have recourse to her, and no one is ever turned away by her. «Tanta est eius benignitas», says the Idiota, «ut nemo ab ea repellatur» — "So great is her kindness that no one is repelled by her" (Praefat. in Cantic.). But this is not enough for the merciful heart of Mary, adds Richard of St. Victor. She anticipates our supplications and sets about helping us before we pray to her: «Velocius occurrit eius pietas, quam invocetur, et causas miserorum anticipat» — "Her mercy comes to meet us more swiftly than she is invoked, and she takes up the cause of the wretched before they ask" (In Cant. cap. 23). Moreover, the same author says that Mary is so full of mercy that when she sees misery, she brings relief at once; she cannot see anyone's need without succoring him: «Adeo replentur ubera tua misericordia, ut alterius miseriae notitia tacta, lac fundant misericordiae, nec possis miserias scire, et non subvenire» — "Your breasts are so filled with mercy that, touched by the very knowledge of another's misery, they pour forth the milk of mercy; nor can You know of miseries and not relieve them." Thus did she act even while she lived on this earth, as we know from what happened at the marriage feast of Cana in Galilee, when, the wine having failed, she did not wait to be asked; but compassionating the distress and embarrassment of those spouses, she begged her Son to console them, saying: «Vinum non habent» — "They have no wine"; and she at once obtained that her Son, by a miracle, should change the water into wine. Now if, says St. Bonaventure, so great was Mary's compassion toward the afflicted while she still dwelt in this world, how much greater surely is the compassion with which she now succors us from heaven, where she better sees our miseries and pities us the more: «Magna fuit erga miseros misericordia Mariae adhuc exsulantis in mundo, sed multo maior est regnantis in coelo» — "Great was Mary's mercy toward the wretched while she still sojourned in the world, but it is far greater now that she reigns in heaven" (In spec. B. V. cap. 8). And Novarino adds that if Mary, though not entreated, showed herself so ready to help, how much more attentive will she be to console those who pray to her? «Si tam prompta ad auxilium currit non quaesita, quid quaesita praestitura est?» — "If she runs so promptly to our aid unasked, what will she do when asked?"

Ah, let us never cease in all our needs to have recourse to this divine Mother, who always makes herself found ready to help whoever prays to her. «Invenies semper paratam auxiliari» — "You will always find her ready to help," says Richard of St. Lawrence. And Bernardino da Bustis adds that she desires more to grant us graces than we desire to receive them from her: «Plus vult illa bonum tibi facere, et gratiam largiri, quam tu accipere concupiscas» — "She wishes to do you good and to bestow grace more than you desire to receive it" (Marial. 1. Serm. 5. de Nom. Mar.). And therefore he says that when we have recourse to her, we will always find her with hands full of graces and mercies: «Invenies eam in manibus plenam misericordia et liberalitate» — "You will find her, in her hands, full of mercy and generosity." So great, says St. Bonaventure, is the desire Mary has to do us good and to see us saved that she accounts herself offended not only by those who do her some positive injury, but also by those who do not ask her for graces: «In te Domina peccant, non solum qui tibi iniuriam irrogant, sed etiam qui te non rogant» — "They sin against You, O Lady, not only who inflict injury upon You, but also who do not petition You" (St. Bon. in Spec. Virg.). And on the other hand, the saint affirms that whoever has recourse to Mary (understood always as having the will to amend) is already saved; wherefore he calls her: «O salus te invocantium» — "O eternal salvation of those who call upon You." Let us then always have recourse to this divine Mother, and always say to her what this saint said to her: «In te Domina speravi, non confundar in aeternum» — "In You, O Lady, have I hoped; let me not be confounded forever." O Lady, O Mary, Mother of God — no, I shall not be damned, having placed my hopes in You.

#### Affections and Prayers

O Mary, behold at Your feet a wretched slave of hell who begs You for mercy. It is true that I deserve no good, but You are the Mother of mercy, and mercy is shown to those who do not deserve it. The whole world calls You the refuge and the hope of sinners; therefore You are my refuge and my hope. I am a lost sheep, but to save these lost sheep the eternal Word came from heaven and became Your Son; and He wills that I should have recourse to You, and that You should succor me with Your prayers. «Sancta Maria Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus» — "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners." O great Mother of God, You pray for all; pray to Your Son also for me. Tell Him that I am Your devotee, and that You protect me. Tell Him that in You I have placed my hopes. Tell Him to forgive me, and that I repent of all the offenses I have committed against Him. Tell Him to grant me, in His mercy, holy perseverance. Tell Him to grant me the grace to love Him with all my heart. Tell Him, in short, that You will have me saved. He does whatever You ask of Him.

O Mary, my hope, in You I trust; have pity on me.

## Consideration XXXIII — Of the Love of God

«Nos ergo diligamus Deum, quoniam Deus prior dilexit nos» — "Let us therefore love God, because God first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

### POINT I

Consider first that God deserves to be loved by you, because He loved you before you loved Him; and He was the first of all to love you. «In caritate perpetua dilexi te» — "I have loved you with an everlasting love" (Jer. 31:3). The first to love you on this earth were your parents, but they loved you only after they came to know you. But before you had being, God already loved you. Neither your father nor your mother was yet in this world, and God already loved you; indeed, the world was not yet created, and God loved you. And how long before the creation of the world did God love you? Perhaps a thousand years, a thousand ages before? There is no need to count years and ages: know that God has loved you from eternity. «In caritate perpetua dilexi te, ideo attraxi te miserans tui» — "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, taking pity on you, I have drawn you to Myself" (ibid.). In short, God, since He has been God, has always loved you; since He has loved Himself, He has loved you also. That holy virgin St. Agnes was right, then, to say: «Ab alio amatore praeventa sum» — "I have been forestalled by another Lover." When the world and creatures asked for her love, she would answer: No, world; no, creatures, I cannot love you; my God was the first to love me; it is right, then, that I consecrate all my love to God alone.

And so, my brother, your God has loved you from eternity, and solely out of love He drew you out from the number of so many men He could have created, and gave you being and placed you in the world. For love of you He also made so many other beautiful creatures, that they might serve you and remind you of the love He has borne you and that you owe Him. «Coelum et terra», St. Augustine used to say, «et omnia mihi dicunt, ut amem te» — "Heaven and earth and all things say to me, that I should love You." When the saint beheld the sun, the moon, the stars, the mountains, the rivers, it seemed to him that they all spoke to him and said: Augustine, love God, for He created us for you, that you might love Him. The Abbot de Rancé, founder of La Trappe, when he looked upon the hills, the springs, the flowers, used to say that all these creatures reminded him of the love God had borne him. St. Teresa likewise used to say that creatures reproached her for her ingratitude toward God. St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi, when she held in her hand some beautiful flower or fruit, felt her heart wounded by it, as by an arrow, with love for God, saying within herself: So my God thought from all eternity of creating this flower, this fruit, that I might love Him!

Consider, moreover, the special love God has shown you in causing you to be born in a Christian country and in the bosom of the true Church. How many are born among idolaters, among Jews, among Mohammedans, or among heretics — and all of these are lost! Few are those among men who have the lot of being born where the true faith reigns; and among these few the Lord has chosen you. Oh, what an immense gift is this gift of faith! How many millions of persons are deprived of the sacraments, of preaching, of the example of good companions, and of all the other aids that are found in our true Church for attaining eternal salvation! And God has willed to grant you all these great helps without any merit of yours — indeed, foreseeing your demerits; for when He thought of creating you and granting you these graces, He already foresaw the offenses you were going to commit against Him.

#### Affections and Prayers

O sovereign Lord of heaven and earth, infinite good, infinite majesty, You who have so loved men, how is it that You are then so despised by men? But among these men, You, my God, have loved me in particular, favoring me with such special graces that You have not granted to so many others; and I have despised You more than the rest. I cast myself at Your feet, O my Jesus, my Savior: «ne proiicias me a facie tua» — "Do not cast me away from Your face." I would deserve that You drive me away for the ingratitude I have shown You; but You have said that You cannot drive away a repentant heart that returns to You: «Eum, qui venit ad me, non eiiciam foras» — "The one who comes to Me I will not cast out" (John 6:37). My Jesus, I repent of having offended You. In the past I did not know You; now I acknowledge You as my Lord and my Redeemer, who died to save me and to be loved by me. When will I cease, my Jesus, to be ungrateful to You? When will I begin to love You in earnest? Behold, today I resolve to love You with all my heart, and to love nothing but You. O infinite goodness, I adore You for all those who do not adore You, and I love You for all those who do not love You. In You I believe, in You I hope, You I love, to You I offer myself entirely; help me with Your grace. You already know my weakness. But if You so favored me when I did not love You nor desire to love You, how much more should I hope in Your mercy, now that I love You and desire nothing but to love You? My Lord, give me Your love, but a fervent love that makes me forget all creatures; a strong love that makes me overcome every difficulty to give You pleasure; a perpetual love that may never be broken between me and You. I hope for all things through Your merits, O my Jesus; and I hope for all things through Your intercession, O my Mother Mary.

### POINT II

But God has not only given us so many beautiful creatures; He did not consider Himself satisfied until He had come to give us even Himself: «Dilexit nos, et tradidit semetipsum pro nobis» — "He loved us and delivered Himself up for us" (Gal. 2:20). Accursed sin had made us lose the grace of God and paradise, and had made us slaves of hell; but the Son of God, filling heaven and nature with wonder, willed to come to earth and make Himself man, to redeem us from eternal death and to regain for us the grace of God and the paradise we had lost. What a marvel it would be to see a monarch become a worm for love of worms! But infinitely greater must be our wonder at seeing a God made man for love of men: «Exinanivit semetipsum, formam servi accipiens, et habitu inventus ut homo» — "He emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, and was found in appearance as a man" (Phil. 2:7). A God clothed in flesh! «Et Verbum caro factum est» — "And the Word was made flesh" (John 1:14). But the wonder grows in seeing what this Son of God then did and suffered for love of us. A single drop of His blood, one tear, one simple prayer of His would have sufficed to redeem us, since that prayer, being the prayer of a divine person, was of infinite value, and therefore was sufficient to save the whole world and infinite worlds. But no, says St. John Chrysostom: what sufficed to redeem us did not suffice for the immense love that this God bore us: «Quod sufficiebat redemtioni, non sufficiebat amori» — "What sufficed for redemption did not suffice for love."

He willed not only to save us, but because He loved us greatly, He also willed to be greatly loved by us; and for this reason He chose for Himself a life wholly filled with sufferings and contempt, and a death the most bitter of all deaths, to make us understand the infinite love with which He burned toward us: «Humiliavit semetipsum, factus obediens usque ad mortem, mortem autem crucis» — "He humbled Himself, becoming obedient unto death, even the death of the cross" (Phil. 2:8). O excess of divine love, which all men and all angels will never succeed in comprehending! I say «excess», for this is precisely what it was called by Moses and Elijah on Tabor, as they spoke of the passion of Jesus Christ: «Dicebant excessum quem completurus erat in Ierusalem» — "They spoke of the excess that He was to accomplish in Jerusalem" (Luke 9:31). «Excessus doloris, excessus amoris» — "An excess of sorrow, an excess of love," says St. Bonaventure. If the Redeemer had not been God, but simply a friend and kinsman of ours, what greater sign of affection could He have shown us than to die for us? «Maiorem hac dilectionem nemo habet, ut animam suam ponat quis pro amicis suis» — "Greater love than this no man has, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). If Jesus Christ had had to save His own Father, what more could He have done for love of Him? If, my brother, you had been God and the creator of Jesus Christ, what else could He have done for you than sacrifice His life amid a sea of contempt and sorrows? If the lowliest man on earth had done for you what Jesus Christ has done, could you live without loving Him?

But what do you say? Do you believe in the incarnation and death of Jesus Christ? You believe it, and you do not love Him? And can you think of loving anything else apart from Jesus Christ? Perhaps you doubt whether He loves you? For this very end, says St. Augustine, He came to earth to suffer and die for you: to make you know the immense love He bears you: «Propterea Christus advenit, ut cognosceret homo quantum eum diligat Deus» — "For this reason Christ came, that man might know how much God loves him." Before the incarnation, man could doubt whether God loved him tenderly; but after the incarnation and the death of Jesus Christ, how can he doubt it any longer? And what greater tenderness could He show you of His affection than in sacrificing His divine life for you? We have grown accustomed to hearing spoken of creation, redemption, a God in a manger, a God on a cross. O holy faith, do you enlighten us.

#### Affections and Prayers

O my Jesus, I see that there was nothing more for You to do in order to put me under the necessity of loving You; I see that by my ingratitude I have done all I could to oblige You to abandon me. Blessed forever be Your patience, which has borne with me so long. I would deserve a hell made just for me, but Your death gives me confidence. Ah, make me know well the claim You have, O infinite good, to be loved, and the obligation I have to love You. I already knew that You, my Jesus, had died for me; how then could I, O God, live for so many years forgetful of You? Oh, if I could live over again from the beginning the years I have lived, I would, my Lord, give them all to You. But the years do not return; grant, then, that at least the life that remains to me I may spend entirely in loving You and giving You pleasure. My beloved Redeemer, I love You with all my heart; increase this love in me; remind me always of what You have done for me, and do not permit me to live ungrateful to You any longer. No, I will no longer resist the lights You have given me. You will to be loved by me, and I will to love You. And whom am I to love, if I do not love a God who is infinite beauty, infinite goodness? A God who died for me? A God who has borne with me with such patience and, instead of punishing me as I deserved, has turned punishments into graces and favors? Yes, I love You, O God worthy of infinite love, and I sigh for and seek nothing else than to live wholly occupied in loving You, forgetful of all that is not You. O infinite charity of my Lord, come to the aid of a soul that yearns to be wholly Yours.

Come to my aid also, O great Mother of God, Mary, with Your intercession; pray Jesus to make me wholly His.

### POINT III

The wonder grows further in seeing the desire that Jesus Christ had to suffer and to die for us. «Baptismo autem habeo baptizari (so He kept saying while He lived), et quomodo coarctor usquedum perficiatur» — "I have a baptism with which I must be baptized, and how am I constrained until it be accomplished!" (Luke 12:50). I must be baptized with the baptism of my own blood, and I feel myself dying with desire that my passion and death come quickly, so that man may soon know the love I bear him. It was this that also made Him say on the night before His passion: «Desiderio desideravi hoc pascha manducare vobiscum» — "With desire I have desired to eat this pasch with you" (Luke 22:15). Therefore, says St. Basil of Seleucia, it seems that our God cannot be sated with loving men: «Hominum amore nequit expleri Deus» — "God cannot be filled with love for men" (St. Basil, ch. 416).

Ah, my Jesus, men do not love You because they do not think of the love You have borne them. O God, a soul that considers a God dead for love of her, and with so great a desire to die in order to show her the affection He bore her — how is it possible that she can live without loving Him? «Caritas Christi urget nos» — "The charity of Christ presses us" (2 Cor. 5:14). St. Paul says that it is not so much what Jesus Christ did and suffered, but the love He showed us in suffering for us, that obliges us and, as it were, compels us to love Him. Considering this, St. Lawrence Justinian exclaimed: «Vidimus sapientem prae nimietate amoris infatuatum!» — "We have seen the Wise One made foolish by the excess of His love!" We have seen a God who for us has, as it were, gone mad through the too-great love He bears us. And who could ever believe, if faith did not assure us of it, that the Creator willed to die for His creatures? St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi, in an ecstasy she had, holding in her hands an image of the Crucifix, called Jesus Christ precisely this: Mad with love. «Yes, my Jesus (she said), You are mad with love.» And the Gentiles said the very same thing: when the death of Jesus Christ was preached to them, they deemed it a madness that could never be believed; so attests St. Paul: «Praedicamus Christum crucifixum, Iudaeis quidem scandalum, gentibus autem stultitiam» — "We preach Christ crucified, to the Jews indeed a stumbling block, and to the Gentiles foolishness" (1 Cor. 1:23). And how could it be, they said, that a God most blessed in Himself, who has need of no one, descended to earth, became man, and died for love of men, His creatures? That would be the same as believing that a God had become mad for love of men. Yet it is of faith that Jesus Christ, true Son of God, for love of us gave Himself to death: «Dilexit nos et tradidit semetipsum pro nobis» — "He loved us and delivered Himself up for us" (Eph. 5:2).

And why did He do it? He did it so that we might live no longer for the world, but only for that Lord who willed to die for us. «Pro omnibus mortuus est Christus, ut et qui vivunt, iam non sibi vivant, sed ei qui pro ipsis mortuus est» — "Christ died for all, so that those who live may no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died for them" (2 Cor. 5:15). He did it so that, by the love He has shown us, He might win all the affections of our hearts. «In hoc Christus mortuus est, et resurrexit, ut mortuorum et vivorum dominetur» — "For this Christ died and rose again, that He might be Lord over the dead and the living" (Rom. 14:9). Hence the saints, considering the death of Jesus Christ, thought it little to give their life and everything for love of a God so loving. How many nobles, how many princes have left relatives, riches, homelands, and even kingdoms, to shut themselves in a cloister and live for the sole love of Jesus Christ! How many martyrs have sacrificed their lives for Him! How many young virgins, renouncing marriage with the great, went rejoicing to their death, to make thus some return to the love of a God who died for love of them! And you, my brother, what have you done so far for the love of Jesus Christ? Just as He died for the saints, for St. Lawrence, for St. Lucy, for St. Agnes, so He died also for you. At least, what do you intend to do with the life that remains to you, and that God grants you so that you may love Him? From today onward, often gaze upon the image of the Crucifix, and looking at it remember the love He bore you, and say within yourself: So You, my God, died for me? Do at least this (I say), and do it often; for in doing so, you will not be able to keep from feeling sweetly compelled to love a God who has loved you so much.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my dear Redeemer, it is true: I have not loved You, because I have not thought of the love You bore me. Ah, my Jesus, I have been too ungrateful to You; You gave Your life for me by a death the most bitter of all deaths, and I could be so ungrateful that I did not even want to think of You? Forgive me; I promise You that from this day forward, my crucified love, You shall be the sole object of my thoughts and of all my affections. Ah, when the devil or the world presents me with some forbidden fruit, remind me, my beloved Savior, of the pains You suffered for love of me, so that I may love You and never offend You again. Ah, if a servant of mine had done for me what You have done, I would not have the heart to displease him. Yet so many times I have had the heart to turn my back on You, who died for me. O beautiful flames of love, you who compelled a God to give His life for me, come, inflame me, fill my whole heart, and destroy all my affections for created things. Ah, my beloved Redeemer, how is it possible that one who contemplates You — whether in the manger of Bethlehem, or on the cross on Calvary, or in the Sacrament on the altars — does not fall in love with You? My Jesus, I love You with all my soul. In the years of life that remain to me, You shall be my only good, my only love. Enough with the unhappy years I have miserably lived forgetful of Your passion and Your love. I give myself wholly to You, and if I do not know how to give myself as I ought, take me Yourself, and reign over my whole heart. «Adveniat regnum tuum» — "Your kingdom come." May it be servant of nothing but Your love; may it speak of nothing else, deal with nothing else, think of nothing else, long for nothing else than to love You and give You pleasure. Assist me always with Your grace, so that I may be faithful to You. In Your merits I trust, O my Jesus.

O Mother of beautiful love, make me love greatly this Son of Yours, who is so lovable and who has loved me so much.

## Consideration XXXIV — On Holy Communion

«Accipite, et comedite: hoc est Corpus meum» — "Take and eat: this is My Body" (Matt. 26).

### POINT I

Let us consider: 1. the great gift that is the Blessed Sacrament; 2. the great love that Jesus has shown us in this gift; 3. the great desire of Jesus that we receive this gift of His. Let us consider first the great gift that Jesus Christ has given us, in giving us Himself entirely as food in Holy Communion. St. Augustine says that, since Jesus is an almighty God, He had nothing more He could give us: «Cum esset omnipotens plus dare non potuit» — "Being almighty, He could give no more." And what greater treasure, adds St. Bernardine of Siena, can a soul receive or desire than the most holy Body of Jesus Christ? «Quis melior thesaurus in corde hominis esse potest, quam Corpus Christi?» — "What better treasure can there be in the heart of man than the Body of Christ?" The prophet Isaiah cried out: «Notas facite adinventiones eius» — "Make known His wondrous devices" (Isa. 12). Publish, O men, the loving inventions of our good God. And who, if our Redeemer had not made us this gift — who among us (I say) could ever have asked for it? Who would ever have had the boldness to say to Him: Lord, if You wish to make us know Your love, place Yourself under the appearances of bread, and permit us to feed on You? It would have been reckoned madness even to think it. «Nonne insania videtur», says St. Augustine, «dicere, manducate meam carnem, bibite meum sanguinem?» — "Does it not seem madness to say: eat my flesh, drink my blood?" When Jesus Christ revealed to the disciples this gift of the Blessed Sacrament that He wished to leave us, they could not bring themselves to believe it, and they went away from Him, saying: «Quomodo potest hic carnes suas dare ad manducandum? Durus est hic sermo, et quis potest eum audire» — "How can this man give us his flesh to eat? This saying is hard, and who can listen to it?" (John 6:61). But what men could never have imagined, the great love of Jesus Christ conceived and carried out.

St. Bernardine says that the Lord left us this Sacrament as a memorial of the love He showed us in His passion: «Hoc Sacramentum est memoriale suae dilectionis» — "This Sacrament is a memorial of His love." And this accords with what Jesus Himself left us through St. Luke: «Hoc facite in meam commemorationem» — "Do this in remembrance of Me" (Luke 22:19). The love of our Savior, adds St. Bernardine, was not content with sacrificing His life for us: before dying, He was compelled by this very love of His to make us the greatest gift He has ever given us, by giving us Himself as food: «In illo fervoris excessu, quando paratus erat pro nobis mori, ab excessu amoris maius opus agere coactus est, quam unquam operatus fuerat, dare nobis Corpus in cibum» — "In that excess of fervor, when He was ready to die for us, by an excess of love He was compelled to perform a greater work than He had ever done: to give us His Body as food" (St. Bernardine of Siena, tom. 2, Serm. 54, a. 1, c. 1). Abbot Guerric says that in this Sacrament Jesus made His utmost effort of love: «Omnem vim amoris effudit amicis» — "He poured out all the power of His love upon His friends" (Serm. 5, On the Ascension). And the Council of Trent expressed it better, saying that in the Eucharist Jesus poured forth all the riches of His love toward men: «Divitias sui erga homines amoris velut effudit» — "He poured out, as it were, all the riches of His love toward men" (Sess. 13, ch. 2).

What a refinement of love, says St. Francis de Sales, would it be thought, if a prince, seated at table, sent a poor man a portion from his own dish? What then if he sent him his whole meal? And what, finally, if he sent him a piece of his own arm so that he might feed on it? In Holy Communion, Jesus gives us as food not only a part of His meal, not only a part of His body, but His whole body: «Accipite, et comedite; hoc est Corpus meum» — "Take and eat; this is My Body." And together with His body, He gives us also His soul and His divinity. In short (says St. John Chrysostom), by giving you Himself in Holy Communion, Jesus Christ gives you all that He has and reserves nothing for Himself: «Totum tibi dedit, nihil sibi reliquit» — "He gave you all; He left nothing for Himself"; and another author writes: «Deus in Eucharistia totum quod est et habet, dedit nobis» — "God in the Eucharist gave us all that He is and all that He has." Behold, that great God whom the world cannot contain (marvels St. Bonaventure) makes Himself our prisoner in the Blessed Sacrament: «Ecce quem mundus capere non potest, captivus noster est» — "Behold, He whom the world cannot contain is our captive." And if the Lord in the Eucharist gives us all of Himself, how can we fear that He would then deny us any grace we ask of Him? «Quomodo non etiam cum illo omnia nobis donavit?» — "How has He not also, with Him, given us all things?" (Rom. 8:32).

#### Affections and Prayers

O my Jesus, who ever moved You to give us Yourself as food? And what more remains for You to give us after this gift, to oblige us to love You? Ah, Lord, give us light and make us understand what excess this was — to reduce Yourself to food in order to unite Yourself with us poor sinners. But if You give Yourself wholly to us, it is right that we too give ourselves wholly to You. O my Redeemer, how could I have offended You, who have loved me so much, and who had nothing more to do to win my love? You became man for me, You died for me, You made Yourself my food; tell me, what more remained for You to do? I love You, infinite goodness; I love You, infinite love. Lord, come often to my soul; inflame me wholly with Your holy love; and make me forget everything, so that I may think of and love nothing but You.

Divine Mother, pray for me, and by Your intercession make me worthy often to receive Your Son in the Blessed Sacrament.

### POINT II

Let us consider, in the second place, the great love that Jesus Christ showed us in this gift. The Blessed Sacrament is a gift given by love alone. According to the divine decree, it was indeed necessary for our salvation that the Redeemer die and, by the sacrifice of His life, satisfy divine justice for our sins; but what necessity was there that Jesus Christ, after having died, should leave Himself to us as food? Yet so love willed it. For no other reason, says St. Lawrence Justinian, did He institute the Eucharist than «ob suae eximiae caritatis indicium» — "as a sign of His surpassing charity" — that is, to make us understand the immense love He bears us. And this is precisely what St. John wrote: «Sciens Iesus, quia venit hora eius, ut transeat ex hoc mundo ad Patrem, cum dilexisset suos, in finem dilexit eos» — "Jesus, knowing that His hour had come to pass from this world to the Father, having loved His own, loved them to the end" (John 13:1). Jesus, knowing that the time to depart from this earth had now come, willed to leave us the greatest sign of His love, which was this gift of the Blessed Sacrament; this is exactly what those words mean, «in finem dilexit eos» — "He loved them to the end" — that is, «extremo amore, summe dilexit eos» — "with utmost love, He loved them supremely" — as Theophylact explains together with St. John Chrysostom.

And let us note what the Apostle noted: that the time in which Jesus Christ willed to leave us this gift was the time of His death. «In qua nocte tradebatur, accepit panem, et gratias agens fregit, et dixit: Accipite et manducate, hoc est Corpus meum» — "On the night in which He was betrayed, He took bread, and giving thanks, broke it, and said: Take and eat; this is My Body" (1 Cor. 11). When men were preparing scourges, thorns, and a cross to put Him to death, then did the loving Savior will to leave us this last sign of His affection. And why did He institute this Sacrament at death, and not before? St. Bernardine of Siena says that He did so because the signs of love shown by friends at death remain more easily in the memory and are held more dearly: «Quae in fine in signum amicitiae celebrantur, firmius memoriae imprimuntur, et cariora tenentur» — "Those things which are done at the end as a sign of friendship are more firmly impressed upon the memory and held more dear." Jesus Christ, says the saint, had already given Himself to us in many ways: He had given Himself as companion, as teacher, as father, as light, as example, and as victim; there remained the last degree of love, which was to give Himself to us as food, in order to unite Himself wholly with us, as food unites with the one who takes it;

and this He did by giving Himself to us in the Blessed Sacrament: «Ultimus gradus amoris est, cum se dedit nobis in cibum, quia dedit se nobis ad omnimodam unionem, sicut cibus et cibans invicem uniuntur» — "The last degree of love is when He gave Himself to us as food, because He gave Himself to us for every manner of union, just as food and the one who eats it are united to each other." Thus our Redeemer was not content to unite Himself only to our human nature; by means of this Sacrament He willed to find a way to unite Himself also to each one of us in particular.

St. Francis de Sales used to say: "In no other action can the Savior be considered more tender or more loving than in this, in which He annihilates Himself, so to speak, and reduces Himself to food in order to penetrate our souls and unite Himself to the hearts of His faithful." Therefore, says St. John Chrysostom, to that Lord on whom the Angels do not dare to fix their gaze, «Huic nos unimur, et facti sumus unum corpus, et una caro» — "to Him we are united, and we have become one body and one flesh." What shepherd ever (adds the saint) feeds his sheep with his own blood? Even mothers give their children to nurses to be fed; but Jesus in the Sacrament feeds us with His very own blood and unites us to Himself: «Quis pastor oves proprio pascit cruore? Et quid dico pastor? Matres multae sunt, quae filios aliis tradunt nutricibus; hoc autem ipse non est passus, sed ipse nos proprio sanguine pascit» — "What shepherd feeds his sheep with his own blood? And why do I say shepherd? There are many mothers who hand their children over to other nurses; but He did not permit this — He Himself feeds us with His own blood" (Hom. 60). And why did He make Himself our food? Because (says the saint) He loved us ardently, and thus willed to unite Himself wholly and become one same thing with us: «Semetipsum nobis immiscuit, ut unum quid simus; ardenter enim amantium hoc est» — "He mingled Himself with us, that we might be one thing; for this is the mark of those who love ardently" (Hom. 61). Therefore Jesus Christ willed to perform the greatest of all miracles: «Memoriam fecit mirabilium suorum, escam dedit timentibus se» — "He made a memorial of His wonders; He gave food to those who fear Him" (Ps. 110), in order to satisfy the desire He had to be with us and to unite our heart in one with His most holy Heart. «O mirabilis dilectio tua (esclama S. Lorenzo Giustiniani), Domine Iesu, qui tuo corpori taliter nos incorporari voluisti, ut tecum unum cor, et animam unam haberemus inseparabiliter colligatam!» — "O wondrous love of Yours, Lord Jesus (exclaims St. Lawrence Justinian), who willed that we be so incorporated into Your body that with You we might have one heart and one soul inseparably bound together!"

That great servant of God, Father de la Colombière, used to speak thus: If anything could shake my faith in the mystery of the Eucharist, I would not doubt the power, but rather the love that God shows us in this Sacrament. How the bread becomes the Body of Jesus, how Jesus is found in many places — I say that God can do all things. But if you ask me how God can love man to such a degree that He wills to become his food, I can answer nothing except that I do not understand it, and that the love of Jesus cannot be comprehended. But, Lord, such an excess of affection — reducing Yourself to food — seems unbefitting to Your majesty. But St. Bernard answers that love makes the lover forget his own dignity: «Amor dignitatis nescius» — "Love knows nothing of dignity." St. John Chrysostom answers likewise that love does not go seeking a reason of propriety when it comes to making itself known to the beloved; it does not go where it is fitting, but where it is led by its desire: «Amor ratione caret, et vadit quo ducitur, non quo debeat» — "Love is without reason, and goes where it is led, not where it ought"

(Serm. 147). St. Thomas Aquinas was therefore right to call this Sacrament the Sacrament of love and the pledge of love: «Sacramentum caritatis, caritatis pignus» — "Sacrament of charity, pledge of charity" (Opusc. 58). And St. Bernard to call it «Amor amorum» — "Love of loves." And St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi to call the day of Holy Thursday, on which this Sacrament was instituted, "the day of love."

#### Affections and Prayers

O infinite love of Jesus, worthy of infinite love! Ah, when, my Jesus, shall I love You as You have loved me? You have nothing more to do to make Yourself loved by me; and yet I have had the heart to leave You, the infinite good, to turn to vile and wretched goods! Ah, enlighten me, O my God; reveal to me ever more the greatness of Your goodness, so that I may fall wholly in love with You and labor to give You pleasure. I love You, my Jesus, my love, my all; and I wish to unite myself often with You in this Sacrament, to detach myself from everything, and to love You alone, my life. Help me, O my Redeemer, through the merits of Your passion.

Help me also, O Mother of Jesus and my mother; pray to Him, that He may inflame me wholly with His holy love.

### POINT III

Let us consider, in the third place, the great desire Jesus Christ has that we receive Him in Holy Communion: «Sciens Iesus quia venit hora eius» — "Jesus, knowing that His hour had come" (John 13:1). But how could Jesus call "His hour" that night in which His bitter passion was to begin? Yes, He calls it "His hour," because on that night He was to leave us this divine Sacrament, in order to unite Himself wholly with His beloved souls. And this desire made Him say then: «Desiderio desideravi hoc Pascha manducare vobiscum» — "With desire I have desired to eat this Pasch with you" (Luke 22). Words by which the Redeemer willed to make us understand the longing He had to join Himself with each one of us in this Sacrament. «Desiderio desideravi» — "With desire I have desired" — so does the immense love He bears us make Him speak, says St. Lawrence Justinian: «Flagrantissimae caritatis est vox haec» — "This is the utterance of most ardent charity." And He willed to leave Himself under the species of bread, so that everyone could receive Him; had He placed Himself under the appearance of some precious food, the poor would not have had the means to take it; and even under the appearance of some other food that was not precious, at least that other food would perhaps not be found in every place on earth. Jesus willed to leave Himself under the species of bread because bread costs little and is found everywhere, so that all in every place can find it and receive it.

Because of this great desire the Redeemer has to be received by us, not only does He exhort us to receive Him with so many invitations: «Venite, comedite panem meum, et bibite vinum quod miscui vobis» — "Come, eat my bread, and drink the wine which I have mingled for you" (Prov. 9:5); «Comedite amici, et bibite, et inebriamini carissimi» — "Eat, O friends, and drink, and be inebriated, my dearest ones" (Song 5:1); but He even imposes it upon us as a precept: «Accipite, et comedite, hoc est Corpus meum» — "Take and eat; this is My Body" (Matt. 26). Moreover, so that we may go to receive Him, He entices us with the promise of eternal life: «Qui manducat meam carnem, habet vitam aeternam» — "He who eats My flesh has eternal life" (John 6:54). «Qui manducat hunc panem, vivet in aeternum» — "He who eats this bread shall live forever" (Ibid. 58). And if not, He threatens us with exclusion from paradise: «Nisi manducaveritis carnem Filii hominis, non habebitis vitam in vobis» — "Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man, you shall not have life in you" (Ib. 53). All these invitations, promises, and threats spring from the desire Jesus Christ has to unite Himself with us in this sacrament. And this desire springs from the great love He bears us; for (as St. Francis de Sales says) the end of love is nothing other than to unite oneself to the beloved object; and because in this sacrament Jesus unites Himself wholly to the soul: «Qui manducat meam carnem, et bibit meum sanguinem, in me manet, et ego in illo» — "He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him" (John 6:35); for this reason He so greatly desires that we receive Him. There is no bee (the Lord once said to St. Mechtilde) that casts itself upon the flowers to suck their honey with such an impetus of love as that with which I come to these souls that desire Me.

Oh, if only the faithful understood the great good that Holy Communion brings to the soul! Jesus is the Lord of all riches, since the Father has made Him master of all things. «Sciens Iesus, quia omnia dedit ei Pater in manus» — "Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands" (John 13:3). Hence, when Jesus Christ comes into a soul in Holy Communion, He brings with Himself immense treasures of graces. «Venerunt autem mihi omnia bona pariter cum illa» — "All good things came to me together with her" — says Solomon, speaking of eternal Wisdom (Wis. 7:11).

St. Denis used to say that the Blessed Sacrament has a sovereign power to sanctify the soul: «Eucharistia maximam vim habet perficiendae sanctitatis» — "The Eucharist has the greatest power to perfect holiness." And St. Vincent Ferrer left it written that the soul profits more from one Holy Communion than from a week of fasting on bread and water. Holy Communion, as the Council of Trent teaches, is that great remedy which frees us from venial faults and preserves us from mortal ones: «Antidotum quo a culpis quotidianis liberemur, et a mortalibus praeservemur» — "An antidote by which we are freed from daily faults and preserved from mortal sins" (Council of Trent, Sess. 13, c. 2). Hence St. Ignatius the martyr called the Blessed Sacrament «Pharmacum immortalitatis» — "The medicine of immortality." Innocent III said that Jesus Christ by His passion freed us from the punishment of sin, but by the Eucharist He frees us from sinning: «Per Crucis mysterium liberavit nos a potestate peccati, per Eucharistiae sacramentum liberat nos a potestate peccandi» — "By the mystery of the Cross He freed us from the power of sin; by the sacrament of the Eucharist He frees us from the power of sinning."

Moreover, this sacrament kindles the divine love. «Introduxit me Rex in cellam vinariam, ordinavit in me caritatem. Fulcite me floribus, stipate me malis, quia amore langueo» — "The King has brought me into the wine cellar; He has set charity in order within me. Sustain me with flowers, surround me with apples, for I languish with love" (Song 2). St. Gregory of Nyssa says that Holy Communion is precisely this wine cellar, where the soul is so inebriated with the divine love that it forgets the earth and every creature; and this is properly the languishing of holy charity. The Venerable Father Francesco Olimpio, a Theatine, also used to say that nothing avails so much to inflame us with love toward God as Holy Communion.

God is love, and He is a fire of love. «Deus caritas est» — "God is charity" (John 4:8). «Ignis consumens est» — "He is a consuming fire" (Deut. 4:24). And the eternal Word came to kindle this fire of love on earth: «Ignem veni mittere in terram et quid volo nisi ut accendatur?» — "I came to cast fire upon the earth, and what do I will but that it be kindled?" (Luke 12:49). And oh, what beautiful flames of holy love Jesus kindles in the souls that receive Him with longing in this sacrament! St. Catherine of Siena one day saw Jesus in the Sacrament, in the hand of a priest, as a furnace of love; and the saint afterward marveled how, from so great a conflagration, all the hearts of men were not burned and reduced to ashes. St. Rose of Lima used to say that in receiving Holy Communion she seemed to receive the sun; hence her face sent forth such rays that they dazzled the sight, and such heat issued from her mouth that whoever offered her drink after Communion felt his hand scorched, as if he had brought it near a furnace. St. Wenceslaus, the king, merely by going about visiting the Blessed Sacrament, became inflamed even outwardly with such ardor that his servant who accompanied him, walking on the snow, would place his feet in the saint's footprints, and so felt no cold. «Carbo est Eucharistia», said St. John Chrysostom, «quae nos inflammat, ut tanquam leones ignem spirantes ab illa mensa recedamus facti diabolo terribiles» — "The Eucharist is a burning coal that inflames us, so that we depart from that table like lions breathing fire, made terrible to the devil." The saint said that the Blessed Sacrament is a fire that inflames, so that we should leave the altar breathing such flames of love that the devil would no longer have the courage to tempt us.

But someone will say: "The reason I do not receive Holy Communion often is that I see myself cold in the divine love." But such a man, says Gerson, would be doing the same as one who refused to draw near the fire because he feels cold. The colder we feel ourselves to be, therefore, the more often we must draw near to the Blessed Sacrament, provided we have a desire to love God. "If they ask you (writes St. Francis de Sales in his «Philothea», ch. 21) why you receive Holy Communion so often, tell them that two sorts of persons must go to Communion often, the perfect and the imperfect: the perfect, to preserve themselves in perfection; and the imperfect, to attain perfection." And St. Bonaventure likewise says: «Licet tepide, tamen confidens de misericordia Dei accedas. Tanto magis eget medico, quanto quis senserit se aegrotum» — "Though lukewarm, yet approach with trust in the mercy of God; the more a man feels himself sick, the more he needs the physician" (De Prof. rel. c. 78). And Jesus Christ said to St. Matilda: "When you are about to receive Holy Communion, desire all that love which any heart has ever had toward Me, and I will receive it as you would wish such a love to be" (Appr. Blos. in Concl. An. fidel. c. 6, n. 6).

#### Affections and Prayers

O lover of souls, my Jesus, it no longer remains for You to give us greater proofs of love to show us that You love us. And what else remains for You to invent, to make Yourself loved by us? Ah, grant, O infinite goodness, that from this day forward I may love You with all my strength and with all tenderness. And who should love my heart with greater tenderness than You, my Redeemer, who, after having given Your life for me, give me all of Yourself in this sacrament? Ah, my Lord, may I always remember Your love, so that I may forget all things and love You alone, without interval, without reserve! I love You, my Jesus, above all things, and You alone do I wish to love. Drive from my heart, I beg You, all the affections that are not for You. I thank You that You give me time to love You and to weep over the displeasure I have caused You. My Jesus, I desire that You be the sole object of all my affections. Help me Yourself and save me; and let my eternal salvation be to love You with all my heart, and always, in this life and in the next.

My Mother, teach me to love Jesus; pray to Him for me.

## Consideration XXXV — On the Loving Dwelling That Jesus Makes upon the Altars in the Blessed Sacrament

«Venite ad me omnes qui laboratis, et onerati estis, et ego reficiam vos» — "Come to Me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will refresh you" (Matt. 11:28).

### POINT I

Our loving Savior, having to depart from this world after having accomplished the work of our redemption by His death, did not wish to leave us alone in this vale of tears. «No tongue is sufficient (said St. Peter of Alcantara) to declare the greatness of the love that Jesus bears to every soul; and therefore, this Spouse, wishing to depart from this life, so that this absence of His might not cause her to forget Him, left her this Blessed Sacrament as a memorial, in which He Himself would remain, not willing that between the two there should remain any other pledge to keep His memory alive but Himself.» This great token of love of Jesus Christ therefore deserves great love from us; and for this reason in these last times of ours He has willed that the feast in honor of His Most Sacred Heart be instituted, as He is said to have revealed to His servant Sister Margaret Mary Alacoque, so that we might render with our homage and affections some recompense for the loving dwelling that He makes upon the altars; and so at the same time make amends for the contempt that He has received and still receives in this sacrament of love from heretics and from wicked Christians.

Jesus has left Himself in the Blessed Sacrament: 1. to let Himself be found by all; 2. to give audience to all; 3. to grant favors to all. And as to the first: He makes Himself present on so many different altars, to let Himself be found by all who desire to find Him. On that night in which the Redeemer was taking leave of His disciples to go to His death, they wept in sorrow, thinking that they had to part from their dear Master; but Jesus consoled them, saying (and He was then saying the same also to us): My children, I am going to die for you, to show you the love I bear you; but even in dying I do not wish to leave you alone; as long as you are on earth, I wish to remain with you in the Blessed Sacrament of the altar. I leave you My body, My soul, My divinity, and all of Myself. No, as long as you are on earth, I do not wish to be separated from you. «Ecce vobiscum sum usque ad consummationem saeculi» — "Behold, I am with you even to the consummation of the world" (Matt. 28:20). «The Spouse wished (wrote St. Peter of Alcantara) to leave His bride some companionship during this so long separation, so that she might not remain alone; and therefore He left this sacrament, in which He Himself remained, who was the best companionship He could leave her.» The Gentiles have imagined for themselves so many gods, but they have not known how to imagine a God more loving than ours, one who dwells nearer to us and assists us with such love. «Non est alia natio tam grandis, quae habeat deos appropinquantes sibi, sicut Deus noster adest nobis» — "There is no other nation so great that has gods drawing near to it, as our God is present to us." This is precisely how Holy Church applies this passage of Deuteronomy (ch. 4:7) to the feast of the Blessed Sacrament (Resp. 2, Noct. 3).

Behold, then, Jesus Christ, who dwells upon the altars, as though confined in so many prisons of love. The priests take Him out of the tabernacles to expose Him, or to give Holy Communion, and then they shut Him in again. And Jesus is content to remain there day and night. But what was the use, my Redeemer, of remaining in so many churches even at night, while people lock the doors and leave You alone? It would have been enough for You to stay only during the hours of the day. No—He wills to remain even at night, though alone, waiting so that in the morning whoever seeks Him may find Him at once. The sacred bride went about seeking her beloved, and asked whomever she met: «Num quem diligit anima mea vidistis?» — "Have you seen Him whom my soul loves?" (Song 3:3). And not finding Him, she raised her voice, saying: My Spouse, let me know where You are: «Indica mihi ubi pascas, ubi cubes in meridie» — "Tell me where You pasture Your flock, where You rest at midday" (Song 1:6). At that time the bride did not find Him, because the Blessed Sacrament did not yet exist; but at present, if a soul wishes to find Jesus Christ, she need only go to the parish church, or to some monastery, and there she will find her beloved waiting for her. There is no village, however wretched, and no monastery of religious, that does not keep the Blessed Sacrament; and in all those places the King of heaven is content to remain shut up in a little wooden box, or in a stone, where He often stays alone, with hardly an oil lamp, without anyone to attend Him. But, Lord (says St. Bernard), this is not befitting Your majesty. It does not matter, answers Jesus; if it is not befitting My majesty, it is indeed befitting My love.

Now, what tenderness do pilgrims feel in visiting the holy house of Loreto, or the places of the Holy Land — the stable of Bethlehem, Calvary, the holy Sepulchre — where Jesus Christ was born, or dwelt, or died, or was buried! But how much greater must our tenderness be when we find ourselves in a church in the presence of Jesus Himself, who dwells in the Blessed Sacrament? The Venerable Father John of Avila used to say that he could find no sanctuary of greater devotion and consolation than a church where Jesus dwells in the sacrament. Father Balthasar Alvarez, on the contrary, wept to see the palaces of princes full of people, and the churches where Jesus Christ dwells abandoned and deserted. O God, if the Lord had remained in only one church on earth — for example, only in St. Peter's in Rome — and let Himself be found there on only one day of the year, oh how many pilgrims, how many nobles, and how many monarchs would seek the good fortune of being there on that day, to pay court to the King of heaven returned to earth! Oh, what a noble tabernacle of gold adorned with gems would be prepared for Him! Oh, with what a display of lights would this dwelling of Jesus Christ be celebrated on that day! But no, says the Redeemer: I do not wish to dwell in only one church, nor for a single day; nor do I seek so many riches and so many lights. I wish to dwell continually, on every day and in every place where My faithful are found, so that all may easily find Me, always and at whatever hour they wish.

Ah, if Jesus Christ had not thought of this refinement of love, who could ever have thought of it? When He ascended into heaven, if anyone had said to Him then: Lord, if You wish to show us Your affection, remain with us on our altars under the appearances of bread, so that we may find You there whenever we wish — how rash would this request have been judged! But what no man could even imagine, our Savior has imagined and has done. But alas, where is our gratitude for so great a favor? If a prince were to come from afar to a country expressly to be visited by a peasant, what ingratitude it would be on the peasant's part if he refused to see him, or saw him only in passing?

#### Affections and Prayers

O my Jesus, my Redeemer, O love of my soul, how much has it cost You to remain with us in this Sacrament? You first had to suffer death in order to remain on our altars; and then You had to endure so many insults in this Sacrament in order to assist us with Your presence. And can we be so sluggish and negligent in coming to visit You, knowing how pleased You are by our visits, so as to fill us with blessings when You see us in Your presence? Lord, forgive me, for among these ungrateful ones I too have been. From this day forward, my Jesus, I will visit You often and remain as long as I can in Your presence, to thank You, to love You, and to ask You for graces, since for this very purpose You have remained on earth, shut up in the tabernacles and made our prisoner of love. I love You, infinite goodness; I love You, O God of love; I love You, O supreme good, more worthy of love than every other good. Grant that I may forget myself and all things, to remember only Your love, and to live the life that remains to me wholly occupied in pleasing You. Grant that from today onward I may find no greater delight than to remain at Your feet. Inflame me wholly with Your holy love.

Mary, my mother, obtain for me a great love for the Blessed Sacrament; and when You see me negligent, remind me of the promise that I now make to go and visit it every day.

### POINT II

Secondly, Jesus Christ in the Sacrament gives audience to all. St. Teresa used to say that not everyone on this earth can speak with the prince. The poor can hardly hope to speak with him and make him aware of their needs except through some third person; but with the King of heaven no third persons are needed: all, both nobles and poor, can speak with Him face to face, since He is in the Sacrament. For this reason Jesus is called the flower of the fields: «Ego flos campi, et lilium convallium» — "I am the flower of the field and the lily of the valleys" (Song 2:1). The flowers of gardens are kept enclosed and reserved, but the flowers of the fields lie open to all. «Ego flos campi» — "I am the flower of the field" — comments Cardinal Hugh — «quia omnibus me exhibeo ad inveniendum», "because I offer Myself for all to find."

With Jesus Christ in the Sacrament, then, everyone can speak, and at every hour of the day. St. Peter Chrysologus (speaking of the birth of the Redeemer in the stable of Bethlehem) says that kings do not always give audience; it often happens that when someone goes to speak with the prince, the guards dismiss him, telling him that it is not then the time for audience and that he should come back later. But the Redeemer chose to be born in an open cave, without doors and without guards, in order to give audience to all and at every hour: «Non est satelles, qui dicat non est hora» — "There is no guard who says: It is not the hour." The same happens with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. The churches stand continually open; anyone can go to speak with the King of heaven whenever he wishes. And Jesus Christ wants us to speak to Him there with all our confidence; for this reason He has placed Himself under the appearances of bread. If Jesus appeared on the altars on a throne of light, as He will appear at the last judgment, who of us would have the courage to draw near to Him? But because the Lord, says St. Teresa, desires that we speak to Him and ask Him for graces with confidence and without fear, for this reason He has covered His majesty with the appearances of bread. He desires, as Thomas à Kempis also says, that we converse with Him as one friend converses with another friend, «ut amicus ad amicum» — "as a friend with a friend."

When the soul lingers at the foot of an altar, it seems as though Jesus says to it those words of the Song of Songs: «Surge, propera, amica mea, formosa mea, et veni» — "Arise, make haste, my friend, my beautiful one, and come" (Song 2:10). «Surge» — "Arise," He says to it; "soul, do not fear. «Propera» — "Make haste": draw close to Me. «Amica mea» — "My friend": you are no longer My enemy, since you love Me and repent of having offended Me. «Formosa mea» — "My beautiful one": you are no longer deformed in My eyes; My grace has made you beautiful. «Et veni» — "And come": come up, tell Me what you want; it is for this very purpose that I am on this altar." What joy you would feel, my reader, if the king called you into his private chamber and said to you: Tell me, what do you want? What do you need? I love you and desire to do you good. This is what the King of heaven, Jesus Christ, says to all who visit Him: «Venite ad me omnes qui laboratis et onerati estis, et ego reficiam vos» — "Come to Me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will refresh you" (Matt. 11:28). Come, you poor, you sick, you afflicted — I can and I will enrich you, heal you, and console you. For this purpose I remain on the altars. «Clamabis, et dicet: Ecce adsum» — "You shall cry out, and He will say: Here I am" (Isa. 58:9).

#### Affections and Prayers

Since, then, my beloved Jesus, You remain on the altars to hear the supplications of the wretched who have recourse to You, hear today the supplication that I, a miserable sinner, offer You. O Lamb of God, sacrificed and slain upon the cross, I am a soul redeemed by Your blood; forgive me all the offenses I have committed against You, and assist me with Your grace, so that I may never lose You again. Give me a share, my Jesus, in that sorrow which You felt for my sins in the Garden of Gethsemane. O my God, would that I had never offended You! My dear Lord, if I had died in sin, I could no longer love You; but for this very reason You waited for me, so that I might love You. I thank You for this time that You grant me; and since I can now love You, I will love You. Grant me the grace of Your holy love — but such a love as will make me forget everything, to think only of pleasing Your most loving Heart. Ah, my Jesus, You have consumed Your whole life for me; grant that I may consume at least for You the life that remains to me. Draw me wholly to Your love; make me all Yours before I die. I hope for all things through the merits of Your passion.

And I hope also through Your intercession, O Mary; You know that I love You — have pity on me.

### POINT III

Jesus in the Sacrament gives audience to all, in order to bestow graces on all. St. Augustine says that the Lord has a greater desire to dispense His graces to us than we have to receive them: «Plus vult ille tibi benefacere, quam tu accipere concupiscas» — "He wishes to do good to you more than you desire to receive it." And the reason is that God is infinite goodness, and goodness by its very nature is diffusive, so that He desires to communicate His goods to all. God complains when souls do not come to ask Him for graces: «Nunquid solitudo factus sum Israeli? aut terra serotina? Quare ergo dixit populus meus, non veniemus ultra ad te?» — "Have I become a wilderness to Israel, or a late-bearing land? Why then has My people said: We will come to You no more?" (Jer. 2:31). Why, says the Lord, do you no longer wish to come to Me? Have you perhaps found Me like a barren or late-bearing land when you asked Me for graces? St. John saw the Lord with His breast full of milk — that is, of mercy — and girded with a golden girdle — that is, with love — with which He desires to dispense His graces to us: «Vidi praecinctum ad mamillas zona aurea» — "I saw Him girded about the breasts with a golden girdle" (Rev. 1:13). Jesus Christ is always ready to do us good, but the Disciple says that especially in the Blessed Sacrament He dispenses graces with greater abundance. And Blessed Henry Suso used to say that Jesus in the Sacrament hears our prayers more willingly.

As a mother whose breast is full of milk seeks out infants to come and suckle, so that they may relieve her of that burden, even so does the Lord from this Sacrament of love call us all and say to us: «Ad ubera mea portabimini... quomodo si cui mater blandiatur, ita ego consolabor vos» — "You shall be carried at My breasts... as one whom his mother caresses, so will I comfort you" (Isa. 66:13). Father Balthasar Alvarez once saw Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament with His hands full of graces, to give them to men; but he found no one who wanted them.

O blessed is the soul that stays at the foot of an altar asking graces of Jesus Christ! The Countess of Feria, having become a Poor Clare nun, stayed whenever she could before the Blessed Sacrament, and there she continually received treasures of graces. Asked one day what she did for so many hours before the Venerable Sacrament, she replied: «I would remain there for all eternity. What does one do before the Blessed Sacrament? And what does one not do? What does a poor man do before a rich man? What does a sick man do before a physician? What does one do? One gives thanks, one loves, one asks». Oh how much these last words are worth for spending time fruitfully before the Blessed Sacrament.

Jesus Christ complained to the aforesaid servant of God, Sister Margaret Alacoque, of the ingratitude that men show Him in this Sacrament of love, when He showed her His Heart surrounded by thorns, with a cross above it, upon a throne of flames, thereby giving her to understand the loving dwelling that He makes in the Sacrament; and then He said to her thus: «Behold that Heart which has so loved men, and which has spared nothing: it has gone so far as to consume itself in order to show them its love. But in return I receive nothing but ingratitude from the greater part, because of the irreverences and the contempt they show Me in this Sacrament of love. And what is most painful to Me is that they are hearts consecrated to Me». Men do not go to spend time with Jesus Christ because they do not love Him. They are pleased to spend whole hours talking with a friend, and then it wearies them to spend half an hour with Jesus Christ! Someone will say: But why does Jesus Christ not grant me His love? But I answer: If you do not drive out of your heart the love of the earth, how can divine love enter it? Ah, if you could truly say with your heart what St. Philip Neri used to say at the sight of the Blessed Sacrament: «Behold my love, behold my love»; you would not find it tedious to spend hours and entire days before the Blessed Sacrament.

To a soul enamored of God, the hours before Jesus in the Sacrament seem but moments. St. Francis Xavier labored all day for souls, and what then was his rest at night? It was to remain before the Blessed Sacrament. St. John Francis Regis, that great missionary of France, after spending the whole day hearing confessions and preaching, would go to the church at night, and finding it sometimes closed, would remain outside the door in the cold and wind, to pay court, at least thus from afar, to his beloved Lord. St. Aloysius Gonzaga desired to remain always before the Blessed Sacrament; but because his superiors had ordered him not to stay there, passing before the altar and feeling himself drawn by Jesus to remain, he was obliged to depart in order to obey; and so the holy youth would say to Him lovingly: «Recede a me, Domine, recede» — "Lord, do not draw me; let me depart, for so obedience requires." But if you, my brother, do not feel this love for Jesus Christ, see to it that you visit Him every day, for He will surely inflame your heart. Do you feel cold? Draw near to the fire, said St. Catherine of Siena. And oh, blessed are you if Jesus grants you the grace of being inflamed with His love. Then you will certainly love nothing but Jesus, and you will despise all the things of the earth. St. Francis de Sales says: «When the house is on fire, all the goods are thrown out of the window».

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my Jesus, make Yourself known, and make Yourself loved. You are so lovable; You have nothing more to do to make Yourself loved by men; how then is it that those who love You are so few among men? Alas, among these ungrateful ones, a wretch, I too have been. I have been grateful enough to creatures when they have given me some gift or favor; only toward You, who have given me Yourself, have I been ungrateful, even to the point of grievously displeasing You so many times, and of injuring You with my sins. But I see that You, instead of abandoning me, continue to come after me and to ask for my love. I feel that You continue to press upon me Your loving precept: «Diliges Dominum Deum tuum ex toto corde tuo» — "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart." Since, then, You wish to be loved even by ungrateful me, yes, I do wish to love You. You desire my love, and I, at present favored by Your grace, desire nothing else but to love You. I love You, my love, my all. Help me to love You, for the sake of that blood which You have shed for me. My beloved Redeemer, in this blood I place all my hopes, and in the intercession of Your most holy Mother, whose prayers You will to aid our eternal salvation.

O Mary, my Mother, pray to Jesus for me: You inflame with divine love all Your lovers; inflame me also, who love You so much.

## Consideration XXXVI — On Uniformity with the Will of God

«Et vita in voluntate eius» — "And life is in His will" (Ps. 29:6).

### POINT I

All our eternal salvation and all our perfection consist in loving God. «Qui non diligit manet in morte» — "He who does not love abides in death" (1 John 3:14). «Caritas est vinculum perfectionis» — "Charity is the bond of perfection" (Col. 3). But the perfection of love consists in making our will uniform with the divine will; for this, as the Areopagite says, is the principal effect of love: to unite the wills of the lovers, so that they have but one heart and one will. Our works, then — our penances, communions, alms — are pleasing to God insofar as they are according to the divine will; for otherwise they are not virtuous but defective and deserving of punishment.

This our Savior came to teach us principally from heaven by His example. Behold what He said on entering the world, as St. Paul writes: «Hostiam et oblationem noluisti, corpus autem aptasti mihi. Tunc dixi: Ecce venio, ut faciam, Deus, voluntatem tuam» (Heb. 10:5). You, my Father, have refused the victims of men; You will that I sacrifice to You by death this body that You have given me: behold me ready to do Your will. And this He declared many times, saying that He had not come on earth except to do the will of His Father: «Descendi de coelo, non ut faciam voluntatem meam, sed voluntatem eius qui misit me» — "I came down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of Him who sent me" (John 6:38). And in this He willed that we should know His great love for the Father, in seeing that He went to die in order to obey His will: «Ut cognoscat mundus, quia diligo Patrem, et sicut mandatum dedit mihi Pater, sic facio, surgite, eamus» — "That the world may know that I love the Father; and as the Father gave me commandment, so I do: arise, let us go hence" (John 14:31). Then He said that He acknowledged as His own only those who do the divine will: «Quicunque enim fecerit voluntatem Patris mei qui in coelis est, ipse meus frater, et soror, et mater est» — "For whoever shall do the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother and sister and mother" (Matt. 12:50). This, then, was the sole aim and desire of all the saints in all their works: the fulfillment of the divine will. Blessed Henry Suso used to say: «I would rather be the vilest worm on earth with the will of God than a Seraph with my own». And St. Teresa: «All that one who exercises himself in prayer must strive after is to conform his will to the divine will; and let him be assured (she added) that in this consists the highest perfection; whoever practices it most excellently will receive the greatest gifts from God and will make the greatest progress in the interior life». The blessed of heaven, therefore, love God perfectly because they are in all things made uniform with the divine will. Hence Jesus Christ taught us to ask for the grace to do the will of God on earth, as the saints do it in heaven: «Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in coelo et in terra» — "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." He who does the divine will becomes a man after God's own heart, as the Lord indeed called David: «Inveni virum secundum cor meum, qui faciet omnes voluntates meas» — "I have found a man after my own heart, who shall do all my wills" (1 Sam. 13:14). And why? Because David was always prepared to carry out what God willed: «Paratum cor meum, Deus, paratum cor meum» — "My heart is ready, O God, my heart is ready" (Ps. 56:8 and Ps. 107:2). And he sought nothing else of the Lord but that He teach him to do His will: «Doce me facere voluntatem tuam» — "Teach me to do Your will" (Ps. 142:10).

Oh how much an act of perfect resignation to the will of God is worth! It suffices to make a saint. While St. Paul was persecuting the Church, Jesus appeared to him, enlightened him, and converted him. The saint then did nothing else but offer himself to do the divine will: «Domine, quid me vis facere?» — "Lord, what will You have me do?" (Acts 9:6). And behold, Jesus Christ at once declared him a vessel of election and apostle of the Gentiles: «Vas electionis est mihi iste, ut portet nomen meum coram gentibus» — "This man is to me a vessel of election, to carry my name before the Gentiles" (Acts 9:15). He who fasts, he who gives alms, he who mortifies himself for God, gives God a part of himself; but he who gives Him his will gives Him all. And this is that all which God asks of us: the heart, that is, the will: «Fili mi, praebe cor tuum mihi» — "My son, give me your heart" (Prov. 23). This, in short, must be the aim of all our desires, of our devotions, meditations, communions, etc.: the fulfilling of the divine will. This must be the goal of all our prayers: to obtain the grace to carry out what God wills of us. And for this we must ask the intercession of our holy advocates, and especially of the divine Mother, that they obtain for us light and strength to conform ourselves to the will of God in all things, but especially in embracing those things to which our self-love is repugnant. The Venerable John of Avila used to say: «One "blessed be God" in adverse things is worth more than six thousand acts of thanksgiving in things delightful to us».

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my God, all my ruin in the past has come from my not willing to conform myself to Your holy will. I detest and a thousand times curse those days and those moments in which, to do my own will, I opposed Your will, O God of my soul. Now I give it wholly to You; receive it, O my Lord, and bind it so firmly to Your love that it can never again rebel against You. I love You, infinite Goodness, and for the love I bear You I offer myself entirely to You. Dispose of me and of all that is mine as You please, for in everything I resign myself to Your holy will. Deliver me from the misfortune of doing anything against Your will, and then deal with me as You wish. Eternal Father, hear me for the love of Jesus Christ. My Jesus, hear me through the merits of Your Passion.

And You, divine Mother, help me; obtain for me this grace of fulfilling the divine will in me, in which my whole eternal salvation consists; and I ask nothing more of You.

### POINT II

We must conform ourselves not only to those adverse things that come to us directly from God, such as sicknesses, desolations of spirit, losses of property or of relatives; but also to those that likewise come from God, though indirectly, that is, through men, such as slanders, contempt, injustices, and every other kind of persecution. And let us note that when we are offended by someone in our property or in our honor, God does not will the sin of the one who offends us, but He does will our poverty and our humiliation. It is certain that whatever happens, all comes to pass by the divine will: «Ego Dominus formans lucem et tenebras, faciens pacem, et creans malum» — "I am the Lord, who form light and darkness, who make peace and create evil" (Isa. 45:7). And Ecclesiasticus had already said it: «Bona et mala, vita et mors a Deo sunt» — "Good and evil, life and death are from God" (Sir. 11:14). In short, all things come from God, the good as well as the evil.

They are called evils because we call them so, and we ourselves make them evils; for if we accepted them, as we ought, with resignation from the hands of God, they would become for us not evils but goods. The joys that make the crown of the saints richer are the tribulations accepted for God, in the thought that everything comes from His hands. When holy Job was told that the Sabeans had carried off his goods, what did he answer? «Dominus dedit, Dominus abstulit» — "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away" (Job 1:21). He did not say, "The Lord gave me these goods, and the Sabeans have taken them from me"; but, "The Lord gave them to me, and the Lord has taken them from me." And therefore he blessed Him, considering that all had happened by His will: «Sicut Domino placuit, ita factum est, sit nomen Domini benedictum» — "As it pleased the Lord, so it has been done; blessed be the name of the Lord" (ibid.). The holy martyrs Epictetus and Atho, when they were being tormented with iron hooks and burning torches, said nothing but this: "Lord, may Your will be done in us!" And as they died, these were the last words they spoke: "Blessed be You, O eternal God, for You grant us the grace of fulfilling Your holy pleasure in us." Caesarius relates (bk. 10, ch. 6) that a certain monk, although he did not lead a more austere life than the others, nevertheless worked many miracles. The abbot, marveling at this, one day asked him what devotions he practiced. He answered that he was more imperfect than the others, but that on this one thing he was wholly intent: on conforming himself in everything to the divine will. "And that damage," the superior went on, "which that enemy did to our farm some days ago — did you feel no displeasure at it?" "No, my father," he said; "on the contrary, I thanked the Lord for it, since He does or permits all things for our good." And from this the abbot recognized the holiness of this good religious.

We must do the same: when adverse things befall us, let us accept them all from the divine hands, not only with patience but with gladness, after the example of the apostles, who rejoiced to see themselves ill-treated for the love of Jesus Christ: «Ibant gaudentes a conspectu concilii, quoniam digni habiti sunt pro nomine Iesu contumeliam pati» — "They went away rejoicing from the presence of the council, because they had been counted worthy to suffer disgrace for the name of Jesus" (Acts 5:41). And what greater contentment can there be than to suffer some cross and to know that in embracing it we give pleasure to God? If, then, we wish to live in continual peace, let us resolve from this day forward to embrace the divine will, always saying in all that happens to us: «Ita, Pater, quoniam sic fuit placitum ante te» — "Yes, Father, for so it was pleasing before You" (Matt. 11:26). Lord, so it has pleased You; so let it be done. To this end we must direct all our meditations, Communions, visits, and prayers, always begging God to make us conformed to His will. And let us always offer ourselves, saying: My God, here we are; do with us whatever pleases You. St. Teresa offered herself to God at least fifty times a day, that He might dispose of her as He wished.

#### Affections and Prayers

Ah, my divine King, my beloved Redeemer, come, and from this day forward reign alone in my soul. Take all my will to Yourself, so that it may neither desire nor wish anything but what You wish, my Jesus. In the past I have so greatly displeased You by opposing Your holy will; this gives me greater pain than if I had suffered every other evil: I repent of it, and I grieve for it with all my heart. I deserve punishment; I do not refuse it, I accept it; only deliver me from the punishment of being deprived of Your love, and then do with me what You please. I love You, my dear Redeemer; I love You, my God; and because I love You, I wish to do all that You wish. O will of God, You are my love. O blood of my Jesus, You are my hope; from You I hope, from this day forward, to remain always united to the divine will: it shall be my guide, my desire, my love, and my peace. In it I wish always to live and to rest. «In pace in idipsum dormiam, et requiescam» — "In peace, in the selfsame, I will sleep and I will rest." I will always say in all that befalls me: My God, as You have willed, so I will; my God, I want only what You want; may Your will always be done in me, «fiat voluntas tua» — "Your will be done." My Jesus, through Your merits grant me the grace always to repeat to You this beautiful word of love: «Fiat voluntas tua, fiat voluntas tua» — "Your will be done, Your will be done."

O Mary, my mother, blessed are You, who always and in everything fulfilled the divine will; obtain for me that from this day forward I too may fulfill it. My Queen, by the love You bear Jesus Christ, obtain for me this grace: from You I hope for it.

### POINT III

Whoever remains united to the divine will enjoys a perpetual peace even on this earth: «Non contristabit iustum, quidquid ei acciderit» — "Whatever befalls him shall not sadden the just man" (Prov. 12:21). Yes, because a soul can have no greater contentment than to see all that it wills fulfilled. Whoever wills nothing but what God wills has all that he wills, for whatever happens, all comes to pass by the will of God. Resigned souls, says Salvian, if they are humbled, will just that; if they suffer poverty, they wish to be poor; in short, they will all that happens, and therefore they lead a blessed life: «Humiles sunt, hoc volunt: pauperes sunt, paupertate delectantur; itaque beati dicendi sunt» — "They are humbled, and this they will; they are poor, and they delight in poverty; and so they must be called blessed." Cold comes, heat, rain, wind; and the one who is united to the will of God says: I will this cold, this heat, and so forth, because so God wills. A loss comes, a persecution, sickness comes, death comes; and he says: I will to be needy, persecuted, sick; I will even to die, because so God wills. Whoever rests in the divine will and delights in all that the Lord does is as though he dwelt above the clouds: he sees the storms raging beneath them, but he is neither harmed nor disturbed by them. This is that peace which, as St. Paul says, «exsuperat omnem sensum» — "surpasses all understanding" (Eph. 3:2), which exceeds all the delights of the world and is a stable peace that admits of no change: «Stultus sicut luna mutatur, sapiens in sapientia manet sicut sol» — "The fool changes like the moon; the wise man remains steadfast like the sun" (Sir. 27:12). The fool (that is, the sinner) changes like the moon, which waxes today and wanes tomorrow: today he is seen laughing, tomorrow weeping, today cheerful and wholly gentle, tomorrow afflicted and enraged; in short, he changes as the prosperous or adverse things that befall him change. But the just man is like the sun, always the same and unchanging in his tranquillity whatever happens; for his peace lies in conforming himself to the divine will. «Et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis» — "And on earth peace to men of good will" (Luke 2:14). St. Mary Magdalene de' Pazzi, on hearing the words "the will of God" spoken, felt so consoled that she went out of herself in an ecstasy of love. In the lower part of the soul some sting of adverse things will not fail to make itself felt, but in the higher part peace will always reign, when the will remains united to that of God. «Gaudium vestrum nemo tollet a vobis» — "No one shall take your joy from you" (John 16:22). But what folly is theirs who resist the will of God! What God wills must infallibly come to pass. «Voluntati eius quis resistit?» — "Who resists His will?" (Rom. 9:19). And so the wretched have to suffer the cross all the same, but without fruit and without peace. «Quis restitit ei, et pacem habuit?» — "Who has resisted Him and found peace?" (Job 9:4).

And what else does God want, if not our good? «Voluntas Dei sanctificatio vestra» — "This is the will of God, your sanctification" (1 Thess. 4:3). He wants to see us holy, so as to see us content in this life and blessed in the next. Let us understand that the crosses which come to us from God «omnia cooperantur in bonum» — "all work together for good" (Rom. 8:28). Even the chastisements in this life do not come for our ruin, but so that we may amend and obtain eternal beatitude. «Ad emendationem non ad perditionem nostram evenisse credamus» — "Let us believe that they have come for our amendment, not for our destruction" (Jdt. 8:27). God loves us so much that He not only desires, but is solicitous for, the eternal salvation of each one of us. «Deus sollicitus est mei» — "God is solicitous for me" (Ps. 39:18). And what will that Lord ever deny us, who has given us His very own Son? «Qui proprio Filio suo non pepercit, sed pro nobis omnibus tradidit illum, quomodo non etiam cum illo omnia nobis donavit?» — "He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how has He not also given us all things together with Him?" (Rom. 8:32). Let us therefore always abandon ourselves into the hands of that God who is always concerned for our good while we are in this life. «Omnem sollicitudinem vestram proiicientes in eum, quoniam ipsi cura est de vobis» — "Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you" (1 Pet. 5:7). You think of Me (said the Lord to St. Catherine of Siena), and I will always think of you. Let us often say with the sacred spouse: «Dilectus meus mihi, et ego illi» — "My beloved thinks of my good, and I want to think of nothing but pleasing Him and uniting myself to His holy will" (Song 2:16). And we must not pray, said the holy Abbot Nilus, that God do what we want, but that we do what He wants.

Whoever always does this will live a blessed life and die a holy death. Whoever dies entirely resigned to the divine will leaves to others a moral certainty of his salvation. But whoever in life is not united to the divine will, will not be so even in death, and will not be saved. Let us therefore make familiar to ourselves certain sayings of Scripture, with which we shall keep ourselves always united to the will of God. «Domine, quid me vis facere?» — "Lord, tell me what You want of me, for I want to do it all." «Ecce ancilla Domini» — "Behold, my soul is Your servant; command, and You shall be obeyed." «Tuus sum ego, salvum me fac» — "Save me, O Lord, and then do with me what You please; I am Yours, I am no longer my own." When some heavier adversity befalls us, let us say at once: «Ita, Pater, quoniam sic fuit placitum ante te» — "My God, so it has pleased You, so be it done" (Matt. 11:26). Above all, may the third petition of the Our Father be dear to us: «Fiat voluntas tua sicut in coelo et in terra» — "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Let us say it often with affection and repeat it many times. Happy are we if we live and end our life saying thus: «Fiat, fiat voluntas tua!» — "Your will be done, Your will be done!"

#### Affections and Prayers

O my Jesus, my Redeemer, You consumed Your life on the cross through sheer suffering, to make Yourself the cause of my eternal salvation. Have pity on me, then, and save me; and do not permit a soul redeemed by You with so much pain and so much love to have to hate You eternally in hell. You have nothing more to do to oblige me to love You. This You wished to make me understand when, before expiring on Calvary, You uttered those loving words: «Consummatum est» — "It is finished." But how have I since repaid Your love? For the past I can truly say that I did all I could to displease You and oblige You to hate me. I thank You that You have borne with me with such patience, and now You give me time to remedy my ingratitude and to love You before I die. Yes, I want to love You, and I want to love You greatly, my Savior, my God, my love and my all; and I want to do all that pleases You; I give You all my will, all my liberty, and all that is mine. From this moment I sacrifice to You even my life, accepting that death which You will send me, with all the pains and circumstances that will accompany it. From this moment I unite this sacrifice of mine to the great sacrifice that You, my Jesus, made of Your life for me on the cross. I want to die in order to do Your will. Ah, by the merits of Your passion, give me the grace of God to remain in life always resigned to Your dispositions; and when death comes, grant that I may embrace it with total conformity to Your holy good pleasure. I want to die saying: «Fiat voluntas tua» — "Your will be done."

Mary, my Mother, so did You die; obtain for me that I too may die in the same way.